You have no idea how long Dean has been stood there. Instinctively you pull your hand away from Cas. As you try to assess the situation, you wonder if he would have heard any of your conversation.
"Awesome." He purses his lip and then turns to walk back through the warehouse door. Scrambling to your feet you follow him outside.
Once you're only a few feet away from him, you try to hide the tremble in your voice as you speak. "Dean, I'm sorry. I was going to tell you."
"I'm sure you were, sweetheart."
"Dean, I think your anger should be directed at me." Castiel was following close behind you. His voice makes Dean stop in his tracks. Whipping around to look at him.
"Oh, bite me Cas. Don't act all noble when you're the one wanting to fuck my girl."
"Whoa, Dean. It was a kiss! A two second kiss."
"Yeah, and you told me I had nothing to worry about."
"You don't! I'm sorry."
"Right, everything's peachy. I'm overreacting. Just gotta make sure you kids aint left alone in a room together."
"Dean, it didn't mean anything. It was one kiss!" You gesture with your finger, your words becoming frenetic.
"Yeah one kiss too many." He glares at Cas, but you answer him regardless.
"You're right. I'm sorry."
Dean looks around and clenches his jaw. He brings his hand to the back of his neck; rubbing with frustration. "Whatever. I'm out of here." He waves a dismissive hand in your direction and walks towards the Impala. Sam is nowhere to be seen, so Dean must have come alone. The question of why Dean was at the warehouse in the first place crosses your mind, but it wasn't the time to ask him.
Cas takes a few steps forward making him stand ahead of you. "Dean, perhaps we should talk about this."
Dean immediately turns around again, closing the space between himself and Cas. The proximity of the two puts you on edge.
"Good idea, Cas! Let's talk. Why her?"
"Dean, I-"
"Why her, of all people?" Against your better judgment you move towards the two of them. Without looking away from Castiel, Dean holds an arm out, signalling for you not to come closer. "Get in the car."
"What?" For a moment you're not entirely sure who he's talking to.
"Get in the car, now," he snaps at you.
Castiel looks between you and Dean. You felt like a child being scolded. "No."
He looks at you then. "Fine. Stay here." He glares once more at Castiel and then strides back towards the Impala.
Once inside, he immediately starts the engine and pulls away from the warehouse yard. When the car is out of sight, you look apologetically at Cas.
"I'll drive you back to the motel. You need to talk to him." He starts walking towards the Lincoln.
"Cas, when I said it meant nothing, I didn't mean-"
"You don't have to explain yourself." He stands by the car and opens the passenger door for you. You reluctantly lower yourself into the seat. Your heart is still racing from the confrontation. Once Cas is in the car, you speak again.
"I mean it wasn't nothing. And that's the problem."
Cas sighs. "What is it you want?" He's patient and soft spoken and it makes it harder to look at him.
"I don't want to hurt anyone." Whether it's from the adrenaline, or the helplessness you feel, you eyes fill with tears. You can't cry in front of Cas. You turn your attention away from him, staring at a point in the distance.
"You wont hurt me."
"But-"
"You need to talk to Dean. You obviously mean a lot to him."
You nod although you're not entirely convinced. You know you shouldn't ask the question but you have nothing to lose.
"Do I mean anything to you?" Your eyes dart back to him in an attempt to read his face. He looks away, but not before you catch a glimpse of something unfamiliar in his features. Something foreign.
"When did you and Dean become intimate?" He's avoiding the question.
"After you and I were."
"So Dean does mean something to you." He looks at you, his face smoother than before.
"Of course he does." But so do you.
"Then I don't understand your confusion. I'll take you back to the motel. Back to Dean."
You were still none the wiser, but right now Dean was the one feeling betrayed, and you needed to fix things with him. You couldn't bare the thought of him hating you, or worse, you being the reason he cut ties with Cas.
You were parked outside of the motel before you were even aware of your surroundings. You had been trying to rehearse your conversation with Dean in your head, but all you could see was his face. The look he gave you as he was stood in the warehouse.
"You should go inside." Cas' voice cuts through your thoughts. "Dean is unhappy with me right now, so I'll give him space."
"I'm so sorry, Cas." You've lost count of the apologies you've made today. The word 'sorry' was beginning to sound meaningless, overused. But it was all you had.
He smiles at you. That annoyingly warm and comforting smile that you didn't deserve right now. Unable to stall any longer, you get out of the car and fumble in your pocket for the motel door key; opting to go through your own room door rather than into Dean's.
Once you're inside, you walk to the window and pull the curtains wider to allow more light into the room. The Lincoln is gone. You suddenly realise that you're unable to see the Impala. You walk over to the room's joining door and open it without knocking.
A startled Sam sits up quickly from the bed, his eyes hazy and hair tousled.
"Oh, I'm sorry Sam. I didn't mean to wake you."
"Uh, no it's okay. I didn't mean to fall asleep." He clears his throat and moves the laptop from his lap.
"Any idea where Dean is?" You try to keep your voice light.
"Yeah," he moves himself to the edge of the bed, lifting the remote to switch off the TV. "We got a lead from someone who works at the mortuary about an old warehouse nearby. They said that twice now they've heard howling noises coming from inside so Dean went to check it out." That explains what he was doing there. You nod absently as Sam continues. "I stayed to talk to one of the officers about another missing person. I don't know if we'll ever get to the bottom of this."
You need to tell him about the missing items you and Cas found, but you're too worked up to think about the case. Before he can ask you about Mrs. Lieberman, you excuse yourself. "I'm just gonna go shower."
"No problem," you hear him yawn out the words as you go back into your room.
After closing the door behind you, you start undressing as you make your way to the shower.
You emerge from the bathroom a while later, wrapped in a towel. You walk toward the window and look out into the parking lot, but there is still no sign on the Impala. You know where Dean is. The same place he always goes when he needs to be alone.
Going through your bag of clothes you pull out a black skater dress. It wasn't overly fancy, but a lot less casual than an old t-shirt. Once you're dressed, you put on your black lace up boots, and your fitted leather jacket.
Reaching for your cell, you punch in a number and hold the phone to your ear.
"Hey, I need a cab from Rixon's Motel." You knew you were being hasty. Dean just needed time alone; but you couldn't sit back a wait for him to return. You needed to speak to him tonight. Away from everyone else. "Uh, I guess to nearest bar from here."
You step out of the cab and eye up the bar in front of you. The exterior looks drab and neglected, and the row of motorcycles hinted at the clientele inside. You glance around at the parked cars on the gravel and sure enough, you see the Impala. There is live music; you could hear the vibrations at your feet from outside the door.
Opening the single door, you step inside. Your eyes have to adjust to see through the cloud of smoke in the room. It was a typical dive bar. On the far left, a group of men in leather biker jackets stand around a pool table. To the right there is a small stage with a four man band playing heavy metal. A long time ago, a place like this would have appealed to you. Now it makes you uneasy. It's so loud and crowded you can barely focus. After travelling with the Winchesters you valued the importance of being alert at all times; aware of your surroundings.
You approach the bar, having to squeeze past bodies as you go. You're fairly certain someone may have touched your bare leg as you walked past, but you couldn't be certain it was done on purpose. You're almost at the bar when someone lightly touches your waist. You turn your head quickly, relieved that Dean had found you, only to be left disappointed to see it was one of the pool-playing bikers.
"Hey darlin'." He spoke with a distinct drawl and a slight slur to suggest he had been here for a few hours already. "I noticed you as soon as you walked in. Haven't seen you around here before."
You smile politely, not wanting to engage with him but not wanting to draw attention to yourself either. "I'm here with my boyfriend."
"I didn't see you come in with anyone else." His mouth twitches into a smile but it doesn't meet his eyes. He inches closer to you, making you lift you head slightly to look up at him.
"He's already here." You feign coolness.
"I'm sure he is." He moves his hand to your waist again and you can smell the whiskey on his breath. Rolling your eyes, you push his hand away and step back. Someone is stood close behind you, causing you to step back onto their toes. You turn around to see the person stood behind you is Dean. He lowers his eyes from the man down to you.
"What are you doing here?" His voice was gruff but controlled.
"I came to find you." He shuts his eyes and lets out a sigh.
"Sounds like your boyfriend aint too happy to see you." The biker chuckles teasingly, and you turn back around to face him. You're torn between arguing that Dean isn't your boyfriend or protesting his disappointment at you being here. Before you can say anything, Dean steps around you so that he's closer to the biker.
"What I aint too happy about are where those hands of yours insist on going." The biker takes a step closer to Dean, sizing him up. He looks from Dean to you, then clearly deciding it's not worth the fight, he walks away without a word, rejoining the pool game.
Without a word, Dean turns and walks past you. Heading back to a small table next to the wall. You follow him and take a seat opposite. There's an empty beer bottle on the table and another that is barely half full. He takes hold of it and brings it close to his mouth.
"I think we need to talk."
Taking a long swig from the bottle, he shakes his head. "No talking tonight, just drinking."
This wasn't something you could just let go of, but you were relieved he wasn't asking you to leave. You watch Dean as he absently scratches at the bottle's label.
After a few minutes he waves over to the bar, signalling for two more beers. You look around the room and realise that a few people are looking in your direction. Two girls at the bar smile coyly, leaning into each other as they whisper. It's never a surprise when Dean gets this kind of attention. He had the sort of magnetism men wanted and the sex appeal woman craved; sometimes the other way around.
A few months ago Dean would have made a beeline to those girls, then dazzled them with a fake name and some bullshit story. Since you started sleeping together, you noticed he paid less attention to other women. Not that you ever thought it was necessarily out of loyalty to you.
As if on cue from your thoughts, a very pretty blonde girl brings over the two drinks on a tray. She wears an unbuttoned knotted shirt and a black leather skirt. Placing the drinks on the table, she flashes an overly friendly smile at Dean. Holding back the urge to roll your eyes, you look to Dean for his reaction.
He smiles back at her though his eyes hover around her cleavage more than anywhere else. Taking note of his reaction, the waitress places her hands on the table, leaning over to give Dean a better view.
"Let me know if there's anything else I can get you, hon." You can't see her face, but you're confident her eyes are beaming with the same hidden meaning her sultry voice suggests.
Dean looks up at her then, the boyish smile still broad on his face. "Oh I will, believe me."
You look away in embarrassment; torn between wanting to appear indifferent to Dean's flirtation and storming out of the bar. You decide the former will be most effective, since you're fairly confident he's doing it for a reaction.
As the waitress leaves the table, you don't miss the long and tactless stare of appreciation Dean gives her as she walks away. Wordlessly you pick up the beer and start drinking. The girls at the bar suddenly straighten up, collecting themselves in suave fashion. You don't need to look at Dean to know he gave them the attention they were so desperately craving.
You're not usually one to play dirty, but you wish the biker who stopped you before would send a drink over or ask you to dance. Just to prove something to Dean. Instead, you gave Dean a coy half-smile and spoke with feigned sympathy.
"I guess that fact that I kissed Cas yesterday is really bothering you."
Snapping his attention back to you, he says "You can kiss who you want. You can fuck who you want. Don't assume that what's going on between us is anything other than sex."
A sickening feeling rises in your stomach. You look away from Dean to save face. That backfired and then some. After letting go of the breath you were holding, you look squarely at him.
"That's not what you said last night."
"That's when I thought we were fucking exclusively. Apparently that's not the case."
"I didn't sleep with him, you know that."
"Are you telling me you hadn't thought about it? You already have once. You already kissed him- kissed him after we had sex!" His eyes are filled with emotions you can't place. "I've seen it. I've seen the looks between the two of you. I can't keep looking over my shoulder, so…" He drinks from the bottle again, then shakes his head. "So do what you want."
His honesty and insecurity consumes you with guilt. Rather than just apologising, you lay your own fears on the table. "I'm just tired of being someone's conquest."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You only wanted me after you found out about Cas. Don't get me wrong, I'm impressed by how long you've lasted before you got bored and moved onto someone else. Sometimes it even felt real. But don't pretend this is something other than a competition between you and him."
He stares at you, seemingly in disbelief. "You think that's what this was?"
You nod, "I'm starting to realise that now."
He plants his drink down on the table, probably more forcefully than he intended. "Alright, let's go with that. Since this is a competition, who's going to win?"
"You're ridiculous."
"Do you love him?"
"Honestly?" You don't miss the wavering look in his eye, but he quickly masks it with a cool nod. "When I'm with him I feel differently to how I feel when I'm with you."
"Different how?"
You're finally having the conversation you wanted. This was your chance to be open about your feelings. Only it doesn't feel as liberating as you thought it would. The uneasy feeling is returning to your stomach and you're overwhelmed with the magnitude of your words.
"I can't do this." You get up from the table and walk through the crowd to reach the door. You can hear Dean's chair pull out and you know he's following you. Once you're outside, you turn right and walk around the side of the building. Dean is right behind you and reaches out for your shoulder. You shake him off half heartedly and run your hands through your hair. You stand still for a moment, welcoming the crisp air into your lungs.
"I'm sorry." His voice is tired but genuine.
"It was stupid of me to just let this play out. Like that ever works. Like this wasn't ever going to complicate everything."
"What are you talking about?"
"I can't do this anymore. We should just go back to the way it was."
"Why, so you can be with Cas?" Dean's eyes widen; a mixture of disbelief and concern.
"No, but you said so yourself that this was nothing but sex. I hate to be that girl, but I need more than that." Closing his eyes, Dean squeezes the bridge of his nose. "I know I'm not necessarily going to find that on the road, but- I don't know. Meaningless sex is one thing, but meaningless sex with you…" You shake your head, unable to finish the sentence.
Dean purses his lips and shakes his head. Looking away from you, he mutters something that you can't quite hear.
"What?"
He sighs and then looks back at you, defeated. "I said I love you."
The seconds feel like minutes. You're unable to do anything other than stand there and gape at him.
"I know I never said it before. I'm just not that guy. I know I'm out of touch with the whole relationship thing, but how could you not see that I'm crazy about you?"
"It was never like that before." You had been running with the Winchesters for years. You never had any suspicion that he saw you that way.
He begins to walk closer to you. "I guess I just took it for granted that someone else might beat me to it. I never in a million years thought it would be Cas. That's why I kissed you that night. I was jealous that he had the balls to do something I couldn't. I didn't want to lose you."
He's stood in front of you, but you're unable to move. Too taken aback by his words.
"Listen, I'm sorry about… the diner, earlier today, the way I acted in the bar," he gestures to the side of the building. "You know me, I'm an idiot." He lets out a breathy laugh, but it fails to lift the mood. His features pull together in thought. "I've loved you for a long time, I was just too stupid to do anything about it."
He pulls on your jacket so that you're pressed against his body. Wrapping his arms around you, he lowers his face so that he's nuzzling the top of your head. "I love you," he whispers.
On the way back to the motel, you consider the past few weeks and it all falls into place. Dean was never angry with you, or Cas. He was angry with himself. He was stubborn and jealous and all too conflicted. Now that Dean had finally been honest with you, you wanted to be honest with him. Cas had told you that you wouldn't hurt him, but that did little to comfort you. You weren't sure where it would leave you and Cas, or he and Dean.
Dean parks the Impala at the farthest end of the parking lot and takes off his seat belt.
"I love you too."
He looks up at you warmly. "It seriously took you the half hour drive from the bar before you could say that?"
You smile, "I thought I would build the suspense."
"Well, that you did." He leans over and kisses you. It's slow and deliberate. You graze your fingertips across the stubble of his jaw, and he lowers his hand to your leg; sighing when he is met with your soft bare skin. He breaks the kiss to look down at your body and you move your mouth to the length of his jaw; replacing your fingertips. He hitches the dress up even further and lightly trails his hand along the side of your thigh until he reaches your lace underwear. Before long, he is breathing heavily against your ear and the warmth radiates through you. "I need to fuck you." He lowers his mouth to your neck and gently sucks on the skin. "Right now."
"That might take PDA to a whole new level." You hope Sam's asleep. Although even if he was, there would be no promising he would be undisturbed. You could imagine intoxicated Dean being a lot less controlled than usual. "Let's go inside," you urge as you take off your seat-belt. There's an ache between your legs and your mind races in excitement, thinking of all the things Dean could do to relieve it.
Dean hooks onto your leg and pulls you onto him. As you settle into his lap, you can feel the bulge in his pants below you and you respond by kissing him roughly. His hands travel from your tights, up your side and over your chest.
Realising his intent, you reach down and begin unbuttoning his pants. He watches your movements and he lifts his hips as he pulls the jeans down slightly, allowing you to free his erection. You kiss him again, his tongue immediately battling with yours. You can feel his hand pumping his length in between your bodies.
You lift your dress and move the fabric of your underwear to the side as you lower yourself onto him.
You now understand the reason why Dean parked so far from the motel as you straddle him in the drivers seat. You begin to rock your hips as his hands hold onto fistfuls of your dress.
A wave of excitement flows through you as you become more aware of your surroundings. You are confined, something is digging into your right leg and you aren't completely sure where to put your hands. But your body is fully pressed against Dean and he's inside of you and fuck, you wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
He comes before you do. Wrapping his arms around your body and convulsing against you. His breathy moans are muffled against your shoulder as he jerks his hips.
You snake your hand between your bodies and begin circling a finger over your clit. He sits back against the seat, a light sheen of sweat visible across his brow. Looking down, he gently nudges your hand out of the way and replaces it with his own.
His eyes are heavy but determined. You hold his face gently in your hands as you kiss him. His lips are warm and swollen and you revel in the taste of him. You rock your hips involuntarily when your orgasm take over, but you don't break contact with your lips. As you come down from the high, you collapse against him.
Condensation creates a silver mist across the windows as Dean holds you tightly against him. This feels different to how it felt before. There was no more uncertainty, just a feeling of being complete. Your heart is swollen with affection for him. He's too much and not enough, simultaneously.
Dean lightly traces his fingertips along your back and you shiver against his touch. Pulling back to look at him, his green eyes bore into yours. He reaches out and moves a stray hair away from your face. Light rain, barely audible against the windscreen of the car, begins to fall.
"Shall we go inside?"
Dean shakes his head, "no, let's wait for the rain to stop."
You look out of the drivers side window, "I wouldn't call this rain, if we-" He rests his hand against your cheek and strokes his thumb across your lip. You shift your focus back to him.
"Just a little longer."
You smile against his touch and lower yourself to kiss him once more.