It's been a few weeks since that night with Castiel. Neither of you have really spoken about it since.
There was an awkward moment a few nights ago when you, Cas and Dean had to search an abandoned warehouse. You had all split up, searching different sections of the building when you and Cas unintentionally met in one of the rooms. Usually, neither of you would think anything of it, but this time was different. You shared a secret and all thoughts went back to that night in the motel room and you couldn't help but smirk at him. He didn't smile back but the humour was there in his eyes, and that was good enough.
You've thought about it since then. Even the memory of it turns you on. Some nights you have seriously considered getting him alone, just to initiate something. Maybe a re-enactment of that night. You never do, and you decide it might be better than way.
Dean had been acting differently after that night, but he's never tried to talk about it. Maybe the atmosphere had just weirded him out. By now he probably thinks he was imagining things. You're happy to go along with that.
It's gone midnight now and you're still slumped over the desk with various books spread out. You stopped pretending to read well over an hour ago, and then just gave up on all pretences of you actually doing any work. Sam was sat on the bed, hastily typing on the laptop. You listen to his steady breaths and try not to fall asleep.
As far as motel rooms go, this is one of the worst. The smell of damp clings to the air and any breeze drawn in from outside carries the smell of weed with it. You can hear muffled shouts outside with the occasional sound of a smashed glass on the ground. The wallpaper is various shades of brown but you're convinced they were once green. One painting hangs on the wall and you can't figure out if it's of an abstract design or if the painting was actually stolen and all that's left of it is the mould ridden cardboard base. Needless to say, this place was a dump.
You're not even sure where Dean's gone. You briefly heard him talking to Sam about following a lead down town but that was when you were actually working and didn't really pay attention to what was said. The sudden shatter of another glass bottle outside makes you flinch. You turn around to face Sam who is also looking up out of the window.
"I don't know how much you paid for this room but I promise it was too much." Sam gives you one of his small smiles and nods in agreement, but quickly goes back to work. You get up and walk towards the window, careful to open the dusty curtains ever so slightly and with minimal contact. You can't see anyone outside now. All that is visible is the broken glass covering the parking lot, a few bravely parked cars and the flickering neon vacancy sign.
You turn around and walk over to the town brochure strategically placed on top of the twelve inch television set. You try to look for any listings of fast food places nearby but become distracted by a rhythmic thumping noise coming from the next room. You stand awkwardly as the noise becomes louder and is suddenly accompanied with loud moans. You quickly turn around to look at Sam, trying to suppress a laugh as Sam's eyebrows pull together, his nose crinkling as his grimaces. You can no longer contain yourself as you snort out a laugh.
"On that note, I'm going to venture out to get some food." You walk over to the chair and reach for your coat which was folded over the back of it.
"Okay, I'll come with you." He moves his laptop off of his lap and places it on the bed next to him. The bed covers were a faded pattern of brown, yellow and green squares. With a few cigarettes burns thrown into the mix. You may be imagining things; it could be the second hand inhalation of weed, but you're sure that when Sam moves on the bed you can see the disturbance of dust particles.
"You don't have to come with me. There's a diner across the street, I'll just get us something from there." He ignores you and sits on the edge of the bed, about to put on his shoes. "Sam!" You call out.
"What?" He looks up at you.
"I said you don't have to come with me. It's literally right across the street. If I can't handle myself walking there and back then there's definitely no hope for me being a hunter."
Sam sighs and tosses his shoes back across the room. "Fine, just be quick, okay?" You smile and walk toward to door.
"There might be a queue, just relax, okay?" He nods and settles back down onto the bed, laptop back in place. You walk out of the room and close the door behind you.
Out of the two brothers, Sam has always been protective of you. Cas has started acting that way, he even admitted as much the other night. Blood rushes to your cheeks at the mere thought of 'the other night', you need to get a grip. Dean on the other hand, is the complete opposite. You don't think it's that he doesn't care. He just knows you well enough to know you can take care of yourself. Sam, however, is always concerned. He never likes you wandering outside alone at night, and whenever you're faced with danger, he often positions himself so he's ever so slightly closer to you. You've never pointed it out to him before. Truth is, it's comforting. In some strange way, you think it brings him comfort too. Knowing that there is someone there who he can protect. You wonder if there was someone in his past who he wasn't able to protect, but you don't really know anything about his past. He never talks about it. The diner is further away than you thought. You button up your jacket as you start walking across the parking lot.
Finally you reach the diner and order two cheeseburgers and two coffees. There was no queue. You weren't really expecting there to be. You just hated the idea of Sam watching from the window after a few minutes had gone by. You walk back across the parking lot, clutching at the warm coffee cups. You suddenly notice a black Impala parked close to the outside of your motel room. You walk slower as you watch Dean sit inside, motionless. Wondering what he's waiting for. It takes you a few minutes of a dawdled walk to reach him, where he sits still unmoving.
You tap on the passenger side window and wave, not wanting to startle him by just suddenly opening the door. He smiles at you as you step into the car, closing the door behind you.
"Are you okay?" You ask.
"Yeah, where were you?" He looks around the parking lot.
"At the diner. Here." You hand him a coffee and cheeseburger. You'll have to go back again for Sam. Dean smirks as he takes it from you.
"You know me so well." You smile as you start to eat your own cheeseburger. "Although I'm not sure I know you as well as I used to." He then takes a bite of his own.
"What do you mean?" You ask with your mouth full of food. You gave up on trying to be ladylike around the boys a long time ago.
"I know you and Cas slept together." He says it indifferently, but there's something in his face that lets you know that it was hard for him to say.
You try not to choke as you quickly swallow the food in your mouth. It burns your throat slightly as it goes down. "Did he tell you that?" you ask him.
"He didn't 'not' tell me. It was obvious something was going on. I just don't know why you didn't tell me." He doesn't take his eyes from yours.
"Because there was nothing to tell. It was just sex." He looks away from you then. "Why does it bother you?"
"It doesn't."
"Good, because who I sleep with isn't really any of your business." You try not to sound defensive, but you know it's coming across that way.
"I know." Is all he can say.
"Then why do you care?" You speak softer than before.
"Because I do." He wraps up his half eaten cheeseburger, and puts it back into the paper bag. He takes his seatbelt off and moves to get out of the Impala.
"Wait, what do you mean by that?" You hold onto his forearm, but that doesn't stop him from opening the car door and stepping out of it. You quickly get out of the car and follow him around to the other side. "Dean, wait. Can we talk about this?"
"No, it's not important." Before you can respond, he's already at the motel door and stepping inside. You follow him in and see Sam stirring from sleep on the bed.
"Everything okay?" He asks Dean.
"Yeah, nothing there. Waste of time." He walks into the bathroom and shuts the door behind him.
Sam nods and then looks over to you. You stand there awkwardly trying to let the last few minutes sink in. Then after a beat, you finally find your voice.
"I may have given Dean your burger. I'll go get you another one." You turn to walk back out of the door.
"No, don't worry about it. I'll go. I could do with getting some air." Usually you would insist upon going, but you had only one thing on your mind right now. You smile and nod as you watch Sam slip on his shoes and walk past you and out of the door. The sound of the shower fills the room, the plumbing creaking in the walls. You sit on the bed, slowly taking your shoes off and changing into your shorts and vest. You sit there silent for a few minutes trying to analyse what Dean had said.
You can hear the shower turn off and you're certain that you don't want to wait until the two of you are alone again to be able to talk about it. You already found out earlier in the day, in the most embarrassing way possible, that the door doesn't lock. You walk across the room and open the bathroom door.
"I just need to brush my teeth."
"Right now?!" You don't answer as you walk over to the sink and run the water over your toothbrush.
You're standing in front of the mirror next to Dean. You look up at Dean's reflection and for a moment you're taken aback by the sight of him. You couldn't see it before when sitting in the car. Now in the moderately lit bathroom, you can clearly see the abrasion by the side of his left eye, the way his bottom lip is swollen ever so slightly and the grazes over his knuckles. You lower your toothbrush onto the counter and turn to face him.
"Was this from tonight?" You gesture to the parts of your face that mirror the injuries of his own. He doesn't look at you though, just dabs a washcloth over his eye.
You hate this. You used to be so comfortable around each other and now there's this tension between the two of you. "Can I do anything?" You offer him, reaching up to his face. He quickly catches your hand in his own and looks at your reflection in the mirror.
"No." He says, and it's short and cold.
"Fine." You snap back at him and walk out of the bathroom. You're so angry at him for being angry with you. He brought it up and now he doesn't want to talk about it. What exactly did Castiel say to him in the first place? Why couldn't he just tell Dean to mind his own business. Without thinking, you're putting your shoes on. You have no idea where you're going to go, but you're too rattled to be in the same motel room as Dean right now.
Dean walks out of the bathroom, now dressed in lounge pants and a black t-shirt. His jaw tenses before he speaks.
"I'm sorry." It was hard for him to say.
"Don't worry about it." You tell him, but you're still putting on your shoes.
"Where are you going?"
"I just need to get out of here." You stand up, turning to find your jacket you had thrown off moments before. As you turn around, Dean is there, stood right in front of you.
"I'm sorry, okay?" He speaks more softly this time, and it relaxes you.
"Okay, but-" You're cut off by his lips on yours. You were not expecting this, and it makes you stumble back a little. He steadies you in his arms, deepening the kiss as he does. You part your lips instinctively and you feel his tongue push its way through. You feel breathless and light-headed and for a moment forget just how angry you were. He smells of cheap motel soap and his skin is still slightly damp from the shower. It feels different to when you kissed Cas. There's less uncertainty but more fear. You want Dean, but you know you shouldn't. So many conflicting emotions. They're overflowing and you pull away while you have the strength to. He keeps you close to him. You're breathing heavily.
"I can't." you finally manage to blurt out.
"Why not?" He's still looking at your lips.
"Because it's different with you."
He murmurs against your neck, "It will be better." He then moves and plants soft kisses along your jaw line.
"With you, it would be more than just sex." He looks up at you then. "That's why we've never gone there."
He looks at you then, no humour in his eyes. "I can't stand the thought of you being with him."
"I wasn't trying to make you jealous."
"You sure about that?"
"Why would I?"
"Well regardless, it worked." He raises his hands, gesturing at their situation.
"You've never been jealous before." He doesn't speak, but moves closer to you. His fingers lightly tracing the length of your arm. You want to talk this through. He had no reason to be jealous. It wasn't like he was your boyfriend. Why did it suddenly bother him? All logical thought escapes your mind as a low moan escapes from your mouth. Without warning, his hand has reached underneath the waistband of your shorts and his fingers are stroking the smooth, wet skin there. He meets your eyes with his own and that's all it takes for him to crush his mouth against yours, silencing any protest. With one hand against the small of your back, he steadies you. You grip his forearm, and feel the muscles move with every movement of his fingers. Your other hand has reached up to keep his face close to yours.
He slips a finger inside of you, making you moan against his mouth. His eyes are closed but he smiles at how responsive you are. He then starts circling his thumb over your clit. You feel it throbbing against his touch. You want to move to the bed, but he has you firmly in place. It occurs to you that he's positioned the two of you so that he can keep half an eye on the door. You think about Sam and know he is going to be back at any moment. Dean must be thinking the same thing as he starts to quicken his strokes, inserting another finger inside of you. You try to focus on something else. You want to draw it out as much as possible, but the realisation of what's happening; the idea that Dean is fucking you with his hand sends you over the edge. Your fingernails dig into his forearm as you shudder against him. Feel yourself spasm as you come against his hand.
You're left breathless as he loosens his grip on you and moves his hand from your back to your waist. You look down at his hand, which he then wipes across his black shirt. It's then that you notice the bulge in his pants and you reach out to touch him there. He smiles sheepishly and goes to speak, but the sound of the door handle opening the front door makes him stop. You pull yourself away from him and smile at Sam as he walks into the room with his paper bag from the diner.
Dean is able to compose himself almost immediately and acts completely natural as he starts talking about his latest solo recon from a few hours ago. Soon enough the pair of them are in a deep conversation.
You lay yourself down on the bed as your head is still spinning. Hundreds of questions and uncertainties are racing through your mind. One thing that is for certain is that you want Dean Winchester. You watch him sitting on the desk, pointing to the laptop Sam has now set up over there. Sam starts typing into the search engine, giving Dean enough time to steal a quick glance your way. He smirks when he sees you were already looking at him. You look away, biting your lip; trying to suppress a goofy smile. Still tasting him on your lips, you cannot wait to get Dean alone again.