I do not own the rights to Neon Genesis Evangelion, or any of the characters, equipment, or locations written in this fanfiction. The purpose of this fanfiction is merely for the non-profit enjoyment of other readers. If requested by Gainax, Hideki Anno, or other parties which represent aforementioned objects in this story, I will remove it promptly.
Chapter VI:
It would take at least 16 hours, even by high speed mag-lev train to reach Tokyo-2. While they had the passenger car to themselves by government decree, the tickets Ibuki and Ikari had restricted them to the same sleeping cabin. There was no sense in having the janitorial service and the stewardesses serve two separate cabins with only two passengers. As it was, the company was enduring a staggering loss in marginal revenue on this run, all to satisfy the wants of the darker side of the Japanese government.
Shinji didn't outwardly protest, but Maya noticed his actions stiffen, his body tense just enough to hint at the discomfort of the situation. "Shinji," she said. "If you really feel awkward about this, I can..." The brunette gestured with her head towards the adjacent cabin. "I can pay the difference, and claim that room, if you like."
The former Child shook his head. "I do not want to make things harder on you, Ms. Ibuki." His voice was quiet, but still rigid. The former lieutenant studied him carefully. "Why are you still looking at me?" he asked. Quickly the boy sat down on the small fold-down bench built into the wall of the cabin.
"Shinji, I..." she started, then turned away. Switching to her default persona when difficult social situations occurred, Maya turned to the instructions for the collapsable two-person bed built into the opposite wall of the bench, studying it dutifully. It was not long until her mind was absorbed in the absolute beauty of efficiency, this cabin's layout the perfect example of why engineers should have been given just a little more respect. "Release the latch, and ease the frame to its full length," she started to read aloud. "The bench can be folded into the recessed compartment of the opposing wall to give more room for luggage." She smiled faintly at Shinji, not knowing what else to talk about except the cabin's many features. "There's even a small sink with a separate spigot for hot coffee."
"That's... an interesting feature," Shinji answered cautiously. He started to look up, and couldn't help but keep his eyes on the woman as she beamed in absolute joy over the amazing detail of the specifications posted in the embossed metal plate along the doorjamb's adjacent wall. He finally had a chance to study her in detail. Ibuki looked completely different from her normal self. He had seen her at the laundromat and at a small get-together Misato had arranged to celebrate his recovery from the Eva. In both cases, ibuki had never dressed like this. In all of those instances, she was casual, wearing a simple t-shirt and khaki shorts.
This time was different. She looked far more mature in the matching dark grey suit and skirt, the light blue dress shirt and black tie amplifying her beauty. She could have worn a lower cut blouse, giving her the option of a conservative necklace, but no, it would not be the same. Then there was the silver wristwatch with it's thin, feminine metal band that clasped almost perfectly against her wrist. She did not wear earrings, and somehow Shinji could not picture her wearing any. She was elegant enough in this form to not require putting any holes in her head, the act always seeming to be an unnecessary, barbaric mutilation of one's body to the boy. Shinji could only see this as Ibuki, and any modification to her attire his imagination created only suited the woman less.
His eyes trailed down to her ankles and feet, though with some hesitation. He had to admit, the "changes" every person in class up to this point were already experiencing were urging him to look at Ibuki in a rather unsettling manner. His will, however, was not so strong, and his eyes, driven to examine her figure in its entirety simply reported back that it was indifferent.
Ibuki was a more conservatively dressed woman than any business professional or teacher at the various schools he attended, but that did not detract from her attractiveness. If anything, it made her personality stand out more, her military experience and pride in following her duty reflected in her attire. Finally the brunette noticed Ikari's attention, and broke her gaze at the detailed exploded view of the cabin's design in the small pamphlet included in a pocket built into the wall. She nervously smiled, as he broke his gaze, staring now at the bottom edge of the door.
"What is it?" Maya asked. Though she had a pretty good idea of what it was, she had not experienced it many times before, and could not necessarily believe Shinji thought of her in that way. She started to wonder if making the offer to stay at her apartment was such a good idea in the first place. Then again, she couldn't decline the offer now, not when she learned he had nowhere else to go, no family that would ever bother to take him in. She returned to the pamphlet, smiling nervously. "This is the most creative use of material science I've ever seen," she continued, smiling faintly. "Everything is welded aluminum to keep weight down, and plastic piping is used for all the plumbing. This passenger car is completely recyclable." She paused, looking over at Ikari again, noticing him still staring at the doorway. "Are you... still upset?"
"Upset?" he asked.
"About... our discussion earlier," Maya explained. Shinji shook his head, but she knew he was lying. "Shinji, I want you to know I left because of you. I activated the dummy plug on orders, but-" She stopped, thinking how best to explain it. "Shinji, have you ever done something you regretted, thinking you were forced to make it because there was no other choice? What if later you learned there were other ways to fix what went wrong, things you could have changed to avoid the problem entirely?"
He nodded. "Toji... I crushed his sister with the Eva," he mumbled, fists balling up again. "If I were just better piloting the Eva, if I had just wanted to pilot it!"
Maya shook her head. "No, Shinji, there was nothing else you could have done." She took a hesitant step forward, her right hand extended as if to lightly touch his scalp, giving him a gentle, reassuring pat on the head. She stopped, however, thinking back to her recent trip to the pet store two weeks ago, hoping to fill the emptiness of her life with some kind of animal that required her guidance. That was how the children watching over the puppies in the display cage taunted the animals. She would not treat this boy, this individual who saved so many lives, including her own, like some kind of lower lifeform.
Ikari recoiled at the first touch, the woman's hand resting on his left shoulder. Ibuki withdrew her hand slightly, but forced herself to set it back down, her fingers starting to massage the outlines of the adjoining bones. Shinji let out a sharp, frigid sigh, but allowed her to continue. Somehow, it didn't feel the same as Misato tried to touch him to comfort him. Her physical expressions of concern were too rough, too violent and jarring to be considered compassionate or kind. This was precisely what the boy had wanted from someone who truly cared about him.
"Why... are you doing this?" he asked.
"Shinji, is it that hard to believe I worry about you?" Shinji started to nod, but before he could continue, Ibuki sat to his left, and slowly wrapping her arms around him, guided his head into her shoulder. "I didn't even want to know you at first, when I heard the commander sent for you to replace Rei," she started to whisper. "I didn't want to know any of the pilots. I had to keep my distance to perform my duty as a professional, and I couldn't do that while thinking of the pilots as real people with lives they were giving up for us."
Shinji wanted to ask why she changed her mind, but didn't feel confident enough to ask. Besides, it didn't matter. He learned anyway as the woman explained. "I just had to know why someone like you would be willing to kill the Angels. It didn't make sense, especially... after Matsushiro." He cringed at the mention of the obliterated test site. "You know what I learned?"
Shinji shook his head.
Maya smiled. "I learned you really do care about others, sometimes too much. You worry about the rest of the world to the point of giving everything up to ensure others are happy." She smiled. "That's not always a bad thing, but Major Katsuragi is right. You do need to start thinking about yourself, at least a little."
The feeling of touch was soft and comforting at first, but as it continued, Shinji sensed something different about it. It was firmer, almost forceful. His skin itched at the sensations others would consider normal He tried to protest, but could not work up the courage to speak. Just breathing became difficult as the intensity grew. "Shinji?" the woman asked.
"I..." he started, then broke the woman's hold, standing, his back to the door, making sure she was constantly observed for any cues as to when she would strike. "NO!" he shouted. He started to grab frantically at the door handle, jerking the aluminum assembly, wondering why it wouldn't retract. As his own clumsiness from fear continued, it only heightened his dread. "DON'T TOUCH ME!"
"Shinji!" Maya gasped. She quickly stood, gripping the boy's arms, trying to pry his hands from the door handle. However, the former Third Child bit at her hands, drawing blood. Ibuki cringed in pain, her hands instantly recoiling. She took a few steps back, finding herself leaning against the window frame, the former Third Child staring back at her. "Shinji..?"
Ikari knelt to the ground, curling up into a ball, arms wrapped around his knees. "Don't touch me," he whimpered. "Don't comfort me! Leave me alone!"
"What is it?" Ibuki asked.
She tried to ask again, but the stewardess came bounding down the corridor of the passenger car. "What are you doing to him?" the raven-haired woman asked. She dropped to her knees, the sound of the pressed uniform fabric gritting against Shinji's mind. The Child cupped his ears with his hands, but this only resulted in the woman making further attempts to comfort him. "What is the problem?"
Ikari's brain could not process the sharp, offending sensations bleeding through his senses. The woman's soft hands scraping at his skin with her fingertips, her light caresses seeming to be intense, heavy pressure against his body. He felt confined, trapped in a woman's hold, unable to breathe. "LET GO OF ME!" he screamed, throwing his hands forward.
The stewardess recoiled, rising to stand next to Maya. "What happened?" she asked the former lieutenant.
"I don't know!" she answered, shaking her head. They only could look on as Ikari started to scratch at itches which seemed to spread over his arms and back. He slowly clambered to his feet, darting towards the nearest bathroom.
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Three hours later, Shinji finally fought off the shame to approach the woman again. Ibuki looked up, hearing the aluminum door to the passenger cabin slide along its rails. There was a slight look of annoyance on her face, but her voice did not indicate anger. Yawning, Ibuki leaned back, falling into the firm mattress of the fully extended bed. The blend of cotton and synthetic fibers in the blanket absorbed her fall.
Shinji stuttered, until he finally managed to get out "Sorry."
Maya stretched, arching her back as she rolled onto her side. Her blazer hung in the small closet space next to the window, along the wall of the folded bench seat, as well as the tie. Watching the young woman stretch, her dress shirt's first two buttons left undone made the Child cringe. His instinct to look was once again returning. Even though Ibuki wore a men's white undershirt below the outer layer, Shinji's mind started to calculate the dimensions of the hidden features.
Ibuki was too tired to stand, and instead, patted the bed surface. Her eyes were closed, trying to avoid the glaring, harsh light of the fluorescent tubes above. She felt Ikari cautiously sit on the mattress, slumping forward, back hunched. "Talk to me," she whispered, ensuring her hands were clear of the Child. "What is it? Did I... touch you inappropriately?"
Instantly, Ikari protested. "NO!" Lowering his voice, he replied, "No, it's... it's nothing like that."
"Then, what is it like?" she asked. Ibuki opened her eyes now, watching as Shinji folded his arms, laying back into the bed. His back was turned to her, legs pulled close to his chest. "Shinji?"
"It hurts," he answered. "It... wasn't like this before... not this intense." He took a sharp breath, letting it out slowly to relax. "People touching me... it's always felt rough."
"They... hurt you?"
Shinji shook his head. "It's something I was diagnosed with two years ago. Do you know what Sensory Integration Dysfunction is?"
Maya's eyes dilated as her eyelids opened wide, then closed sadly, the woman nodding against the mattress. Her hands slowly crept over the boy's clothes, and gently held him, making sure to avoid any unnecessary pressure. "Yes," she said, remembering the physical therapy sessions during her junior year of high school. Her parents mocked her for wasting their money, complaining it was unnecessary compared to her academics. Yet they were not the ones who struggled with it. "I know what it is."
"Then you have your answer," Shinji breathed.
"No, I don't," Ibuki sighed softly. "It doesn't hurt that much." Shinji blinked, confused, until he processed the very light, gentle pressures the woman applied to his arms. They were deliberately soft, as though she knew what he felt. "That disorder doesn't make you hate physical contact that much, not at your age."
"You-?" he breathed, before the reverberations of Maya's nodding head travelled through the mattress to Shinji's skin, confirming his suspicions. "I... I hate when others try to calm me with touching. It's like they can't do anything, so they think just touching someone will make the problem go away."
"Sometimes, Shinji," the former lieutenant sighed, "it's all we can do."
End of Chapter VI
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