A/N: I know it's been a while but I hope you all had a lovely summer. I'm back and ready to write. Enjoy.
"Do you know what you cost me?" Tinker Bell asked, her voice was calm but there was a lot of anger in it. She held Regina's heart in her hand. A pitiful sight; such a beautiful one and yet so dark and evil. She squeezed it once and Regina startled, the pain rushing through her body. She remained close to Regina, watching her when she squeezed the heart. She was holding her life in her hands and she could stop it right here, in this dark cave that she now called her home, trapped in Neverland.
Tinker Bell turned her back on Regina, putting some distance between them.
"Your wings," Regina whispered when she noticed the truth. There were tears in her eyes; from the pain and the truth that suddenly hit her. This is what she had done to the one person who had tried to help her.
"Why?" Tinker Bell asked, still not looking at Regina.
"Why what?" Regina asked in return. "Why did I hand over my heart?"
"No!" Tinker Bell yelled and held the dark heart in her hand. "Why did you lie?" she asked, the anger was written all over her face. "Because I've been over it a million times," she yelled but her voice was a little weaker this time. She wasn't just angry, she was disappointed because Regina had let her down and lied to her.
Regina knew what the fairy was referring to. Her eyes dropped to the floor.
"That spell worked!" Tinker Bell yelled. "You never went in!"
They both knew it. Regina looked at her old friend, trying to find something to say. She was surprised by the anger and the bitterness but she couldn't blame her. She had spent many years on this island without her magic and her wings, alone. All of this just because she wanted to help Regina.
"That's the only explanation," Tinker Bell said. "Why couldn't you just go through that door and meet your soul mate?" she asked. This was the exact same question Regina had asked herself a million times after that night. "Was being happy such a terrible fate?"
"Yes, it was!" Regina replied. Tinker Bell thought of something to say, she didn't really understand. "I never went in!" Regina admitted and tried to hold back the tears; tears of shame and regret.
"I was afraid! I... I didn't... you said I could let go of the anger that was weighing me down," Regina said and looked at the floor. She couldn't bear facing Tinker Bell right now. "And suddenly it felt like without it I'd just... float away!" she said, almost yelling.
As sad as it now seemed, she had to admit the truth: "That anger was all I had! What would I be without it?" she asked. She had never been able to picture herself as a lovely and nice person, not after everything that she had done, after everything that had happened.
"Happy," Tinker Bell finally said and Regina shook her head.
"Weak," he brunette answered instead.
"Look what good it did you," Tinker Bell reminded her, still holding her life in her hand. "That strength you gained," Tinker Bell said and closed the distance between them until she was standing right in front of Regina.
"Because I'm holding your heart in my hand and I'm not hearing any reason not to squeeze into ash," she whispered.
"You want a reason? Here you go, you think I was afraid? You think I did the wrong thing?" Regina whispered. "Well fairy, right now you're making the same choice. I picked revenge over hope," Regina said a little louder and Tinker Bell seemed to consider this for the first time. "And you're holding the result," Regina said and her voice cracked a little when she looked at her blackened heart. She raised Tinker Bell's hand with her own so that she would face the heart. "Small heart, dark heart," Regina reminded her. "If you make the same choice I did, then what you're looking at is your own future," she said. She didn't want Tinker Bell to suffer any further, like she had. She didn't deserve this and Regina had done enough harm to her. She didn't want to be responsible for that as well.
Tinker Bell took her hand away, out of Regina's. A couple of seconds passed and they simply looked at each other. It seemed like Tinker Bell was trying to decide what to do.
"I'm not going to tell you what to do," Regina told her and Tinker Bell turned away again. "The choice is yours. Kill me or..." she said and Tinker Bell turned around. "Act like the fairy you are!"
"You said I was a terrible fairy!"
"Well, prove me wrong!" Regina told her. "Pick hope over anger," Tinker Bell looked at the tiny organ in her hand. That was a lot, coming from the Evil Queen. "Choose love and help me get my son back," Regina said, there was a silent plea in her words.
"You love your son," Tinker Bell said.
"Very much," Regina told her with a smile on her face. "With Henry I've finally done something right. Don't you want to be able to say the same thing?" Tinker Bell hesitated, thinking about those words.
"It's too late for me," Tinker Bell said.
"Only if you kill me," Regina reminded her.
"I won't kill you," the fairy said. "But I won't help you either. Besides, it's probably too late. He's been with him too long," Tinker Bell said and handed over Regina's heart.
"I just want to make sure that Tink is alright," Regina said before they went to dinner with everyone else.
Robin nodded and let go of her hand. As much as she cared for her friend, he knew that she was just looking for a way to avoid going to dinner at all costs. He didn't blame her but she couldn't hide forever. It was time to get her back on track.
"I'll wait for you," he told her and watched her disappear into her own room. She took a deep breath and found Tinker Bell awake in her bed. She was sitting upright, her cheeks looking a little rosier then they had yesterday.
"You look better," Regina said softly and walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge.
"I wish I could say the same about you," the fairy said and Regina raised an eyebrow at her.
"Seems you're definitely better," Regina said and regarded her friend quietly.
"I mean it Regina," the fairy said all of a sudden. Her voice was calm and serious. "I don't know what happened since we left Storybrooke, but you look so... so..." she was trying to find the right words.
"It's ok," Regina told her. She didn't want to go there.
"Shattered and hurt," were the two things she ended her sentence with. "I have never seen you like this and it worries me," the fairy admitted honestly and took her hand.
"I'll be okay," Regina said quietly and looked at their hands.
"I've heard these words before and we both know how that ended," Tinker Bell said. "I'm not judging you," she added when Regina raised her head, trying to find something to say. "I just don't want you to go back there, you don't deserve this!"
"After all that I've done to you?" Regina asked calmly, her voice was a little unsteady at that point. Tinker Bell seemed to think about that for a second, taking a deep breath.
"Yes," she said with a smile on her face. "Even after everything that has happened. I've thought about it for a long time," she said. "Well, since I've been awake, that I forgive you," she said softly and looked at Regina. "I forgive you and I think it's time you forgive yourself."
"Thank you," Regina whispered.
"Can you do that?" Tinker Bell wondered.
"I'm trying," Regina said honestly and looked around her own room.
"Feels like it happened yesterday, doesn't it?" Tinker Bell asked and Regina nodded. "I never thought I'd see this again," Tinker Bell said.
"Tell me about it," Regina said and bit her lip. "Everything was fine – considering the circumstances – I had saved my son from Neverland and the next thing I know, I'm back in the Enchanted Forest," Regina said quietly.
"Did he not come here with you?" Tinker asked carefully. Something told her that she knew the answer.
Regina shook her head and looked at her hands. It took her a couple of seconds until she felt strong enough to talk. Her voice was quiet.
"I sent him away," Regina said and suddenly it cost a lot of strength to speak. "To be with his mother," she said and Tinker Bell listened.
"Couldn't you have taken him here?" Tinker Bell wondered. Henry had been brought to Neverland after all, so why shouldn't it be possible for him to live in the Enchanted Forest.
"I supposed I could have, but I sent him to New York with Emma. He deserved it, he never belonged to our world," Regina said and her eyes glistened with unshed tears. "He deserved a life without magic. I want him to have a normal life. He doesn't remember me, I made him forget," she said and the hot tears slowly ran down her cheeks.
Tink set up and moved a little closer to her friend. She ignored the stabbing pain in her chest and took Regina's hand.
"You didn't forget," she said. "I'm so sorry."
"I never would," Regina told her.
"This is why I forgave you, Regina," Tinker Bell said. "Because you did the right thing and I know that you are a good person, that's why I believed in you!"
Regina faced the fairy again.
"I should've done the same thing," Regina said.
"You did," Tink said. "I don't think you would've given me your heart if you didn't believe in me," she said. "Think about it."
She did and Tinker Bell was right.
"Is there a way to go back?" Tinker Bell asked.
"I don't know..." Regina said and wiped the tears away with the back of her hand. "I'm still trying to figure that out."
"We'll find a way," Tinker Bell said and leaned back into the pillows. "Do you still think about him sometimes?" Tinker Bell asked after a few seconds of silence.
"Yes," Regina admitted. "Especially after returning to the Enchanted Forest. I had the same dream over and over again. Of that night, when you took me to the tavern. I just hope he found someone and is happy now," Regina said.
"We could try to find him," Tinker Bell suggested. "That's the last bit I have left," she said and pointed at the necklace she was wearing. It held the tiniest bit of pixie dust, the last bit she had brought back from Neverland. Regina was deeply touched that she would offer her last bit of pixie dust for her but she wouldn't let that happen.
"No," Regina said and shook her head. "You've done enough for me and I won't let that happen," Regina said and the faintest smile crossed her face. She thought about the man who was waiting for her outside this very room. Maybe she didn't need to find her soul mate any more, maybe she had already found someone who would make her happy. He had done so much for her in such a short time and she was just getting used to it. She didn't want to lose him.
"What was that?" Tinker Bell asked when she saw that brief smile.
"You're right," Regina told Tink. "It might be time to let go. Maybe I don't need to find him after all," she said and the fairy nodded. She had seen him before Regina did.
"Yes," Tink said. "I think there's someone waiting for you," she said with a smile and Regina turned around. Robin was standing by the door.
"Sorry to interrupt, ladies," he said and walked into the room. "But I think it's time to go or there won't be anything left."
"I'm sorry," Tinker Bell said and regarded the man. "Have we met before?"
"I don't think so," Robin said and she took his outstretched hand. "Robin Hood, milady," he said.
"Tinker Bell, pleasure to meet you," she said and smiled at Regina who rose from the bed to leave before the fairy had a chance to ask any questions.
"I'll see you later," Regina told her friend and the both left, leaving Tinker Bell behind. She'd probably spend the evening wondering what had happened.
She took Robin's hand and walked beside him quietly. He had seen the recent tears, her eyes were still glistening but he didn't ask. There was something else he wanted to know instead.
"So..." he started. "Who is it that you don't need to meet?" he wanted to know. Maybe it wasn't his business, he was fine with not getting an answer but he simply felt like he had to distract her until they reached the great hall.
"Someone," she started, trying to think of the right words to say. It somehow felt a little weird to tell him about the man who was supposed to be her true love. "I'll tell you after dinner," she said and looked at him, he nodded.
When they approached the great hall, she heard the chatter and laughter going on over dinner; suddenly she felt nervous and insecure. Her hand tightened around his.
"Remember," he said and looked at her. "We can leave any time," he said and somehow she felt protected. She knew most of the people in this room; most of them had feared her once and now she was the one who was scared to face them and she didn't even know why she was so afraid. She was nervous when they entered and it appeared that their chatter died down a little; she felt their eyes watching her and if it wasn't for Robin's hand holding her, she would've turned around and left. She kept walking beside him, trying to avoid their gazes. Most of them had probably been wondering what she had been up to when she hid from them. She wondered if any of them knew about her and Robin but no one said a thing, not with him walking by her side.
Her heart was hammering against her chest and her mouth felt dry. She felt uneasy and didn't know what to do. She didn't want to faze them and a huge part of her wanted to go back to her room and hide but she made a promise. She said she'd try.
"There you are," a familiar voice said; she knew it was Will Scarlet before she saw him. "Thought you'd stand us up mate," he said and smiled when he saw Regina. She didn't know why, but she liked him somehow. He'd never questioned her in any way; she was fine because Robin trusted her.
"Your majesty," he said and got up to make some space for her.
"Thanks," Regina said with a light smile. She didn't have the heart to tell him that the title didn't suit her any longer; that she didn't want it and that her first name was just fine. He seemed such a cheerful person to be around, cheeky even and it somehow helped a little.
Regina sat down opposite Robin; she knew some of the Merry Men weren't quite fond of her but no one said a word. Somehow she knew that they wouldn't dare to say anything when he was around. Regina saw Snow and the others sitting at the table next to them but she didn't have the strength to join them. She wasn't up to much talking and she felt like the Merry Men would work in her favour for now. She knew Snow would only mean well but she couldn't bear her kind of cheeriness at the moment. She simply nodded when their eyes met, acknowledging her presence.
"Nice to see you around," she heard a familiar voice say and Granny put some food out in front of her before she had a chance to protest.
"Thank you," Regina said and didn't quite know what to do or to say. It all still felt a little weird. She was insecure and anxious somehow. A part of her didn't want to be here while the other part didn't have the strength to get up and leave.
"It's not poisoned," Granny said from across the table when Regina wouldn't eat.
"Quite nice, actually," Will chimed in and Robin smiled. She felt herself relax a little after a while and everyone returned to their dinner and the usual chatter. It somehow felt like everyone was curious but had enough decency not to ask any questions and she wondered if they have been warned because that was exactly what she had been afraid of; that they would ask question she couldn't or didn't want to answer.
"So," Will said when he'd finished his dinner. "You're the Queen of this place?" he asked and looked around.
"I used to be," Regina said and put her spoon down. She had finished half of her lunch but somehow she didn't feel hungry most of the time.
"Why aren't you the Queen any longer?" Will asked innocently. "Is he not treating you right?" he asked with a nod to Robin and for the first time in a while she laughed. It was a real laugh, one that came from within and it made her feel great for an instant. Robin watched her quietly, in awe. Ever since they met, this seemed to have been the first genuine laugh he'd heard and it was incredibly beautiful.
"That's not what I meant," she told him and he winked at her with a smile. She was actually starting to like him a little. When she looked across the table, she found Robin's eyes. He was watching her quietly and she smiled at him. She held the eye contact for a couple of seconds, trying to figure out what was going through his head. She wanted to thank him but there'd be time for that later.
"Yeah, don't mind me. Not like I'm sitting right here," Will said more to himself and looked at the empty glass in front of him.
"You'll get over it," Robin told Will and Regina bit her lip, trying not to be embarrassed somehow.
"I'll be right back," Robin said and got up.
"You want some?" Will asked Regina when he poured himself a glass of wine. She considered his offer for a moment and ignored the little voice inside her head that warned her she hadn't had proper food in days and maybe she shouldn't but she shrugged.
"Why not?" she said and watched Will fetch a glass and pour her some red wine.
"And you really think drinking that is a smart idea?" Granny said from across the table and raised an eyebrow at her. Regina was still touched and grateful for the concern but she wouldn't turn it down now.
"We'll see about that later," Regina said and took the glass from Will.
"Am I getting you into trouble?" Will asked not quite serious.
"I think I'll handle that," she said, feeling a little more relaxed. She sipped the wine and closed her eyes, felt the warmth slowly spread inside and it was quite soothing.
"You know," Will said when he put down his glass. "Always thought you were scary, but you're not."
"I have had my moments," Regina said. She didn't know what else to tell him; she certainly wouldn't go into any detail now.
"How was it?" Robin asked a little later when they were back in his room.
"Not as terrible as I thought," Regina admitted. She held onto his hand, not quite trusting herself. She simply had one glass of wine but it had made her feel a little light-headed and drowsy. She was sitting on the floor by the fire, in front of him with her legs across his thighs but still a little distance between them. She wasn't quite sure how they had ended up like this, but she didn't mind.
"Thank you," Regina said quietly and he reached out and tucked a few hairs behind her ear before cupping her face with both hands, placing a soft kiss on her lips.
"No need to thank me," he said. "Now," he said with a smile. "There was something you wanted to tell me." Regina put her hand on his, gently removing it from her face, holding his between hers.
"Well," she said and closed her eyes for a moment. She still felt that tiny bit of wine in her system; she felt content and somewhat relaxed. She knew if she didn't tell him now she probably never would. She didn't need to get into many details; she didn't want him to think that there was someone out there she still considered as her one and true love while he was sitting right in front of her. That wouldn't feel right.
"A long time ago," Regina started and took a deep breath. "When I met Tinker Bell... when she saved me," Regina said and looked at Robin. "When she saved me from jumping off the balcony," she said and for time since it had happened, she actually admitted the truth. She took another deep breath, feeling a little lighter somehow and he just squeezed her hand a little, encouraging her to go on. "She had that thought of helping me. I wasn't happy back then," she said and laughed humourlessly; that was quite the understatement. "And I didn't think I could be happy but Tinker Bell believed that I could so she wanted to help me find my true love," Regina said and he listened. He never took his eyes off her.
"What happened?" Robin wanted to know.
"I don't know," Regina said. "I never met him," she said and it wasn't a complete lie because they had never met. She just didn't want to tell him about the tavern and the tattoo and how afraid she had been and that she ran away, leaving her true love behind. Before he had the chance to ask any other questions, she said: "I've been thinking about it a lot recently but I'm not sure I want to meet that stranger," she said and smiled at Robin.
"And why is that?" Robin asked playfully.
"I don't know..." Regina said. "Maybe it's because I'm starting to feel great where I am," she said honestly and leaned in to return the soft kiss he had placed on her lips just now. He smiled against her lips and laid his arms around her, pulling her a little closer. She slid on his lap, her forehead resting against his. She closed her eyes and got lost in the moment; she felt him so close and allowed herself to get lost. It felt so good to be held by someone and slowly, she felt the warmth spread inside her body. It was soothing and it made her feel safe.
She closed the little bit of distance between them, sealed his lips with a kiss. What started out as a soft kiss slowly turned into something more passionate, filled with longing and need. It made her feel alive and she knew it was exactly what she needed.