Okay, before I start the chapter, I would like to say a few things, such as:
REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WE NEED MORE REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!IT DOESN'T TAKE MUCH TO REVIEW!!!!!*oh and don't flame, but constructive critism is welcome*
Make requests for a chapter in your review, and we'll try to make it happen. We've already got ideas for future chapters, though it'd be nice to have some different ideas. All we need is a plot, so get to reviewing at the end of this Chappy.
Um........I think that's it, so I'll shut up now
Dae: Finally!
Hal: No one asked you...or the Telatuby
Hohenheim Elric was at the library, looking at old dusty volumes from his time, marveling at their beauty and context when Edward came up to him...and hit him with a Telatuby.
Stunned, Hohenheim fell to the floor, and Ed dragged him out, making it as painful for "that half-assed bastard" as he could.
Once they were outside, and Hohenheim had come to his senses, he got up
".........Did you hit me with a Telatuby?"
"No. It was the Special Edition Tuna Telatuby."
"...........What difference does it make?"
"Its not a Telatuby. Its a Telatuby crossed with a tuna, kind of like a chimera."
"Okay............So why did you-"
"Listen, we need to talk."
"About what? Your love life? Or is this about when you raped Win-"
"First of all, I DIDN'T RAPE HER!!! And second, no, it has nothing really to do with me. Just you."
"Wha-"
"Me, mom, and Al have all been talking and, well we've decided."
"Decided wha-"
"We've decided to put you in a retirement home."
"What?! Edward, listen, I know you thought it was funny to give me a Life Alert, and then a senior discount, though the coffin and gravestone weren't funny, but this is going a bit overboard don't you think?"
"Um....................What?" As is the tendency of most teens, they don't listen to their parents, or what old people have to say. They mostly think about sex, drugs, and having fun. In Ed's case it was Winry. In bed. Not wearing anything...............yeah, we'll just leave it at that.
"We've made up our minds, there's no changing them." Edward said firmly, then grabbed a net, and threw it over Hohenheim.
"WTF?"
"Because your to tall...........WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HE HAS TO LOOK UP TO MIDGETS???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Edward, I didn't say th-"Hohenheim never got a chance to finish, because at that moment he was whacked by a tuna. The last thing he heard was his wife's evil laughter, accompanied by Ed's.
"Mm........where am I?" Hohenheim asked, then tried to get up, but found that he was bound to a wheelchair.
"What?! What's going on?!" he panicked, but then saw a young nurse. She had a food tray, and turned and smiled at him
"Hello Mister Elric! Its good to see that your awake today! Here, lets get you some food." she picked up a spoon of mashed, bland looking food, and made whooshing noises and said" Here comes the airplane! Whoosh! Whoosh!"
Hohenheim stared blankly at her for a moment, before struggling as hard as he could, and screaming too.
The nurse frowned, and injected him with a needle before giggling and saying" Sweet dreams."
Hohenheim blinked, and woke up yet again. He looked around, and saw elderly folk, scattered around a room. Some were watching TV, while others sat and looked outside the window. Thankfully, there was a self of books. Hohenheim got up, and walked over to the shelf, and plucked a book off the top with ease.
One Hundred and One Ways to Cope with getting Old
He put that one back, and grabbed another one
Fortune Telling in Face Wrinkles
He put that one back, now irritated, and reached for another
Telling Old Age Who's the Boss
Frantically, he put that one back, and grabbed another
You: Volume 1
Are: Volume 2
Old: Volume 3(special edition: you are VERY old)
Hohenheim felt like screaming, until he saw a book, that was familiar.
It read: Alchemy: A Basic Guide
Hohenheim felt comforted buy its presence and was about to reach for it when one of the oldest looking people he had ever seen came up to him.
"Tat' ter book's oler 'an maysilf!"
Translation: "That book's older than myself!"
Hohenheim, frightened, looked at the book in horror, and realized why it was so familiar.
He was the author of the book. He had written it, centuries before.
"H-how o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- elderly are you?!" he stuttered
"Elve! Ut' ol' ta' nuses 'an otows ay' m'...uh...out' oo huned!"
Translation: "Twelve! But all the nurses and doctors say I'm...uh...about two hundred!"
Hohenheim looked at the person in horror, and realized two things
1. He was smaller then Ed
2. He couldn't even distinguish the gender
Hohenheim ran outside of the room, and desperately tried to open a door, then a window, but to no avail.
"LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!I DON'T BELONG HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Of course you do. "Hohenheim turned around, and froze in horror when he saw Dante.......who was in her old body.
"Come here and give me a big kiss!"
"NO!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dante lunged at him, but burst into flames and fell to the floor.
Hohenheim looked up, and saw Trisha and Edward.
"You saved me! You came back-"
"To make the long story short, we decided that life without torturing you isn't really a life at all......and we need you for the next chapter."
"Really?"
"No, Dae and Hal just decided that we should come and get you, even though it was funny to see you freak out."
"......."
"Oh, and everyone here was just a professional actor, and this was just a big joke."
"......Even D-"
"No, we don't know how she got in here though......"Trisha trailed off, then said "Oh, and this is just a dream, and you have to wake up."
"What?"
"HEY OLD MAN,WAKE THE F*** UP!!!!!!!!" suddenly Hohenheim felt pain in his side, and blinked rapidly
"Edward? Wha-"
"Damnit I thought you'd never wake up. "Ed glared at his father
"What? So it was really just a dream?! YAY!!!" Hohenheim got up and started dancing, while Ed was slightly disturbed, and frightened by his father's sudden change of emotions
WTF?! Is he having a mood swing?........whatever, it doesn't matter, Ed thought, then cleared his throat to get Hohenheim's attention.
Hohenheim stopped, and turned his attention to his eldest son.
"Well, me and mom have been talking, and we've decided to put you in a retirement-"
"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"Hohenheim screamed, before running off, leaving a slightly scared Ed.
Trisha stepped out of the shadows.
"He doesn't know it wasn't a dream, does he?"
"Nope."