Chapter 8

"Can we talk?"

"Yeah sure."

"I mean can I talk to you? About something?"

"Of course, go for it."

Harry looked down at his sleeve and picked on a loose thread he found there. He had been trying to have this conversation with Ginny for days now. Every time he worked up his nerve he would lose it and change the conversation. He thought that Ginny probably knew something was up. She knew not to press him though, she knew him so well. Harry thought that he was going to bottle it again, and then a small voice rose inside of him.

"Are you really backing out of this again?" It sneered. "You obviously don't love her then, for you to be treating her like this. Man the fuck up Potter."

"Can we go for a walk?"

"I'm up for that."

Harry's heart started to thump as they exited the portrait hole.

"Where to, Mr Potter?"

Her light tone made his heart sink further.

"The grounds?"

Ginny smiled and took his hand. Harry tensed and voices screamed at him telling him he was making a huge mistake, or that he was a coward, and that he didn't deserve Ginny. He agreed with that last one at least. A panic flooded through all his systems, creating anxiety like he had rarely felt. He felt so distraught and freaked out and Ginny was just walking along beside him very casually as if all was right with the world, and she didn't have a horrible cheating boyfriend.

They opened the main front door and the grounds were bathed in the glow from the low sun in the sky. It was a lovely evening by all accounts. The pleasant atmosphere did very little to settle Harry's nerves. They wandered over to a tree by the lakeside that they frequented often.

"What is it that you want to talk to me about?"

"I think I just need to come out and say it."

There was a long silence.

"Yes?" Ginny encouraged.

"I've done something wrong."

He went back to pulling at the thread.

"I'm sure we can fix it, what's happened?"

"I'm not sure that this can be fixed honey."

"Why? What is it? I'm starting to worry."

"I just want to say before anything else that I am truly very, very sorry. I love you like I couldn't love anyone else and all I've ever wanted to do was to make you safe and happy."

Ginny's soft features froze into a hard passive expression.

"Tell me what's going on Harry."

Harry took a very slow and measured breath.

"A while ago, a couple of months now, I was up in the Room of Requirement. I was coming out and I ran into Malfoy. There was something wrong with him, he forced me against the wall and my wand got lost. I was worried I was going to have to fight him but then he turned even weirder. He got down and started to…like, do stuff."

Ginny's eyebrows were becoming closer as Harry spoke. He tried not to focus on her otherwise he knew he wouldn't be able to get through it.

"He...well, he sort of…oh for fuck sake. What happened was he held me and just started sucking me and did nothing about it. I didn't know what I could do, I didn't have my wand but I still let it happen. I just thought about you and held on to the fact that I had you and I loved you. Afterwards he said pretend it never happened and left. After that I tried to avoid him and he got funny with me that I was acting odd. He tried to apologise for what he did and he started again with it all, trying to be nice and make it up to me. I let it happen again. That was so wrong of me. I'm so ashamed because I actually liked it. It even came to be doing the same to him. I have no idea what this even means. Like, am I bisexual or something? I couldn't stop seeing him, there was something that just kept drawing us back and I felt so sickened by myself because I didn't want to do and you deserved better. "

Harry felt like he could explain himself for the rest of his life. Explore every detail, stress each and every time he felt hopeless. He chanced a look up to Ginny's face. She was unmoving and expressionless. She looked like she had spaced out from the conversation and she wasn't really listening. Harry couldn't believe how much he had hurt her.

"I know what I did was cheating. I'm not going to pretend that I did anything else but cheated. I couldn't be sorrier if I tried, and I am trying. I'm so sorry Ginny."

Her face remained an unfeeling mask. Harry didn't know whether to reach out to touch or comfort her. Maybe that would anger her? Should he keep talking? Leave her alone to her thoughts?

"You liked it?"

Her voice was very small. It sounded disjointed.

"No, I didn't enjoy doing that to you and hurting you."

"That's not what I meant. Did you enjoy Malfoy doing that to you? And you doing it back to him?"

"Um, I mean the actual um thing yeah, but not what I felt afterwards."

"Ok."

What was he saying?! That wasn't what she wanted to hear at all! He was meant to be grovelling to her. But he was telling her the truth so he might as well lay it all out.

"I'm angry that you didn't say anything. All of this time I thought everything was fine and that it was just me and you in our relationship and nothing else was going on in the world. But I can see why you did it."

"You can?"

"Yes. At the time I was giving you anything of that nature and I appreciate that you're sixteen and have certain needs-"

"No Ginny!"

"What?"

"Don't you dare think that! I didn't do this with Malfoy because you weren't good enough or because you weren't "giving me any". This had nothing to do with you."

"You were still with him after we had started being closer. How can believe that it isn't because I'm not good enough? Obviously I couldn't pleasure you enough or make you happy-"

"You have done nothing but make me happy in all the time we've known each other. I am stupid and selfish and it made me feel different so I kept doing it."

"How do you mean by different? Were you happy?"

"I guess so. Not that you don't make me happy, but I was happy when… that was going on."

"Right."

Another long silence stretched out between them, separating them further.

"Thank you for telling me. I don't think I can talk about this much more tonight. I need to think about a few things. I'll see you tomorrow at breakfast. Night Harry."

With that Ginny left Harry alone under the tree in the increasing dark. That went as well as to be expected. When they next spoke Harry wold emphasis that it wasn't because of anything she did. She had to know that. He waited a few more minutes, so he wouldn't catch her on the stairs on the way back to the tower. As he left the lake he felt some relief from telling Ginny and some pride in himself that he'd finally had the guts to do it, but also some feelings of regret. He didn't want to hurt Gin like this but it was for the best. Right?

Authors Note: I am very, very sorry about the lateness of this chapter. Since my last chapter and now I have got a job! Which is very exciting, but has left very little time for an update. I've tried several times to sit down to write but nothing has happened, but it was annoying me so much that I hadn't updated that I forced myself to. The next chapter (or maybe two) will be the finale with some more sexuals and more good times for our characters. They will be quite long chapters in comparison to the rest of the stories so please be patient with me! Thank you for all the love on this story and my oneshots!

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