Chapter 3

He waited quietly, holding the crying woman tightly in his arms. He didn't know what to say to her, they had just met but holding her seemed like the right thing to do.

There was no need for words, he held her tightly against his chest while her tense body slowly relaxed against his. She leaned back, his presence feeling so oddly comforting right now. Regina tried to take a deep breath but her chest was so tight that it seemed impossible. She tried to remain calm and waited until the sobs subsided. The tears slowly dried on her cheeks but the pain didn't. It lingered inside of her, trying to find a way to the surface but she fought with all her strength to keep it locked up.

She felt empty. For just a few instants there was nothing left inside of her. Her heart was hammering inside her chest but she felt hollow and numb. She didn't want anyone to see her like this; she was ashamed of her outburst and loss of control.

She was the Queen; she should know how to keep her composure.

Regina slowly leaned back a little more, her head resting against his shoulder. She didn't have the strength to fight against it, to push him away. For now the sensation of his beating heart against her body was soothing. Regina looked at her trembling fingers and the blood that had spread across her skin. She quietly winced at the pain which caught Robin's attention.

"We should have a look at that," he said quietly. He slowly got up to help her to her feet and the loss of his body warmth made her shiver for a moment. He stood behind her and looked into the empty, disconsolate room.

He wondered what happened to this woman to break her so painfully.

He took her by the elbow and led her out of the room. She didn't know what to say and followed him wordlessly. He hesitated for a second when they reached her room but didn't lead her inside. He walked past it and led her down the corridor to his.

He quietly regarded the Queen and felt the need to protect her. He didn't want anyone to see her like this. Her face was wet with tears, her eyes red, her hands stained with blood that was still leaking from a cut. She appeared detached and numb, still shivering a little. The emotional outburst had drained all the strength from her body and he knew there was more to come. Something about this broken woman told him that she'd just scratched the surface. Most of the pain was still locked away deep inside her.

She followed him into a room that she'd never entered before. It was simple but somewhat comforting and the warmth of the fire radiated through the room, caressing her wounded skin. Robin led her to the edge of the bed where she sat down.

"I'll be right back," he said softly, she noticed that there was a hint of worry to his voice and she wondered why. Why would he care for her, they'd only just met the night before and she didn't deserve his concern. Not for all the terrible things she'd done and most of all she didn't need his pity she just didn't have the strength to tell him.

She watched him walking toward the fireplace, busying himself with something she couldn't see.

Robin, she thought. That was his name. Regina closed her eyes and felt the tears dwell behind them. She hated herself for it, didn't want Robin to see her being such a mess. God knows she'd given away enough already. She bit her lip and waited until the emotions subsided but failed. She took a slow breath while the fresh hot tears ran across her face. She turned her head to hide them from Robin. He kneeled down in front of her; he'd seen the tears but knew better than to say anything about it.

"Your majesty," he said softly and reached out for her wounded hand. She looked at her bleeding hand and put the other one protectively above it, keeping it close.

"Just let me have a look, Milady," he said and reached out for her again. She was touched by the tenderness in his voice and the way he seemed to care for her. She couldn't recall a time when someone had done this for her and despite her wish to be alone she wasn't in any position to tell him off.

After a few seconds she held out her hand, watched him taking it in his own.

"Regina," she whispered and he looked up. "It's Regina," she whispered barely audible. "Her majesty" didn't suit her any longer. She didn't want that. She didn't like the sound of it.

When he held her hand in his, he looked into her soft brown eyes.

"Such a beautiful woman," he thought but he also noticed the emptiness inside of them.

Carefully he looked for splinters before he started cleaning the wound with a white cloth and warm water. He took his time cleaning the blood off her hands. He wanted to be gentle and give her some comfort before she changed her mind and pushed him away. She tensed a little when he touched the wound with the cloth.

"I'm almost done, Milady," he said and looked at her. There were fresh tears pooling in the corner of her eyes and he set the cloth aside. She watched him reach for a small tin and the smell of herbs reached her nose. Once again he took her hand in his and gently rubbed the herbal paste onto her hand. She watched their hands, getting lost in that image for just an instant. He then wrapped a fresh cloth around her wounded hand.

"You need to keep it clean," he said and she nodded quietly. She knew that but kept it to herself. In the past she had taken care of many cuts and bruises Henry had had. He wished that there was more he could do but he didn't know what. He didn't want to leave her on her own. He had no idea what had happened to her. He'd heard stories people used to tell but that couldn't be it and he knew that stories changed with the people who told them. What was it that caused her so much pain?

Regina didn't know what to do. She was exhausted and empty. She felt like a hollow shell with nothing left inside of her. Everything was numb and she was ashamed. She was angry and extremely sad at the same time. She wanted to scream and to run away but in the end she couldn't even move from the bed. Her hand felt better now that it had been cleaned but it was still throbbing with pain.

Robin put the dirty cloth away and put a kettle on the fire. A hot cup of tea never harmed anyone and she looked like she needed it. "Is... is there anything I can do for you?" he asked and kneeled down in front of the Queen again.

"No," she said with a hoarse voice. "There's nothing anyone can do," she said with bitterness in her voice. He felt sorry for her, he wanted to help her but what was he supposed to do? Tell her that everything will be alright?

He'd heard her cry, seen her completely shattered and he knew that she was far from being ok.

The way she uttered these words told him that she didn't have much hope left for the time-being.

"Please don't tell me there's always something I can do and that I just need to have a bit of hope..." she said without looking at him. It made him smile for a moment and he tried his best to hide it from her. That sounded a bit more like the Queen he'd heard of. She was slowly regaining her composure.

Good for her. He told himself and returned to the fireplace to see if the water was ready. At the same time he wondered what would happen once she left that room. Something told him that things will be different by the time she steps out of it.

"Seems like everyone's favorite thing to do," she said more to herself. Robin just watched her from afar.

After a few seconds he asked: "Is that such a bad thing? Hope?"

She thought about that before she answered.

"Maybe not," she admitted and busied herself with the cloth that was wrapped around her hand. "I'm just so tired of it. Didn't get me anywhere."

"I see," Robin said. He tried to understand her, to figure out what was going on inside of her but with every passing second it seemed harder. She was withdrawing, he felt that. She was slowly retreating to her protective shell.

"When was the last time you had some food?" he asked her and approached. He could see that it had thrown her off; he saw it on her face.

"Excuse me?" she asked a little irritated because it didn't seem important to her at that moment.

"When was the last time you actually had some food?" he repeated his question just as calm. For all he knew he took her to her room last night and no one had seen her since, she must be starved. The truth was that she didn't even remember.

"I'm fine," she said and slowly got up from the bed, approaching Robin.

"Would you like some tea?" he asked and handed her the cup before she had a chance to refuse. She took it with her good hand and looked at the man in front of her. It was actually the first time she really looked at him. He was tall and handsome, he had wonderful blue eyes and there was something about his presence that calmed her. She allowed herself to get lost in it for a bit before something inside of her panicked a little. She couldn't lose control again. She needed to stay strong and she hated the feeling of being so vulnerable.

"I need to go," she said all of a sudden and he could see it in her eyes, she was gone. He took the cup that she passed him, not sure about what happened.

"Regina!" he called after her but she'd already left. He took a deep breath and listened to her footsteps in the distance. Maybe he was the one who needed to have a little bit of faith. A couple of minutes later he joined the others in the dining hall, telling them that Regina was okay. He was certain she would not meet them for supper tonight and they didn't need to know what really happened. It didn't feel right to tell them.

On the other side of the castle Regina stepped into her room – the very one she tried to escape from earlier – she thanked God that he didn't follow her. She needed to be on her own, be it in this room that had caused her so much pain. The truth was that there was hardly any spot in this castle that did not remind her of her past here in some way. She just had to deal with it.

Slowly, she walked into the room and took a deep breath. She felt uneasy, felt that blood on her skin where it had stained the sleeve of her dress. She needed to get out of it, it was disgusting. It just didn't feel right and she had to wash it all away. The blood, her memories and the shame. She took off her dress with deadly silence surrounding her. It was comforting and scary at the same time, the only thing she heard was her very own breath. She didn't dare to look into the mirror, she didn't want to look at her reflection.

There had never been a moment when she'd been more grateful for her magic. With just a snap of her wrist she stepped into a hot shower, something she certainly missed. She was quite proud of it and would keep that all to herself. Her muscles slowly relaxed under the hot water, easing her pain just a little. She didn't know how long she stood there but it made her feel free.

When she finally laid down on her bed she prayed for a dreamless and peaceful night.