Chapter 10

It had been a lovely day, after all that had happened. She hadn't spend much time away from the castle. No one would've let her wander on her own. Not when the King was gone but Regina had decided to ignore these rules; after all she was the Queen and she could do as she pleased. She was dressed in a long, white dress. Something very simple, compared to the gowns she usually wore. Her hair fell loosely past her shoulders and suddenly she felt so young and free. The people of her kingdom didn't even recognize her. They hardly ever acknowledged her when she was on her own and for once, Regina was grateful.

It felt good to talk to someone, a person who didn't know and judge her straight away. She enjoyed the fairies company very much.

"Snow White?" Tinker Bell asked. "That's her name?"

If Regina wasn't mistaken, there was the slightest hint of mockery in that question. That's why she'd instantly liked Tinker Bell. She wasn't impressed by names and titles, didn't allow anyone to intimidate her. She did what she thought was the right thing and she certainly wasn't shy.

"Even I think that's a bit precious," she said and raised an eyebrow at Regina. The fairy was just as sassy as the Queen and she loved it. "And my name is Tinker Bell," she said and took a sip from her cup.

"She's a monster," Regina said, full of bitterness. "Totally indulged and adored," Regina told the fairy. The look on her face said it all, she didn't approve at all. "She sort of ricochets through life, telling people secrets," she said, obviously bothered by the young princess.

Tinker Bell listened, wondering what had happened between them and why this young girl troubled the Queen so much.

"She had my fiancé killed," Regina told her a little quieter. There it was; the reason why she'd been so agitated.

"No!", Tinker Bell said, wondering what the princess had done.

Regina shook her head. "The only way I can get through it is that she and the King are gone all the time," she said and it made Tinker Bell wonder a little. Somehow, she hadn't expected that. Didn't every one wanted to be a Queen? She had one right in front of her and she didn't seem happy with it at all.

"I'm glad your husband is gone," Tinker Bell said and Regina laughed humourlessly.

"It's not a marriage," Regina said and then she said the truth out loud. For the very first time since it had happened, she put the whole truth into words and the fairy was the only person she actually trusted with it. "It's a farce."

Tinker Bell looked surprised and Regina carefully looked around, making sure that no one was listening or had overheard them. She leaned in a little closer, speaking a little quieter this time.

"I may be the Queen, but alone in that palace I feel like the Queen of nothing," she admitted. This didn't sound like the glorious life of a queen that every body always dreamed of. It sounded lonely and isolated and Tinker Bell understood why Regina had been so desperate.

"No wonder you jumped," Tinker Bell said straight away and this time Regina looked taken aback.

She laughed it off, but it didn't sound real.

"I didn't jump," she said. "I fell."

Tinker Bell put her cup down, biting her lip. She wouldn't discuss that with the queen. She had known enough, her a lot of things and she knew exactly what had happened.

"You fell," she said and tried to suppress a smile, clearing her throat.

"I did," Regina justified herself more vigorous but then the expression on her face changed. Suddenly she seemed a little sadder. Of the course the fairy knew what had happened and maybe she didn't need to try to lie to her, after all it felt lovely to have someone to talk to.

"But if I had," she admitted carefully, taking a deep breath. "Here's to good reasons," she suddenly said with a smile and raised her cup to the fairy. It was clear that she didn't want to talk about it somehow, she wanted to get it over with. Tinker Bell wondered if she had done her a favour but she refused to let her down now.

"You know, I've got an idea," Tinker Bell said and Regina tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear, listening. "I can help people find what they need, Regina."

"And what do I need?" the queen asked, surprised.

"You don't even know?" Tinker Bell asked. This woman must be really sad if she'd forgotten about that. "That's so sad, Regina! Love! You need love."

"You're gonna help me find another soul mate?" Regina asked with a smile, she wasn't taking the fairy too serious.

"It is possible to find love again," the fairy reminded her. "I've never seen pixie dust fail. We'll find you your perfect match," she said but Regina didn't look convinced. After losing Daniel, she had lost faith in love and her ability to love. "If you let it, it'll find your happy ending."

"My happy ending looks like Snow's head on a plate," she said and the bitterness had returned.

"No!" Tinker Bell said. "Aren't you at least curious?" she asked. "What if I can do what I say?"

"Then I'd say that's real magic," Regina repeated with mock excitement.

"Well, I'm a fairy!" she said. "You might wanna try believing in me," Tinker Bell said and Regina didn't know what to say. There was nothing to lose after all.

***

A single question had brought her back to a far off place. Somewhere she hadn't been for such a long time. She had given up on that question, refused to think about it. In the end she knew that it had been a bloody disaster. There was only one thing she had found on her seemingly endless journey, one thing she didn't want to miss and yet it had been taken away from her.

He had been the only thing worth fighting for in the end but it had been in vain. She had lost it all, she should've seen it coming but she had refused to believe it; pushed it away and pretended that things were going exactly as she had planned them only to be forced to give it up. She knew she had done the right thing. Henry was with Emma, he was save and out of the Wicked Witch's reach and still it hurt so much. It'd be more tolerable if it wasn't for the pain.

Did you find what you were looking for?

He had asked, gentle and caring. He'd been asking about her but suddenly it had triggered so many memories that she was overwhelmed and unable to keep it locked up. She dropped her head, eyes on her plate. She felt the pain inside her chest, making it hard to breathe. Her vision was suddenly blurred with tears. She tried to swallow the pain, suppress the sobs that threatened to shake her body. She didn't want to cry in front of him. Not again.

Regina tried to focus, she knew that he was watching her and she felt sorry for him. He must be thinking that he did something wrong when all he had done was caring for her. She wanted to tell him that it was okay, but she didn't trust herself. She knew she'd burst into tears when she looked at him now. She swallowed and bit her lip, trying to think of something else but these memories wouldn't leave her alone. She was so grateful that he had reached out to her, that he didn't leave her be and still a part of her was still fighting her, trying to pretend that was coping just fine.

It wasn't until he quietly put his hand on hers that she lost control and the tears fell wordlessly. That single touch was all she'd needed and the hot tears streamed down her cheeks.

Robin watched her, trying to figure out what to do. Regina tried to wipe the tears away with her sleeve and got up from her chair. For a moment he thought that she would leave him behind.

"He's gone," she said and slowly paced the kitchen. "He's gone," she said and sobbed.

Robin knew that she was talking about her son. He'd heard the others talking over lunch. She had lost her son, just like he had lost his a long time ago.

"He's gone to a land without magic and I'll never see him again," she said with her face in her hands. "And it's all my fault," she whispered, she seemed at a complete loss.

Robin walked over to her and took her by the wrist, gently pulling her into an embrace and for the first time she didn't fight against it but let herself fall into it. She leaned against him, her arms around his neck, sobbing against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he said and held her for a while until the sobs subsided. She raised her head from his shoulder but didn't let go. She looked up and he leaned his forehead against hers.

"We'll find a way," he told her and she nodded because she didn't know what else to do. She kept his eyes on him when she wiped the remaining tears from her cheeks and for once the sudden affection she felt toward Robin didn't make her want to leave, it made her want more.

Before she changed her mind she leaned in and kissed him, hesitant at first. He cupped her face tenderly with both hands and pulled her closer when the kiss turned into something more passionate and longing. She felt herself craving more, a soft moan escaped her lips when they parted for air. For a brief second they looked into each others eyes and leaned in for another kiss. She felt a soothing warmth spreading from head to toe, an invisible force that pulled her closer to him with every second that they kissed. For a moment her sorrows were gone, she couldn't think and all she heard was the sound of her own heart beat. Every single nerve was on fire the second that their lips locked. She had never felt like that before, not even with Daniel.

She was left breathless when they parted.

"Did you -" she asked.

"Yes," he said with a smile.

"What was that?" she wondered.

"No idea" he whispered and touched her cheek. "There it is," he said softly when the slightest hint of a smile crossed her lips.

They stood in the middle of the kitchen, quietly in each others arms but it didn't last very long. A distant sound had disturbed their peaceful privacy and they both looked up, listening. She heard people screaming but couldn't make out the words. Regina knew they needed to leave and meet the others to see what all the fuzz was about but she didn't want to.

She groaned in frustration and leaned her head against his chest. She looked up and he kissed her again, not wanting to let go but he knew they had to. She heard David and Snow, they were calling her and something in their voices alarmed Regina, made her walk a little faster.

"Are the protection spells still working?" Robin asked when the made their way to the entrance to meet them.

"They should," Regina said and from what she could see there weren't any intruders, just the usual crowd but something seemed wrong.

"Regina," Snow called out when she approached. "You need to help her," she said. She looked worried and there was a quiet plea in her words. When she stepped beside Snow, she saw the reason for their concern and it made her heart stop for a brief moment.

"We'll make sure that they didn't follow us," David said and left them with a few of the Merry Men.

"I'll be at the other side," Robin says and Regina turned to face him before he left. She wanted to tell him to be careful but he knew what he was doing so she nodded and walked off. Her eyes wandered back to the woman in front of her. She kneeled down beside her and suddenly her hands trembled slightly with fear and worry. She looked into the lifeless face of an old friend, unresponsive and barely breathing. Her face was too pale, her cheeks too red and her skin to warm against her touch.

"Regina," Snow said once more, more urgently.

She's right, Regina thought.

Time was running and Regina prayed that it wasn't too late because given her looks, Tinker Bell might already be dead by now.