Hi everyone,

so this is the end. Please let me know if you liked it or not. Because writing endings is always the hardest thing to do. Regretfully there are the least reviews on final chapters, leaving the author wondering if all loose strings are tied up and you, the readers, are satisfied. So please, do me the favor and leave a quick review, PM's are welcome as well ;-)

Special thanks to all and everyone of you who'd reviewed in the past and all of you, that supported me through that really bad writers block. It's a pleasure writing for you all. Just keep on reading and reviewing and I will keep on writing.

Thanks to my proofreader and to my truest reader. You know who you are.

Have a great night everyone (or a great day, depends on where you are ^^),

See all of you next time,

Yana

Eva: Hope I didn't rush...

The Lead

- Chapter Eight -

Pacey slumped down on his brothers sofa after murmuring a quiet 'Hi.' Almost instantly his head sunk into his hands and he ran them through his short black hair, taking a shivering breath, before letting his head drop backwards onto the backrest. God, he was exhausted! And this feeling of being defeated, this deep concern that ate him up inside, the longing for her - it was just too much to bear.

His brother sat beside him, offering him a beer but he just shook his head.

'No beer?' Doug seemed honestly surprised, but placed the unopened bottle on the table.

'Nothing.' Pacey's voice was a mere whisper.

'You look awful, Pacey. Even worse than I'd expected.' Doug's hand landed on his back and Pacey closed his eyes.

'Yeah.' Again, merely audible.

He heard Jack asking something in a whispering voice, but his brother just shushed him away and as much as Pacey had come to like Jack, he was glad that his brother took his unspoken need for privacy seriously and honored it with sending his lover off.

After a long amount of silence Pacey took a shivering breath and looked at his brother with eyes that gave away all of his concern, sorrow and quite surely his recently shed tears.

'So Doug, will you just tell me, please?' His voice was shaking. 'Did she meet someone else?' He was barely able to speak the words, because really, that was his greatest fear. That in the end, he just wouldn't be enough for her, that it would be him that wouldn't suffice.

'No, Pacey, no. She hasn't met someone else. There was no one before you for years and honestly, I can't see anyone else with her.'

'But…?'

Doug smiled and had a sip of his own beer. 'Do you even know who it was? The guy she was with at high school? The only other guy that made it into her life before you ever?'

Pacey shook his head, not entirely sure, if he wanted to know. Not interested in it the slightest bit, because it wasn't helpful.

'Jack.' Doug grinned and it took Pacey a moment to realize what his brother was saying.

'Jack?' His eyes widened. 'But Jack is…'

'Gay. Yes. He came out while he was with her.' Doug grinned and Pacey would have laughed if it hadn't been for his heavy heart.

'What are you saying here, Doug? Why is this of any importance?'

His brother looked at him with the utmost seriousness in his eyes. 'I'm just saying, you were her first one, Pacey. There just hadn't been someone before you who was intimate with her. No one.'

Pacey swallowed, but wasn't quite sure why this information, stunning as it was, would be helpful at all.

'And you're telling me this, because...?'

'To reassure you, Pacey.' Doug paused. 'There will be no one else for her. She loves you.'

'She dumped me, Doug.' He spat the words, and they tasted bitter on his tongue. 'For no reason at all. I'm not caring if I was her first or if there had been men before me, because I can't see how it makes any difference.' He swallowed hard. 'She just dumped me without saying a word about the whys and wherefores. She could have just punched me in the face or pulled a bullet through my head. It would have made no difference. Because she devastated me.' His voice was low, shivering. He didn't know if he could bear this any longer.

'I can see that, Pace. But just know she still loves you.'

'Funny way to show.' Again he ran his hands through his hair. He felt like driving towards a bis wall with high speed, brakes failing and all he wanted to do was scream or just dissipate into nonexistence. 'Okay. So, you're telling me, she loves me. So why did she dump me and avoid me ever since?' Pacey tried to vocalize his deepest fear. 'Is she okay, Doug? I went by her house a few days ago, but there was no light and her car was gone. She's on sick leave ever since she dropped me and it eats me up inside. I've tried to get in touch with her ever since, but she doesn't pick up her phone and hadn't read any of my text's.' He felt his hands getting cold and tried hard to keep his voice from shaking. 'Is she sick and just want to spare me the pain of watching her suffer?' He swallowed at the lump that was building in his throat again. God he hated that he was so weak when it came to her. He wanted to be brave and strong. He'd promised himself after Andie, to never get involved like that with someone again, but he had. He had gotten into this with open eyes and now he was crushed. Quite literally.

'No Pacey, she isn't sick.' Doug looked him deep in the eyes and he almost let out a breath of relieve. 'But she isn't okay either.'

'She isn't?'

Doug shook his head. 'She's on sick leave, and if you know her as good as you pretend to, you'll know that she wouldn't be, if she was okay, now would she?'

Pacey shook his head. But it made no sense at all. 'What's with her? Just tell me for the sake of god!' Pacey felt the anger taking over again and tried hard to calm down so he wouldn't yell at his brother.

'It's not my place to tell, Pacey.'

'Oh, for fucks sake, Doug!' Pacey's voice was low, feeble even. He buried his face in his hands and stayed like this for some time. Trying desperately to calm this nibbling concern inside. There was nothing left to feel. No tears to be shed. Not even enough strength to be angry. 'I guess I'll be leaving than.' As he was about to stand up he suddenly saw Jack standing beside his still sitting brother, his hand on his brother's shoulder and he looked straight at Pacey.

'Doug is right, is not our place to tell anything, but maybe I can help you nonetheless, even if it will grant me her wrath.' He smiled a little smile while crouching down so he was at eyes hight with Pacey. 'Or most likely not. I think she might thank me, because really if you're asking me, what drove her away from you, would never made you leave her.'

'Nothing could make me leave her, Jack.'

Jack placed a hand on Pacey's leg. He felt utterly jumbled up inside, but he got the feeling, that Jack really had to say something important and, more importantly, was willing to actually share it with him.

'Can I ask you something Pacey?'

'Yeah, sure.' His voice was weak and throaty. Pacey held the others eyes.

'Do you love her?'

'Yes, Jack, of course I do. I wouldn't be sitting here if I didn't. I wouldn't be crying all night long. Really, if there was anything I could do, I would. But I don't even know what the hell's the matter. I don't even know how to get in touch with her and that is maybe the hardest thing about it. I guess, If I just could look into her eyes, she might tell me... And I'm sure we could get thruogh it together, as I told her that day.' He swallowed hard. 'I would sacrifice everything for her, Jack. I would drop out of college, if need be. I would even move back to Capeside and live in the shadow of my fathers "I-knew-it-from-the-start,-this-boy-just-can't-achieve-anything" for her. There really is nothing I can think of, that I wouldn't do for her. She's all I want. So yes, obviously, I love her. There's just no sense in my life without her.' Pacey hadn't wanted to share all this, it kind of spluttered out of his mouth, he didn't notice the tear that fell down his cheek while he spoke, his voice desperately, pleading with his friend.

'I kind of was afraid that you'd said something like this, because she knows this is how you feel.' Jack sighed and Pacey was now utterly confused.

'But…?'

'Don't get me wrong here, Pace. This is all you needed to say.' Jack exchanged a knowing look with Doug and even if his brother shook his head slowly, Jack turned back at Pacey, who just wanted to shake him, to make him tell everything he knew, because this was ridiculous. 'So, I won't tell you, what's the matter, because I made a promise. Even thuogh, I will tell you where you'll find her… But you have to promise me, you'll go easy with her. She suffers just as much as you do, I guarantee. There's nothing in the world she'd rather do, than to just turn around and share with you.'

'And why the hell isn't she? Why?'

'Because Joey deals with it the way she dealt with everything in her life that didn't turn out like she planned it - she runs. She is about to resign from her job and move back to Capeside.'

'What? But why? Because of me? That makes just no sense at all...' Pacey's eyes widened. He just couldn't believe what Jack just said.

'I won't tell you anything more, but as I said, I'll tell you where you'll find her: She's aboard your True Love ever since she dumped you.'

'You're kidding me.' Pacey shook his head, but as he saw the seriousness in Jacks eyes it dawned him. True Love was really the only place she could have gone for safety. And even more so, her going there meant, that she clung to their summer, to their love just as much as he did. He had thought about hiding there, too, but abandoned that idea, because being there without her just seemed much to painful.

'Thanks Jack.' He stood and was about to put his jacket.

'You can't go there now, it's in the middle of the night.'

Pacey stopped in his movement and turned to look at Jack with the most ironic look in his eyes. 'It's my boat! So if anyone can go there in the middle of the night, it's me.'

Again Jack exchanged a quick look with Doug and than he stood. 'Wait, I'll drive you down.'

With a hammering heart Pacey got aboard his boat. Ever since Jack had told him she'd be here, he asked himself why he hadn't looked for her here in the first place. It was the only logical choice to made. Before he got downstairs he put out his sneakers, in attempt to not wake her up. He took a deep breath and opened the door, surprised that it didn't squeak anymore, but smiling a little smile, because he knew she'd hated it the whole cruise, but they hadn't gotten to fix it, because every time they got down here, they had been busy doing something else.

Carefully he avoided the creaky stair and than he saw her. Laying on the bed, legs tightly drawn onto her body, her hair all messed up, her beautiful body covered in one of his comfy sweaters. And his heart ached for her. Because in this instant he knew, he just knew, whatever had driven her to break up with him, she still loved him. Why would she sleep on his boat, in his bed, with his sweater on, if not for being close to him? And he felt the love for her stronger than ever before.

He hung up his jacket and sat down on a chair with armrests. He sat there and watched her sleeping for what felt like eternity. He felt the love for her deep inside. Not the passionate kind of love, but the steady one. The one that made him want to just crawl onto that bed and hold her tight. The one that made him want to sit here his whole life just watching her sleep. Slowly the sun rose and shone through the bully eye above the bed, submerged her perfect sleeping form in soft colors and he longed so much for her, that it brought tears to his eyes. God, he wanted her back. He wanted her back more than anything. He wanted to be hers again. He wanted to share whatever it was that had driven her away from him in the first place.

'Pacey?' He swallowed and blinked his eyes several times, in an attempt to get rid of those tears, but instead sent them falling down his face. She sat up, awfully pale and she looked as exhausted as he felt. 'Sorry, I think I better get going, I…' She paused as she finally looked at him for real. He wanted to say something, but the words got stuck in his throat. She narrowed her eyebrows. 'Pacey…' Her voice soft. 'Are you crying?'

He wanted to laugh at her, to just tell her he hadn't been able to stop the tears ever since that breakfast at Renee's.

'Why, Jo?' He whispered, his voice cracking, as he wiped at his eyes. He just had no strength left anymore. 'Why are you doing this to us?'

'Because… God!' She sat back and took her legs tight towards her body, wrapped her arms around them and hid her face there. He could see her weep, but he wasn't ready to sit next to her and comfort her, because he needed to know. And even if it tore him apart, he just let her cry all alone, like he'd done so many times over the course of the last weeks.

'I have to let you go, Pace. I have to let you go, so you'll have a chance to live your dreams.' She said as she regained some of her composure.

'But you are my dream, Joey.' He told her, desperate to let her know what he felt deep inside.

'No, please don't say something like that. I'm just so much older than you. I will only hold you back, more than I have done already… It was a dream, Pacey. A beautiful one and I long to linger in it some more, this is why I came here. And if anything, just know my heart has never left this boat, it has never left you.' She swallowed and he starred at her. Slowly he got up and took a few steps towards her, sitting next to her on the bed.

'If this is true, why push me away?' His knees were getting weak and he felt all dizzy, he was shaking all over.

'As I said, Pacey. I'll only hold you back from whatever you wanted for yourself. Your graduation is only a step away and with a woman like me by your side, you won't be free to take every opportunity there is for you. Because you'll hold back for me. You'll stay here, because it is where I am. I'll rob you of your youth. I can't do this and therefore I'll be moving back to Capeside. I'll resign first thing after my sick leave is over next week.'

'What makes you say such things, Jo? I would gladly sacrifice all of my dreams for you, because I love you so much. There really is nothing I wouldn't do to have you by my side.' He knew he sounded as desperate as he felt, but really what was there left to loose?

'I know and this is the reason I have to withdraw. Really, Pacey, I wish I could stay by your side…'

'So what is it? Is there someone else? Jo? Is there?' He asked breathlessly, his voice shaking as were his hands, his heard hammering.

'No!' She shook her head determined.

'No… Are you sick?' He asked, even though he knew the answer to this. She shook her head and he lost his patience and he just felt like shaking her, like forcing it out of her no matter the cost. 'Jeez woman, just talk to me. Did you know I was on every ward looking for you?' Her eyes widened, but he just didn't see, why he should spare her the bad conscience. 'This is pure torture Joey, you know? Are you aware I'm not able to think without you? You're devastating me and you have the heart to tell me, it's only for my best? Are you serious? I'll tell you something - as things are right now, I will not graduate, because I'll be going crazy before graduation. I will have lost my mind and I mean it, Joey.' He stood by now, hands in his hair. 'God, please. You know it doesn't bother me that you're older than me. It's no big deal, really. There are so many girls around me every day, but I just don't see them, because I have - I had – you. I told you once, and I will tell you again, you're the only one I want. I don't look at them anymore, because my heart lies with you.' He turned to fully look at her, sitting there, sunk in his sweater. 'I love you Joey and I just don't see what could ever change this.' He looked down at her and she held her hands up to him. He took them, again surprised, that they were cold as ice and let her pull him down to her. Oh, but he wanted to hold her, he missed her so much even if she sat right in front of him, he wanted to kiss her, to caress her, he longed to be by her side. And at the same time he knew, if she hold him, he would fall asleep, because he was just as tiered to death, he hadn't had a good nights sleep in many days and that last night hadn't been helpful at all.

'Why are you saying this, Pacey?' Her voice was low and shaking.

He looked up at her, surprised to see her eyes filled with tears again.

'Because it is the truth, babe.' The endearment slipping from his lips unintentionally. He shifted his body, so he was beside her, tenderly forcing her to look at him. He wasn't afraid anymore, because if he couldn't get through to her now he would never be able to.

'But…'

'No ifs and buts.' His voice was soft as he wiped the tear on her cheek away. 'Please Joey, just tell me. I thought we sought this out. I really thought you knew, there would be no other than you. And this is entirely egoistic, because I just don't want any other guy to have you the way I did.' He withstand the urge to kiss her, because he needed an answer. 'Please Joey, will you just tell me what the hell is the matter? I promise you we'll sort it out. We'll get through it together. But please explain to me, because you sent me through hell and fire, you really devastated me here…'

'I…' She closed her eyes. 'I'm sorry, I didn't meant to hurt you. I... I just can't ask this of you, Pacey. You're twenty-two, you're supposed to be carefree and unbound.'

He furrowed his brows. 'Ask what of me?'

'Pacey…' She opened her eyes, tears shining in them. She took a shivering breath an looked into his blue eyes. 'I…. I'm going to have your baby.' She bit her lower lip and it struck him like a slap in the face. She was having his child. And an unexpected joy began to surface through all the concern and sorrow, through grief and dolefulness, a little light began to lit up in him and finally he could breathe again, felt warm for the first time in two weeks. He laughed out loud as relief flooded through his veins.

She just looked at him, unsure about what to feel about his reaction.

'Really?' He held her eyes and she nodded. ' You're pregnant?'

She nodded.

'And this is the reason you push me away? You're having my child and turning away from me?' He watched her with wide eyes.

'I only will hold you back, Pacey. Please don't ask me to have an abortion, I have thought this through, I…'

Pacey's arms were around her and his lips on hers stopped her from finishing what she wanted to say. He kissed her in the most tender, loving way he'd ever kissed a woman. He lay all his heart in that kiss. By the grace of god, he wanted that child, wanted a family with her. This was what he'd wanted all way long, maybe not now, but certainly at some point down the road.

'Please babe, please let me be part of this. It's our child growing under your heart. Had I known this to be the reason I would have never let you push me away in the first place.' He kissed her nose-tip and placed one hand carefully, almost devotedly onto her stomach. 'This is my responsibility as well as yours and I am ready to take it.'

'But it will hold you back…' She whispered. 'I will have to quit working at the hospital at some point anyway.'

'So go on teaching, Jo. I will graduate in a few month, I will take the job they offered me. It's really all I could wish for… So I don't see any problems here. You own that perfect house. Really, how's having a family with you holding me back from anything?'

Joey shrugged but smiled a shy smile. 'You wanted to join "Doctors without borders" next year…'

He nodded and held her close, while she held him close. 'Well yes, I wanted that, but not doing it next year doesn't stop me from doing it somewhere along the way.'

'So… You want me to stay? And have that baby together?' She turned to she could look into his eyes and he knew they must shone with love and joy.

'Really, Joey, there is nothing I want more. I want you to be with me, no matter what. Through every storm and high waters, as well as sunshine.'

'I want you to be with me, too.' She smiled lopsided, because this sentence was how this all started in the first place.

They looked into each others eyes and slowly, almost devotional, Pacey stroked her flat stomach.

'There really someone in there?'

She nodded and slowly their lips met again in a silent promise. Then he draw her near and as she held him close he felt himself drifting into the first real sleep in days.

The next month weren't as easy as they wanted them to be. Pacey wanted to move in with Joey, but she demanded, he stayed at dorms for the remaining college time, because she felt he could study more wholeheartedly there. They renovated a room for the baby, his father built a crib. They buoght a second desk and a computer for Pacey, because it was out of the question, that he would move in by the time the baby was born.

Joey kept teaching, but as she started to have heavy bleedings at the end of her pregnancy she had to lie most of the time. Bessie cared for her through that time. Pacey commuted between college, hospital and Joey's place back and forth, never failing to study with his whole heart.

And as much as he wished he could just be with Joey more, she used to tell him, that he had to do this for himself and he had to admit, that she was right. He would regret it his whole life, if he would fail at this. So he would come in at least every evening, mostly with Jen in his follow and he would cook for all of them, sometimes Jack and Doug joined them. And Bessie of course as she lived with Joey for the time being.

They used to sit for a while, joking, laughing, sitting all around the sofa on which Joey lay and every time their eyes met he was just so grateful that he had her, love poured through his very being and he just knew she was the one for him.

The day Pacey graduated, he couldn't have been prouder. He stood in front of everybody, his parents sat beside Joey, who cradled his new born son. Really he got everything he ever wanted from life and all happened right here. He knew he would miss college badly, but with Joey by his side he would at least have the chance to be here every now and than. And he knew there were a bunch of students waiting to be taught by him next semester at the hospital. He smiled as Joey handed his son to his mother and stepped up the stage to hand him his graduation papers.

'I'm more than proud to be able to hand this in person to my most promising student. Congratulations Mister Witter.' She said into the microphone and beamed at him and he couldn't help but mirroring her smile. He wanted to kiss her, but he held back for the moment.

Later in the evening, as they finally were alone in their house, their son asleep, Joey joined Pacey in the living room, where he was sitting, smiling to himself while watching the dance of the flames.

'Hey there my love.' She sat beside him, his arm almost instantly around her shoulder. 'I wanted to give you a little gift to honor the day.' She smiled but he shook his head.

'You gave me the most beautiful child a few day's ago. There's nothing more you could give me.'

She shrugged while she bit her lower lip. 'Maybe there's something. Would you close your eyes for a second?'

'Can do. If you promise you'll be there when I open them up again.'

She chuckled and he closed his eyes, wondering what she had in mind.

'All right than, open them up again.'

As he opened his eyes she held a little ring in her palm. A plain golden band and she looked him in the eyes. He felt breathless and his heart beat like it was about to jump out of his chest.

'Through high-water and sunshine, if you want to, my love.'

He stared at her, needing a moment to realize what she'd offered him.

'Is this you, asking me to marry you?' He was barely able to speak, totally overcome with emotions as he touched the golden band in her palm carefully.

'Well yes, if you want to.' She smiled at him.

'Yes I will.' His voice all throaty, Pacey nodded while offering her his left hand so she could slid the ring over his finger. 'God, I love you so much, Joey.'

She smiled at him and cupped his face with her hands. 'And I love you, which is exactly why I want to share my live with you.' She whispered and sealed his lips with a tender kiss, making him fall even deeper in love with her and he held her close, never wanting to let go of her ever again. And he wouldn't.

The End

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