A/N: I just want to thank all my lovely readers for reading my story. It's always nice to know when people appreciate what you're doing and I love sharing this with you.
Where are you, Regina? She heard his voice from afar, it sounded distant and quiet. Gentle even.
I'm right here, she thought.
She wanted to tell him that she was here but her voice remained silent. Her head still hurt, even after plenty of hours of rest and more sleep then she'd had in the past few days. She was caught somewhere between her memories and the present, slowly freeing herself from these ancient clutches that kept her imprisoned.
I'm right here, she thought again; her senses slowly came to life.
The first thing she noticed was the sweet and refreshing smell of the rain. It had almost stopped falling; she heard the last drops of rain splatter. She felt the cool air on her face, his hand on hers. Suddenly she became aware of how close he was; she was resting in his arms. The warmth of his body felt wonderful and much to her surprise she didn't feel like running away.
Just for now, she told herself.
Enjoying it while she could. That's what she'd promised herself. Until the fear overpowered her once more and she couldn't help but keep him at a safe distance. His hand felt warm and soft against her touch and she closed hers around his fingers. She didn't know if he was awake, she felt a little nervous and waited. After a couple of minutes in which she tried not to move and put a little distance between them, she heard him laugh softly.
"I'll let you go if you ask nicely," he said and Regina bit her lip, the hint of a smile on her lips. It'd been the first time since they came here that she smiled. It came from within, unexpectedly.
What's going on? She wondered.
Only a couple of hours ago, she'd been to weak to move. She hadn't been able to think or cry. She had wanted to sleep forever but it slowly dissipated. She felt a little lighter and her memories retreated into the background. She didn't know what was happening, she didn't really understand.
Carefully, Regina turned around in his arms and laid on her back. He didn't even move an inch when she did so. He watched her, his head propped up on his hand.
"Hi," she said sleepily because she couldn't come up with something better. "Did I sleep through the whole day?" she asked and sat up a little. He still didn't move.
"Through most of it," he told her calmly. Now that she was awake and talking to him she seemed so different, it appeared so easy. He enjoyed it while it lasted, something told him that it wouldn't be for very long. This woman next to him was so different from the one he'd held in his arms last night. He was relieved that, whatever had troubled her, was gone for now; the truth was that he was starting to worry about her. The pain and the lack of sleep, the fact that she'd refused to eat, slowly started showing. She was much thinner then she'd been when they first met.
He had had enough trouble in his past. He'd had his fair share of troublesome experiences and memories. A part of him knew too well how she must be feeling right now. He'd been through terrible things; he'd suffered and lost track. Not in the way she did, he'd had other ways of trying to cope but he knew that she would never go through this on her own. He couldn't have done it alone.
"You're not in a secret competition with Sleeping Beauty?" he asked which made her chuckle.
"Aurora didn't have a chance," Regina said and still tried not to look at Robin for too long.
"What was the deal with her anyway?" he asked. It wasn't as playful as the previous question, he really had no idea.
"Don't ask..." Regina said humourlessly. In retrospect she hadn't been quite as innocent in this as she'd always thought. Robin just laughed it off.
"How do you feel?" he suddenly asked more serious. There it was again, the slight hint of worry in his voice. Regina took a few deep breaths before she answered, it was harder than she'd imagined because she really didn't know.
"I wish I knew," she admitted a little quieter. "It seems to change on a daily basis and I don't know what to do," she said and sounded a little frustrated.
"I've noticed," he said, never taking his eyes off her. She just regarded him from the corner of her eye and let that pass quietly.
"If I didn't know any better, I'd say I'm pregnant," she said more to herself. She knew very well where the origins of her troubles lay but that wasn't any of his business. For now. He didn't say anything but simply watched her when she turned on her side and sat on the edge of the bed.
"You okay?" he asked and sat up. She gripped the edge of the bed with both hands, her head bowed down with her eyes closed.
"Mhm," was all she said through gritted teeth. He was by his side before she knew it.
"Careful," he said calmly and put his hand beneath her chin, lifting her head slowly. "Open your eyes," he told her.
"I feel so dizzy," she said and but did as she was told.
"It'll pass when you keep your eyes open," he said. "And have some water and food," he added. She noticed how light-headed and jittery she felt; he might be right.
"You feel good to walk?" he wanted to know and slowly helped her to her feet. She had no doubt he'd catch her if she fell.
"I'm good," she reassured him but he refused to leave her side. She hugged herself to fight off the chill that settled on her when she left the warm bed. Every inch of her body felt stiff and still somewhat tensed. Suddenly she thought about a warm shower that would help ease that feeling and wash away the memories for a while at least but it'll have to wait.
"Where is everyone?" Regina asked when she noticed how quiet the castle appeared. She followed Robin to the kitchen. "I'm not sure I'm in the mood to run into anyone right now."
"Don't worry," he said and held open the door for her. "They're gone," Robin walked straight to the fireplace to make some tea. "They'll be back for dinner," he said when she looked somewhat confused. "Some of my Men have gone hunting, Granny is out collecting herbs and plants and I think she made the others tag along."
"I bet she did," Regina said and watched Robin. She wanted to enjoy this, she wanted to feel better but she still felt that there was something inside of her that refused to feel that way; to enjoy the moment entirely. There was always the fear that it wouldn't last; that he was just playing her because he was bored. A part of her expected him to walk out on her after a while, when she revealed too much about herself.
She tried so hard but these feelings wouldn't leave her alone and it bothered her a lot. She resisted the urge to go back to her room and get angry and slowly walked to the fireplace. There was bread and a few vegetables and fruits and something that looked like porridge. She wasn't sure if she wanted to eat this. All of it didn't seem very appealing to her but she probably wasn't in any position to be picky.
"It's not that bad," he said as if he could read her face.
"I don't feel hungry," she said, knowing that she actually should be. She didn't remember when she ate for the last time and she knew she should be hungry but it all just didn't feel like the right thing.
"You'll have to try at least," he told her and she sat down at the small table, watching him. For just a second he wanted to tell her that it was impossible that she didn't feel hungry but he knew better. He remembered that he never did and he probably would've starved to death if Little John hadn't forced him to eat, so many years ago.
He was aware that she was watching him quietly. He'd love to know what she was thinking. She sat there in silence like all of these terrible things had never happened. Last night she'd been shattered completely, haunted by demons he couldn't see. He wanted to ask her so many things but he knew that just the tiniest bit could change everything. All it took to break her and take her back to a place where he couldn't reach her was a single word, a faint memory. A simple gesture or a certain smell that triggered the most painful memories and the light would vanish from her eyes.
That's why he had ran away, so long ago. He needed a change, a different place. Regina didn't have that choice, they were stuck in this castle for now; surrounded by hundreds of memories.
Regina nodded and took the plate she was offered. The first time she'd seen Robin had felt awfully familiar but she was certain they hadn't met before. Now that she was watching him quietly, that feeling returned. He had his back turned to her as he poured them each a cup of tea and she knew she had seen a familiar image before. It was right in front of her eyes and still out of reach, no matter how hard she tried she couldn't tell why.
She got lost in that thought, she still stared at him when he turned around. He raised an eyebrow at her with the faintest smile on his lips. Regina bit her lip and busied herself with the food in front of her. She simply moved the it around with her fork, lazily playing. She still didn't feel up to it.
"Tell me," Regina said and looked at Robin, who now sat in front of her. "How did you end up in the Enchanted Forest? Where are you from?" she wanted to know. She sounded calm but still hadn't touched her food.
Robin regarded the woman in front of him for a couple of seconds. Even without make up and fancy clothes she looked like the most beautiful person he'd ever met. He'd seen her smile earlier, for the very first time since they'd met. It was brief and unexpected. It came from somewhere deep within and she didn't have a chance to hide it. It was then that he fell in love with her even stronger.
"Sherwood Forest," he said.
"That's a mighty long way," Regina responded softly. His answer seemed short and that somehow kept her from asking why he had left his forest that was days away. She'd heard of that place but she had never set foot in it. She was pretty sure that they hadn't welcome her warmly back then.
"True," he said and his ice blue eyes never lost her out of sight. "But worth it," he said softly. Regina felt herself blush just a little, grateful that it was partially dark already. It felt somewhat ridiculous and she ignored it.
"Why here?" she wanted to know.
"To be honest?" he said and leaned back a little. "This was the first empty place we found and in the end it seemed better then the forest. I know what to look out for in Sherwood Forest, but here?" he shook his head. She'd wanted to know why he chose to come to the Enchanted Forest, because there must've been a reason but he didn't offer more and she accepted that.
"I'm still not quite sure what kind of creatures live in these woods," he told her. He just didn't have the heart to tell her the real reason he chose to go so far away from home. For now, this was about her.
The worst was gone, she thought. For a long time no one even got close because she was the only creature they feared.
"Right," she said and he waited. He was aware of how unstable and emotionally fragile she was so he tried to be as careful as possible.
"How... how did you come here?" he wanted to know. He had talked to Snow and the others but no one had actually told him anything he could make sense of. They'd really need to sit down and sort the mess out for him. "When we first got here," he said. "This palace looked like it had been deserted for a long time."
"Thirty years," she whispered and he seemed a little confused. "No one had set foot in it for almost thirty years."
"How did you end up in the court yard at night?" he wanted to know. She had been exhausted and certainly scared when he had found her.
"A curse," was all she offered. She returned her attention to her plate, still playing with the food.
"You should eat it before it gets cold!" he reminded her and this time she listened. Quietly she nibbled at bits here and there and suddenly the idea of food didn't seem to bad any longer.
"Where have you been?"
"Looking."
"For what?" he asked.
"Myself?" she said and looked at the man in front of her. She wondered what suddenly made her so willing to share these information with him. She had been looking for something happier, her very own happy ending but she couldn't allow herself to go back to that place. Not now.
"Did you find what you were looking for?" he asked softly and while he watched her in silence, the sadness settled over her and he didn't need the answer any longer.