Caroline Forbes was not an oblivious person. Sure she didn't realize that her father was gay, or that her friends were planning a surprise party for her, or that Tyler was cheating on her, or that Jack died in the end, but still she was not oblivious.
At least that was what she told herself after Stefan kissed her because there is no way that her best friend liked her. She totally would've noticed something that big and obvious.
But as she laid in her bed, a week after the kiss, doubts ran through her mind. She remembered back when she was fourteen and she started to compare Tyler to Stefan. Back then she thought that it was crazy, but at sixteen it became a full blown crush, which she of course got rid of, as Stefan was way out of her league.
Besides she had Matt, or Tyler, or Klaus, or Jesse and as her relationships failed one after another, she watched Stefan fall for Elena. That is until they ended, but she still held him as he cried and tried to not think that she would never hurt him.
Instead she dived head first into failing relationships and got used to her heart breaking and Stefan slowly putting it back together. But as everyone broke her heart she never allowed her feelings for Stefan to grow. He was in the strict "can't date category," and that was where he stayed.
Until he kissed her and turned her world upside down.
She almost hated him for it because he had torn apart her world and filled it with questions, doubts and 'what ifs'. As she began to wonder if her fantasy could come true and all the years of denying her feelings were wasted.
Perhaps he really had fallen for her. Maybe he also got the butterflies and the racing heart when she passed by. Could it be that she was finally the one?
A humourless laugh echoed around her room, because there was no way that, that dream could come true and she would not be that naive. If anything did happen it would obviously just be a sick joke that she wouldn't kid herself into believing.
So it was settled, she would ignore these feelings and the hope that flooded her body. After all, he was her best friend, so she would do what she always does and find some hot guy to make her forget about the green forest eyes of her best friend.
That thought became her mantra, as she sat with her friends in The Grille, while peeling her eyes for a distraction. Everyone was talking, but the conversation became background noise, as she finally spotted her prey.
A young, brunette British man was practically stripping her with his eyes. It should have made her feel violated, but she was too hurt to care. She could feel the eyes that she was trying to ban from her head, gaze at her from across the table and found herself wondering what was going through his mind. But she quickly forced herself to stop thinking about him.
After all, he probably wasn't thinking about her.
So she put on her flirty smile and even sent a wink towards the guy across the bar and it didn't take long before Bonnie noticed. Which caused the table to start messing around and a small argument with Damon, everyone was involved, except for Stefan.
He just looked like her wanted to kill something.
"Stefan are you okay?" she asked, genuinely concerned.
"Yea I'm fine," he replied with a tightlipped smile.
"You sure?" she prompted, not convinced, but he just nodded. "Okay, then what do you think about Enzo?"
"Don't you think it's a little soon to hop into bed with another British prick?" he spat at her.
Okay that hurt.
The tears were in her eyes before she could stop them and she hardly noticed Stefan get up, followed by Elena. Was that what he thought of her?
"Caroline I'm sure that he didn't mean it," Bonne began, but she wasn't accepting that.
Before anyone could say anything else, Caroline got up and followed the pair out into the night. It didn't take long to find them, as Stefan's voice echoed around the street.
She approached behind him, ready to give him a piece of her mind, until she heard what he was saying.
"Why the hell does that matter?" Elena screamed.
"Because I do!" Stefan replied, just as loud. "I understand why he's interested in her, everyone is. I understand how he's enchanted by her golden halo and bright blue eyes, but he still doesn't know her."
Caroline furrowed her eyebrows at this, is that what Stefan saw when he looked at her?
"He doesn't know that when she feels bad she will apologize and rant about it constantly. He doesn't know that when you buy her something, she won't pay you back, but she will surprise you with something later. He doesn't know that she'll never say that she's cold, but if you give her a coat she will always be grateful. He doesn't know that you can cheer her up with ice cream and a romantic movie, but you never get her mint chocolate chip or make her watch The Fault In Our Stars."
How did he know all that stuff? How much attention did he pay towards her?
"Stefan-" Elena started, her eyes bulging, as they landed on Caroline's shell shocked ones.
"And the one thing that he'll never know is that she just wants to be loved. Caroline Forbes will repeatedly fall for the bad guy and always end up getting hurt. She just needs someone to choose her and show her off because she deserves that! She deserves someone that holds her hand in public because they know that she's too good for them."
"So what exactly are you saying?" Elena asked, still looking at Caroline.
"I'm saying what everyone already knew. I am in love with Caroline Forbes and I couldn't be more in love with her if I tried."
Caroline couldn't help the small gasp that left her lips, alerting Stefan of her presence. He whirled around and stared at her, as she tried to understand what she just witnessed.
"So you did kiss me a week ago," she whispered, making Stefan look even more panicked.
"Carol-" Stefan started, taking a step towards her.
But before he got any closer, she held her hand up and cut him off. "I think you've said more than enough."
Stefan nodded and looked shyly at the floor, making Caroline want to run into his arms and she almost did. Wouldn't that be so easy? Two best friends who both fell in love with the other, running into each other's arms after an accidental confession.
She would watch that movie.
She would love that movie.
Hell, she was about to live that movie, until a memory flashed before her eyes. A long forgotten moment from her childhood, when she was no older than nine and lounging in Stefan's treehouse.
"I still think that it should go over there," she muttered, pointing to a place where her drawing would better fit along the wall.
"And I told you that it's my treehouse and that's the drawing wall," Stefan replied, through gritted teeth. "Why do you need to control everything?"
She shrugged, before plopping into a beanbag, trying to stop her tears. "I just always want everything to be perfect."
Without another word a young Stefan moved the unicorn drawing to the wall that Caroline liked, while stating "I suppose that it is our treehouse now."
Caroline smiled at the thought of Stefan always sticking up for her and putting up with her control-freakiness. Even at a young age he had accepted her and the fact that he could feel for her, even a fraction of what she felt for him made her want to cry.
So she took a step forward, opened her mouth and right before she spoke, another memory appeared in her mind. This one from when she was fourteen and not nearly as happy.
"Caroline do you really need to know where I am every second of every day?!" Tyler practically yelled, shoving past kids in the hallway, with her trailing behind.
"No Tyler it's not that, but you keep blowing me off for that Vicky girl and I keep hearing things," she practically muttered the last part.
Tyler stopped violently and moved, so that she was backed against the wall.
"Hearing what Caroline?!" he screamed, drawing the attention of people passing by. "Look you should be grateful that I'm even going out with a girl like you."
"And what's that supposed to mean?" she asked, finding her voice.
"A control-freak, obsessive, bitchy, little twit," Tyler immediately responded. "And what you've heard is true, if you're hearing that I'm cheating on you with Vicky because I am, a lot."
Caroline had spat in his face before storming off. It had been four months of her life wasted on being with him, as he constantly complained.
The memory made her stop and close her mouth slightly. Tyler had cheated on her because she was too controlling and possessive, two things that Stefan claimed to like.
What if he eventually found it too much?
No that was stupid. This was Stefan! The Stefan who held her, as she cried over Tyler and told her that it was amazing that she got so passionate about stuff.
Which was the reason that Jesse broke up with her, since she was protesting the fact that the fish in the river under Wickery Bridge were being fished. Back then, as she was making posters, he had complained that she spent no time with him.
Stefan had been in the other room, designing the pamphlet and called him an idiot, after he left.
That was why she liked him because he had never cared that she was passionate about everything, in fact he joined in! Even when he was with Elena, he still joined her rally for "Free The Children."
That was the time when she was with Matt, who dumped her after just over a month and a half of romance, claiming that he wasn't over Elena. Sure Stefan had dated Elena, but that was forever ago.
He hasn't dated anyone since though, he evil voice argued.
Well that didn't matter because Stefan Salvatore was her best friend, her constant and the one thing that she could count on. If he really did love her, like he just said, quite passionately, then there shouldn't even be an issue.
Unless you break up, the little voice in her head pointed out.
That was true, what if they did break up? It's not like she had her mom to help her, as she was always working and no one knew her like Stefan.
Was it worth it?
Yes!
No!
Maybe!
"Look Stefan," she finally spoke, walking up to him. "You're my best friend and you always have been. The truth is that you have no idea how much you mean to me and how much I need you," he was smiling at this and her grin matched his.
"But, that's just it, we are best friends and that's all that we will ever be," she started.
Stefan looked distraught, but it was nothing compared to what her insides were doing. Her head was screaming, as she lied through her teeth and broke her best friends heart, as Elena watched with a shocked look on her face.
"I need you Stefan, just not like that."
You liar!
"You're one of the greatest things that's ever happened to me and I can't risk losing that."
Shut up!
"And I understand that this must be heard to hear."
Yes because it's torture to say!
"So I'll go, but just know that I love you."
Yes you do!
And with a final pat on his cheek, Caroline turned around and walked to her car, before driving home. She stopped herself from looking back the whole way and not one tear fell.
Until she opened her front door and they came out in a title wave.
Her choked sobs echoed around the house and she wondered if she had finally managed to break her own heart. It certainly felt like it and perhaps that was what made the pain so much worse.
It's better this way, became her mantra, but it didn't stop her from falling apart for the millionth time. The only problem was that this time she had no one to put her back together.