The water from the shower felt cool on your skin. With closed eyes, you tilt your head back slightly and let the clean water spray over your face and chest. Strong hands at your waist urge you to turn around. You grin as you do so, now facing the shower wall. You rest your hands on the tiles in front of you, holding yourself steady. His lips are at your neck, kissing the delicate skin there and moving his hands from your chest to your waist, your ass to your inner thigh. You loved Dean when he was like this. He wasted no time exploring your body and left no room for your inhibitions. His voice was low in your ear.
"Sammy will be waiting for me. We gotta make this quick."
You open your eyes and pout slightly, not that Dean could see. He lowers his hand down past your stomach and in between your legs; teasing the already sensitive skin there. Your eyes shut involuntarily once again and you lean your body against his. Your head rests against the crook of his neck and he starts to move his fingers at a quicker pace.
You and Dean have been stealing moments like this together whenever you had the chance. Days ago he admitted he was jealous of you and Cas, and despite not knowing the true meaning behind those feelings, you were glad it led to this. Sam had left early this morning and was planning on meeting up with Dean elsewhere. You were fairly certain Dean was already late, but you didn't want this to be over any time soon.
Your breathing deepens as your body responds to his touch. The feel of him hardening against you turns you on even more. You move your hands from the tiles and reach above you to rake your fingers through Dean's hair while your other hand grips onto his forearm. Dean's other hand moves to your chest, playfully pinching a nipple. You let out a breathy moan and arch your back as your arousal builds.
"Fuck." Dean mutters through gritted teeth. He moves both of his hands to your hips and pushes his growing erection against you. You can't help but sigh with the want of his body. The way he wants you as much as you want him only excites you further. He bends you over slightly, forcing you to place you hands back onto the tiles in front of you. As one hand stays on your hip, the other moves to your ass where he gives it a firm squeeze. Then he slowly strokes his hand along your sex. Your body twitches as his fingers graze your clit from a different angle. Your internal muscles clench in anticipation, throbbing with the need of him to be inside of you. As if reading your thoughts, he slowly sinks two fingers into the soft flesh, making you gasp and push back onto his hand. He leans over so that he's close to your ear. "You ready for me?" You nod fervently. Taking himself in one hand, he guides himself to your entrance. You can feel him there, but he doesn't penetrate. You're impatient; still throbbing from the foreplay and the desperate need to come. You push back onto him in a futile attempt to get him inside of you. You hear a thick, low chuckle from behind you and know he's playing a game.
"Dean, please fuck me." You felt his cock twitch at the words. Feeling a small sense of pride, you cant your hips to evoke another reaction. This time, you hear Dean let out a guttural moan. "Fuck, Dean. Make me come. Please make me come."
That's all it takes for Dean to push himself further inside of you. He lets out a gruff moan as he sinks deeper, pushing against the tightness of your walls. You bite your lip to stop yourself from crying out. Tears fall as you're overcome with the feeling of him, hard and thick, inside of you.
His breathing is jagged and heavy, and he lightly strokes your back from the base of your neck to the curve of your ass, and then repeats the motion. His other hand steadies your hip. You feel him watch you as you move one hand from the wall and reach down to between your legs. His breath hitches when he feels your fingers lightly caressing his balls. You trace the delicate skin of his cock from the base to the point where you're joined together. You clench your inner muscles around him causing him to choke out an incoherent word. With another sharp intake of breath, he pulls out slowly, and pushes back into you again.
He soon builds up a rhythm and you bounce back against him to meet each thrust. With both hands now against the wall again, you bend over making yourself lower and allowing him even deeper into you. From the sudden groan you hear behind you, he obviously approves of the adjusted positioning. As his thrusts become more frantic, you can feel your orgasm building. Your inner walls feel raw from the friction, but you still need more. You turn your head to look at him behind you. He eyes are shut tightly, and his face is a mixture of pleasure and tension; like he's straining to keep control. When he opens his eyes, they dart straight to yours. Breathing hard, he flashes a broad smile but drops it just as quickly as tension covers his faces again. He's close to the edge.
He moves a hand around your waist, and starts to rub your clit, making your hips buck in response. "Oh God, Dean."
"Come for me. I wanna feel you come." His voice was low and authoritative and fuck if it isn't the sexiest sound. Then, without warning, he leans over you and presses his lips to your shoulder. He plants an open mouthed kiss on your skin and then bites down on the flesh. The mixture of pleasure and pain finally tips you over the edge and your body convulses as your orgasm hits you. You bite your lip to stifle your cries, but your moans and whimpers still fill the small room. Feeling you clench around him, your orgasm pulls Dean into climax as well. With a few clumsy, uncoordinated thrusts, he empties inside of you.
Slowly you stand up straight and turn to face him. His eyes are already on you and carefully he steps forward, causing you to step back against the wall. He rests his forearm on the wall next to you. His other hand tangles in your hair as he crushes his mouth against yours. You move your arms from his sides to his chest. Feeling the taut muscles and smooth skin there. You then slowly move your hands to his face, holding him in place.
Just when you think you could happily stay like this forever, he pulls away from you. He quickly washes himself down under the shower spray and then rubs the water from his eyes with the palms of his hands. You can't help but gawk at him. His green eyes are accentuated in the glow of the bathroom light and damp of the water. He catches you staring and winks at you. You bite your lip to repress a ridiculous giggle that threatens to escape from you. He steps out of the shower and begins to dry himself off with a towel. You make a weak attempt to look as though you're not just stood there watching him, admiring his body. He reaches into the pocket of his pants that were previously discarded on the floor.
"Three missed calls. That boy doesn't like being stood up."
You smirk at the comment and lather the complimentary motel soap in your hands, finishing what you started right before Dean's welcome interruption. "Remind Sam to text me the address of the latest vic's mother, Mrs. Lieberman. I'll meet with her while you guys are at the police station."
"Will do." Dean finishes dressing and reaches for the bathroom door handle, but not before stopping to watch you. You look at him as he stands motionless, but you're unable to see his expression through the textured glass. He takes a breath like he's about to speak, but stops himself and walks out of the room. You stare at the closed door absently as you rinse the soap out of your hair and off of your body. You wished you understood what this was to him. You have no delusions about who he is and his attitude to sex. He's attracted to you, you know that much, but you're not convinced it goes any deeper than that. You know you care about Dean; moreso than you realised before. Things were bound to change eventually, whether things with Dean went further or stopped altogether. You're enjoying this, whatever this is. Obsessive over it will just take away the enjoyment so you made the decision to just let it play out naturally.
A few minutes later you step out of the shower, wrapping a towel around yourself. You grin as you think back to moments before, when Dean wordlessly walked into the room and undressed, joining you in the shower. His mouth claiming yours before you could protest the intrusion. You blush at the memory of him.
You hear movement beyond the bathroom door. You had thought Dean had already left, but he was obviously looking for something. You hesitate at first, not sure whether you want to see Dean in your half naked state. Not so much because you're feeling bashful but because the memory of what you both had just done has left you craving more, and seeing him now would make it hard to let him leave.
He's still out there, and the cold air is leaving goose bumps on your skin. You sigh in defeat and reach out to turn the door handle. You stop yourself before turning it and step back to glance at the mirror. Your run your fingers through your wet hair, moving the strays away from your forehead. Press a finger under your eyelid to wipe at the smudged mascara that hadn't washed away properly. When you decide that you're as presentable as you possibly can be, you open the door and step out with feigned confidence.
You almost stumble backwards when you see Castiel stood in the middle of the room.
"Fuck!" you shout in involuntarily. Cas raises an eyebrow and tactlessly takes the sight of you in. You clumsily step back into the bathroom, so that you're hidden behind the wall. "Cas, can't you knock?"
"What are you doing?" He frowns in confusion. Tilts his head slightly in the direction you disappeared.
"I'm not dressed. Could you wait outside?" You wrestle with the towel to wrap it more tightly around you.
"I don't mind waiting for you to dress."
You roll your eyes. "Then wait outside so I can have some privacy."
"You're embarrassed." His face softens in realisation. "You needn't be, I've seen you naked before."
Your cheeks burn. "Right. I just- Can you just, turn around?" You stumble over your words. You look down at yourself to make sure your sufficiently covered. "Face the other way." You clarify.
Cas doesn't respond, just slowly turns around to face the window. You timidly step back into the room, and reach into your bag to pull out some clothes. Then with quick strides, make your way into the bathroom. You take your time getting dressed, wanting to wait for your heart rate to settle and rosy cheeks to calm before facing him again. Once you're ready, you amble back into the room to see Cas still facing the other way. You watch him for a moment. It had been a while since you had seen him, and you realise that in a small way, you had kind of missed him. In your mind, you always picture him so strong and formidable, which he is, but he's also flawed. Despite his build he seems small as he stands motionless. You always used to think that Jimmy Novak was beautiful, but it wasn't Jimmy you were seeing, it was Castiel; and he was beautiful.
"You just missed Dean." You finally say after not knowing what else to. It brings you a flood of memories of the last time Cas had come to a motel looking for the man in question, only to find you.
He turns around then. "I know he's not here. I just came to see you."
His face is neutral and matter of fact. Your heart races again and you feel that familiar burn in your cheeks. "Cas, I know we never really spoke about what happened that night." He looks at you intently, trying to figure something out. You continue, "But I don't think- I don't want to confuse things between us." His eyes don't leave yours and his cool stare gives you no clue to his thoughts. "Do you get what I'm saying?"
"I came to see you because Sam asked me to go with you to see Mrs. Lieberman."
"Oh." You look away, not sure whether to be relieved or embarrassed at your misunderstanding.
He explains further, "He believes she may still be in danger and wanted to make sure you weren't alone in case something were to happen."
"That makes sense." You nod absently, and then look back at him. "I just need to blow-dry my hair and I'll be ready to go." You turn to walk towards your open bag that sits on the floor next to the bed.
He nods back. "Why are you worried about there being confusion?"
That stops you almost mid-step. Your mind backtracks trying to figure a way out of that misunderstanding.
"Between us." He repeats your words from before.
"I'm not worried." You smile reassuringly, then decide that the truth is probably the best explanation to give him. "I thought you might have come to see me for a different reason. That it might have had something to do with the other night when we… You know, but that was stupid of me. I know that it's probably long gone from your mind, and I'm certainly not dwelling on it."
"You're talking about the night we had sex."
You're momentarily taken aback by his bluntness. "Yeah, that's the night."
"What makes you think it's no longer on my mind?"
"Well, you never mentioned it after it happened. I'm not saying that I was expecting you to, but that gave me the impression you were over it."
"No, that's not the case. I never mentioned it because I didn't know if you wanted me to. Then Dean asked me if I was with you that night and I told him I was. It seemed to affect him, so I assumed it was something not to be talked about." You look away, biting your lip as you consider what he's said. "I'm not over it. I'm very much under it."
You frown at him and your lip twitches with a small smile. "That doesn't make sense."
"What doesn't?"
"Saying 'I'm not over it' would have sufficed."
"Right." He looks away from you then, for the first time since he had turned around.
You walk closer to him in an attempt to act more natural, then try changing the subject. "Did Sam tell you Mrs. Lieberman's address?"
"No, he said he would send it to you." He locks eyes with you again and for a moment you're lost in the blue of his. You realise, despite the effort, you can't let it go.
"What do you mean when you say you're not over it?"
He considers the question. "Meaning I still think about it… Fondly."
You let out a soft laugh at his choice of words. "Fondly." He looks at you warmly then, and you realise you've been inching closer to him without even realising. "Yeah, I liked it too. I don't regret that it happened but I still think we should probably not do it again. Sex can be… It can confuse things and feelings get all mixed up." You realise that you've been staring at his lips and quickly look up into his eyes. "But I'm glad you had a good experience." You cringe at your own choice of words. "I mean, I'm glad your first time wasn't…" You sigh and lower your head, frustrated at your lack of coherency. When you look up, Cas is even closer than before. You're not sure which one of you inched even closer but your lips were suddenly against his. Your hands unconsciously fist in his jacket under his trench coat. You part your lips slightly and he takes his cue to deepen the kiss.
The warmth of his tongue brings you back to reality. You break the kiss and take a step back. You mutter an apology although you're not sure which one of you really initiated it. Cas looks to the floor and straightens his jacket.
The sound of your phone's text alert in the quiet of the room makes you flinch. You reach into your pocket to retrieve it. "It's from Sam. Mrs. Lieberman's address."
"I'll go wait in the car and leave you to finish getting ready." You look up to respond to him but he's already gone.
You think back to the first time you ever kissed Cas. Just now was different. Not better, not worse. Just different. You had never expected to learn that he still thought about that night; let alone about you. Your thoughts go to Dean and you're overcome with guilt. Despite not fully understanding your relationship with Dean, you knew you didn't want to be intimate with anyone else. You know that now more than ever.
Not wanting to keep anything from him, you decide you'll tell Dean about what happened as soon as you get the chance to.