Mikey grew worse and worse every day. Whereas once he was able to at least swallow, now he was incapable of doing anything. It made the doctor nervous. Normally she'd be asking the patient to stand up and walk around, even if only a small bit, but if Mikey could barely open his eyes, what hope was there of him standing up?

Finally, one day, things broke apart. She couldn't get him to wake up. His heart was still beating, but his brain activity was almost null.

She worked tirelessly, trying to find the right combination of drugs to make him better, but nothing was working.

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Every day, his brothers came in.

Leo was brave, and told his brother the things he felt were most important-which moves they were learning, how to perform them, and how much he missed him. With a glimmer of tears in his eyes, he would leave, always telling Astrid how much he appreciated her work in saving his brother.

Donnie would come in, tell Mikey all the latest gossip, and talk about how much he missed him. He would tell Mikey the latest inventions he had made. Once, he told him all about a flying skateboard he had made for him, if he would just wake up. Then he would, again, tell the doctor how much her work was appreciated.

It drove her crazy. She didn't become a doctor to be thanked. She became a doctor to save lives-which she was failing at the moment. It gave her the strangest sense of deja vu. Not being able to save someone. Instead she poured herself into research. The brothers watched over their little brother when she was asleep.

Raph was the most unexpected. She had moved away to give him some privacy, as she did with all the brothers, and had started to work, when she heard a mumbled,

"I miss you, little brother. I miss you laughing, I miss you making fun of Leo, and I even miss your stupid pranks." He sighed.

"Leo's gone crazy. He's just training nonstop-like he could take down the world by training, or something, I don't know. Without you here to stop him, he's not taking any breaks. Donnie is pretty much the same, with his research. He's trying to help that doctor lady-you'd like her, she's sassy-to find out what the heck is wrong with you. I don't remember the last time he slept for more than two hours. You aren't here to bug him, so there's no one to stop him." Tears glimmered in his eyes now, close to falling.

"Master Splinter is taking it real tough. He's meditating all the time. He doesn't talk to us anymore-not because he's mad or something, just because...well, I guess his heart must be breaking. Must be pretty awful, seeing your son on death's doorstep." He mused.

"You're the youngest. This shouldn'ta happened to you, Mike. Why did you take the hit for me? Why?" He demanded, grabbing Mikey's hand.

Raph's shoulders slumped. "I know why. I knew why you did it the second you did. It was those nightmares you used to have, isn't it? Those ones where you were all alone and we were all dead? You figured you'd rather die than be in a world without your family. I get that. I do. But did-do you know how much this has screwed us up, Mikey? I was supposed to protect you. I promised myself I would never let you get hurt, but I guess I broke that promise. You're kind of like the glue that held us together-as messed up as we all are-and now that you're gone, we're drifting apart. We're the only ones of our kind, and we're destroying ourselves. If you were here you'd know what to do. Even when you were at your stupidest, you knew how to make us feel better." A tear fell down his face, followed by several more. He sniffed.

"I don't remember the last time I heard anyone laugh."

Raph stood up and, placing his brother's hand carefully back on the bed. Seeing Mikey shiver, he pulled a thick blanket over him, avoiding the various tubes that stuck out of his little brother's still body.

"Goodbye, Mike."

Walking out, he headed for the tunnel to the outside world. He needed out.

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When he got outside, there was some kind of party going on at the corner of Seventy-Fifth and Main. He didn't understand it. How could someone be celebrating at a time like this? Mikey was dying, and he couldn't even say a proper goodbye.

Raph sat on that roof for a long time.

After about an hour or so-he didn't really know or care to know-Casey came up to him. He sat down.

They sat there for forty-five minutes or so, Casey-for once-being quiet, just letting him think.

"It's weird, you know." Raph finally broke the silence, looking straight out on the city.

"What is?" Casey asked, eyes looking in the same direction.

"I always thought Mikey would be the last of us to die." Raph's face didn't change, but Casey could have sworn his eyes were glistening.

Casey nodded. "Yeah, no one could have seen that coming."

Raph stood up. "I should have, Case. He's my baby brother. It was my job, and I failed at it."

Casey got up, laying a hand on his best friend's shoulder. "No, Raph. It wasn't your fault. Mikey knew what he was doing. You know that little guy. He'd do anything to make sure you guys are ok."

Raph shuddered. "What if he doesn't wake up, Case? What then? What are we going to do?"

Casey replied, "I don't know, man. I just don't know."

They stared out at the city skyline.

It had been days. Mikey now had a feeding tube jammed down his throat. Made his brothers nearly tear up everytime they saw the rough plastic. He was losing weight, though. They just couldn't get enough nutrients into him.

Master Splinter had taken to sleeping in the infirmary at night. He claimed it was to help him rest better, but they all knew better.

Mikey was dying.

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A week after the accident, Splinter was in his room. He couldn't focus. Every time he closed his eyes, an image of his youngest son, pale and barely breathing, drifted into his mind and stayed put. He sighed.

"It's not your fault, you know."

He looked up. In the doorway was Astrid.

Splinter looked away. "Is it so obvious?" He asked wearily.

"Yeah. Pretty much." She told him, dark blue, almost violet eyes watching his every move.

His head drooped. "I thought that I was doing a better job of hiding it from my sons. I have failed them yet again." Red-brown eyes closed.

He was startled by the sound of someone sitting next to him.

When he opened his eyes, Astrid was looking at a picture of his wife.

"This was your wife?" She asked gently.

"Yes."

"She's beautiful." Astrid murmured softly.

"Yes. She was." He looked over her shoulder at the picture. It showed himself, human and young again, with his wife, young and beautiful, and alive. So many years ago...

She put the picture back, almost reverently.

"I wanted to tell you something, Splinter." Blonde hair shone bronze in the low light of the candles.

"What is it?" He asked quietly, not wanting to break the peacefulness.

"Mikey. He-his brain activity is increasing. It isn't anywhere back to normal, but the scans I've done are showing up really weird." Eyes darting from one part of the small room to the next.

"How so?" He asked, heart beating a little faster.

"I think-I think he's having nightmares." She muttered, and suddenly stood up.

"I-I've got to go." She almost whispered.

"What is wrong?" Splinter asked, worried now.

Her face was flushed, and she was breathing fast. When he took her arm, he felt her pulse racing rapidly.

"Astrid-you're-"

"I know!" She snapped, eyes casting about wildly.

"I-I just don't like the underground, that's all." She told seemingly no one.

Concerned, Splinter took her elbow and led her out of the room. She was nearly hyperventilating.

"Shh. Breathe." He told her.

"I-I'm trying!" Astrid gasped out, heart racing dangerously.

Splinter had had enough. Scooping her up in his arms, he ran out of the lair, taking her to the surface in an abandoned alleyway.

Her heart slowed down a little once she realized she was outside and could feel the fresh air.

"Th-Thanks." She gasped out, collapsing on the dirt ground in the alley.

"It is no problem." Splinter replied, but he was watching her closely.

When she calmed down enough, he suggested she go to her home for the night.

She shook her head wildly.

"No-Mikey needs me, and I have to take care of him, and, and-" Her breathing was speeding up again.

He pulled her into another one of his rare hugs.

She sobbed into his soft robes.

"What is wrong, Astrid?" He asked her gently.

"I-I just really don't like being underground. It brings back some bad memories." She talked into his chest, the sound muffled.

"The accident." He realized.

"Y-Yeah." All he could see of her head was blonde hair. She was clutching onto him tightly, shivering in the thin, patterned shirt she was wearing.

He began to figure some things out.

"I remember now-there was an accident a year ago. There was a mission to save a few sanitary workers who had gotten lost in the maze of the sewers. There were two doctors on that team." He recalled, pieces falling into place.

She rested the side of her face against his chest.

"They were a married team." She added softly.

"One of the workers had gotten so lost that they looked for him for days." He continued, voice raising slightly.

"Then there was that earthquake. I remember. The city shook and shook. The boys were afraid. It was just after we had met April." He hugged her more tightly to his chest, as if to protect her from the truth she obviously knew so well.

"We were treating the man-somehow we had found him right before the lights went out." Astrid whispered.

Splinter stopped talking and let her continue. She crawled out of his embrace, and sat down, hugging her knees tightly to her chest.

"It was so cold, and so dark. The man-he had a spinal injury. He would be eventually die from them. When the first rattler hit, I was trying to move the man onto a stretcher. I heard the concrete stretching. When the second one hit, I tried to find Wally's hand." She choked up, then continued, voice wavering.

"The lights came back on. We had just moved the man onto the stretcher and given him a sedative. We were about to leave. I remembered that I had left my flashlight at the sight. I was going to go back for it, but Wally smiled at me, and told me he'd get it. He-He joked about being the servant in the relationship. I laughed, and he was halfway back when the third one hit." Astrid swallowed a harsh sob, "I felt, more than saw, the rocks fall. He was standing right in front of me. I reached out for him, and he reached out for me. The boulders came down and crushed him. The last thing I saw of my husband was his blood seeping from between the rocks. My white coat was covered in blood." Tears were streaming down her face now.

"It was all over my face, all over my hands. It got in my hair, and it dried underneath my nails. I screamed. I couldn't stop screaming. At some point, the man on the stretcher groaned. The sedative had worn off-it must have been at least an hour" She mused.

"I got back to my senses. The stretcher had been destroyed by the last earthquake. So I took the man, and I-I put him on my back and I carried him back. Halfway there, I realized that he was stiff. Too stiff. I put him down, wanting to take a look at him before the last of my sanity fled. Then I saw it." Astrid bit on her fist.

"Saw what?" Splinter prompted gently.

"His glasses." She said, sobbing.

"Whose glasses?" Splinter asked her, coming to sit by her on the cold dark ground.

"Wally's. They were the dorkiest, most adorable things ever. He always wore them. He couldn't see a foot past his face without them. They had-when the boulders crushed him, they must have flew off of his face. They went directly into the sanitary worker's head. When I heard him groan, he must have been crying out for help." She gasped out, flailing. "When I put him on my back, I must have driven them directly into his brain."

She screamed.

"I killed him!"

Astrid broke down.

"Wh-When they finally found me, they saw the man. I guess I was in shock. They couldn't get me to respond. I was curled up in a ball on the floor, covered in blood. Scared them half to death." She chuckled humorlessly. "I found out his name later on. Rob Fletchings. He was married, did you know that? Seven kids, all depending on him to get enough to eat." She whispered, "Because of me, their father is dead."

She startled when Splinter picked her up and rocked her gently.

"It was not your fault. You must remember this." He whispered into her ear.

"Yes. It was." She said with absolute conviction.

"If I hadn't asked Wally to go back, both he and the worker-Rob-would have lived." Tears streamed down her face. "Turns out, I knew his wife. She had been my best friend in high school. We were really close. She blamed me for his death. Heather never got over it. A couple months back, she committed suicide. Took all of her kids out with her, too. I was on shift that day when they rolled the bodies in. I nearly fainted right then and there. All of those lives, ruined because of me." She whispered.

Splinter closed his eyes and nuzzled into her head. "You could not have known what was going to happen."

"It was my fault."

Those four words seemed to hang in the air around them. Even the cold night's breeze couldn't sweep them away.

Above them, ten stars twinkled more brightly than the others in the sky.

Okay, so a really intense chapter. This gives us more of an understanding of Astrid and why she's so messed up about her husband. As always, please review.

~EmberAmberFirdaus~