Regina sat in the shade of her apple tree, staring into the darkness of the sky. She leaned back and closed her eyes. Slowly, inhaling the crisp air. It filled her lungs and made her feel alive more then she had since she'd returned to the Enchanted Forest.
She remembered the countless times she'd fled to this place to have a few moments to herself. Away from the King and his daughter, left alone with nothing but her thoughts and sorrows. She had picked the apples in silence, watched the blossoms fall with sadness and awake in spring with new beauty and hope. She'd lost track of the many times she'd wished to escape this prison, knowing that the only place she would miss was this quiet spot beneath the branches of the tree.
Regina looked up at the few remaining leaves that had not yet given in to the cold and smiled to herself. She could almost smell the sweetness of the apples in the air.
Almost thirty years had passed since she'd cast the curse, hopeful for her future ahead. Grateful to leave this place. Not for one single moment had she imagined that she'd be back someday. This hadn't been part of the plan. It had been a long time but it felt like just yesterday.
They were back in the same old place, it even looked the same and yet everything was different. Regina quietly laughed to herself, shaking her head.
Magic always comes with a price, she thought. She hated this sentence but she knew that it was true. She knew it better than anyone else. Regina pulled up her knees and hugged them tightly, her head resting on them.
What did I do? She asked herself, reflecting on the conversation she had just a couple of minutes earlier. Before she had the chance to get lost in her thoughts she saw someone moving in the shades.
"Milady," he said when she looked up and Regina suddenly felt uneasy. She didn't have a chance to run away from him now. Well, she could but it'd be quite obvious. Nervously, she looked around before she addressed him.
"Thief," she said and she was sure there was a smile on his face.
"Don't go," he said when she was about to get up. "Don't run away from me," he said her quietly.
"I'm not -" she protested but he interrupted her.
"I just came to thank you for letting us stay at your castle," he said and sat down on the other side of the bench. She could see it in his face, there was more.
"Tell me one thing, thief," she said and tried very hard not to look him in the eyes, praying that he wouldn't notice her discomfort. "Did you really plan to leave?"
"Certainly not," he admitted and she felt his eyes on her but she refused to give in. She took a couple of seconds, trying to find the right words. She didn't know whether she was offended or relieved. Either way, she simply couldn't admit the truth.
"What did you hope to achieve?" she asked, a little cooler this time.
"Do you really not know Regina?" he asked. He was trying to approach without scaring her away, giving her a reason to withdraw. He knew that she wasn't afraid of him, God forbid she didn't need to be afraid of anyone but herself.
He wanted me to say it; she thought and bit her lip. He wanted to hear it from me.
Robin realized that this wouldn't get them anywhere. Not tonight; he couldn't get through to her.
"Thank you," he said again and got up. "We'll make sure that all the entrances are safe," with that he left the garden and Regina back in confusion. She laid her face in her hands and sighed in frustration. It was time she started working on that spell. She waited a few more minutes to make sure she wouldn't run into him again and left the garden.
"Little John?" he asked when he reached the front door.
"Over here," he said and turned around.
"How's it going on the other side of the castle?" Robin wanted to know.
"Everything's safe for now," Little John said.
"Good, can you take care of the rest on your own?" Robin asked. There was something he needed to do and he couldn't wait any longer. Since he'd left the garden and Regina behind he'd been thinking about her. She'd been on his mind from the moment he'd first carried her into the castle and no matter how hard he tried, she wouldn't leave his thoughts. He heard and saw her everywhere and he just couldn't let go so easily. He couldn't just leave her behind, knowing that she felt so miserable. She tried her best to push him away and act like everything was alright but he'd seen her crumble. He'd looked behind these protective walls that she'd carefully built around herself. She wasn't feeling well and he wouldn't let her down, if she wanted it or not.
"Are you okay?" Little John asked with a questioning look on his face.
"Yes, of course," Robin said.
"Alright, I'll let you know once everything is prepared for the night," he said and Robin nodded, walking through the front door. Almost an hour had passed since he'd left the garden but it didn't seem like the spell, that Regina wanted to cast, was protecting them yet. Nothing had changed and he wondered if she simply needed some time or if there was some sort of problem. Determined to find her, he headed toward the stairs.
Regina knew exactly what she had to do. She'd cast that spell many times. It required a lot of strength and a few ingredients that she needed. She liked to be prepared once it might be necessary. The first part had been cast easily. She had put an invisible shield around the castle so no one would be able to enter. After that it had taken her a few seconds to gather her thoughts. She had used her strength so deliberately, always making sure that she'd had enough left to keep her emotions in check and bottled up deep inside.
She took a couple of slow deep breaths before her composure was entirely restored. She wanted to do something more. She'd read about this in one of her mother's books many years ago but had never used it. It was a tincture that could be used to mark areas and protect them. This might come in handy and she needed a distraction, something to do. Regina looked around her room and sighed. She still needed a few more things to prepare it and she certainly wouldn't find them in the kitchen. There was only one room in this castle where she would find these things.
For just an instant the thought of going back there sent a shiver down her spine and troubled her a little.
Ridiculous, she thought and left her room.
All she had to do was get her things and leave. She didn't need to stay and while she walked down the corridor, more determined than ever, she wondered if the things she needed where still there. The closer she got, the heavier her steps became and without noticing it at first she slowed down a little more with every step she took. She could see the room, the moonlight that reflected in the splinters that still covered the ground.
She stopped close to the door; her heart was beating at a quicker pace. She looked down at her hands and found them slightly trembling. She closed her eyes, anxious because of the emotions that suddenly flooded her, leaving her unable to stop them. Those previous days she'd fought so hard to ignore what had happened, she'd foolishly thought that she was okay with it. She'd ignored it and now it hit her without the slightest warning. She wanted to enter the abandoned room, but her feet refused to obey her wishes. She remained frozen and it scared her. She stared at the mess she'd left behind, dimly lit by the moonlight. She saw the broken fragments of the mirror that had once belonged to her, the moonlight glistening on it almost beautifully.
Regina closed her eyes, once again trying to control her sudden fear; her breath quickened a little, matching the rhythm of her heart but it wouldn't subside.
At first she heard the glass shatter; she could feel the sting on her hand where the glass had cut it. She clenched her hand into a fist to force the feeling away; she heard her own screams and cries echoing in the empty room, she saw her own self sitting on the ground. She heard her cries; it sounded desperately and heartbreaking until it all faded into quiet sobs.
Regina kept her eyes closed, feeling the tears dwelling behind her eyelids.
Just go, she whispered to herself.
Robin didn't know what kind of things she needed to cast that spell but he was sure he'd find her either in her room or one of the others that were close. He'd seen a few rooms with shelves that had a few things on them he didn't dare to touch. Surely something like this was exactly what she might need.
He quietly knocked on her door first but there was no answer. He waited a couple of seconds before he tried again until he opened the door and found the room unoccupied.
He walked down the corridor that was right to her room. He walked past bedrooms and a room that looked like a small library. He hadn't been to this part of the castle much because it looked like some part that held the queens private rooms and it didn't feel right. He reached a part of the castle that seemed familiar to him, he'd been here before but the last time he'd entered it from the other side.
Robin walked around the corner and stopped when he saw her standing at the other end of it. She wasn't standing too far from the room where he'd found her a couple of days ago. He remained quiet because he didn't want to startle her. After a couple of seconds she still didn't move and he wondered why. She hadn't noticed him yet and he quietly approached. From his angle he could see how tense she was, her hands were shivering and she was staring into the empty room in front of her.
She was afraid.
She can't go in, he thought and stepped a little closer.
"You don't have to do it," Robin said quietly and she turned around. For a second she looked terrified but she didn't say anything. "Whatever it is, you don't have to do it," Robin said and stood in front of her, blocking her view into the room. It wasn't just that she had refused to talk to him about what had happened when he'd found her, she had also decided to deal with it all by herself.
"I... I was just," she said and tried to gather her thoughts. Slowly, the tension in her body seemed to ease off. "I just... wanted to... I needed something," she said and voice sounded shaky.
"Do you want me to get it for you?" he offered but suddenly she wasn't sure what she'd wanted from that place after all.
"No," she said and shook her head.
It appeared that she'd just now noticed his presence and she wanted to try to push him away but her defenses didn't come up so fast.
"It's okay," she said quietly. "Doesn't matter," she said and wanted to turn around but Robin took her hand. Surprised by the sudden movement she looked at him with a mixture of shock and surprise but he held on to her.
"It is okay to be afraid," he said. "But you're not okay," he said softly and she looked into his blue eyes. Something told her that he was being honest, he really cared.
"Who cares," she said more to herself. He knew that a part of her wanted to run.
"I do," he told her, his voice was serious. "It matters to me," he finished his sentence and Regina looked at him, she seemed confused because she couldn't believe it. She'd always found it hard to believe that people could like her or actually care about her.
He could see the unspoken question in her eyes.
Why?
"From the first time I saw you, I couldn't stop thinking about you," he said. "I was dying to find out who you were and what happened to you," he said, trying to find the right words.
He didn't want to scare away and there was a tiny spark of hope inside of him. They both know that if she'd really wanted to leave, she'd be gone by now.
"When I first saw you it felt like I'd seen you before," he said and the expression on her face changed a little because she'd felt the same. "It felt so familiar but I was certain I hadn't met you before," he told her, still holding her hand; afraid that she might change her mind and run away from him. "I tried to forget about it but it didn't work, I knew I had to get to know you."
"Why?" she asked. "To run away when you've found out who I truly am?" she asked, her voice was still a little shaky.
"Give me a chance, Regina," he nearly begged her.
"I can't," she whispered and looked at the ground so he wouldn't see the tears in her eyes. Suddenly the fear was back and it overpowered her wish to escape her loneliness. She took a step back, her arm stretched out so he only held on to her fingertips.
"Regina," he said more determined this time and before either one of them changed his mind he took another step toward her and held on to her hand.
"I'm a thief," he said quietly, just a few inches away from her. "I've never stayed away from trouble. I'm sorry for anything that has happened to you in your past. I can only imagine how difficult it must be, how unfair it must have been," he said and finally she looked up, into his eyes. She seemed overwhelmed by her own emotions, unable to do anything about it. "But please don't let that stand in the way of your happiness, whoever it may be with," he spoke slowly but she didn't interrupt him. "Push me away all you want but I can't ignore you. Not anymore. I know you're afraid and furious and you have every right to be but I promise, I will not give up," he said and softly tightened the grip around her hand. "I know there's something inside of you that doesn't want to run away from me, because you're still here and I'm not keeping you. You would've been gone already if you wanted to," he said and she looked like she realized the truth in his words, considering her options.
She watched silently when he raised his hand, keeping hers in his own firmly.
"You can push me away again and again but I will not rest until I touched you right here," he said quietly and placed her hand on her heart, his own resting on top of hers. She felt her own heartbeat against her palm, and the warmth of his hand on hers. "And if you still don't want me then," he whispered and leaned forward a little, their lips only inches away from each other. Regina felt his hot breath on her lips and it sent a shiver down her spine. "And if you still don't want me then, I promise to leave you alone," he said and let go of her hand. "Good night," he whispered and then he was gone.