A/N: This isn't the very end, but it's the last main, lengthy chapter (though it's still slightly shorter than the last several). Epilogue is still to come.

There were several reviewers with the theory that Piper killed Aydin, and I just want to say right off the bat, that I never wanted to insinuate that. It's stated in an earlier chapter that Alex knew Aydin had fled Litchfield before anyone found her - not that I expect you to remember every little line, I just think it'd be next to impossible for Alex NOT to know if Aydin had been killed, and she'd obviously ask who did it. But I liked the theory even though it was never my original plan, just wanted to address it since several people guessed that, and I hope this wasn't built up as too much of a shocking reveal for the actual content haha.

a revelation in the light of day (you can't choose what stays and what fades away)

"What the fuck are you talking about, Piper?"

Alex's voice comes out loud, too loud, it's wild and out of control and she doesn't mean to talk to Piper like that, harsh and practically yelling, but she's a sickly sort of desperate and the way Piper's looking at her - like she's crazy, like she's not making any sense - is just making her feel worse.

"I..." Piper actually looks scared, like she has to provide a very important answer for a question she didn't hear. "Um...which part?"

"All of it!" Alex blurts out, still loud, echoing in the chapel. She doesn't know how to narrow it down, because no part of what Piper said made sense to her. She seizes on the last detail she remembers hearing. "When did you see Aydin?"

Piper's expression relaxes a little, but she still looks pained. "Sorry, I don't know why I assumed you knew...that's how I found you, why I went looking in the greenhouse. I saw him leaving and recognized him, and, um..." Her voice falters. "There was blood on his shirt. Not much, but -"

This only fuels more questions, Alex's pulse is pounding with them, what what what?! "What do you...what do you mean found me?"

Piper doesn't answer, confusion casting shadows over her face. Belatedly, the words sink in, crawl under her skin; Alex's chest starts to hurt.

All this time, ever since the hospital, she kept wondering if Piper even saw her that day, and it turns out -

"You're the one who found me?" The words are barely audible. "Pipes, why didn't you ever...why didn't you tell me?"

Piper seems scared again. And something else. She's worried. "I thought you knew, Alex." Her voice sounds heavy with questions she isn't asking.

"No, I didn't, Berdie never...fuck, Berdie doesn't tell me shit - "

"That's not what I meant," Piper reaches out, puts a hand on Alex's leg, and that's when she realizes she's shaking. Or maybe Piper is. "You were there, you...you talked to me."

There is some part of her that still has a hold on logic, that can remember every time Berdie made Alex talk through that day like she was expecting a different story, that recalls being told she'd been talking in the ambulance, maybe even recognizes why she's never come out and asked Piper about it. But all that logic is drowned out by a chorus of NO's resounding through Alex's head.

"I passed out right after he got off me," she says firmly, her voice trying hard to make it true.

Piper's eyes are big and she doesn't argue. That's not enough, though, Alex wants her to agree.

Too loud, too angry, she snaps, "Maybe my eyes were open, or I was half out of my head and trying to talk..but I didn't know you were there, Piper. I couldn't have."

"You knew," Piper counters, fast. Certain. Her hand slips under the waistband of her pants, Alex habitually clocks the gesture, recognizes it: she's touching a tattoo. "This whole time, I thought you remembered that." Then, in a smaller voice, "Why do you not remember?"

Alex shakes her head, dormant panic waking up to kick aside progress and cloud her brain.

She had been lying there, drowning in her own blood and thinking about Piper, wishing for Piper. She had wanted Piper there with her, and if she was -

Alex would have fucking known.

She stands up. She hates this, how out of control it makes her feel. She wants answers, but she can't hear them from Piper right now.

"I...I need to talk to Berdie. She's been screwing with me this whole time, I have to go..." She exhales out a jerky series of breaths, turning to walk out of the chapel.

Alex pounds her fist three times against the door and doesn't wait before pushing it open, her accusation leading the way into Berdie's office in the form of a growl, forcing its way between her teeth, "You lied to me."

For a second Berdie and Warren, who's sitting in Alex's usual spot across the desk, just gape at her. Then Berdie narrows her gaze, displeased and firm. "Vause, we're in the middle of something here, so you can wait outside for five minutes and - "

Warren cuts her off, eager, "Uh, I'm all good with goin' early."

Not taking her eyes off Alex, Berdie counters, "No need, she can wait until we finish."

"Fuck that, you need to tell me right now - "

"You want a shot, Vause?"

Alex's momentum stalls at the tone of Berdie's voice; she's never heard it before. The counselor has never once threatened her with discipline; Alex had sort of forgotten she could.

On the hells of that, she's suddenly furious at herself for forgetting, and for letting herself hand Berdie even the slightest bit of trust. As if she's any different from the other corrupt fuckers who work in this place who don't give a single shit about them.

Already there are hints of regret softening Berdie's face, but Alex ignores it. "Fine," she says, soft and steely and dangerous. "Give me a fucking shot. As long as you still feel like one of the good guys."

Warren starts ooh-ing under her breath like Alex is talking back to the teacher, and Berdie sighs, hesitating for a moment before turning back to Suzanne. "Warren, I want to see you work on this in drama tomorrow, alright?"

"Will do." Warren gets amiably to her feet, swinging a finger between Alex and Berdie. "Good luck with...all a'this."

The door closes behind her, leaving them shut in the silence. Berdie's lips are curled inward into a thin line, she's not happy but can't be nearly as angry as Alex. "That's a shot, Vause, don't think I was kidding. And you still better have a damn good reason for being in here or it'll be another one." Alex tightens her jaw and doesn't let her glare waver. Finally, Berdie exhales a tired sound and waves a hand at the chair. "Sit down."

"No, thanks," she refuses, solely out of spite.

Berdie leans back in her chair, getting her bearings again. "Suit yourself." Her expression smoothes out, unflappable once again. "Now. What is it you think I lied about?"

"The attack. You said there was nothing unusual about the report -"

"There wasn't."

" - and that you didn't even know if I was forgetting anything, but you kept fucking asking me about her, you knew - "

"Vause, you need to slow down -"

"Piper's the one that found me," Alex's voice snags, and fuck, she hates saying it out loud, hates that it's true.

She closes her eyes, running her fingers through her hair, God, Piper kept talking about blood on her hands, and hadn't she said something about not washing it off right away? "You don't think that mattered?"

Berdie is watching her closely. "You never wanted to talk about Chapman."

"I didn't think she was relevant to the attack you kept making me walk you through every single fucking session. Maybe if you'd mentioned she was there."

"She just now told you about this?"

"She didn't think she had to tell me, she said..." Alex stops, tightening her arms over her chest. "She swears I knew she was there. That we talked."

It's infuriating, the way Berdie's voice gentles when she finally says, "Alex, what is it you're asking me?"

It takes her a moment to figure that out, but she doesn't pose it like a question. "Tell me what happened. Finally."

Berdie's getting something from the lower drawer in her desk. "I can tell you what's in the report. That's all I know. Remember I was suspended, I wasn't on the scene." She opens a file in front of her but doesn't give it to Alex. "So this is all from interviews with Chapman, the COs, and the police." She lifts her eyes to Alex, almost like she's checking in. "Alright?"

"Tell me."

"You already know that was the day of the CO walk out, and the incident with the fence, so the grounds were fairly empty. Apparently Chapman saw Aydin while he was on his way out. She recognized him, and noticed a little blood on his shirt. Apparently..." She checks the file for the first time. "She knew you had been worried, since your testimony at the trial. So she ran to find you in the greenhouse."

This isn't anything PIper hadn't already told her, but Alex's legs have gone hollow beneath her, and in spite of herself she has to sink slowly into the chair. She's not looking at Berdie; her eyes glazed over and unfocused as she tries to picture this.

"Of course we don't know how long she was with you, or anything that you said...for the record, Vause, I genuinely had no way of knowing if you were conscious at that point or not. What I know is that CO Rikerson came back to the greenhouse to check on you - he was concerned you never came after the rest of the yard crew. When he got there, Chapman was crouched over you. He called for back up and subdued her - "

"What?" The image in Alex's head cracks. "What do you mean subdue her, why?"

Berdie meets her eyes, and she looks sorry. Fear roars to life in Alex's chest. "Apparently...Riker's initial assumption was that she was the one who attacked you." Alex makes a sound, jagged and involuntary. "They took her to solitary right away, to wait for questioning, but you gave a statement in the ambulance naming Aydin, saying he'd gotten in as a CO."

Alex is shaking. She feels punctured, like words can draw blood and she's dripping pain all over Berdie's floor.

"Why the fuck..." Alex stops, swallows. She's too loud, she sounds crazy. "That doesn't make sense, what kind of idiot would think she did it?"

Berdie glances at the file again, probably more to give credence to what she's saying than a need to double check. "The shovel and shears were lying right beside the two of you...she hadn't gone for help..." She looks at Alex again, sympathetic. "It was a knee jerk response. There's no report of any statement from Chapman until she was released from seg, no mention that she directed them to Aydin before then."

It seems impossible Alex hadn't known any of this. She doesn't even know what to ask, there's no question that's going to somehow prove this wrong.

"How...how long did they keep her there?"

"I'm not sure exactly. No more than a few hours, they held her until the SIS came in to conduct the investigation."

Her eyes are stinging, she's never once cried in here, not in all the times Berdie pushed her to traumatic edges, but the idea of Piper locked in the SHU - with Alex's blood on her hands, left on there for hours, Jesus - has her a breath away from sobbing.

She can't talk anymore, her throat locked around any questions, and Berdie seems to sense that because she just continues, "After a lot of questioning, Chapman filled in the blanks of what you told the police in the ambulance. You were unconscious by the time you got the hospital." Berdie closes the file and taps it with her hand. "That's all I know, Vause."

There's an unspoken end to that sentence - the rest you'll have to hear from Chapman - but Alex isn't thinking about that yet. Most of her effort is going into not losing it, while some distant part of her brain dazedly marvels at the fact that they're living in a place where someone would actually think Piper might try to kill her.

When she's been quiet for too long, Berdie pushes her damned box of tissues toward Alex, but she's too out of it to roll her eyes or insist that she's fine. She only shakes her head slightly and tightens her jaw before she asks, "Why don't I remember her being there? Why block that out?"

"It may not be anything you suppressed at all. He did hit you on the head, Alex."

For the first time in awhile, Alex lifts her head and squints at Berdie, reading her. "But you don't think that," she says flatly. "You think there's a reason. You always have."

It's not a question, and to her credit Berdie doesn't deny that. "I've always thought it was a possibility, yes."

Alex leans forward, eyes fierce and narrow and leaving no room for Berdie to refuse her. "Why?" She doesn't understand, really, really doesn't; right now, she's so fucking sorry Piper had to see her that way, hates that she's been carrying that memory around, but at the time, Piper had been all Alex still had it in her to want.

Her being there couldn't have been the worst part of that day.

Berdie's voice is gentle. "As soon as you came back here, you started avoiding anything that was there that day: CO's in uniform, the greenhouse...you wouldn't even go outside. That's normal for PTSD, Vause, you were steering clear of any triggers...except for her."

Piper is waiting outside Berdie's office when Alex finally emerges. Bloodshot, darting eyes taking a moment to register Piper's there, then flicker quickly from surprise to gratitude to something almost like dread. "Hey."

Tight throated already, Piper answers, "Hey. You okay?"

Alex nods but she doesn't really look it.

Piper holds her gaze for a long, loaded moment, an understanding passing silently between them, their eyes acknowledging that this is going to hurt like hell. Piper finally draws a breath. "Want to go somewhere and talk?"

Alex nods again, it scares Piper a little that she's not talking. But Piper's spent the last half hour talking herself firmly back to a place of calm, for Alex, so now she just leads the way back to the chapel. This time they sit in two of the back rows, Piper in front of Alex, turned sideways in a chair so she can face her.

Piper knows she needs to be the one to do this, but she can't figure out a starting point, when Alex speaks first, quiet and rough. "Sorry for...I didn't mean to freak out on you."

"No, God, I'm sorry, I didn't...I had no idea you didn't remember." Alex flinches, looks away, and finally Piper asks, "You...did Berdie tell you?"

"Yeah. Well. What she could. She basically read me the report."

Piper makes herself hold Alex's eyes. "Are you mad at me?"

Alex's brow furrows, nothing but surprise in her expression. "What? Why would I be?"

"Because I didn't do anything." The words, draped with distress, wrench themselves out of her. "I just froze, Alex, I didn't go for help, God, I couldn't even say anything..."

She hadn't said she was sorry, hadn't even told Alex she loved her.

Piper had thought about that all the time when she thought Alex was dead, that even in her last few seconds Piper had managed to screw up, that she hadn't even been able to give Alex one final thing.

Alex's face is tight. "Could you...sorry, Pipes, I don't want to ask this, but would you be okay telling me what happened?"

Piper nods. She doesn't really understand what's happening, why Alex doesn't remember, but that doesn't matter right now.

She knew this question was coming, and she's determined to get through it. Alex must hate this, feeling out of the loop in what should be her own memories. So Piper will do this for her, she can do this, but God, that day -

That day was something broken, it was shattered glass and Piper is still finding slivers of it in her skin.

"Okay. Like I told you, I saw Aydin. At first it was just the uniform, I only knew it was a CO. I'd been out of bounds, leaving here, actually, so I tried to make sure he wouldn't see me, but he was...in a hurry. And then I saw his face."

For a dizzying second, it hadn't even seemed real, just a memory out of context.

"And I noticed the blood, on his shirt. And dirt on his hands."

She'd understood exactly what had happened, that fast, the truth stinging in her lungs like the crack of a whip.

"I thought...I don't know, I just guessed he was coming from the greenhouse. So I ran."

It had felt like Piper had swallowed terror, trailing it down on her throat to sit heavy in her chest. She'd run without breathing, somehow, and even more miraculously had managed to leave behind the girl who five minutes before sat in the chapel giving herself an infinity tattoo, floating on power and pain.

"There was...I didn't see a single other person when I was going. Nobody. Did Berdie tell you about that, the thing with the fence...?"

Alex nods, so Piper doesn't add that it seemed like the world had ended. Through no real logic, that had only fueled Piper's horrified, gut deep certainty that the very worst had happened.

"So I got to the greenhouse and you..." Her voice stumbles for the first time, nearly falling. "You were just laying there..."

Blood, and blood, so much of it Piper's eyes had closed to red for months.

"I don't know, I think I screamed."

Or at least, something had screamed, maybe just in her head, her chest, her own blood still inside her body. Something had screamed.

"And I ran over, I was saying your name."

That was all she managed, the whole time, not I love you not I'm sorry not even a useless It's okay or I'm here. Just Alex Alex Alex and even that had cracked and faded too quickly.

"Tried to...stop the blood or something, I don't know."

Her hands had pressed to the hole in Alex's stomach, soaked in seconds and so goddamned useless, there'd hadn't been enough left to hold together.

"It was too deep, Alex, he'd fucking gutted you, I couldn't, I couldn't stop it..." She's losing it now, her voice thick and wild, she shouldn't be saying it like that, facts only, that's what Piper had decided.

Alex's face is pale, and she leans forward to put her hands over Piper's arm on the back of the chair. It helps her continue. "You said my name."

Pipes. Please.

Pipes.

Help.

"You were looking at me...well, one eye was swollen shut." Piper touches Alex's cheekbone, her fingers searching for the bump of scar tissue, reassuring herself. "But you looked at me with the other one."

Alex's whole face had been wet and red except the right eye, pale pink and terrified, sending tears sluicing through blood while she'd begged...

Don't leave me.

There are tears on Piper's cheeks now, but she ignores them, continuing, "You asked me not to leave you." The words burn hot on her hip. "And, and I didn't." Her voice breaks in half. Alex is touching her face, thumbing away tears, so tender it's almost too much to take. "But I should have, I should have gotten help sooner."

She always gets it wrong, somehow. Piper had turned her back on Alex the first time she asked her not to leave, left her standing in the rubble of her life; then she had stayed the very moment she should have been running, should have been helping, just sat silent and useless to watch Alex fade.

"Pipes..."

"I just sat there until...one of the CO's showed up. You just kept asking for help, and for me to stay. You didn't look away from me."

She'd heard the blood in Alex's throat when she talked, when she struggled for breath, that was bad, Piper had known it was bad.

"I don't know how long I just sat there before...it was just lucky that he came, I didn't yell or anything. Like it never fucking occurred to me to go for help. He got his walkie and called for back up, already said they'd need an ambulance, and then..." Piper stops abruptly, hitting a wall; she hadn't planned for this part. She's not sure if it's part of what Alex needs to know.

But Alex's face softens, tears brimming in her eyes now, too. "Berdie...she told me - " She lets out a low hiss, and the words come out a thick, angry whisper. "That they thought it was you."

"He told me to move away from you," Piper says dully. "I just didn't."

It's not that Piper had made a decision to disobey, to ignore the order. She'd heard him, but that was it. It hadn't registered, nothing had except for Alex dying under her hands.

"So he grabbed me and got me on the ground, held me down."

Her cheek had landed right next to a creeping pile of blood, it turned her stomach, so she'd tried to move away but the guard's knee dug into her back. She couldn't see Alex's face anymore, but she could hear Alex saying her name, like she didn't know where she'd gone.

That's when Piper spotted Alex's glasses, over by the cabinet, nearly at her eye level. She'd wanted to say something, to tell him to get them, that Alex needed them to see, and God, one of her eyes was already hurt, she fucking needed her glasses. But Piper hadn't been able to make her voice work, the words crumbling somewhere in her throat.

"Jesus, Pipes..." Alex's voice is a tight, fragile thing, her eyes screwed shut.

"It's okay, it was my fault," Piper says quickly, hating that Alex feels bad for her in a story where she was the one bleeding out on the ground. "I didn't tell them they were wrong, or tell them what happened. Aydin was getting further away and I couldn't - " She stops, corrects herself. "I didn't say anything, Alex. And then...more guards came, and they were asking me questions, and I still didn't...I didn't tell them they were wrong."

Piper's voice falters and she has to take a second to sort out the chaos from that next moment. There had been so much happening, but mostly what she remembers is that she couldn't see Alex anymore, even when Rikerson jerked her up from the ground - there were CO's swarming over her, and another one in front of Piper, asking her questions and yelling, she doesn't remember what he said but she remembers finally realizing, vaguely, what was going on.

"They were all...they were talking to me like it was my fault. They took me off to SHU before the ambulance even came, I knew it was punishment. I knew they thought I did it, that I was the reason, so I didn't say anything because it felt true. They locked me up and I knew I deserved to be in there, it didn't feel like they got anything wrong."

Alex is crying silently, one hand hovering just in front of her own lips like she's ready to muffle any sound that tries to get out. It makes Piper feel awful, like she might cave in; she doesn't want Alex to think that was the worst part.

"Hey..." She wraps a hand around Alex's wrist, waiting until she meets her eyes. "SHU didn't matter, Alex, the only thing I cared about was that I wouldn't know what happened to you, at first that's all I was panicking over, but then I started thinking...there was no way you'd be okay. You were practically in two pieces, Alex, and I didn't even hear sirens yet."

She wipes her face with her sleeve, it's getting harder to talk, so she rushes through the end. "And then they came back for me and they seemed to know it wasn't me."

"After how long?"

"I don't know."

She doesn't remember much of SHU. Nothing after the sinking realization that Alex was probably dead, and Piper was locked up because it was her fault.

Something broke, then. Something hidden but crucial inside Piper, the kind of breaking that's forever.

The next thing she remembers is being let out, dragged into a room for questioning, her eyes burning and her head throbbing. They'd kept asking questions, and it took so long for Piper to surface enough to answer, her throat sore and her voice nearly gone, she wasn't sure why. She hadn't been able to stop staring at her hands, Alex's blood drying and flecking off her palms and arms, her own leaking from her knuckles.

"That's it, Alex," she says hoarsely. "They came and got me, I told them how you knew Aydin and why he was there, and that's it. You're not missing much, because there wasn't anything. I didn't do anything."

"Pipes, they caught Aydin," Alex reminds her gently. "You know that, right?" She nods pitifully, sniffling and blinking out more tears. Healey told her that, even as he refused to give an update on Alex. "I think your statement helped that, all I did was give a name they wouldn't know and say he was one of the new COs. And they caught him, and Kubra's wanted now, they think he'd left the country even before Aydin reported back. It's over."

"If Rikerson hadn't come back...Alex, I would have just sat there watching you die - "

"You were in shock, and no one was close - "

"I didn't help you, Alex!" That comes out in a high, childlike whimper, a scream without strength. "I couldn't even say anything important."

"Piper..." Alex exhales her name, leaning forward and cushioning her arms on the back of Piper's chair, resting her chin on them. Piper strokes her fingers through Alex's hair, throat swelling with apologies. Then Alex continues, "You were there. That was something important."

"Alex." Her voice cracks on the name. "You don't even remember - "

"But I knew then. And that's when I thought I was dying, that's when I was scared out of my mind." Piper wraps her arms over Alex's, leaning forward and burying a sob in her hair. She feels Alex turn into her, lighting kissing her chin before murmuring against her neck, "Pipes, I wish you hadn't had to see that. I wish none of that had happened because it made it even worse for you, but at the time...the last thing I remember is wanting you there."

Piper leans back again to look at her. "Why?"

"I thought I was dying," Alex says simply. "I just wanted to see you again."

Her chest spasms out of a rhythm of almost-sobs, and all at once Piper stands up, stepping over the row of chairs to sit in the seat beside Alex, leaning against her shoulder and grabbing her hand like a lifeline.

"I wanted you in the hospital, too," Alex tells her softly, lips pressed against Piper's temper.

Piper closes her eyes and sighs, exhausted, nestling as close as the armrest between the chairs allows and she mumbles, "How were you not furious at me?"

"I was that, too. I was a lot of shit in the hospital, actually. Mad at you. Wanting you. Scared of you."

Fear skitters her pulse. "Scared?"

"Well, not of you. That's the wrong way to say it." Alex is quiet for a moment, like she has to search for the right way. "Scared about you, I guess."

Piper waits, but when Alex doesn't explain, she sits up to look at her. "What about?"

Slowly, Alex smiles at her and it doesn't make it to her eyes; her face is all love and fault lines. "I was scared you wouldn't love me like this."

Piper closes her eyes, sending tears racing out. Blindly, she reaches for Alex, cradling her face, tracing the scar. She whispers, "I've been scared you shouldn't love me at all."

Her eyes are still shut when she feels Alex's mouth on hers, a soft, salty kiss. Alex waits until Piper looks at her before she says, "Well, I do." She tucks a piece of Piper's hair behind her ear, then, "Always will."

Warmth fans out in Piper's chest; she's been making sure Alex doesn't say she loves her, and she can't decide if this counts, but she also can't bring herself to mind.

She rests her head against Alex again, and they let the quiet envelope them for awhile. Piper focuses on the rise and fall of Alex's breathing, waiting for her bad memories to burrow down again, deep enough that the hurt isn't so close.

"Thank you for telling me," Alex says after a long time. "I know it wasn't easy."

Piper cuts her eyes high, trying to look at her without lifting her head. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Alex's voice sounds far away, thoughtful. "Berdie said...she said maybe the reason I blocked out you being there was because I was avoiding anything that might be a trigger. I had a total break down flashback over just the crack in my old glasses - "

"You knew I had your glasses?"

"I found them in your bunk, I was looking for letters with Polly's address."

Her voice warms, teasing. "And you thought they'd be hanging on a hook with my clothes? Stalker."

Alex grins, still delighted by Piper joking. "You're the one hoarding my shit, weirdo. Anyway. Those set me off, and when that asshole CO grabbed me...and I couldn't even chance looking at the greenhouse. Berdie says I didn't want to have to worry about that with you. If I didn't let myself remember you were there, I wouldn't associate you with the attack. And I wouldn't be scared to be around you."

"You think she's right?"

"I don't know." Alex laces theirs fingers together, her thumb moving in an absent circle. It feels so nice. "But if she is, I guess I'm glad." She's quiet for a moment. "Kinda ironic, though."

"Which part?"

She smiles. "When I first came back, you were doing everything you could to get me to avoid you. And all along my brain was making sure I wouldn't."

Piper doesn't smile back. Tentative, she asks, "You know I'm done with that, right?"

Laughing a little, Alex answers, "Yeah, Pipes, it's pretty clear at this point."

"But I mean...done for good." It suddenly feels really important to make this clear, right now. "Even when I get out of here...I'm not leaving you, Alex. I'm gonna get a place close by - "

"Pipes, you don't have to -"

"- and come see you all the time, be away from my parents - "

"Get those tattoos on your leg lasered off."

Piper stops then, resting the hand Alex isn't holding on top of her thigh, worrying the material of her pants between two fingers. "If I can afford it, yeah. Eventually."

"Good," Alex says like she really, really means it. "What about the other ones?"

"I don't know..." It's still hard for her to think too far ahead, to understand what it means that they're on her forever.

Part of Piper can't help thinking that Alex is stuck with her physical reminders of all this; maybe, for once, Piper shouldn't get to erase her mistakes. Maybe she should bear the evidence.

The leg she'll take care of, as soon as possible; the words on her leg hurt Alex, and she had never meant for that to happen.

Finally, Piper answers honestly, "I haven't thought much about it. Right now, you getting out is as far ahead as I want to look. Everything after that we figure out together."

Alex smiles at Piper in this way that turns her eyes to pure light, this way that make Piper's heart feel like it's floating. She looks so damn happy. So damn alive. "Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah."

Too soon, the light in her eyes dims, just a little, and Piper instantly misses it. "Pipes, you gotta promise me something." Piper raises her eyebrows, waiting. "I don't want you to do anything because you feel guilty that I'm still here. I was always supposed to have this sentence, Piper, you don't need to pay penance."

Pain twinges in the parts of Piper that are still broken, the unfixable cracks; she knows Alex has reason to doubt her certainty, and all she can do now is prove herself, over and over.

"I'm probably not done feeling guilty yet," Piper says softy. "But I swear, that's not the why. I am wishing I could stay here in this bullshit prison, just because I like that I get to see you every day. That's all this is, Alex."

And right now, fresh off reliving the worst day of her life, Piper's remembering how close she came to losing Alex, what an undeserved gift it is that she's still here.

Right now, it really does seem that simple.

Piper wants to see her. She wants to be with her. She wants to make her happy.

Finally, finally Piper knows what she wants.

"Not because I feel guilty. Just because I love you."

Alex gifts her with another one of those smiles. She hooks her finger around the neck of Piper's shirt and tugs her close, letting out a soft hum of agreement and a quiet, "Always will." seconds before she kisses Piper, slow and easy. She says it like she's finishing Piper's sentence, like the first declaration was hers, too, and when she pulls back there's a hint of a smirk dancing on her lips, smug that she's found a loophole to Piper's unspoken rule.

Piper kisses her again, not caring; so much of what Alex says to her already sounds like I love you.

A/N: So, like I said, shorter than the last several chapters, but I wanted this reveal and conversation to stand on it's own. There will be a short sort-of epilogue posted in the next few days, but let me know what you thought of this one.