Chapter 4

"Inside here lies the beginning of your happiness," Tinker Bell said way more excited then she was herself. She took Regina by the hand and led her through a deserted street. The only sound she heard were the muffled voices from people inside various pubs. Along with the beating of her heart that was furiously drumming against her chest with excitement and nervousness, she heard nothing.

Regina was excited but scared at the same time. She kept looking around, grateful for the lack of people. She wasn't sure whether they would've recognized her as their Queen anyway. It was such a liberating feeling that the King was traveling at the moment. She was a prisoner in her own castle and this was her only chance to get out and with Tinker Bell she had found her first friend in a very, very long time. She had put so much effort into helping Regina that it became difficult to refuse.

And the truth was that a part of Regina was terribly curious.

"All the pain in your past will be just dead," Tink said and led her to a window. Regina bit her lip.

What did she know of my pain?

She made it sound so easy, Regina thought. Suddenly she wasn't so sure if this had been a good idea after all.

"I just need a moment," Regina said and took a step back, away from the window. Her soul-mate was in there, at least that's what the fairy said. With every passing second, she found it harder to believe. For so many years, she had tried so hard but she had never felt happy again. Never felt loved or understood because all people saw in her was evil. That's what she had become and there was no going back.

"You're nervous. I get it," Tink said. "But look," she said and pointed at the window, to a man who was sitting inside that very pub. "There he is," she said quietly and Regina couldn't stand it any longer. She needed to see him. Maybe this time, she thought and stepped closer.

"The guy with the lion tattoo," Tinker Bell explained and Regina needed a few seconds to spot him inside the pub.

"That's him?" she asked carefully. It was so hard to believe that there was anyone out there who could love her. She had gotten used to being hated way too much. It recently had been easier to hide behind all of this instead of facing her own fears and feelings.

It was then that she saw the tattoo. The black ink on his right arm, but she couldn't see his face.

"Pixie dust doesn't lie," the fairy encouraged her. "This is your chance at love and happiness," she told the Queen. "A fresh start, no baggage," she said. "You can let go of all the anger that weighs you down," she said and Regina shook her head. It wasn't that easy. For such a long time, her anger was the only thing she had. She didn't know what else there was left for her.

"Now get him," Tinker Bell said but she herself was scared. After Daniel died she had never been with anyone she loved. She didn't know how to love and trust any longer, how was she supposed to let a stranger into her life and burden him with anything she had done? It didn't feel right.

"Ok," she agreed after a few moments of consideration. "Ok, I can do this," she said. The fairy had put so much effort into this and she knew about all the terrible things that had happened. Yet she was here and she believed in this. She had to give it a try, she told herself.

"I can be happy," Regina said. She wasn't sure whether that was a statement or a question she was asking herself.

"I know you can," Tinker Bell said. She wouldn't let go of this. What she actually said was that she knew that there is a lot of good inside of Regina. She believed it with everything she had.

"Go," Tink said and stepped away to give Regina some space, leaving her on her own with only a few steps that separated her from true love. She hesitated for just one more moment, grabbed the handle and opened the door. She took a step forward, determined to walk in and to meet this stranger but her smile faded as soon as it had appeared. Before she could do anything about it, she panicked and ran away. Into the darkness of the night, alone.

Slowly, her senses came to life but she didn't have the strength to open her eyes. She felt sleepy and confused, taking a few deep breaths before she started to move slowly. She didn't want to be awake, she was so exhausted from all of this that she wanted nothing but sleep but her mind tortured her with ancient demons. She didn't know how long she'd been asleep but she didn't feel well rested at all. Her head was pounding with pain, every inch of her body hurt and she felt even more exhausted then she had by the time she first fell asleep.

She tried to move just a little, shivering when the cold air touched her body. It was then that she realized that all her clothes were clammy. It wasn't warm enough for her clothes to be soaked with sweat, she thought and sighed. She propped herself up and leaned against the pillows. The headache and the sleep that was still running in her veins clouded her vision.

Just a few more seconds, she told herself. She didn't allow herself to reflect on her dream which wasn't just a dream after all. This had happened many years ago and through the years she had done her best not to think about it but it seemed that her consciousness had other plans.

Regina laid in her bed, her arms spread out on either side of her body. She watched her chest rise and fall as her breath calmed down. When it finally did, she turned her head and stared at her injured hand. She had put a new cloth on when the shower had soaked the other but maybe she could take care of it herself now. She moved her fingers until the cloth became loose, grateful that she had only taped it half-heartedly earlier. After a few times, it came off and she stared at the cut in her hand. Regina closed her eyes and tried to focus. Suddenly she felt his hands in hers, gently massaging her palm to ease the pain. His fingers had been so soft and he had been so gentle she thought but she knew she couldn't let him in. With a sigh she tried to focus once more and used her magic to heal the cut in her hand. Much to her surprise and her own quiet anger, it took more strength than she had expected. Again she was left breathless, sweat breaking out on her face and the pain in her head became worse, blinding her for an instant. She cursed herself in frustration and opened her tear-filled eyes.

She hadn't thought about this for years. She had refused to, thought that it didn't matter.

"But why does it suddenly hurt so much?" she wondered. It was gone, she had missed her chance when she ran away from that pub, so why did it matter now? The last thing she needed was a reminder of how she had not only screwed up her own life but his as well, as Tinker Bell had reminded her of recently.

Regina didn't know how long she had slept though it felt like only a couple of minutes had passed since she had stepped out of the shower. She was exhausted and tired but she knew that that she wouldn't be able to sleep now. Regina stared into the emptiness of her room, accompanied by her thoughts that wouldn't shut up.

I wonder what happened to him, she said to herself. Tormented by unspoken words, meetings that never happened and chances left untaken she finally moved out of bed when the first signs of daylight showed in the sky. She felt shaky and wrapped herself in one of her gowns before she quietly made her way down to the kitchen. She prayed that no one would be down there; she wasn't in the mood for company so early in the morning. Truth be told, she wasn't in the mood for anyone right now and her current attire wasn't quite queen-like.

To her relief the kitchen was deserted at such an early hour. Quietly she started to make some tea and get lost in her own thoughts.

"Oh look who's awake," she heard someone saying. Regina startled and looked at Granny who'd just entered the kitchen. Regina tried to ignore the old lady and busied herself with her tea.

"You should have something to eat girl," she said after watching Regina for a moment. She looked like she certainly needed it.

"Don't you have breakfast to prepare?" Regina asked and failed to hide her irritation. The old lady though, having dealt with worse things than an irritated queen, ignored the remark. "Just did, I've made some bread, if you like," she said and Regina turned around to face her.

It was then that she actually smelled the fresh bread and she hated to admit that it was delicious.

Why hadn't she noticed that before? Being the proud and stubborn person she is, she wouldn't give in now. She couldn't do her that favor.

Granny looked like she was about to say something and Regina remained quiet. She had to admit that Granny was the only person that she had always respected in some way. She hadn't been afraid of Regina when the first curse struck, she had never withheld any remark and she had always treated Regina like anyone else, not like a queen. Many years ago this had made her furious because it seemed disrespectful but now Regina was actually grateful for it though she'd never tell the old bat.

"Are you alright?" Granny asked and approached. Regina was taken aback by the question because it was more subtle all of a sudden, it sounded like she was actually interested in the answer. Something Regina wasn't used to.

"I... I'm fine," was all Regina could say when they heard noises from outside; laughter disturbing the stillness of the morning.

"If you say so," Granny said and raised an eyebrow at her. All Regina could do was look at her in silence before Granny said:

"Looks like the boys are back from their morning hunt."

The sound of the laughter increased and Regina realized that she didn't want to be seen like this. She didn't feel like laughing, she wanted to make an excuse and grabbed her tea when she heard his voice.

"Morning Granny," he said.

She recognized his voice immediately and panicked. She was still ashamed and afraid because he'd seen her so vulnerable. She wouldn't know what to say, she couldn't do it. Her slight panic attack didn't go unnoticed but Granny didn't say anything. Regina just gave her an apologetic look before she quickly fled the kitchen.

"Was that... Regina?" Robin asked Granny, he'd stepped into the kitchen just after Regina decided to leave. He was certain he'd seen her.

"The Queen?" Granny asked, stressing the title after he'd used her first name. She always noticed these things and Regina probably had a reason for running away from him, which had been quite obvious.

"Maybe... maybe not," she told him and he gave her his best smile. "If you want something, ask her yourself," she told him straight away and he laughed. He just wanted to know if she was alright but he was sure she got the message.

When Regina returned to her room she closed the door and leaned against it. She had this awful feeling of a déjà-vu; of herself running away just like that. She just couldn't do it. She had no idea what to make of it. They'd barely said a word to each other and yet he'd seen her at her worst. She'd already let him closer than anyone in her life and that feeling scared her. She was afraid to trust, to let them in. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't let them come too close. When she heard his voice, that spoke to her so softly when she wasn't well, she was afraid because she didn't know what he'd say and she couldn't be so weak again.

Despite the fact that she panicked a little, she didn't miss the fact that her heart beat a little bit faster at the sound of his voice. She let out a deep sigh. It was time she got something to eat; her mind was starting to play tricks on her. Much to her surprise she found a loaf of fresh bread and some butter, waiting on the table.

She didn't need to ask where this came from or who did this. Something told her that she already knew the answer.