Hello everyone,

so, this is a long one. Your reviews kept me motivated, so please please review. Let me know what you think good or bad, if something got you, if there was something missing or the other way 'round. Please give me some feedback. I need it.

This story is all made out in my head but I have a real hard time to actually write it. So please review.

Yana

The Lead

- Chapter Three -

After a blissfully peaceful summer, Pacey and Dawson laid anchor in Capeside. After many hours of studying and endless talks, Dawson had decided to drop out of med and instead found the courage to turn towards film school, convined his father had wanted him to explore his creative self. He sent his projects to a film school in Boston and they'd excepted him.

'So, this is it. The end of the summer.' Pacey smiled a little sad at Dawson as they left the boat and stood on the dock.

'Yeah, I guess it is.' Pacey ran his hand almost endearingly across the wood of his boat and his eyes wonderes lovingly over the whole of it. 'I could probably spent my whole life sailing. It's just the most peaceful place in the world. And… I don't know. It all seems so carefree out there.'

Dawson patted him on the shoulder with an empathetic smile.

'Well, the bright side might be, you get to see her again.' Pacey looked down and Dawson chuckled at the slightest hint of red staining his friends cheeks. They had forgone saying her name out loud, but she had lingered over them like a cloud. And no matter what they had been up to, Pacey would always seem a little sad, a little distracted. Even flirting hasn't gone like it used to.

'It wouldn't be so hard if she wasn't there, D. This is pure torture. I don't know. I just…. I crave to be near her. But she just doesn't see me like this. It's like I would do almost everything that she had to notice me in that particular way and she just has near to no interest in me. I'm so much younger, I'm a student for fucks sake and she….?' he turned and looked longingly back to the open water and the wide horizon. 'God.'

'Well Pacey. I guess you'll just have to figure something out. You'd never been one to let a good opportunity slip through your fingers.' Dawson grinned, remembering countless conversations going like this one over the course of the summer. Pacey had not taken advantage of even one opportunity with a girl this whole trip. But had instead claimed, that it wouldn't work help anyway. It seemed all of him was bound to that particular brunette. Pacey sighed deeply and shrugged.

'I wish you're right, D. I wish you would come back to Harvard with me. I know it hadn't been easy for you there and all that. I know, I have been the worst friend ever. I just… I wished it had worked out different.'

'Yeah, me too, Pace. But as thing are. I will be in Boston, which is not that far away from where you are. And there will still be a spare bed in your dorm room.' Dawson winked and Pacey nodded.

'See you, I guess. Thanks for a wonderful summer, Dawson.' He hugged his friend in a brotherly embrace and Dawson patted his back.

'Thanks to you too. See you Pace.'

'Yeah, see you Dawson.'

The two of them each headed in different directions.

Later in the evening as his parents had gone to bed, Pacey sat on the stairs outside sipping on his cold beer and staring out onto the creek. The fact, that he had to go back to college in a few days lightened his mood on the one side. He looked forward to seeing Jen again. And he just enjoyed studying so much, he missed attending classes and his head bursting with information, the smell of the library and the taste of college coffee. But the thing was, he had to face her again and he wasn't sure how it would work out. All he knew was, that she had been there the whole summer long. In his head and in his heart. And the fact alone had caused him to reject every opportunity. No woman worked for him, because every time he closed his eyes it was she he saw. Always and always - Joey.

He buried his head in his hand and sighed deeply as he suddenly felt a heavy hand on his shoulder. 'Evening Pace.' Pacey smiled at the sound of his brothers voice. And it was that very moment he realized, he'd been sitting here waiting for him. 'Had a good summer?'

'Always a good summer on my girl.' Pacey said halfheartedly and his brother chuckled.

'Yeah, I guess it must be.'

Doug slumped down beside him, a beer of his own in his hand he just sat there in complete silence for a long time.

'I'll move to Somerville by next month. I got accepted as police officer there and it will give me the chance to be…' He smirked. 'You know, be near you.'

Pacey chuckled. 'You mean Jack…'

Doug smiled openly. Maybe the first real happy smile Pacey had seen on his brothers face for a really, really long time. 'That too, maybe.'

'Maybe my ass.' Pacey smiled a half smile as he watched his brother blush the slightest kind of red and he only saw it because of the streetlight shining down on them.

'So, how was your summer Pace? Honestly.' Doug asked, leaning back onto his elbows. He hadn't been there over the course of the day, because he had been on duty and had just returned a few minutes ago.

'Well… It was okay I guess.' Pacey shrugged.

'Wow, that's enthusiastic!' Doug nodded with the most serious expression on his face, his voice thick with sarcasm.

'I mean - it has been great to be out on the open sea again. It was a lot of fun, especially the first few weeks as Jen was with us. It really…. It was great.'

'But….?'

'Oh heck, there's no but there Dougy.' Pacey said in his most dismissively voice but could tell, his brother wasn't buying a word he'd said. Instead he watched him with a face that told him to stop the crap and start talking.

'Ok…' Pacey let out a deep breath. 'You really wanna know? You sure you won't make fun of me, because really, it's the last thing I need right now.'

Doug just raised a brow at him. 'Listen here carefully Pacey. You haven't made fun of me, not the moment you knew you hit closer to home than was comfortable for me. From this moment on you've been nothing but helpful, discrete and encouraging. I promise, I have it in me to be as good a brother for you as you've been for me.'

Pacey turned his head to see the most serious look on Dougs face and he got all warm inside. He hadn't known that this was how Doug had felt, but he was right. Pacey had stopped mocking him the moment he'd first sensed the truth behind his fun. There was a long silence. Pacey turned back to looking at the bottle in his hands. Doug just sat there and waited with him in absolute silence until Pacey took a deep breath and then one more.

'I think… I think I've fallen for a girl. Like really, really fallen for her, Doug.' He stated with a hoarse voice. He looked at his brother from the corners of his eyes to find him watching him with the most kind and interested eyes and so he let out a breath he hadn't noticed he was holding.

'Is she beautiful?' Doug asked after a while.

'Is she beautiful?' Pacey chuckled with bittersweetness. 'Oh God Doug. She's breathtakingly beautiful. I mean... Doug! She's the kind of beautiful that gives you butterflies. Like hundreds and thousands of them. And she's intelligent, witty, sassy, inspiring…. Ah man. I can't get my mind off of her. She's always there. In everything I do. In everything I see. Even if I close my eyes I can see her so clearly, it's like I just have to reach out for her to touch her, but… Well, I guess it will just not happen.' Pacey shrugged and drank a deep gulp off his bottle.

'So, she some girl you met down the coast?'

'Nope.'

'She some college girl?'

Pacey missed two beats before saying 'No.' again.

'No?' Doug hadn't missed him hesitating and in that very moment Pacey hated the fact that his brother was such a great cop. He just didn't miss anything, even after working crazy hours in the station.

'Not in particular…'

'So…? Would she by any chance happen to be your Professor?' Doug asked in an almost amused voice and Pacey turned to look at his brother fully.

'And if she was?' Pacey asked, feeling defeated, knowing his brother would get it out of him anyway.

'Well, I could tell you, she's been going on about you all summer long.'

'Yeah well, whatever.' Pacey emptied his bottle with lukewarm beer in one go as the meaning of his brothers words slowly sank in. He swallowed with wide eyes and faced Doug who was smirking. 'She has?'

'Of course she hasn't Pace!' Doug smirked. 'But now I know it's really about her.' He winked and Pacey bobbed him on the shoulder.

'Well, I think you got me here, Deputy. You find me guilty as charged. I just can't stop thinking about her. I see her in every woman I meet. I keep looking out for her in the strangest places.' He paused. 'It's just… She's like no one I've ever met.'

'Well, life had taught her some bitter lessons, Pace. She's not some light hearted college girl. She's a grown woman, nearly ten years older than you, with much on her shoulders. Don't get your hopes to high little brother, but I think maybe you can get through to her.' Doug laid his arm around Pacey's shoulder and handed him his almost untouched bottle of beer, taking his empty one. 'Listen here, Pacey. You've helped me a lot more than you know with… You know, being okay with who I am. And I'm willing to do something for you. I saw her a lot this summer. She's a really, really good friend of Jacks and so… But beside that she's awfully lonely.' He paused. 'What do you say - join us occasionally, get to know her and her to get to know you. And knowing you like I do, you'll get the girl in the end.'

Pacey looked at the bottle he held loose in one hand, the other hand was pressed against his forehead.

'Tell me about her, Doug.' He begged. 'Like really tell me the story of her life. I just don't know anything about her, besides the fact she got me in a way only Andie had. So please…?' He turned to face Doug again, knowing his eyes must be fierce with begging. Doug leaned back onto his elbows and then he nodded.

'Come on, I'll show you something.'

He stood and walked through the house to the driveway and opened his van. He held open the the passengers door for him and Pacey hopped in, the bottle abandoned in the kitchen on his way though the house. He was wondering what Doug wanted to show him this late in the evening. Not asking the question out loud, he secured himself and switched the radio on whilst Doug got into the car too, turning the radio down, until the music was only a whisper in the background. He turned the lights on and turned the car around. Pacey closed his eyes for a brief moment. The sound the wheels created on the gravel of the driveway was something Pacey had loved his whole life. It was the sound of home (even though he had loathed to be at home for most his life) and more importantly of the opportunity to get away from here. And to sit beside his brother in the van was something he could do forever. Doug had been mean to him for a long time, along with everyone else of his family, but he had grown one of his dearest friends. The one he could rely on no matter what. He leaned his head onto the passengers door window and watched the landscape flew by.

They drove in comfortable silence until Doug made a hard left turn and they stood right in front of an old house. Or what remained of it. It was nearly completely fallen into a ruin. It's roof was barely there, the front porch was decayed, all the windows were broken and the front door had been kicked in, the door in the back wasn't even there anymore. The walls were about to break down with the next storm and the old dock had half fallen into the creek. The old, rowboat whose light blue color could only be anticipated, was still tied on and had half sunken into the water too. But a strange feeling of deep sadness claimed his heart as he got out of the door and took everything in. His whole body seemed to respond to this place with bittersweet melancholy. As if it triggered something. The big beautiful garden totally overgrown. Pacey felt a deep sting of something forgotten tearing his heart apart as he watched the house and the garden and wondered about it's history.

'This is where she was born. In the middle of a really bad storm, without any help.'

Pacey swallowed at the lump in his throat and wasn't so sure he really wanted to know all those things. It felt like reading a diary, or some secret letters that weren't supposed to be read by you. And the almost mystic light the of the full moon, that flooded the scene made it all the more unreal. Pacey couldn't help but remember how he felt the night he, Andie, Dawson and Drue spent on Witch Island during senior year. It felt a little spooky and much like something forbidden. A lot like it did here.

Suddenly he saw an apple tree. The ground there was cleared. He stepped closer to see fresh soil and flowers there. It took him a moment to discover a little wooden cross sat at the upper end. 'It's a grave…' He said, his voice just above a whisper as he knelt down and picked a bit of the soil up and let it ran through his fingers.

'Yeah, it is.' Doug stepped beside him. 'It's her mothers grave. They hadn't enough money to bury her in the graveyard and after their father was imprisoned, it was the only place they could think of.'

'Wow…' Pacey stared at the grave and the remaining soil in his hand, surprised by the sudden sting of tears. 'Tell me, please.'

Doug waited a moment. Than took a deep breath. 'They were always the family from "the wrong side of the creek". It's been that way since I could think. But I just adored Bessie, Joey's older sister. She was so witty and sassy and beautiful. I think she had been the only girl I ever had a crush on.' He chuckled and so did Pacey. He just never imagined his brother a high school boy, having crushes on girls like everyone else. 'Well, we were good friends, I think I was maybe her only one. She was an isolated person, much like Joey is now. Dad didn't approve it, but I used to meet her more often than not. I just loved her company and she enjoyed having me around.' He paused a moment, clearly deep in memories until he continued: 'She's the reason I was in town that night we mat in the bar by the way.'

Pacey stood and Doug took a deep breath. 'Well, I saw Joey grow up and brought you here often. You loved to play in the yard and always managed to get Joey to have a row with you. You adored her and she loved that you distracted her with your being a child. You made her laugh about jokes every kid tells and the two of you would often sit on a blanket, she tickled you or you would lay each on your backs and wondered about the pictures the fluffy clouds painted on the clear blue spring sky or she'd read books to you, while Bessie and I worked for our finals. And you would listen to her and watch her read until she'd stopped or you fell asleep with your head on her belly. She would caress you, stroke your hair in a way mother wouldn't and you loved her for her unshared and absolute affection, her loving you without wanting something in return. Without over-thinking it and regardless. You adored her and even if you were such a little child, three by the time they left. You used to ask me even month after we'd been here for the last time about her. You understood that the affection she gave you was pure and what was at home would never be as regardless.'

As Doug went on telling him about the times they'd spent at the Potter-house, the memories slowly crept back in. He remembered a pretty girls face, smiling at him in the sunshine, her hair tucked behind in a ponytail and the feeling of a rocking boat beneath him. He remembered sitting on the same girls lap, her back against an tree – an apple tree, the very same one she'd buried her mother beneath – whilst she read books with beautiful pictures in them. He remembered her voice and couldn't believe he had forgotten about her.

'They ran a family business, the Ice House. Her father worked there as chef and the whole family helped. Until one day Dad and his men found great amounts of cocaine between the flour and a dead woman in the back drive-way.' Pacey swallowed and closed his eyes. Imagining the shock it must have been. And knowing his father as he did, he could imagine the cruelness in his actions and the spitefulness that must have been clearly written all over his face. 'And even if they couldn't prove her father killed that woman, he was charged for all kinds of drug-things. Dealing, possessing et cetera. I don't have to explain this to you, you've grown up between cops.' Doug swallowed, he clearly had a hard time speaking about this. 'This was the day I decided to become a cop myself and the day the world broke down around the Potter-girls. Their father got a life charge.' He paused again and Pacey wasn't sure he wanted to know quite in every detail, he felt all sick inside.

'So, her mother sold the Ice House, took her girls and moved to Boston. Joey continued school there, Bessie got a job as waitress and her mother worked as nurse. Joey graduated high school first of her year and earned a scholarship at Harvard. One week into her college time, her mother fell weak from one moment to the next. At first they thought it was the flue but it became pretty clear, pretty fast, that it wasn't. It was in fact leukemia and it had been discovered far to late. Their mother died within three weeks after getting the diagnose. It was a shock, really. Joey wanted to drop out of college, but Bessie wouldn't have any of it, she was pregnant at this time form a one night stand with some random guy. Money was short and they were broke more often than not. Joey worked evening shifts to help her sister with everything and they couldn't afford more. So they buried her mother here, in the backyard of their old house. Joey is here occasionally. But only to change the flowers. She finished college with honors and donated her success to her mother. You know where she is now. She got herself a good job obviously. Her mothers death is the reason she chose oncology as her field of expertise.'

Pacey couldn't get his eyes off of the grave. He remembered a woman with a warm smile and the most caring arms swinging him around, making him laugh and the warm feeling that spread from deep inside of him through his whole body at this memory was something he'd forgotten too. This had been his true home, because at his house he had been ignored all his life and he was pretty sure this was the reason Doug had brought him here more often than not.

'And what happened to her sister's baby?' Pacey asked but was sure he didn't wanna know at the same time.

'She gave him up for adoption after she'd given birth to him. Knowing she wouldn't be able to support her sister during college and neither finance a baby all on her own. With her mother dead and her father in jail.'

Pacey stood a long time in the middle of the garden, looking out to the creek.

'Wow Jen, are you sure you want to go in there?' Pacey looked at his friend, standing beside him in front of a discotheque. It has been half a year since college was back on again and it had taken him quite some time to get back to his routines and the fact, that Dawson wasn't there anymore bothered him more than he was willing to admit. But they met on many occasions. Dawson was pretty happy at the film school and was really good at it too. Jen had moved into Pacey's dorm room after a creepy girl named Abby Morgan had joined her in her room. So the two of them spent a whole lot of time together and in the same way Pacey kept reminding Jen of the importance of studying, she was the one to make sure, he didn't forget about the importance of having fun. Pacey had so far rejected every opportunity to meet with Doug when he invited him over to meet Joey. Doug offered he could bring Jen but he just didn't want to. It felt kind of weird knowing that much about someone you were supposed to not know at all. Someone you were supposed to get to know on their own terms and he just felt like he had a head start onto something he wasn't supposed to.

Sure, he was as eager into his studies and the Potter-class was his favorite as it has been. She had offered him an exceptional internship during spring-break, because his grades were obviously way out of scale. He begged for time to think it over and she said he hadn't to worry about time, the offer would stand one way or the other.

But that wasn't important right now. Now he and Jen had ended up here, in front of "The Mirrorball". It was always Jens turn to choose their event for Saturday evenings. Pacey looked around. There was a sofa outside, even though it was chilling cold in the early January. The air was filled with music from the eighties and most people around them wore some kind of flowery clothes. It was a mix of hippies, eighties and some students.

'Well, yeah. Come on now, mister over-archiver Witter. This promises to be a whole. lot. of. fun!' She giggled, clearly drunk already. Pacey raised a brow at her but linked his arm with hers nonetheless and let her drag him with her as she led the way towards the door.

They hadn't been long inside by the time Jen was dancing with some clearly to cute guy named Charlie. Pacey leaned against the bar, a beer casually in one hand. He watched the dancing crowd as something caught his eye. He saw Doug dancing with Jack and beside them he saw Joey.

His heart skipped a beat and he was so surprised he'd almost lost grip on his glass. He placed it on the bar and took a deep breath. It was clearly a now or never moment and he chose the now. So he straightened his shirt and made his way through the crowd.

As he reached his brother he patted him on the shoulder. Jack greeted him and Joey gave him a beautiful smile.

'Glad to see you having fun. I imagined you deep in books each and every free second you get.' She grinned at him and her eyes were sparkling. Pacey blushed lightly, which he hoped she didn't saw because of the dim light.

'Well, honestly I would be, but fortunately I have Jen to prevent that from happening.' He smiled at her. 'Otherwise I hadn't been so lucky to meet you tonight.' He said, wondering where the guts had come from to say something like that to someone like her.

She smiled back her awesome lopsided smile and nodded. 'That would have been a shame for sure.'

'Definitely.' He looked at her and was pretty sure his gaze must give him away, but she just remained smiling at him. Surprised how easy it was to get into a flirt with her but clearly enjoying it as much as she did.

'And where's your friend now?'

'She's dancing with some guy.' Pacey pointed Jen out and turned back to look at her again. Man, she was amazing!

'So would you… uh…' He smiled sheepishly. '...mind me buying you a drink?'

She smiled widely. 'I would love to.'

He made an inner jump, his heart was racing as he followed her to the bar, aware of the look Doug shot him, with knowing eyes, telling him to be careful.

'So now, wouldn't you be embarrassed to be seen with your professor drinking a cocktail in an eightieth bar?' She looked at him with a sassy look on his face as they sat on a bench in a somewhat more quiet corner of the dance floor.

'With a beautiful woman by my side, I would never be embarrassed to be seen by anyone.' He smirked, flirting light-hearted with her wondering where his confidence came from and she chuckled. She looked awesome with the brown, waterfall shirt and the tight bluejeans she wore, fitted with knee-length leather boots over her tight jeans. Her hair flew over her shoulders like black velvet and her eyes big and inviting as were her red lips. He had to force himself to not stare at her like some horny teenage boy. So Pacey cleared his throat and looked out for Jen, just to make sure she was ok (and to distract his mind from the siren in front of him) and as he saw her locking her eyes with his he was relieved to know she knew where to find him.

'Wow, you're so different from your brother. He warned me though.' She smiled and as he met her gaze he felt the effect a simple, innocent thing like a shared look could have jolt through his whole body. Except he sensed it wasn't innocent at all, not for him ans seemingly not for her either. She raised a brow and Pacey felt his heart sinking.

'And about what would he warn you?' Pacey managed to say, with a nervous smile on his face.

'Well, he said you were the ultimate charmer, a total gentleman and - I quote here - very good with women.' She smirked and he looked down.

'Well than…'

'Yeah, well.' She laid her slender, warm hand on his, which rested on his leg and the innocent touch sent jolts of electricity through his whole body, his breath hitched and he was pretty sure she heard it. She didn't say anything about it, though. 'I'm honored to have a drink with you. It's a rare occasion meeting a real gentleman these day's. And such a smart and good looking one, buying a girl a drink. Haven't met someone like this in years.'

She smiled at him and he got all hot inside. Man, this girl would be the death of him.

'I'm glad you're enjoying my company.' He said in a slightly hoarse voice. Wanting nothing more than to draw her near and claim her lips as his. He just desperately wanted to know how she tasted, how she would feel in his arms, how her hair would feel and to finally get to know how she smelled. She nodded and wet her lips with her tongue, whilst locking her eyes with his and it almost killed him. Oh, but how he wanted to kiss her.

'Yeah, I'm enjoying it a whole lot. These days Jack is always kind of entwined with your brother.' She smiled and he couldn't manage much more than a nod.

'Yeah I can imagine that.' He whispered, knowing, would he have the chance, he would be entwined with her every waking moment.

She looked down and he chuckled nervously as he watched his brother dancing close with Jack and than back at her. What he hadn't expected was the fact he would be met with her open gaze again. She had beautiful deep brown eyes, almost black. The light around them mirrored in them, making them sparkle like stars. He wasn't able to break away form the intensity of the look. As if she draw him towards her with some kind of unnatural gravity. He was aware of her breath coming quickly and his own rapidly beating heart. And again, they spent a long time just looking into one anthers eyes. Pacey felt all dizzy and his arousal was surely written all over his face. Her pupils dilated as well. As the sexual tension just wasn't bearable anymore he lifted his hand in an attempt to lay in on her cheek, to finally pull her in for a passionate kiss.

'Pacey…. Pace.' Doug broke the moment and both of them needed a moment until his brothers voice broke through to them. 'Sorry I have to break whatever moment you've shared, but Jen just vomited on the dance floor, I suggest you bring her home. I called for a cap, should be here in five.'

Pacey looked down, chuckling in a somewhat bitter manner, totally frustrated and embarrassed both in the same time.

'Sorry, I have to get this.' He smiled sheepish at her, loving the strain of red that cherished her cheeks.

'Never mind.' She shook her head. 'Need a doctor?' She asked with a smirk but he just shook his had with a little smile. 'I think it's too much alcohol. I'm pretty sure I can handle her. It's not the first time anyway.' He looked at her and she nodded.

'You want a ride to the dorms?' She asked after clearing her throat. Oh, but hw he wanted her to take him home, but not to drag his drunken friend (who most likely was about to throw up into their professors car) up to their dorm room, but to be dragged by her to whereever she wanted to have him. They shared a longing look, clearly neither of them wanted to end this evening now. Doug broke the moment as he coughed loudly.

'No...' Pacey cleared his throat. '...but thanks, Ms Potter.'

'Joey.' She smiled.

'Joey...' Pacey said her name as if it was an endearment and needed a moment until he got his mind together. He sighed. 'Apparently Doug called for a cap.' He patted his brother shoulder and shot him a siedways look. 'Thanks Dougy.' Doug nodded and Pacey turned one last time towards Joey. 'See you on Monday I guess.' He gave her an apologetic smile and left her regretfully. But he smiled over the fact, she hadn't heard his brother say he'd gotten a cap for him, because it meant she had been into the moment quite as much as he had been.

He made his way through the crowds. Pacey knelt beside his friend on the messy floor. The guy she'd danced with standing nearby, obviously not quite sure about what to do. Pacey placed a comforting hand on Jens back. 'Come on girly. Come, I'll bring you home.' He lifted her carefully, holding her upright with an arm around her back. Charlie unfroze and helped him get her outside.

'Can you give me her number?' Charlie asked but Pacey just shot him a look.

'If she didn't do that, I won't do it either for sure.' But pity got the best of him and so he offered: 'But maybe come by tomorrow and check in with her. Oh look,' he turned to Jen, his voice all soft and soothing. 'look girly, there's the cap.'

As they'd finally settled back into their dorm room, Pacey changed his friends clothed, placed an empty bin beside her bed and lowered the lights. Pressing a soft kiss on her forehead he tucked her in. Slowly he settled on his desk stool. He looked out of the window, thinking about Joey and wondering what was in it for him, if this would be over tomorrow morning or if he had a chance with her. He sighed as he continued to watch the winternight out of the window of his dark room. Outside the snow had chanced into an icy rain.

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