Chapter Two: Change

I was living a hollow existence during my following weeks at Forks. I neither spoke unless spoken to and everyone, even the ever-enthusiastic Jessica Stanley, kept their distance. I was only reminded of necessary human activities when I'd practically faint during gym from never eating or when Charlie would practically force me into the shower when he saw how skanky my hair was. The truth was I didn't need any of those things. I was barely human anyway. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I calmed myself down after that whole Mike incident, and I felt fine, but since then I couldn't focus on the world around me.

Sleep and rest were my only safe havens. Only in sleep was I able to escape reality and have a few sweet hours of true peace. Soon enough my dreams manifested into nightmares causing me to jolt awake in the middle of the night shaken by the memories. Those were the only times I cried, but the tears didn't seem to stem from any emotional catharsis, but as if my own tear ducts willed them out. I wanted the nightmares to end so badly. I checked out books from the local library about dreams, searched online for home remedies, and even hung a dream catcher beside my bed. One night, I got a little more crazy then usual from not having slept in three days, and picked up the phone.

I started dialing. It was like someone else possessed me to dial those numbers. I was surprised how fluidly I relayed them onto the keypad. Those seven numbers I dialed almost every night back in Phoenix. I'd never forget them as long as I lived. …eight, three, five, one. It was ringing; someone would pick it up soon. It was only 7:30 PM Arizona time.

"Hello?"

His voice. Still harsh and cold exactly how I remembered.

My mind went blank – I couldn't speak.

"Hello?"

Again, but this time with an unmistakable tone of annoyance.

He started to laugh after a few seconds

"...Bella"

There was no hint of inquiry when he said my name. He knew it was me. My immediate reaction was to hang up as quickly as I could, but it was already too late. He found me out from the area code I was calling from. I was silent.

"Cat got your tongue?"

I dropped the phone once I heard a knock on the door. It was Charlie. I quickly hung it back onto the receiver.

"Bella, honey? Dinner's ready…" Charlie said almost pleadingly. Usually I turned down his dinner requests, but tonight I decided to accept it. My first act of crazy certainly couldn't top another.

"I'll be there, Dad" I called at the closed door. My voice out loud felt strange. I hadn't heard it out in the open for the longest time, mixing with the air of other people's voices. It was liberating.

Charlie was sitting at our rounded, cedar table when I entered. The smell of a microwaved pasta dinner wafted through the kitchen and gently entered my nostrils. I could tell that Charlie had overheated the dish, but my stomach still rumbled in anticipation. I should have tidied up a bit before I came down for dinner. I was wearing a raggedy grey long-sleeved shirt and a pair of beaten up red plaid shorts. Did I go to school in these? I wondered to myself quickly as I saw my reflection through the microwave's door. My auburn hair was a tangled mess, and my bloodshot eyes and pale skin gave me the appearance of a banshee rather than that of a seventeen year old girl.

I sat across from Charlie managing a slight smile before I took a bite into the pasta. I began to eat my first real meal. My first bite of reality in the longest time. I thought of other matters besides my current state of self destruction. I slowly started to remember my life before Forks, and before the world turned on me. I remembered what I used to do: draw, paint, read, go to the mall with girl friends. And then I remembered something a little less far away. I hadn't seen Edward Cullen, the mysterious beauty, since that day in the parking lot. He never reappeared at school in what has seemed like weeks. I didn't want to admit it, but I was so taken by him. Not just by his spectacular beauty, but by the intensity he exuded. I didn't realize how much time had passed until I reached my last bite. I looked up at Charlie. I was surprised to see how his eyes looked about ready to burst into tears.

He smiled at me the most unconvincing smile he could ever manage, and swiftly stood up from the table turning into the living room. I heard him pick up the phone and dial. I was still in the kitchen when I faintly heard Renee's voice on the other end.

"She's gotta go back, its not cutting it for her here"

"Of course I'm trying my best! What do you think I'm doing here!?"
"She's practically a corpse, Renee. She hardly eats or showers, and she barely sleeps"

"What's wrong with our kid? Something must have happened to her when you had her"

And that was when my father broke into tears. Between "our kid" and "must have happened" Charlie, the chief of police in Forks, Washington stumbled on his own words. It hit me. I wasn't just killing myself, but I was killing everyone and everything else around me. What had I turned into in the last couple of weeks? A complete monster? I let it overtake me like it did in Phoenix. I was reliving everything I tried to bury deep within me and forget. I couldn't let my parents, the people who loved me, suffer any longer.

When Charlie got off the phone, he breathed a heavy sigh. Renee had convinced him to let the storm (me) pass and things will get "easier" I got up from my seat in the kitchen and with heavy steps plodded into the living room.

I learned quickly that sometimes pretending things were great helped make living just a bit easier. That night I convinced Charlie that I was just homesick, and that he shouldn't worry. I promised him I was feeling much better, and that things would be normal soon. Although I'm a liar, I'm a good one. I felt terrible having to deceive my parents anymore than I already have been, but I made a conscious decision to actually try and make things better for everyone. After my talk with Charlie I ran (actually exerted energy) to my bathroom and took the longest bath I had ever taken. It was only until my fingers and toes turned into prunes that I decided I was cleansed enough.

Afterwards, I combed the rat nest on my head, and then I stared at my naked body in the mirror. Charlie was right. I was a corpse. My ribs and shoulder bones jutted out through my thin, elastic skin. A dark brown and lavender coloring matted the areas beneath my eyes. My arms and legs were feeble twigs. I promised my body I'd eat more.

For school on Monday I wore the new clothes I bought at the mall: dark-washed, straight-legged jeans that accentuated my long, thin legs and a black v-neck sweater. I had my hair half up and tried my best with the mascara I purchased that same day. I managed to get a couple of surprised glances at my rejuvenated appearance. Even Mike Newton turned back on his seat to talk to me. Jessica Stanley complimented my sweater and asked me where it was from. My high hopes were shot down when I saw the vacant seat in the back of the room.

The day continued as usual. I noticed how many second glances I received especially from the male demographic of Forks High. Attention was never top priority, but it felt nice to be noticed again. I walked into Advanced Art with with a genuine excitement. I walked towards my usual spot near the windows, and when I looked up I was startled by those eyes.

Today they were a sweet shade of gold. As if sensing my presence his eyes automatically lifted as I entered the room, and for the first time he smiled at me. The radiant smile caught me off guard and I stumbled on the leg of a stool. He snickered at my complete lack of finesse. I could feel my face turn red, but I laughed.

He got up then with the speed of light, realizing he was at my usual space, and pulled out the chair across from him welcoming me to it. He towered over me as I approached. His broad shoulders made me feel safe like nothing could ever touch me when he was there.

"Hello, Bella," he said my name and I swear it never sounded so good as when it was between his lips.