A/N: Thanks for reviewing guys! Enjoy the chapter!

The Missing Half

Chapter 23 – The Only Memories I Need…

(Faith's POV)

I'm hauling ass.

Trying so desperately to create as much space as I can between me and stab-happy girlfriend. Buffy.

Oh God. How did this get so bad? What did I do to make her stab me? What?

I'm running as fast is I can, as fast as I can that is with four broken ribs, a sprained ankle, broken fingers and cuts and bruises everywhere. Sure wish I had some of that morphine now.

I keep running until I can't take it anymore. My ribs are throbbing violently, my head hurts.

It really freaking hurts.

I stop when I reach a graveyard. I stumble over to a crypt and force the door open. Once inside I lean against the cold stone, trying to make the pain stop. I quickly lift my shirt up and search for the scar I know is there.

I don't want to find it. Because then it's all true.

My breath catches in my throat. It's there. Slightly raised, standing out more than all the other cuts and scrapes on my body. I trace my finger over it.

It feels like someone has repeatedly squeezed all the air out of my lungs. I can't think…can't—

FLASH

I'm in a motel room, scrubbing violently at a shirt. Trying to get…what is that? Blood?

So, I'm scrubbing at the blood on the shirt violently when Buffy walks in.

"Hey," she greets me.

"Hey," I respond.

"So, I, uh...How are ya doin'?"

"I'm alright. You know me."

"Faith, we need to talk about what we're gonna do."

About what? What did we do?

"There's nothing to talk about. I was doing my job." I say looking up from my scrubbing.

"Being a Slayer is not the same as being a killer."

WHAT! Me or her? Who? Killer…

Buffy keeps talking, "Faith, please don't shut me out here. Look, sooner or later, we're both gonna have to deal."

I look at the shirt again. "Wrong," I state.

"We can help each other," Buffy offers.

"I don't need it," I respond. Yes I do! I wanna yell at myself. Figure out what the Hell I was thinking.

Buffy! Buffy I want your help!

Buffy's not giving up though. "Yeah? Who's wrong now? Faith, you can shut off all the emotions that you want. But eventually, they're gonna find a body."

I turn my body to face Buffy's. "Okay, this is the last time we're gonna have this conversation, and we're not even having it now, you understand me? There is no body. I took it, weighted it, and dumped it. The body doesn't exist."

Oh God. What did I do?

Buffy looks as shocked as I feel. "Getting rid of the evidence doesn't make the problem go away."

"It does for me," is my simple response.

How can I be saying this?

Buffy gets a concerned look on her face. "Faith, you don't get it. You killed a man."

Four words. Four words and I want her to be stabbing me again. I deserved it. I am a killer.

"No, you don't get it," I retort, smiling cruelly. "I don't care!"

And with those words, Buffy stalks away. I'm screaming for her to stay. To let me take it all back. To make things right.

But I can't.

FLASH

I'm in a well-furnished room. Buffy's tied up in front of me. "Faith, listen to me very closely. Angel's a killer. When he's done with me, he'll turn on you."

Some brown haired vamp, presumably Angel says, "She's right. I probably will."

What's going on? "Yeah? Huh. Guess we'll just have to keep you around for a while then. Before we get started, I just want you to know, if you're a screamer, feel free."

Buffy looks scared, but more concerned than ever. "Why, Faith? What's in it for you?"

"What isn't? You know, I come to Sunnydale. I'm the Slayer. I do my job kicking ass better than anyone. What do I hear about everywhere I go? Buffy. So I slay, I behave, I do the good little girl routine. And who's everybody thank? Buffy."

I can't believe the hate my body is radiating. But I don't want to hate her.

"It's not my fault."

I'm not done though. "Everybody always asks, why can't you be more like Buffy? But did anyone ever ask if you could be more like me?"

Angel speaks up again. "I know I didn't."

I ignore him and continue my rant. "You get the Watcher. You get the mom. You get the little Scooby gang. What do I get? Jack squat. This is supposed to be my town!" I shout.

"Faith, listen to me!" Buffy demands.

"Why? So you can impart some special Buffy wisdom, that it? Do you think you're better than me? Do you? Say it, you think you're better than me."

FLASH

I'm on a campus now. Probably a college.

I turn around and Buffy speaks. "I've been looking for you."

"I've been standing still for eight months, B. How hard did you look?" Anger drips from my voice.

"Are you alright?" Buffy asks.

"Five by five. It's that thing about a coma. Wake up all rested and rejuvenated. And ready for payback."

A coma, did Buffy put me in a coma? Eight months? That's damn long time.

FLASH

I'm in a church. I don't see Buffy, but I see myself? On the floor?

I look in my eyes and see the reflection cast in them. I'm Buffy.

So it's a body switch thing.

Anyways, I'm wailing on umm myself, over and over again.

"You're nothing! Disgusting! Murderous bitch! You're nothing! You're disgusting!" I hear myself screaming.

Then BAM!

I'm back in my body, all disorientated and stuff.

I'm up and running before Buffy can do anything.

FLASH

And now I'm back. Back in the real world, leaning against the stone wall, gently rocking back and forth.

I'm a murderer. I killed people. I'm evil.

The thoughts inside my head are jumbled, so confused…

My head still screams in pain, didn't know anything could hurt this bad.

I want to die.

I can't be here, in this world, killing people. NO. Buffy…so sorry. I tried to hurt you.

FLASH

I'm in an alleyway, fighting Angel.

Begging him to kill me.

FLASH

In a police station.

FLASH

Sitting in a prison cell.

FLASH

I'm in the showers when a prisoner jumps me.

She slams me into a wall and my world goes black.

I wake up in a dark cell, fully clothed.

Solitary.

A team of guards walk up to me, smiling evilly.

And suddenly, the blows rain from everywhere.

But I don't fight back.

FLASH

I'm back in the crypt. But the memories stay with me.

I curl into myself and sob violently.

(Buffy's POV)

I don't know what just happened. One minute Faith was leaning against my body, slowly falling asleep, getting the rest her body needs.

I can feel her heartbeat strong and steady against my hand that I have wrapped protectively around her.

And then her heart beats faster…she starts sweating and shaking, like she's having a nightmare.

Suddenly she bolts upright and moves her body violently away from me. Xander swerves the car to the side of the road.

As soon as the car stops, Faith is puling on the handle and on the run. I don't know how she's moving so fast with the injuries she has.

The way she looked at me before she left…her eyes, so scared, scared of…

Me.

She was terrified of me.

What the Hell did she just remember? It must have been that night, the one on the rooftop.

I close my eyes and I can almost feel the wind against my face. I see her hurt betrayed look in her eyes as the knife enters her body. The sickening feeling in my gut when I realize that I stabbed her.

That my hand held a knife inside of Faith's stomach.

I'll never forget it.

"Buffy!" Xander's calling to me, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Go after her!"

I swear I hear genuine concern in his voice. It seems like the Scoobies are finally giving into my request, finally giving Faith the second chance that she deserves.

But if I don't get to her fast enough, she may never get to really experience it.

I'm running as fast as my feet can carry me. It seems like this has become a new habit of mine, running after Faith.

Running after the girl I love.

A sob catches in my throat when as I picture her bruised and broken body in the snow. Again. I have to find her. Again.

I see footprints in the snow, Faith sized footprints.

I follow them and they lead me to a nearby cemetery…then finally up to a crypt. At least she's not trapped again.

I go quickly into the crypt and her violent sobs somewhere around the corner. And there she is.

God what a sight. My beautiful Faith is cured into a ball, repeating a heartbreaking phrase. "Don't hurt me, please don't' hurt me."

She's closed into herself, as if trying to protect her body. I reach out to touch her and pull my hand back.

I'm scared too. I don't wanna freak her out. I don't want her to be scared of me.

"Faith," I whisper softly.

Screw it. I'm gunna hold her. I don't care if she breaks my arm in the process.

I extend my hand to stroke her hair, waiting for her arm to shoot out and snap mine in half.

It doesn't.

So I rub my hand along her face soothingly and her head moves into the touch.

Thank you God. Thank you for not making her freak out again.

I pull her body close to mine and rub small circles into her back.

Her body tightens again and her heart beats up.

I think she's remembering.

(Faith's POV)

I feel strong arms around my body. I'm too tired to protest. Too move away from them.

They're so soothing…

FLASH

It's raining and I'm at a bus stop.

Buffy's crying, and I can feel hot tears running down my face.

"Faith? Stay. Stay because I need you here. I can't let you walk out of my life again. I need you."

Did Buffy just say that?

It's weird I can feel my emotions in this memory-Faith. None of the pain and hatred I felt before. I feel, calmer now.

FLASH

It's morning time and I'm in bed.

I look around confused and see Buffy lying next to me, her arm draped across my body.

I love waking up next to Buffy.

FLASH

Downstairs now.

Buffy's yelling at me. What id I do this time?

"Faith, you could have died last night. Had you fallen on a sharper rock, maybe a little bit on your neck, you wouldn't be sitting here right now. Why'd you do it Faith? You coulda saved yourself, and now your displaying more than just a few bruises."

What? And what! I almost died…gee what a concept. Seems I do a lot of that.

I try to protest against her. "Look B I'm fine see? Nothin' a few days if healing won't fix. I'll be up and bouncing around in no--"

"No Faith! You don't get it! You could be sporting a fancy new broken neck right now! You can't do that! You have to stop almost dying! I can't lose you again!" Buffy's yelling again. But her voice drops low for the last part. "I can't lose you Faith, not now that I found you again."

She loves me.

"I won't ever leave you B."

FLASH

I'm in a club. Buffy's singing.

To me.

FLASH

"I don't think. I know. I know that I'm in love with you Faith."

FLASH

Buffy and me kissing.

FLASH

I feel her arms strong around me, hugging me for all it's worth. No more memories for me.

I remember it all now. Everything. No more little pieces and fragments here and there.

Everything.

I turn my head and look up into the green eyes I've fallen in love with.

(Buffy's POV)

She finally stopped shaking and her head turns up and she faces me.

I look into the brown orbs, the ones that reflect her soul.

I stare deeply in them and feel this magnetic pull towards her.

Then, we're kissing. Her lips feel so soft against mine, and her hand searches for support. She reaches around my back and pulls me in deeper. We fall to the floor and roll, passionately kissing, putting everything into that one kiss that's seems to always be delayed.

Like when she gets kidnapped. And then hospitalized. And of course, the memory loss thing.

After a long while of full-on smoochies, we pull apart and lay on the floor, our hands intertwined, struggling to regain our breath. I roll over and face Faith and she does the same.

"Are you ok?" I ask her. "Back from your trip down Memory Lane?"

"Five by five, B."

(Faith's POV)

Yay. And yay. And yay again. I'm back. Back with her.

And that kiss. Damn. One hell of a welcome back.

"I missed ya B." I say. "I missed knowing how much you mean to me."

"I was always here Faith, I always will be."

I love her.

"I'm sorry B. For getting kidnapped, for freaking out on you back there…for everything. Not just today, for shutting you out after the Finch accident. For pushing you away, for not trusting you to help me. I screwed up. Monumentally. And even that's an understatement--"

"Faith? Shut up. Please. Getting kidnapped? Not really a voluntary thing. As for the freaking out…after what I did to you back then…I knew the memory would come, I didn't want it to, but it's my fault. I was the one with the sharp pointy weapon remember?" She reaches out and grabs my face with her hands.

"That's the thing Faith. The past? We can't change it. The past is the past. Simple. Nothing we do can or will change any of that. But we can make up for it. We both made mistakes. Yes, you killed people. Yes, you didn't let me in. And yes, things weren't exactly handled the way they should have been. But it wasn't just you. We both messed up. We are both going to have to live with that guilt for a long time. But we both have something we didn't realize we had back then. We have each other."

"We have a lot to be sorry for, but we say sorry and we move on. We fight the baddies; we redeem ourselves by doing good. We say sorry by saving innocent people, by helping those in need, by being there for friends. We say sorry by doing the right thing and continuing on each day with our heads held high."

"I love you Faith, and that's something I won't ever say sorry for. I could never regret loving you, or take it away if I could. I love you, and that's that. In its simplicity and complications, it's hardships and good times, I love you."

What do you say to something like that? Even in my thoughts, I'm stuttering to find the right words. I finally settle for the response with the least syllables.

"B? I love you too."

We lean in and kiss each other tenderly once more. I can barely comprehend how much I love this woman, my rock and my savoir.

We break the kiss off, and I tell her how it is.

"Buffy. I'm no good at speeches, I suck at monologues, and this sharing of feelings thing? Not really my gig. And let me tell you babe, you've got that down pat. I need to tell you something. Don't get mad, just hear me out. I lied. Prison? It wasn't how I told you it was. It sucked. Beyond all suckiness. The other prisoners were constantly out for blood. The guards were…not good people. They liked to use me as their human piñata; my blood was their candy. They hated trash like me, and they weren't afraid to show it. Things were pretty bad B, but when I was scared, and when I was alone, my thoughts of you kept me sane."

"You Buffy. Through all of the Hell, you. You are my constant, my one and only. My one true love. The one I longed to have beside me, to hold, to kiss. I. Love. You."

I look deep into Buffy's bright eyes. "The only memories I need are the ones where I'm with you."

Buffy's eyes filled with tears, but our "moment" was brought to an ugly screeching halt by the sound of clapping from across the room.

B and I turned our heads to the sound, and there stood a hideous demon. Ugly and terrifying.

"For not being great at speeches Faith, that was one Hell of a job," He said. "Sorry, where our my manners?"

Big and gruesome steps forward closer to us. B gets into a fighting stance as I stand up on shaking legs.

"I'm Aldinach. Pleased to meet your acquaintance."

A/N: Dun Dun Dun. Insert suspenseful music here. Keep the reviews coming if you want another chapter!