As they entered the Great Hall to begin a new year, nothing seemed any more out of the ordinary than usual. Seamus and Rachel were shooting each other looks that clearly said 'I-hate-your-guts-so-do-us-all-a-favor-and-go-jump-off-the-Astronomy-tower' (nothing odd about that) and the teachers watched expectantly as the students filed in.

"Only ten months until he's gone, only ten months until he's gone," Rachel chanted softly, taking a seat between Tanya and Hannah. They were all quite damp as a direct result of Peeves' welcome-back balloon bath. Of course, the raging storm outside didn't help a bit.

Dean and Seamus whispered and sniggered the entire Sorting ceremony, from the Hat's song to "Whitby, Kevin," earning themselves quite a few glares from the surrounding students. This all flew straight out of their minds, however, as the plates in front of them filled with food.

"I'll fit into those size 2 dress robes I got last month, don't worry," a haughty-looking sixth year was saying to her heavily-rouged friend.

Rachel shot her a hurt look. "Easy for you to say."

"Biotch," the girl snapped.

Rachel looked quite taken aback.

"Don't worry, Su, I like your gown," Katelyn soothed.

"No, no, I really like yours!"

This caught the attention of the two baboons sitting nearby. "What do they look like?" Dean asked.

"None of your business," Hannah replied, though obviously enjoying the attention.

"Are they hot?" Seamus cut in.

Their entire section of the table fell silent. "Well," Katelyn said stiffly after an awkward pause, "I suppose it's rather comforting to know they are human, after all…"

"Human? Katelyn, check your glasses prescription. Those creeps are from Mars."

"Uranus," Tanya corrected, not quite grasping the joke.

The Martians/creeps/baboons/boys began laughing uncontrollably. Tanya's face reddened as she finally understood, and she joined the ranks of disgusting girls sending disgusted looks at the disgusting boys.

Not at all soon enough, Dumbledore stood up and administered his welcome-back speech. "…As ever, I would like to remind you all that the forest is out-of-bounds to students, as is the village of Hogsmeade to all below third year.

"It is also my painful duty to inform you that the Inter-House Quidditch Cup will not take place this year."

Rachel dropped her knife with a loud clatter and gasped.

"This is due to an even that will be starting in October," Dumbledore went on, "taking up much of the teachers' time and energy—but I am sure you will all enjoy it immensely. I have great pleasure in announcing that this year at Hogwarts—"

His next words were drowned out as the doors to the Great Hall slammed open and a one-legged man stomped in. He had one normal eye, but the other one was electric blue and swiveled around and around. A huge chunk of his nose was missing, and hundreds of scars crisscrossed his face.

The entire Great Hall watched in silence as the man stumped up between the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw tables towards Dumbledore, who grasped his hand and muttered to him.

"May I introduce our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher?" Dumbledore said. "Professor Moody."

No one clapped. "Wicked eye!" Seamus said loudly.

"Ahem," said Dumbledore. "As I was saying, we have the honor of hosting a very exciting event over the coming months, an event that has not been held for over a century. It is my very great pleasure to inform you that the Triwizard Tournament will be taking place at Hogwarts this year."

"You're joking!" one of the Weasley twins said loudly.

Everyone laughed, and Dumbledore grinned. "I am not joking, Mr. Weasley, though now that you mention it, I did hear an excellent one over the summer about a troll, a hag, and a leprechaun who all go into a bar—"

"Ahem."

"Er—but perhaps this is not the time…no…where was I? Ah, yes, the Triwizard Tournament…well, some of you will not know what this tournament involves, so I hope those who do know will forgive me for giving a short explanation, and allow their attention to wander freely."

As the female sector of the Funny Farm were all avid readers and very interested in the history of wizardkind, they'd all either read about the Triwizard Tournament or been told by the others. Therefore, they immediately rested their elbows on the table, and soon their eyes glazed over as they each drifted into their own private thoughts.

Suddenly, Lavender Brown sent one of those annoying "pass-it-on" pokes down the line, snapping the girls back to attention. "The heads of Beauxbatons and Durmstrang will be arriving with their short-listed contenders in October, and the selection of the three champions will take place at Halloween. An impartial judge will decide which students are most worthy to compete for the Triwizard Cup, the glory of their school, and a thousand Galleons personal prize money."

"A thousand Galleons?" Katelyn gasped. "Sign me up!"

"Eager though I know all of you will be to bring the Triwizard Cup to Hogwarts—"

"Oh, great," Tanya sighed. "Here comes the catch."

"—only students who are of age—that is to say, seventeen years or older—will be allowed to put forward their names for consideration. This is a measure we feel is necessary, given that the tournament tasks will still be difficult and dangerous, whatever precaution we take, and it is highly unlikely that students below sixth and seventh year will be able to cope with them. I will personally be ensuring that no underage students hoodwinks our impartial judge into making them Hogwarts champion. I therefore beg you not to waste your time submitting yourself if you are under seventeen."

"Ah, man," Katelyn said, slumping onto the table in disappointment.

"The delegations from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang will be arriving in October and remaining with us for the greater part of this year," Dumbledore went on. "I know that you will all extend every courtesy to our foreign guests while they are with us—"

"Depends on if they're Middle-Eastern or not," someone whispered, but looking around showed every face wide and innocent.

"—and will give your whole-hearted support to the Hogwarts champion when he or she is selected. And now, it is late, and I know how important it is to you all to be alert and rested as you enter your lessons tomorrow morning. Bedtime! Chop, chop!"