Chapter 12
"I didn't believe in her", she'd said.
Robin knew that fairies died when no one believed in them any longer and he wondered what had happened between Regina and Tinker Bell that she had her wings taken away. Somehow Regina blamed herself for all of this, looking utterly defeated while she spoke. She was exhausted, he knew she hadn't slept properly in days. Even those hours that she'd spent in his chamber hadn't helped at all.
"You shouldn't stay here all night," Robin said calmly. He knew she hated this room, she didn't want to be here, that's what she'd told him herself. There wasn't the slightest chance that she would find sleep here.
She shook her head. "I won't leave her," she told him.
"What if she wakes up?" she asked and looked at Robin. He looked as worried about her as she was for Tinker Bell. "We don't even know what happened to her and who did this," she said quietly and tried not to let her voice break while she spoke. "What if they come back?"
"You protected the castle yourself," he said and gently caressed the back of her hand. "I think we're safe for now."
If her magic was as weak as she is, that wouldn't last very long, she thought.
"I don't want her to be alone when she wakes up," Regina said and tears glistened in her eyes.
"Come here," he said quietly and moved a little closer. He held her in his arms and she laid her head on his shoulder. The warmth of his arms was reassuring, comforting. She closed her eyes, inhaling that scent of his. She tried to memorize it with every part of her body in case he'd leave her. She wanted something to remember him by.
"You should try to sleep a little," he said and she was grateful that he didn't try to talk her out of it. She held onto his hand and he didn't want to leave her but he knew that she just needed a bit of time and most of all she needed to rest. A part of him already expected her to protest but it only took a couple of minutes until she was sound asleep against his shoulder, her arm wrapped around his waist. He wanted to stay with her, get lost in the moment as long as possible because no one would know how long it lasted. Robin closed his eyes, listening to the soft sound of her breathing.
About five years ago, he'd never imagined that this would happen again. That he would be able to fall in love with someone else and open up. He hadn't wanted to, refused to let people come close. He'd gotten lost in his task to help the poor, ignoring the past for such a long time.
He had been reckless and careless sometimes, he'd nearly been killed but somehow he'd always been lucky enough to get away. A part of him had probably wanted to get killed because he'd thought that he had nothing left to live for.
It had taken a long, long time until he'd been strong enough to accept the truth and deal with it. He owed that to his family, his Merry Men and most of all, to himself. He looked down at Regina and smiled. Suddenly, it didn't hurt as much any longer. Within such a short time, the queen had turned his world around and she probably didn't even know. He knew he would do anything for her to protect her. He knew that she was a strong and powerful woman but he also knew that the worst demons are your own, the ones that come from within.
As wounded and hurt as she was, she needed someone to catch her every time she fell and he was willing to do that.
He gently laid her down, covering her with a blanket, placing a soft kiss on her forehead before he left.
***
Sherwood Forest, five years ago
"What happened?" Robin asked when he approached his camp. He'd felt that something was wrong. They'd left the camp three days ago to help some poor villages far away but something had made him return sooner.
He looked around and everyone seemed busy but too quiet. There was no laughter, no talk and no cheering. The children didn't play hide and seek between the tents and the look on Tuck's face, when he approached Robin, made his skin crawl. He knew that something was wrong.
"Thank God you're here," the Friar said.
"Where's Marian?" he asked and walked a little faster. "What about the baby?" he wanted to know, handing his bow and arrow to Little John who was right beside him.
"She wasn't feeling too well," Tuck said and led the way. "Lilian is taking care of her right now." Robin was lead to Lilian's tent, not to far from his own. The old lady had healed so many wounds and cuts, had taken care of so many sick children, had helped delivering so many babies that he trusted her with all his heart but he knew it was too early.
The men looked at each other once more and Robin somehow tried to prepare himself for whatever awaited him, knowing that it wouldn't be pleasant. He pushed the fabric aside and entered the tent. It was warm inside the tent, not comforting but somewhat oppressing. He was greeted with silence and sad looks but no one seemed to be willing to break it and speak to him.
He walked to the cot in the middle of the tent where Marian was laying. He kneeled beside her, shaking his head in disbelief.
"What happened?" he asked quietly. "She was fine when we left. I don't understand!" Marian didn't respond when he touched her cheek. She looked like she was sleeping, her lips slightly ajar. She was hardly breathing and trembling. Her face felt too hot to his touch, her skin was covered in a fine layer of sweat. Robin was terrified, his hands shaking.
"I wish I'd know," Lilian said softly, sadness clouding her voice. She was sitting at the other side of the cot, dabbing her face lightly with a cloth. "The fever won't go down," she told him.
"What about the baby?" he asked but he wasn't sure whether he wanted to know the answer. "It's too early!"
"I know," Lilian said quietly. "But I'm afraid I can't delay it any longer. I've tried everything possible but it doesn't seem to help."
"There must be something we can do!" Robin said. He wouldn't give up on his family just now. He still needed time to process what was happening, it all felt too surreal. "I know there's a sorcerer who can-" Robin said. He'd saved her once, not too long ago. Robin had almost paid that with his life, if it hadn't been for the maid who had shown mercy and released him.
He didn't care, he would do it again. He'd give his life to safe his wife and the baby.
"It's too late!" Lilian said. "I'm so sorry, but it is too late," she spoke quietly, her voice filled with sorrow and sadness. "We can't move her, Robin! She's too weak, she can barely breathe."
He looked at his wife, the one who had changed so drastically within the past days that he had been gone.
This couldn't be happening, this was a terrible nightmare, he thought. He took her hand in his own, placing soft kisses on the back of her hand while the tears streamed down his face.
"How long?" he wanted to know.
"A couple of hours," Lilian said and raised to her feet. "Maybe a day or two," she said with tears in her eyes. She walked around the cot and placed a hand on his shoulder. She hadn't seen something like this happening in such a long time. Marian had been fine three days ago but the truth was she had never been in very good health.
"I shouldn't have left you," Robin whispered. Lilian knew that it wouldn't have changed a thing but it didn't matter now. She hadn't had much hope left for the baby but it was too painful to even think of it.
"I'll be outside to get some fresh water," she told Robin but he wasn't listening. She left him behind with his dying wife. He had never imagined that something like this would happen to them, he'd always considered them to be safe. How foolish he had been; there were things you couldn't hide from, no matter how hard you tried. Robin tried to make sense of all of this, it was happening so fast that he couldn't catch up. This didn't make sense, none of it did.
He'd had so many plans for them and for his child. He'd been so excited when they found out that she was with a child. All the things he wanted to show his child,the greatest gift that he had ever expected and now it would be taken away from him. He wondered if that was the price he had to pay for all the things he had done. A cruel punishment after helping so many poor people, it didn't seem fair. He had spent an eternity, kneeling by her side. Praying that she would be strong enough to live through this and to stay with him. He tried to find a solution but with every hour that passed, his hope slowly faded. He talked to her, hoping she'd hear him. He told her how much he loved her and how much he needed her and that he couldn't live without her.
Later that night, when the stars were glistening brightly in the dark sky, his son was born. At that time, no one had any hope left but they wouldn't speak of it. It was too early, they all knew it and when he held the tiny baby in his arms the world stood still. He knew he'd do anything in his power to safe his life but time had betrayed him.
He'd held him close and warm until he stopped breathing. He'd been too weak, too young and he had to let go. That night, his life was shattered into a thousand pieces. The pain had numbed him and he couldn't breathe. His wife had never lived to see their son, she had left him shortly after his son did. He had cried beside his wife until there was nothing left.
***
Robin had tried to go to sleep what felt like hours ago but these memories kept him awake. It had happened so many years ago and sometimes he returned to that night. Most times, it happened unexpectedly. There was always something that would remind him of his wife and take him back to this cold November night. At the beginning, these memories had haunted him in his sleep, tortured him with never ending pain and it had seemed impossible to let go. He had felt guilty that he'd been gone, that he hadn't done anything about it before he'd finally accepted that there hadn't been anything he could've done about it
The pain had faded after years but he still thought about it every now and then. When Marian had died he was certain that he would never find someone he loved as much as he had loved her, he'd been so sure that he'd never be able to be happy again. At the beginning it had felt weird to enjoy life again, to laugh without feeling guilty but this had passed as well.
He stared out of the window and thought about Regina. She'd also lost her child; he knew her pain so well, if only she'd let him help. At that thought he shook his head, hadn't he acted the same way? In the months after their death he hadn't talked to anyone. He'd avoided most of his Merry Men and he got lost in his work. Hunting and protecting people where it'd been necessary because he'd done anything that distracted him. If he hadn't had anything to occupy his thoughts he'd been drunk or had gotten into all sorts of trouble. He hadn't been the honourable man they all talked about back then. If it hadn't been for his Merry Men, he'd been dead by now. It had taken a lot of time but he had accepted the truth and had gotten back on the right track but he hadn't done that all by himself.
Robin heard her before she reached his door, a faint smile crossing his lips. There was only one person who knew the castle well enough to wander through it at night. Except for Snow but he couldn't picture he sneaking around his room. He walked to the door and opened it quietly, trying not to frighten her, before she changed her mind and turned around.
"You're awake," she said quietly when she stepped into his room.
"So are you," he said and closed the door behind her, standing in front of her. She looked at him and laid his arms around his neck, he pulled her closer without hesitation, his hands on her waist.
"Are you okay?" she asked calmly. She looked into his eyes and wondered what he had that pulled her to him, that suddenly made it impossible to stay away from him. She felt safe with him and it calmed her. She noticed that he looked worried and tired, if she wasn't mistaken, there was a hint of sadness that surrounded him. She wondered if it had been there before and if she'd simply been to busy with herself to notice.
"I'll be fine," he replied without truly answering her question. He would tell her the truth one day but this wasn't the right time. "So will you," he said and leaned his forehead against hers. "Someday, it will be okay and it won't hurt so much," he told her calmly. There was so much truth in his words, so many emotions, that she believed him without a doubt. It almost sounded like he knew exactly what she was going through; that he had shared some sort of pain at some time in his life. She didn't want to press on it but she didn't know what to say either so she kissed him.
The next couple of days passed rather quiet. They appeared to be safe and Tinker Bell remained unconscious but didn't seem to get worse. Regina had spent most of her time with the fairy, refusing to let anyone take her place by her bedside. She still refused to eat with all of them, she still wasn't ready for so much company. She had a feeling that they were talking about her but Regina ignored them. She didn't owe them any answers, she wasn't ready to admit that all of this had defeated her somehow. She had almost expected Snow to drop by in an attempt to cheer her up but she didn't and Regina had a feeling that Granny had a hand in this. She was the only one Regina had talked to fro time to time when she'd taken care of Tink's wound. They spoke occasionally; some times Regina had answered the old lady's questions, grateful for any distraction. On other days, she'd sat by quietly, ignoring everything that had been said. Granny had never left without asking the queen if she was alright though. She knew she wasn't but she'd never been pushy about it and Regina was actually touched by the fact that she seemed to care. It was something she had yet to get used to.
Regina had spent time with Robin; in some nights she'd go to his room at night and hug him quietly. She rested in his arms, recuperating in silence. She'd cuddle up to him at night and allow him to hold her, allowed herself to get lost in each others presence. Some nights she would sit by the window without saying a word; she wouldn't talk to him, looking lost and desolate and he knew she was gone, trapped somewhere by her own memories.
Whenever this happened, she refused to eat. She was restless and uneasy, hardly sleeping through the night. Sometimes he'd wake up with her by his side, on another day he'd find her sitting by the fire even before daylight. Sometimes she smiled at him through tear-filled eyes, on other days she wouldn't look at him at all. The one thing that never changed was the fact that he didn't leave. After a while it seemed a little easier to figure out what she needed; he hugged her quietly or simply sat beside her so she wouldn't feel alone. When she woke from her nightmares he'd kiss her and tell her it'll be alright until the sobs faded.
It had been nearly a week and a half since they'd found Tinker Bell when things changed. She wasn't as pale as she had been before, most of her bruises had faded and the wound was healing, without a sign of an infection. It had just started snowing outside when Regina stepped into her room one morning and the fairy slowly opened her eyes.