Chapter Five

What Do I Want?

Sammy

I smiled down at Alex, as he started to snore loudly in my ear. I gently moved his head into my lap and stroked his hair, something he would never let me do even when we were little. He didn't even twitch in his sleep, which made me more sure that he'd exhausted himself, then anything. When we were small children he used to continually toss and turn although he was not as light of a sleeper as I was. I suppose centuries of guarding our tribe from vampires helped with that.

I sighed and listened to the birds singing in the trees, trying to replicate their songs like when I was little. Suddenly there was a rustling in the bushes; I quickly stood up my senses alert and ready to defend Alex if I needed to. Then I saw what had startled me. "Emile!" I shouted trying to contain my rage. "Father warned you about the forest, if you need to go into it at least whistle a song or something! You scared me within an inch of my life and I unlike most of the clan don't have nine of them!"

"Sister, you have to bite me." Emile said frantically. "I'll do whatever you want forever if you'd just bite me."

"Emile perhaps your memory is faulty, if you remember I barely managed to pull myself off of Harold in time!" I told him and then he pulled out a knife. "Emile if you do that with Alex around, I'll question your sanity do you want to die?" I asked him and he stared down at Alex who was fast asleep on the ground.

"The abomination is here?" He asked me and I glared at him.

"Alex is not an abomination, he is Leah's imprint and my friend." I told him angrily as the sound of snapping twigs came to my ears. Emile however flinched and the knife pierced his skin, Alex opened his eyes at once and moved towards him. Emile smiled making come on gestures with his hand. "Alex stop." I said to him and he turned to me at once, his eyes weren't the eyes of my friend but a predator's eyes.

Must hunt! I heard his voice in my mind, a predator's voice and I panicked. I ran up to Alex and hit him squarely on the jaw; Alex went down at once as he was already at the breaking point, crumpling into the forest ground.

"You are completely insane!" I told him. "Wait until we get home and Dad hears about your stunt!" I glared at him as my brother's face turned white and pasty. "It serves you right, that was very dangerous Emile."

"You just want to be the only one able to shift!" Emile said angrily. "We all know that! You changed Harold now you're going to change me."

"No I'm not, your being completely idiotic, not to mention the fact that you've lost a lot of blood. You know your Mom's favorite and she'll blame me."

"And your dad's favorite he always takes your side."

"Yeah right, Dad and I argue more then we agree." Sammy replied as the rest of her cousins emerged from the bushes. "You lot will not do something stupid you hear me, or else when you transform I'll make your life miserable."

"We can't be more miserable then we already are." Freddy said to me and I glared.

"Listen, its not all wonderful happiness and clouds alright! You constantly have to be in control of your temper, if something happens to the ones you care about, it's your fault! You constantly have to be on your guard, ever diligent so you don't shift half way through your classes. I've never gone to school, mom has always homed schooled me in fear that I would change in the middle of class. I suppose you can't understand."

"That's right we can't because you won't let us!" Robert exclaimed and I sighed, Robert had inherited his father's temper as had his twin brother William.

"It should be our right to decide!" William chimed in.

"Guys please your giving me a migraine, your right it's not for me to decide." They looked at each other excitedly. "But it isn't yours either, its been happening naturally for centuries, it can still happen naturally. Now someone needs to get Emile home as he looks like he'll pass out at any moment."

"I don't." Emile protested as he leaned against Freddy.

"So why can you resist your brother's blood and not Harold's?"

"Because I wasn't on my guard with Harold!" I explained glaring at everyone.

"Come on, I did you just for you..." He laughed. "Funny word you, you, You, you, You, you." I sighed as my brother started to sing the word you over and over again.

"Be quiet!"

"Alfa, yes Alfa ." He replied and laughed again. "Ha Alfa." He said before he fainted completely.

"You need to close the wound, like you did with Harold. After you sucked his blood the wound closed, he doesn't even have a scar from it." Kenneth said and I sighed.

"Very well, I'll close the idiot's wound but I won't bite him." I told them and went over to my brother and sucked on his blood for a second. However once I tasted the blood all my noble intentions faded replaced with the all-consuming desire to feed. So I did until I realized what I was doing and backed away in horror. My brother's head lulled listlessly and even with my heightened senses I could just hear his heart beating. I quickly bit down upon my own wrists and forced my brother's mouth open, blood was pouring in and out of his mouth before I thought to tip his head back. He chocked on it but then he began to gulp it his eyes slowly opening.

"Wha'?" He asked.

"You big idiot." I said and hugged him tightly. "Never do that again."

"Wha' happened? Am I a werewolf?" Emile said and I hit him, he staggered back Freddy catching him as I hugged him tightly to me, my eyes filling with moisture.

"You're so idiotic, but I love you anyway." We both looked down, love among our family was a sort of undeclared thing, and we all knew we had it for each other. However to stop with the touchy feely moments we didn't say it that often.

"Um, er thanks." He said to me and I nodded in reply as Freddy helped lower him.

"What's up my main man?" Freddy asked Emile.

"My head hurts." Emile said. "Why is everything spinning?"

"I won't dignify that with a response, now just rest, you lost a lot of blood." I told him and he nodded. "Now we need to get you home and I can't just leave Alex in the middle of the forest. Do you have your cell phone Rowan?" I asked Seth's twelve year old daughter and she nodded pulling it out. "Good, now I'm going to call Dad and get the guys to help take Emile back home." I explained to everyone as I dialed the number. "Hi Dad." I said.

"Sammy where is everyone?"

"Well Emile thought that it would be a good idea to bury a knife in his skin. I just closed the wound and gave him blood, saving his stupid skin. Could you bring some of the guys over, I'm in no condition to carry anyone and I'm about the only one with the ability to do so. Alex is also here and I don't want to leave him in the woods, would it be alright if we took him back to the house?"

"I suppose that I don't really have a choice on that account, so alright. As for your brother I'll come myself and take Harold with me, he's very eager." I just barely managed not to groan.

"I know." I replied sighing as Emile started to snore loudly. "Could you come soon Daddy?"

"Of course Sammy." Dad replied and I nodded sitting down with my back against a tree as Alise picked up the knife.

"Don't think about it." I growled putting my head in my hands. "I'm not sure if I be able to hold back if you did that." Alise slowly put down the knife and I nodded as several wolves raced into the clearing.

"Hi Dad." I said to the black one. "I'll tie Emile onto you if that's ok?" I asked and he nodded as Collin nosed Alex. "Help me with the ropes." I said to my cousins and they nodded taking the ropes that my Dad had rapped around his legs. Three of the guys went into the woods and came back in a moment later in human form and in the process of buttoning up their pants. They gently lifted my still snoring brother onto Dad and bound him with ropes. They then did the same with Collin and Alex. "Thanks Collin for doing this." I said and stroked his soft fur gently. "I really appreciate it." He nodded in reply as I continued to stroke his fur as we walked back home.

When we got back to the house Harold was waiting anxiously with Sofia in his hands. "Is everyone alright, did anyone get hurt?" He asked and I shook my head.

"Apart from my idiotic brother no." I replied and went into the house sitting down on the couch as everyone proceeded to get in the way of each other untying my brother and Alex. Collin shook his fur once freed and walked into one of the adjoining rooms coming back a moment later in human form. He smiled at me and sat down beside me, pulling me into his arms.

"I know I might not have been treating you like an adult, it's just that you worry me when you go out on your own. I want to protect you and to make sure your safe, but how can I do that when you, silly shape shifter that you are keep running into danger?" He said softly into my ear. "I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I'm so afraid of loosing you, that I might somehow have lost your love and I couldn't bare that." Collin said. "When I first met you, you could fit easily into my arms and now I'm in awe of the beautiful young woman you have become. You watch over your cousins and brothers making sure they never come to harm, I see in you the reincarnation of both Sam and Emily, as well as the very special person you are. I love you, you're my imprint, my life, my everything and I would like to be your boyfriend if you want." He said and I felt tears coming to my eyes. He actually saw me for me, what I wanted more then anything, on the other hand I felt just as much love for Alex, who had never taken me for granted, or treated me like a child.

"Its a bit late for that." I said softly.

"What?"

"Alex is my boyfriend." I told him.

"But Sammy."

"Listen, Alex never degrades me, never demands anything from me. He listens to me and all he asks for in return is friendship and maybe a bit more. I love you Collin, more then anything but that doesn't necessarily mean that you're good for me. I'm not a nice little homemaker like my mother, no matter how much my dad wants me to be and I'm really tired of you trying to make me one."

"I'll stop I promise, your father just wanted to make sure one of us knew how to cook."

"So its the female that has to learn? How incredibly sexiest is that?" Collin actually had the decency to blush.

"Sammy just gives me a chance."

"You know Collin, that Alex and I tried hard to be with you and Leah. It was just assumed that we would be together, maybe we will I don't know but I want a choice, and so does Alex. I mean we were barely babies when you imprinted on us, don't we deserve a choice?"

"Yes, Sammy you do, but I just want you to know that I'll put everything I have into winning you back."

"It's not a game Collin, you don't understand love isn't like that."

"I understand Sammy I really do, when I'm with you my heart cries out for you. My soul revolves around you as if you're the earth and I'm the moon. I want to be your world, I've always wanted that, even before you could speak, before I knew who you were I wanted to be by your side. I suppose that I was so focused on seeing what I thought was best for you, that I forgot to see what you thought was best for you." I stared at him in surprise, Collin wasn't the really sensitive type, and he did show he loved me but the way he showed me was by being so overprotective that it was almost impossible for me to be by him.

"Oh Collin." I said and gently took his face in my hands, his face becoming multifaceted as the light hits him. "I do love you so very much, but at the same time I feel so confused. Alex and I well, I love him but I'm not sure I'm in love with him, where as with you I'm in love with you, but I'm not sure if I love you. If that makes any since at all."

"Oh Sammy." Collin said and tears start to run down his face as he wipes away mine, holding me close to his chest.

"Dinner." Mom calls entering from the other room and staring down at us. "Oh sorry, I'll just put the food to warm in the oven."

"No Mom I don't think that the pack would appreciate that and I know how hard it is to cook for all of them." I replied smiling. "Lets eat now, anyway I really think I should be talking to Alex as well as Collin, he's just as confused and conflicted as I am." Collin nodded he really was trying and I felt my heart light up with a heat that was all its own. I had never felt that before not with Alex, not with Collin, not with anyone.

A moment later the feeling was gone as the pack raced into the kitchen and Collin took my hand in his walking to the table.

"I wondered when they would patch things up."

"Harold my personal relationships are none of your business." I told Harold and he stared at me.

"What did I just say?" Harold asked. "Gees hormonal much?"

"I am not hormonal!" I said angrily.

"Sure." Harold replied as everyone stared at me as if I had grown an extra head.

"What is this about? Why is everyone staring at me? Harold's the one that brought my relationships up for discussion.

"I-I didn't." Harold said.

"Yeah right! I heard you everyone heard you, you called me hormonal! Hormonal!" I started to tremble.

"Easy Sammy." Harold said. "Wow she's never been this outwardly mad before.

"Easy you tell me to be easy? In the same breath you also say that I have never been this mad before?"

"Sammy I didn't say that." Harold said looking slightly freaked out.

"You didn't?"

"I didn't I might have thought it though." Suddenly everyone's gaze shifted to Harold who was looking at his hands.

"Harold?" I sent tentatively and his head shot up.

"What?"

"Is there anything you can think of to tell me?" I asked. "Within your mind I mean?" He looked at me in amazement for a minute before concentrating really hard, I could tell that he was really trying.

"Did you hear that?" He asked tentatively and was looking so upset that Claire passed him her daughter Sofia without thinking. He looked down into her little face and his eyes filled with what could only be described as devotion. "She's so beautiful, she looks like her Mom and Quil, the perfect combination of the two of them."

"Oh Harold that's so sweet." I said to him and smiled.

"Did I say anything?" Harold asked delighted. "Did you really hear me, this is so awesome I get to talk to you whenever I want!" I stared at him in surprise and apprehension, Dad was right being Alfa was like having a bunch of kids that weren't very much younger then you.

"If anyone doesn't have any objection I would love to have a little thing called food now!" Robert interrupted. "Its great and all that you have this super special ability but some of us aren't so lucky and so happen to be starving!" He glared at me and Harold.

"How is this my fault?" I said. "Just stop glaring at me Robert just stop it, if you think your life is so tough then try mine! All you guys ever do is complain about how unfair it is to be unable to shift, I however would trade your 'horribly normal' lives in a moment."

"Honey we all want what we can't have, at least at the moment." Emily added hastily as my pack glared at her. Wait when did they become my pack? "Its human nature to have that, you need to accept it, for the longest time I wanted more then anything to join Sam, to run wild and free with him to hear his thoughts in my head. To know all his secrets and to let him know all of mine. I do that as much as possible but what I wish is that I could have what the pack has the inability to edit my thoughts.

"Mom, I know we are different but some things are similar." I smiled at her. "I'm starting to wonder just how much is."

"Sweetie." She said.

"Food!" Robert said and everyone laughed, one thing was not a good idea within the pack and that was showing your emotions outside of wolf form. The fear of transforming was too great to do so.

"Lets eat." Mom said and smiled as we handed her plates and she passed them down in return. I smiled as Harold happily looked down at his food, yet another way of showing that he had joined my pack. I smiled at him and he smiled back. We ate in silence as most meals were taken, silence was common among the pack but it was comfortable. What was the need for words when you heard each other's thoughts. As everyone finished I looked around the table and decided in that moment it was time for me to become all that I could be.

"I would like to make an announcement." I said and everyone looked at me. I gulped and took Collin's hand in my own. "I know I could never truly be ready for this but I have a lifetime to get to be." I told everyone. "What I'm trying to say is that, I'm not sure what brought on the change with Harold, if it even works for everyone or not. I would however be willing to try." At this my cousins cheered. "But I don't think I could do more then two a day, it's hard to describe, but I-I feel a sort of blood lust and that frightens me. That's why I was unwilling but I know you and you'll most probably do something idiotic like Emile."

"Dam strait, idiotic is my middle name." Freddy said and everyone laughed, indeed Freddy's middle name was idiotic. "I for one don't care, I want to be a shape shifter I've wanted it for my whole life, if this changes me somehow then so be it. I'm willing to take the risks and the others will help if you try to give me too much of a hicky." I had never heard Freddy make so much since before and I smiled at him, he grinned back in response.

"I love all of you, Mom is it alright if I go to bed now?" I asked and she nodded. "Goodnight everyone." I said taking my plate to the kitchen before going into my bedroom to find Alex snoring lightly on my bed. I smiled at him before getting dressed in my nightgown, the only girly thing I agreed to wear because it was so comfortable and lying next to him. His face was smooth as only sleep could make it, he was so beautiful in that moment. I sighed and closed my eyes feeling myself drifting weightlessly on the currents of my thoughts.

AN: Tomorrow the play opens, I'll try to write some more but most probably there won't be any updates at least until Monday. They have canceled school for this thing and my entire high school (24 people) is working on it. It's a really big production. I realized that some people found some mistakes in my writing, I really try to make it as perfect as possible and run every chapter through spell-check. However I'm working with two different families who happen to have very similar names. The great Stephanie Myer is really fond of old names, have you noticed that one of the main character in Host has the same name as a werewolf? Emmett and Embry, Jasper and Jared I have trouble sometimes with typing it out and the names get mixed up. I have a really busy life and have barely enough time to do this story and think of ideas for this story, you get the picture. I don't have a Beta although I would love one, if anyone is willing to help. Also can you think of any old world/ unusual names? I need a lot of them because I have sixteen wereshapeshifters and just about as many kids. Once I have all the names I'll put them down on a list, as it is I don't want to drive myself or you insane with trying to remember forty of them. Instead I'll space it out but I hate it when people don't give the names to their characters like Stephanie Meyer in Breaking Dawn I really wanted to know what the names of the additions to the pack were. Also I'm the type of writer that has a loose story plan but just writes as they go along, I didn't really plan any of the previous story or a sequel that's why I had two of them and had to take one down because I realized that it wouldn't work. I might write a story at another time about Jace and Jake, I liked them but it wasn't working out. Just to set it strait, I love Jacob, but he needed to die so Nessie could live, if that makes any sense. I don't think I'm going to kill off Collin, Leah, Alex or Sammy although even I admit that Sammy can be a bit of well a female dog sometimes, that's just the way she is. Wow now your going to think I'm some crazy lady that hears voices in her head telling her what to write, but I don't know when I'm writing I become lost in my own world something that I find incredibly freeing. Wow I hate author's notes and I have written two huge ones within two stories. Sorry about that I try to write as few as possible as they annoy me when I'm reading. I suppose writing a blurb at the bottom is better then writing something this big, well anyway bye, Sarenel Soria.

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