Chapter Twenty-Two:

ANGST! YAY!

Katelyn and Tanya stared in shock at the Chapstick Rachel held in her hand for a moment, then gathered around Hannah's bed.

"Come on, Schmurf," Katelyn said soothingly, patting the curtains gently, "tell us what happened."

"We promise we'll all keep it a secret," Tanya added.

"Promise?" came a quiet squeak from behind the curtain.

"Promise!" Katelyn echoed. Suddenly, the curtains split open, and a small hand motioned for them to come onto the bed. Tanya pulled them all the way open to find Hannah sitting with her knees pulled up to her chin, looking puzzled.

"Well, what happened?" Rachel asked.

"I don't know, it all happened so quickly," Hannah answered.

"Tell us what you remember," Katelyn shrieked.

"Well," Hannah began, "Dean asked if we could talk, and I said yes. So we sat on the sofa, and, the next thing I know, he was telling me how much he liked being friends with me. I told him how much I liked being friends with him, and as we talked we got closer and closer…" At this point Hannah was beet red. "And then…we kissed! He held me close and kissed me…and I kissed him!"

She buried her face in her pillow and gave a loud shriek, which was hardly muffled.

"But everyone knows you and Dean like each other," Rachel said dryly. "Why are you freaking out about it like this? You oughtta be happy, not screaming about it into your pillow."

"I am happy," Hannah protested. "I'm ecstatic!"

"Well, good," Rachel said deprecatingly.

Katelyn gave her a questioning look. "What's your problem?"

"My problem?" Rachel echoed. "I don't have a problem. No problem. Geez."

"Anyway," Tanya said, "if you're so ecstatic, why are you screaming?"

"I just thought we'd wait a while longer and get more mature in our relationship before he began kissing me," Hannah cried. "It just seems too early. I mean, I'm only just barely fourteen! What if I end up not liking him anymore?"

"She's got a point, you know," Katelyn said.

"Oh, what do you know, Katelyn?" Rachel snapped. "Hannah, this is stupid. You're never going to know what'll happen if you don't go along with it! You might be incredibly happy with him, happier than you've ever been in your whole life."

"But I don't want to take the chance," Hannah objected.

"Well, maybe some people want you to!" Rachel cried. She then snatched her pajamas off her trunk and flung herself into her bed and tore shut the curtains.

Katelyn, Tanya, and Hannah exchanged bewildered looks. It wasn't often that Rachel's fierce temper was directed at them, and this was momentarily worrying. But then Hannah's face contorted.

"Does she still like Dean?" she whispered, her cheeks going all flushed.

Katelyn shrugged.

"Because if she does…" Hannah trailed off meaningfully.

"I think Rachel's PMSing," Tanya said in a regular voice, not quite grasping that the others were whispering for a reason.

Rachel flung her curtains aside just long enough to say furiously, "No, I am not, Tanya, and I'd thank you to keep your nose out of my business." With a snap, the curtains were shut again.

Tanya looked hurt. Katelyn and Hannah blinked a few times in horror—never, not once in her life, had Rachel ever yelled at soft-spoken little Tanya. Katelyn's nostrils flared protectively, and she strode over to Rachel's bed. "All right, Rachel Anne Hekman, what is the mater with you?" So saying, she pulled aside the drapes.

To everyone's surprise, Rachel was curled up with her stuffed rabbit and was crying as though her heart would break. As indignant as Katelyn was, she could never stay mad at a crying friend, and she sat down resignedly, putting her hand on Rachel's arm and rubbing it soothingly.

"Aw, Rachel, what's wrong?" Hannah asked, feeling a little put out by her spotlight being stolen but holding no real grudge. She and Tanya crept to the edge of the bed, almost afraid. Rachel hadn't truly cried in public since at least second year.

It took a moment for Rachel to collect herself. But she got her tears in check with an effort, and hid her eyes with a trembling hand. "It's nothing, guys, really. I'm sorry. It's nothing."

Tanya scoffed loudly, surprising them all. "Come on. Crying people usually aren't okay."

At this, Rachel began to cry again.

"Oh, hun, it's okay," Katelyn said sympathetically. Hannah had to keep from laughing, as it was rather funny to see Katelyn's maternal side come out. "You can tell us what's wrong."

Rachel shook her head miserably.

"Don't you trust us?" Hannah asked.

She took a shuddering breath. "It's not that…I don't t-trust you guys, it's that…I don't trust myself!"

No one said anything, and Rachel continued. "This is going to sound so wrong, but I guess with Hannah and Dean maybe it won't…but when I was…was…when I was dancing with Seamus tonight, I…I felt really funny."

"You should've taken your inhaler beforehand," Tanya said wisely.

Rachel shook her head. "No, not like that. Like…all tingly and giggly and I couldn't get my heart to stop beating so fast. And I've felt like that for a while…but when he was holding me on the way home tonight, I guess I finally accepted the fact that...I really, really liked it. I realized I was hoping he'd hold me longer, or…or maybe even kiss me! I like my best friend!"

She buried her face in her hands and began to cry again. Katelyn was white with shock, and she covered her mouth with one hand. But Tanya and Hannah were rather blasé.

"Really?" Hannah said dryly. "Katelyn, why are you so surprised?"

Katelyn looked at her and mouthed that Seamus had told her the same thing earlier. Tanya looked interested.

"How long did this take you to figure out, hun?" Katelyn asked, recovering. "It's been kinda obvious to us, but when'd you realize this?"

"I guess I first noticed it at the end of last year," she admitted.

"But why are you so upset about it?" Hannah soothed.

"Because it's never going to work," Rachel said, sounding absolutely miserable. "He's never going to like me back, and…yeah, I guess it'll go away after a while, if I try not to let it out of hand. I'll have to detach myself from him a little. What if I accidentally let it slip?"

"It might not be as big of a deal as you'd think," Katelyn started, but Rachel shook her head.

"It's easy for you to say, because you and Wes have everything working for you. But Seamus and I fight so much…who knows what would happen?"

"That's true," Tanya said.

There was a pause, and then Hannah said quietly, "Is that why you were so mad a minute ago? Are you…jealous?"

Rachel nodded wretchedly. "Why can't I…I mean, Katelyn gets to go with her Wes, and you got to kiss your Dean…but I'm stuck with liking someone I can't possibly have and I have to go to the Yule Ball with someone who only makes me want Seamus to punch out his lights! Or, you know, I could do it, too…"

Tanya reached around and caught all of her friends in a hug. "There, there. I think we all need to go to sleep. We'll try and sort this all out in the morning, okay? Hannah, you can have all night to think about what to do with Dean, and Rachel can calm down a little and distance herself from these hormones."

They all stared at her.

"What?"

"Tanya actually had a good idea!" Katelyn exclaimed. "…Yay for Tanya!"

"What?" Tanya asked again, this time blankly.

"Never mind," Rachel said tiredly, and got slowly under her covers. The other girls changed and followed suit, and pretty soon each dropped off to sleep: Katelyn let her imagination run wild about her gorgeous Wes dancing her all over creation; Hannah mused over Dean's kiss; Rachel had wonderful but sickening dreams of Seamus' grin and his warm hands on her waist and around her fingers; and Tanya laughed in her slumber as licorice puppies frolicked and gamboled in cotton candy fields.

Tomorrow would be the Yule Ball.