Within fifteen minutes someone is knocking on her door. She is still in her uniform despite the fact that it is nearly ten o'clock at night. She looks through the peephole, and unlocks the door. Harriet enters the apartment. Sarah hangs her coat up on the coat rack. They situate themselves on the couch.
"I am sorry that I called so late," she apologizes.
"It's okay. Everyone is asleep at my house."
"I didn't wake you, did I?"
"No. Absolutely not. I like to stay up a little later so I can get things done around the house."
"I just didn't know who else to call," she admits.
"How did your appointment go today?"
Sarah flips open the file folder. She pulls out a photo, and hands it to her. Harriet studies the picture, and then shifts her glance. She scrutinizes the look on Sarah's face.
"How are you feeling about all of this?"
"Mostly, I feel puke-y."
Harriet grins, "I noticed."
"I feel like I can't think clearly. I honestly thought I was going to puke on Harm's shoes this morning."
"His aftershave is pretty strong, isn't it?"
"Yeah."
"Have you told him?"
"No."
"Are you going to?"
She shrugs, "I don't know."
"Have you made a decision, yet?"
"This is not the time," Mac answers.
"I understand."
"It is the worst possible timing, under nearly impossible circumstances. I don't know how I would make it work. I don't have the first clue how to be a parent. Every time I think about the word, mother, I start to feel queasy."
"You feel queasy all the time."
"Queasier. I feel sick all of the time. Today Harm confronted me, and I started crying. I feel like I am on an emotional rollercoaster that I just want to get off of. My entire life would have to change. I would have to move. I would probably have to give up my post at JAG, and leave the marine's. I don't know if I am ready for that much change in such a short period of time. I hate change. I hate the idea of doing all of this on my own. Some days it seems as if it would be easier to just leave town, and start all over. I wish that I could take all of this back. I wish I could go back and change it."
"Mac there is something I've been wondering."
"What's that?"
"At first I thought the reason you were conflicted was because you simply weren't ready for a baby, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that might not be the only reason."
"There are a million reasons."
"One of them could be that the father is halfway around the world. If the father was halfway around the world you would never have to tell him, if you didn't want to. You don't have to see him again. If you truly wanted to do all of this on your own, you could. He probably wouldn't find out. On the other hand it seems as if your anxiety level increases when you're at work. Which makes me wonder, if the source of your anxiety is the thought of trying to hide a pregnancy from the father, whom you have to work with every single day. I guess none of that really matters if you aren't going to have the baby."
"You never asked a question," Mac points out.
"Is the father halfway around the world?"
"I think that possibility is pretty slim," Mac admits.
"Not that any of it matters. Did you make an appointment? Do you want me to go with you? I can take you if you want. I'll take the day off work, and…"
Sarah cuts her off, "That's not necessary."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"You shouldn't go alone," Harriet warns her.
"I haven't made an appointment."
"You know morning sickness can last the entire first trimester, and…"
"That's what I read," she admits.
"Where?"
"Some completely ridiculous book called, What To Expect When You're Expecting."
"That booked seemed did more to cause me paranoia than it did to educate me."
"I haven't read that much of it."
"You should schedule the appointment soon. It's almost Thanksgiving, and offices tend to close for the holidays."
"I'm not going to make an appointment."
Harriet furrows her brow, "You're not? I thought that you said you hadn't made one yet. Do you want me to make one for you?"
"No."
"I don't understand."
She swallows hard, and tries to keep her tears at bay, "Neither do I."
"Mac?"
"I'm going to have the baby."
"You are?"
"Yes," she nods.
Harriet's face lights up. She leans forward, and hugs Mac. She lets go, and tries to gauge Mac's facial expression.
"It's a scary thought, isn't it? The idea of carrying a child for nine months, knowing that will be the easiest part of the journey. Then you spend the next eighteen or more years raising a child in a world that seems pretty bleak sometimes. You know sometimes I feel like my heart lives outside of my body."
"What if I can't do it? I don't have any clue what I'm doing. What if I'm not a good parent? What if I totally screw this child up?"
"You'll screw up. You will make mistakes, and your child will be just fine. There is no such thing as a perfect parent, no matter how much any of us try to be. Sometimes you say the wrong thing, or do the wrong thing. The best part about kids is that they are resilient."
"I'm still not ready to tell anyone else."
"That's okay."
"I don't think that I have ever been more scared in my life."
"That's okay," Harriet reassures her.