O.O Wow. I just want to thank everybody so much for the reviews! I was so happy to get so much positive feedback! Hopefully I won't let you down. The beginning of this chapter... actually most of this chapter is rather boring, but I promise it's just setup for the rest of the story.

Iruka supposed he should have gone home immediately so he could calm down in private. And after he had sedated himself with a cup of tea and a few good whacks to the pressure points on his head, he could start strategizing. (He may as well, since it was obvious the Hokage had no intention of relieving the poor schoolteacher of this humiliating mission.) However, Iruka – being more than a little out of it by this point – was sitting on the ground, propped up by a bush.

Passersby stared at the chuunin with the glazed-over look, wondering why one of the most respectable shinobi in the village was currently resting in the dirt, but they didn't disturb him. And the chuunin was left to ponder in peace. Well, as much peace as his tormented mind allowed him.

Of course the first strategy to pop into Iruka's head was to ask. While the idea of just walking up to the jounin and saying 'Hey, guys, you might think this is a little nutty, but I have to kiss you all for this mission, so if you could just form an orderly line...' would have been rather embarrassing, it would have been the best course of action. But he couldn't if it was top secret. Why it would be top secret, the chuunin couldn't even begin to fathom. He had the sneaking suspicion that the Hokage was just trying to make his job harder.

The next plan, that could be implemented within a single day, was to simply pounce the men on the list and then run away. But they were all jounin. He'd end up with fewer limbs or his neck twisted the wrong way if he surprised any of them. That wasn't a good idea.

Besides, any plan that involved kissing them quickly wouldn't work. The mission was not only to kiss them but to record the specifics of each kiss and a 1-10 rating. Iruka wasn't quite sure what, exactly, 'specifics' was supposed to mean. Did they want a breath-rating or something?

And who was this 'they'? Who on earth could have requested this mission? Was it one of the weird women in the village who had a ninja obsession? Iruka had met a few of those in his lifetime - the women that weren't ninjas but had an unhealthy attachment to them. Did one of them know they had no chance to have the opportunity to kiss these elite shinobi so they were sending someone else to live out their fantasies and record everything for them? This seemed like the most logical reason Iruka could think of for anyone to request such a strange mission.

But why did the Hokage insist that he was the only one for the job? One of the female jounin would have been much better suited for this.

Maybe it was a guy who had requested the mission? And he wanted another guy's perspective? But still! He couldn't believe the Hokage had turned down his offer to switch this mission with Anko! She would have been so good at this! And after all was said and done, who was really going to dwell on it? 'Oh, Anko's been going around making out with a bunch of guys? Oh well, tell me something new.'

But if Iruka was caught doing it… rumors would fly and his reputation of a well-mannered, respectable shinobi would be tarnished forever. Surely, the Hokage had thought about this? How could she do this to one of her most reliable ninja? Damn sadistic woman.

Iruka suddenly brightened as an idea struck him. What if they didn't know it was him? And what if there was some genjutsu that any man would fall for?

"No, dammit!" He pounded a fist into his head for even thinking such a thing. No way in hell was he going to sink to using Naruto's Sexy Jutsu! Mainly because that would involve asking Naruto to teach him.

Perhaps Iruka was going about this the wrong way. Maybe there wasn't a sure-fire way to get a kiss from everybody. He would have to examine each jounin carefully and figure out a new strategy for each person.

Iruka tapped his now-closed mission scroll against his outstretched leg, mentally going over the list of jounin he was supposed to be locking lips with.

Genma Shiranui

Well, Genma might not be so difficult. The man definitely wasn't a prude. As a matter of fact, the special jounin had teasingly flirted with Iruka in the mission room on more than one occasion. Then again, he did that with everyone. It might not be surprising to him that Iruka should kiss him, but then he might start thinking that Iruka took his flirting seriously and actually liked him. Then Genma would give Iruka some 'I'm flattered but I just want to be friends' speech that the chuunin did not think he could sit through.

Oh well – cross Genma off the list for now. He'd come back to him later.

Raidou Namiashi

Now that just seemed wrong to Iruka. Raidou was way too nice to be dragged into the middle of this depraved mission. Though – not that he was full of himself or anything – Iruka thought he could say the same thing about himself. Raidou had never flirted with Iruka, so he would be slightly more surprised than Genma if Iruka just walked up and started smooching him. But Raidou would probably follow the same train of thought as Genma and give Iruka 'The Just Friends' Speech. As many times as Iruka had suffered through The Just Friends Speech, he had never had to hear it from someone he didn't actually have feelings for – and in his opinion, the misunderstanding would probably be more embarrassing.

Asuma Sarutobi

Iruka could not honestly say he knew the man well enough to predict a reaction. If he could make a guess from what little information he had, he'd say Asuma would probably just sit there confused, and, after Iruka had run off, ask around the village to see if anybody knew what the hell was going on. In spite of the fact that it would be pretty easy to get a kiss out of Asuma, the humiliation of everyone else finding out wasn't what was making the teacher hesitate about this one.

Although it wasn't official yet, it was pretty common knowledge, even to the chuunin, that Asuma was Kurenai's. If Asuma told even one person about the kiss, it would eventually leak back to the female ninja. Now, Kurenai seemed like a fairly nice and even-tempered person. But people didn't become jounin by being docile and shy. There had to be a spark in her somewhere, and Iruka was afraid to set it off. Not only could he cause her to be upset with Asuma and ruin all hopes of them ever achieving a real relationship, but what if she came after him? Angry female shinobi could be downright terrifying.

Then again, maybe she wouldn't get angry. She'd just become sad. And that was something Iruka didn't want to put anybody through.

The chuunin sighed out loud. Asuma was a complicated case. He'd have to postpone thinking on that one too.

Jiraiya

Dear gods, this was somebody's idea of a very sick joke. No, it wouldn't be difficult at all to lure that pervert into a kiss. Iruka was fairly sure he would kiss even guys if they looked girly enough. (Not that he liked admitting he was 'girly' but it was true.) It was just the apprehension that once Jiraiya got started… would he stop? How the hell would he be able to escape someone with Jiraiya's skill level if the pervert decided he wasn't finished with the schoolteacher yet? Iruka shuddered.

Ebisu

Ew. Now Iruka knew that was a mean thing to think about the elite shinobi. But that was the thought that instantly sprang to mind. It wasn't that Ebisu was ugly or anything – if Iruka was going to be fair, he was actually attractive in a weird sort of way – but there was just something about the man that made him cringe when he thought of anything remotely intimate with him. It might not have been so bad if he didn't have Naruto's words about Ebisu being a closet pervert ringing in his head. The chuunin didn't know whether or not to believe Naurto's claims (he did have a tendency to stretch the truth a bit) but the thought would, nevertheless, not leave his mind. Maybe he should just stop thinking about it for awhile.

Gai Maito

Gods, that was even more disturbing than Ebisu and Jiraiya – put together! The guy wore spandex for crying out loud! Bright green spandex! And he had even brainwashed one of his students into copying his every characteristic!

Iruka quickly tried to empty his mind of any thoughts concerning kissing Gai. He just wasn't ready to digest that one without severe mental damage.

Ibiki Morino

Had Iruka ever even talked to the interrogation expert? Perhaps he had at one point – he tried to be a cheerful guy to everyone – but he really couldn't recall at the moment when or where any meeting between them might have occurred. Well, that would be more than a little awkward. What would Ibiki do if some chuunin schoolteacher he had never even spoken to or remembered speaking to just came up and started molesting his mouth? Iruka paled a bit as he figured that Ibiki would probably freak out, tie him down, and start interrogating him about it. He had heard of the man's mental tactics and really wanted to stay as far away from them as he possibly could.

Iruka's heart rate sped up to triple time when he realized he had reached the last name on his list.

Kakashi Hatake

While the idea of kissing Genma and Raidou was embarrassing, the thought of kissing Asuma, Ibiki, or Jiraiya was scary, and the image of kissing Gai or Ebisu was downright disturbing, nothing could compare to the thought of kissing the legendary copy-ninja. Hell, Iruka couldn't even picture what kissing Kakashi would be like because he had no idea what his damn lower face looked like. It's very difficult to imagine yourself locking lips with lips that you've never seen.

How in the seven hells did Tsunade expect Iruka to get under that mask? It was known throughout the entire village and even outside the village, that Kakashi Hatake did not reveal his face to just anyone. Iruka had once heard a claim from the two Ramen shop owners that they had seen Kakashi's face for a few moments when he lowered the mask to eat. But thus far, no more declarations of the sort had come from anyone else. Not even other restaurant owners. So it was quite obvious that this had probably been a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence.

The only other instance that Iruka could comprehend Kakashi taking off his mask in was in the shower. But what good did that do him? What was he supposed to do? Rip open the jounin's shower curtain, kiss him, say 'thank you for your time' and disappear? Not only was that ridiculous but, knowing the other man's reflexes, Iruka would probably end up with his head through a wall before he could even get near Kakashi's lips if he startled him like that. The teacher would probably wind up with serious bodily damage if he tried to catch Kakashi by surprise in any sort of situation – just like with any other jounin.

The only thing Iruka could think of was to try to get Kakashi to lower his mask because he was going to kiss someone. And the chances of Iruka ever being able to seduce him into doing such a thing were slim to none. Despite common knowledge that Kakashi was known as the village pervert, with his head always buried in his smut novels, Iruka could not remember ever seeing or hearing of him being in any sort of relationship. If Kakashi wasn't looking for any sort of attachment – and Iruka was sure he wasn't – how was he, of all people, supposed to change that?

Kakashi hated him. Well, if anyone ever asked the copy-nin that, he would probably deny it and say he didn't hate anybody, but Iruka knew it was true. Now, lately the eccentric jounin had taken to popping up around Iruka as though he were actually interested in talking with him, but somehow, any attempt at polite conversation always ended on a bad note. The jounin always made it seem like he just turned up to chat, but in the end, Iruka knew he was just mocking him. The chuunin wondered why the other man even bothered coming around. Wasn't there anyone else he could verbally harass?

Iruka growled to himself. His thoughts had obviously taken a turn off of the mission. He didn't even want to seduce Kakashi. If Kakashi didn't like him, he didn't like the jounin either! And if he did try to seduce Kakashi for the sake of the mission, there was a good chance that the copy-nin would take his advances seriously and find it amusing that Iruka 'liked him'. The poor teacher could just hear the laughter ringing in his ears now.

Iruka's free hand flew up to clutch at the bridge of his nose as he felt a massive headache coming on. "I knew this was going to be difficult the moment I laid eyes on it, but now it just seems impossible!" The Hokage's words of 'That's why it's a B-rank' floated dauntingly around in his head.

"Unnnnnnh… this isn't fair! What did I do to deserve this?" The brunette flopped backwards, breaking through to the other side of his bushes.

"Deserve what, Iruka?"

The teacher's eyes snapped open and he visibly paled as he found himself staring up at the inverted image of his most posing problem. A single eye poked over the top of a hideously orange book to stare at him questioningly. "Kakashi-sensei…"

The eye curved slightly in a smile. "We've been through this, Iruka. You can just call me Kakashi."

Iruka quickly regained himself and tried to look annoyed, as he usually would be. "And we've also been through this, Kakashi. You can call me Iruka-sensei."

Kakashi's smile faded slightly and he looked a little put out. "Very well, Iruka-sensei."

The two men stared at each other silently for a few moments, Kakashi over the top of his porn and Iruka from a less-than-dignified position, on his back in the dirt. Finally, Kakashi cocked his head to the side a bit. "Did you get beat up or something?"

Iruka's eyebrow began to twitch. "Do I look beat up? Where the hell did that question come from?"

"You're in a bush."

"So?"

"Well, I was just remembering this incident when I was a young boy. I was walking along, minding my own business when all of a sudden I heard the cry of a young damsel in distress. Being the gentlemanly and kind-hearted person I've always been, I approached the two boys who were picking on the little girl. However, they were older and bigger than me and the next thing I know… I'm in a bush."

Iruka stared up at Kakashi. "You got the crap beat out of you and thrown into a bush?"

The taller man thought a moment, then smiled again. "Yes, I guess any story where I get beaten is obviously a lie, huh?"

Iruka glared up at him. "Were you really lying? Or are you just embarrassed now that you told me about you losing a fight?"

Kakashi smiled brightly. "I'll leave that to your imagination. You should really use that thing more often anyway."

Iruka sighed disgustedly, but was interrupted in whatever snappy comeback he may have made by a gloved hand in his face. "Aw, come on. I'm just joking, Iruka… sensei."

The schoolteacher froze and gazed at the hand in front of him. After a moment, his rage-filled face relaxed and he grabbed the other man's hand. Kakashi swiftly pulled him out of the bush and to his feet, good-naturedly brushing some of the clinging dirt off the chuunin's back. "Thank you, Kakashi-sensei," Iruka attempted to return to his polite self. After all, Kakashi hadn't really done anything that rude or hostile yet.

Kakashi smiled, his eye curving. But he stopped smiling and instead peered curiously at the teacher as Iruka made to tuck his mission scroll into his vest. Being nosey, as is the nature of all jounin, Kakashi wasted no time in snatching the scroll right back out again. However, Iruka must have been expecting this, because he noticed immediately and reclaimed it before Kakashi had a chance to open it. "Don't touch my stuff."

Kakashi blinked in slight surprise at the chuunin's speed compared to his own. Yes, Iruka really must have been anticipating Kakashi making a grab for the scroll. There was no way the schoolteacher could have matched his reflexes otherwise. However, the copy-nin didn't dwell on this too long as now he was doubly curious as to what the Mysterious Iruka-sensei Scroll contained. "Is that a mission?"

"Yes." Iruka quickly stuffed the scroll into a deeper pocket that the grabby jounin would have a much harder time accessing.

"What is it?"

"None of your business." Iruka turned away and began walking, trying to hide the blush that had appeared on his face. But Kakashi had caught it and now his curiosity had reached a peak that caused him to do something he only did on very rare occasions.

Put away his porn.

Making a mental note of what page he was on, Kakashi tucked the little orange book into his pocket and sprinted to fall into stride with Iruka. "If you tell me, I may be able to help."

"I don't need help."

"If that mission is what I heard you complaining about, I'd say, yes you could use my help."

"That's not what I was talking about."

"Well, then, what were you talking about?"

Iruka skidded to a halt and faced Kakashi with a frustrated look. "Kakashi-sensei-"

"Kakashi," the jounin corrected brightly.

"Kakashi, I appreciate your…. concern, but this is a mission direct from the Hokage. Not only that, but it is top secret, and I've got it covered." With that, Iruka spun on his heel and continued his path back home.

Kakashi stood still for a minute, contemplating whether or not he should continue his pursuit. Usually, he wouldn't poke into people's missions, but anything that was assigned to a chuunin was fair game to his elite jounin business. Anyone of a higher rank could look into someone of a lower rank's missions, unless there were express orders from the Hokage not to. Apparently this was one of those cases. But seriously, how top secret could a mission assigned to a chuunin schoolteacher be?

Even if the chuunin couldn't tell him details, he could still get the gist out of him enough to be able to offer assistance. He was just trying to help… really.

"AH!"

Kakashi had poofed right in front of Iruka's face, and was leaning uncomfortably close. The teacher's breath hitched a little.

Kakashi lifted an eyebrow as Iruka tensed up and stared at him. There was a strange look upon his features as though he were trying to make a difficult decision. The new question about the chuunin's mission died in Kakashi's throat as he waited for Iruka to snap out of whatever La-La Land he was visiting.

Iruka had had every intention of yelling in Kakashi's face when he decided to appear right in front of him. But when he noticed their inviting position, his brain started working overtime. What if he kissed Kakashi right now? The other man was as off his guard as he would ever be. And Kakashi was a notorious liar. If Iruka did him first and then was careful about the others, there would be a good chance that no one would ever find out about this horrible mission! Who would believe Kakashi if he started going around telling people Iruka Umino, one of the most proper people in the village, had kissed him, Kakashi Hatake, the perverted fibber?

Their faces were so near to each other now that if he really wanted to, Iruka could probably reach up, yank that mask down, and plant one on Kakashi right here and now.

So that's just what he did.

Iruka's eyes regained clarity, but they took on a worried, hesitant look, and now the teacher seemed to be shaking faintly. Kakashi's eye widened vaguely in puzzlement. "Kakashi…" Iruka's voice was soft and wavered slightly. "Don't take this the wrong way, but…"

Before Kakashi could ask what was going on, the chuunin grabbed the edges of his mask, and yanked it all the way down, bringing his lips to the jounin's newly exposed ones.

That's definitely not all there is to that scene - it is rated M for a reason - I promise. And I promise the next chapter won't be as boring. More action, more dialogue - all that good stuff. If you enjoyed, please review

DixieGoddess