A/N: Sorry for the wait! Would like to thank Chrissi for being the wonderful person/beta that she is :) Kat, my sista from another mista, for talking me through my grumpy spell, AND semi weekly demands for a new chapter lol. Would also like to thank LK and Amanda for being betas for the spring contest! AND thank each and every one of you for voting! BIG NEWS! Trickey Raven silent auction! Want Bella licking honey off of Embry's belly while Edward watches from the corner sucking his thumb crying? How about Seth falling in lust with... everyone? Have an idea you can't get out of your head? You can bid on your favorite writers, including yours truly! Me Love you long time!
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Jasper snatched his phone away from Seth. "I hope you fuck nuts know that Eddie boy will be making an appearance now. And who in the flying fuck is gonna deal with him? Me."
Peter muttered a half hearted apology. "We're sorry, Major. Just trying to have a little fun."
Jasper threw his hand in the air. "Save it. Not a damn one of you are sorry. Seth and Jake have grins on their faces like they won the fucking lottery. And your excitement level is like a seventeen year old about to pop someone's cherry at the prom. I just need a break. I'll be back in a little while."
Jasper stomped off, Leah following.
Peter grinned at Kim, Emily, and Bella. "So, y'all want ta' help good ol' Jasper relax later on tonight?"
...
Bella raised her eyebrow at Peter. "You're sure that this will work?"
Garrett scurried over beside her, nodding and bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Jasper is the reason Woodstock lasted for days. He projected to everyone, dancing his lily white ass off."
Emily cocked her head to the side. "Why can't you just take it?"
"Because, if the wolves or we take it, then we won't get the full effect. Our bodies will be over it in just a hour or two. You, Kim, and Bella will be tripping balls for an entire day."
Kim nodded, snatching a button of peyote from Peter's palm. She popped it into her mouth and began chewing. "Tastes like shit."
The other girls followed her lead.
Peter cleared his throat. "Y'all are gonna get sick as fuck in a few minutes. Then it's gonna be happy fun rainbow land for a while."
A hour and a half later, the girls finally stopped exorcist-puking.
Kim smiled up at the sky. "Have you guys ever seen something so damn blue?"
Emily glared at Collin, elbowing Bella in the side. "That one is shady, we've got to watch him."
Jenny and the men were in hysterics at Emily's hatred of Collin, the arrival of Jasper and Leah going unnoticed.
Jasper and Leah walked towards the group of hyenas. "Look y'all, I'm sorry I... What the hell is wrong with the girls?"
He shook his head back and forth slowly, eyes snapping to Peter. "Tell me it's not what I think it is."
Jasper stumbled backwards, turning to run. Jake and Peter yelled at the same time. "Catch him!"
The commotion of nearly a dozen shifters and vampires brought the remainder of the pack out of the house. Sam, Paul, and Jared looked over at the dog pile—pun intended—then at the girls, snarling.
Sam pulled Jake from the tangle of limbs, holding him by the old timey tie. "You better get to talking, Chief."
Garrett yelled, shaking Jasper by the shoulders. "Stop fighting it! Just take the feel goods, jackass!"
Bella crawled to the pile of men on her hands and knees, petting air a few feet above the ground. "Aren't they just the cutest little things, General Jasper?"
"What the hell are you… FUCK!" Jasper's body went slack as the distraction caused him to lose focus. His eyelids began to droop with the tidal wave of emotions from Kim, Bella, and Emily. The men released their hold on him, untangling limbs, and backing away.
Emily's scream caused them all to jump. She climbed into Peter's arms, pointing at Collin. "I told you something was wrong with him! Don't let the spiders get me! Be gone Sa-TAN!"
They laughed at her antics until, one by one, hallucinations gripped them all ... almost.
...
Quil and Garrett surveyed the group of asshats.
"I can't fucking believe it—sober as a preacher, and we get stuck babysitting these fucktards."
"No shit! Sam, put your clothes back on right the fuck now! DON'T RUN! God dammit. Quil, break Seth and Leah up before they fight, again. I'll chase him and try to find Embry."
Quil nodded as Garrett ran after the nude alpha. Ten minutes later, Embry showed up wearing a full head dress and a smile.
"Me big chief. Paleface Bella, come suck on my tom-tom."
Quil muttered under his breath something about 'equality', 'centuries', and 'dumbasses'.
"You'll have to catch me first, Big Chief!" Bella attempted to run, Embry following close behind.
Leah grabbed the cowboy hat that had mysteriously materialized on Jasper's head. "Around these here parts, I'm the Marshall. And I'm sick and damn tired of y'all fuckers floating around acting like you own the place. Quil, you and Garrett ain't the owners of telling me what to do! If I want to be be purple, there's not a damn thing you can do about it!"
"Jesus Christ, then be purple, Leah! Just be purple here!"
Paul was lifting his feet up and down. He grabbed Jake's arm looking at Quil, fear covering his face. He whispered, "Quil, I think I'm melting!"
Jake copied his movements. "Me, too! Make it stop, Quil!"
Jared was rolling with laughter, moving his body in a worm like motion. "It's not you, dumbass! The ground is moving!"
Quil looked over to find Seth and Jenny examining the color of body parts. Seth claimed he needed a closer examination before ripping off both of their clothing.
Peter, Emily, Leah, and Jasper laid shoulder to shoulder, telling Quil they needed to have an in-depth study of their 'squishiness'.
Quil rubbed his hands over his face, silently praying Garrett would show up soon. His prayers were answered as the four figures in the horizon closed the distance between them. He watched as a naked Sam stumbled across the ground carrying Charlotte, posed with her hand across her head and a leg stuck out like a cover of harlequin romance. Four... He quickly counted the group, noticing no one was missing. Snapping his head back he could see Garrett trying to steady the newcomer. Copper hair. "You have GOT to be fucking kidding me!"
...
Garrett and Quil stood in the middle of the piles of people, pots and wooden spoons in hand. They started pounding them together.
"GOOD MORNING, FUCK NUTS!"
"RISE AND SHINE!"
Bella snuggled in closer to the fur rug. "Turn the lights off!"
"Can't shut off the sun, sugar britches!"
Her open eyes revealed the fur rug was Seth. Bella, along with Paul, Jenny, Embry, and Jake were using him as a pillow as they spooned naked as the day they were born.
"What the fuck happened?"
"Let's just say we had no idea you six were that flexible."
She looked over to see Kim, Jared, Jasper and Leah in a similar cuddled position. Sam, with Charlotte on his lap, and Peter, with Emily on his, a few feet away.
"Where are Brady and Collin?"
Garrett chuckled. " Oh, that's our next surprise. Gotta walk a little to show ya."
The naked troop followed a few hundred feet away to find Collin, Brady and … Edward? All three asleep in a pile under a short cliff.
"After Emily ordered the exile of Lucifer, and Paul melted to the ground, unable to defend his 'white sugar', Peter Pan convinced the pups they could fly because of the fairy dust in the air. Thank fuck the three stooges heal quickly."
The group shook their heads in disbelief simultaneously. Embry grabbed his head and stumbled into a cactus, cursing his headache.
Paul saw the thorns sticking from Embry's side. "Damn man! Stay still!"
Paul was plucking the small slivers from Embry's skin as the group watched. Jasper's face lit up. He cleared his throat looking at the pair of his friends. "Paul, Embry, y'all ever heard of the phrase 'gay for pay'?"