Chapter 5

"Are you okay?" Snow asked.

She hadn't seen Regina since they'd arrived and, no matter what had happened in their past, she'd started to worry a little. It wasn't like her to hide. Regina would never admit that something was going wrong, she wouldn't hide. If there was one thing she had learned about Regina it was the fact that she suffered with her head held high. She wouldn't hide from anyone. She looked at her and suddenly she wasn't sure any longer. The woman in front of her seemed different; this was not the Queen, the evil person, who had turned her whole life upside down and tried to kill her numerous times.

Regina sat by the window, wearing a simple dark blue dress. The fabric hugged her body tightly, it was beautiful and impressive but not too much. Her hair was tied back in a plain ponytail, something Snow had never seen her do before. The Queen that Snow had known would've never worn that with anyone else around. She'd always been dressed in one of her best dresses. Regina sat there, hugging herself in silence. She took a few seconds to respond to the question.

It annoyed her a lot, wasn't it obvious that nothing was fine? Why would they ask when they knew the answer?

It made her angry because she didn't want to respond to it, she couldn't tell them the truth. She didn't want them to know; it wasn't any of their business. Regina closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to hold back her frustration. She was tired of lying and yet she couldn't be honest.

"Of course," Regina said emotionless and Snow approached a little. She knew Regina wouldn't appreciate it if she pressed that matter. A part of Snow felt sorry for her. She looked so detached and exhausted; like she hadn't slept properly in days. The first thing that came to her mind when she'd entered the room earlier was something she had never thought about before, not when it came to Regina.

Broken, Snow thought.

For the first time in her life, she'd even consider that possibility. Not for once had she thought about it. It hadn't been until now that she was reminded of the fact that Regina was just human after all, like any of them. Queen or no queen, she had feelings like any of them. If felt stupid that she had never thought about that before but Regina hadn't allowed anyone to see any emotion, not even a little bit. She had always been cold-hearted and distant, or so they thought. She had suffered proudly, coped with never ending rage on her own because that's what she wanted them to see. She had inflicted fear in so many people just to protect herself from being hurt.

That had been a long time ago, Snow reminded herself. She had worked so hard, changed so much in these past months and still she had lost it all. She had lost her child and so much more, she had no strength left to fight. It was coming to an end, she could see that. If only she knew how to help her.

"We've been worried, Regina," Snow said quietly, Regina gave her a humorless laugh and shook her head. Deep inside it touched her that they had thought about her. They had noticed that she'd been gone, but it was so hard to let her know.

"We'll find a way," Snow said. "I know this is the last thing you want to hear now so I'll just keep it to myself..." Snow said and tried to find the right words.

Hope, Regina thought. There it was again.

"We'll find a way home," Snow said and sat down beside Regina, keeping a respective distance.

"What does it matter?" Regina asked and looked at the princess. The bitterness had once again returned. "My son is gone," she said quietly and looked at her hands. "It doesn't matter if we're stuck here or in Storybrooke. He's gone."

Only a few days ago she had dreaded coming here, now she wasn't sure if she even cared. In the end it wouldn't make a difference.

This time Snow was left speechless. Regina was right, he was gone. Just like her daughter. They both left Storybrooke with new memories. They'd started a new life far away from magic. Although Snow believed that they could find a way to bring them back, she couldn't promise it. Not to herself and certainly not to Regina. For the first time, the reality actually dawned on Snow.

Regina was right, it didn't matter.

In Storybrooke she'd only be tormented by the fact that her daughter was gone. Being in the Enchanted Forest put a distance between all of this. Emma and Henry had never been to their land, they hadn't shared memories with anyone in this castle but back in Storybrooke, everything reminded her of her daughter and all the years she had already missed.

Snow looked down at her own hands and remained quiet. Going back would only remind her of Emma on every corner of the street. She'd be so close and yet so far away and out of reach. She wasn't sure if she could deal with it.

Regina looked up when Snow didn't say anything. She wasn't used to the princess being so quiet. She never gave up easily but then she realized that they shared the same kind of pain. She had lost her child as well and it had been Regina's fault.

"I'm sorry," Regina said quietly, the emotions tightening her chest. "I never wanted you to lose your child. Again."

Snow looked up, into Reginas eyes. She saw her own pain reflected in them but she couldn't be angry. She had given up on that many years ago when she realized that she hadn't been innocent in all of this and she'd never forgotten that the young woman who'd saved her life hadn't been evil. She'd been a young woman, happily in love. She hadn't been angry, she'd been turned angry.

"I've been so angry with you for such a long time," Snow said and put her hand on Reginas. To her surprise she didn't tell her off and Snow enjoyed the moment of kindness before it was gone, before Regina would shut her out again.

"Tell me about it," Regina said and there was the smallest hint of a smile on her lips.

"I've given up on that," Snow told her. "There's always a point where you have to let go because anger won't get you anywhere."

"Are you lecturing me?" Regina asked and Snow noticed the faint warning in that question and Snow laughed.

"Just saying," the princess said. She looked at Regina once more, she'd noticed the dark shadows under her eyes, the emptiness inside of them and the hopelessness that surrounded her.

Maybe she just needs some time, Snow thought.

"Save me the hope-speech please," Regina said.

"I wouldn't dream of it," Snow said with a smile. "You can't hide here forever," Snow said a little more serious this time. "Why don't you join us for supper?"

Regina sighed. She didn't know if she was ready for it.

"I don't know... it doesn't feel right," she admitted. "Everyone just looks at me like the Evil Queen, and I don't blame them," she said and the bitterness has returned. "And they're right. I'll never be anything else to them."

"You're not. Not any longer and you know that, you just need to give them a chance to see you," Snow told her. "Any way, we're meeting soon. There are a few things we need to discuss to make sure we're safe here," she said and got up. "It'd be nice if you could join us. We could really use your help."

Regina nodded silently and retreated back to her thoughts that the princess had interrupted earlier. Ever since she'd fled from the kitchen this morning she'd been thinking about it. She told herself that she'd ran from all of them because she hadn't wanted to be seen but the truth was that she'd ran away from him.

The castle was big enough but she couldn't hide forever, Snow was right. Sooner or later he'd find her as he had before, and he'll ask questions that she wasn't ready to answer. She'd been grateful for the bread he'd left her in her room. There hadn't been a note or any evidence that it had been him but she knew – or secretly hoped – that it had been his.

She hadn't eaten much. She'd just sat there nibbling at the bread, lost in thoughts. While she'd been so preoccupied with her own worries she hadn't had much time to think about Robin.

Why had he been so kind? He didn't even know her and she wasn't used to people being kind without wanting something in return. She didn't quite believe that.

Maybe he's simply being nice because that's who he is; because he's the nicest person you've met in ages, a voice inside her head told and she shushed it quickly.

After a couple of minutes she groaned in quiet resignation and got up to join their meeting, but not before she'd made sure that she looked at least somewhat acceptable. She faced herself in the mirror, focusing on the task. She wouldn't look into her own eyes. She put some light make up on and got rid of the ponytail before she made her way to the great hall.

With every step she took she tightened the wall around herself a little. Step by step she steeled herself for the encounter. It felt ridiculous, she was the queen and she shouldn't be afraid of anyone. She hesitated a moment before she entered the hall. She took a deep breath and walked in with her head high, her emotions hidden behind a facade that demanded all her strength.

"Regina," Snow said when she approached. She nodded and took the empty seat next to the princess and Granny to her left. She just looked at Regina but kept, whatever she was about to say, to herself.

Regina ignored everyone else and leaned back in the chair, feeling as tense as ever. She wasn't sure if they'd waited for her or simply stopped talking because of her.

"So, now what?" Regina asked impatiently. Sitting there made her feel uncomfortable. She wanted to get away, she needed a distraction from all of this.

"The Wicked Witch is still out there," Charming said. "Seems that we're save for now."

"What makes you think so?" Regina asked. It would be foolish to assume that they were safe anywhere. There was something that witch wanted and she wouldn't rest until she got it. Regina knew that very well.

"Until now no one has tried to attack us or invade the castle," Snow said.

As far as you know, Regina thought.

"There haven't been any signs of attacks or danger in the woods when we were hunting," Robin said and for the first time Regina looked up and found him sitting right across from her. Just for an instant she looked at him before her eyes focused on something behind him. She couldn't allow herself to be distracted now. "It all looked very peaceful," he said, never losing Regina out of sight. She could feel his eyes on her, asking for her to look at him once more but she couldn't.

"I'll put a protection spell on the castle like I did the first time but it's been a few years," Regina said, looking at no one in particular. Now she had a task she could get lost in. From that point on she only listened to the conversation half-heartedly.

She heard them saying things like "Protecting the entrances" or "Wicked Witch" every now and then. Regina didn't have the strength to join their conversation, she would do her part and then it was just a matter of time until something would happen. The only time that caught her attention was when she heard the words "Leaving the castle."

No!, she thought and looked up, allowing her eyes to lock with Robins. Don't leave, the voice inside her head whispered. Don't go.

He could see the helplessness and the slight desperation in her eyes. She wanted him to stay though she'd never admit that openly. He understood and kept that in mind for another time. He'd realized that it wouldn't get him anywhere if he simply asked. She needed time and space and he needed to treat her gently.

"You can't go," Regina said matter-of-factly. "We'll simply make an easy target if we divide into small groups. Stay as long as you like, there's plenty of room in the castle," she said and with that the conversation was over. She got up and left without looking back. She didn't return to her room, her feet carried her to the garden where she sat down in the darkness and enjoyed the silence and the fresh air. Just a few minutes she told herself before it was time to work on that spell.