What is this? It's a bird… it's a plane… it's… Mission: Kiss Me Deadly back from the dead! Holy crap!
Yeah, this fic has been dead for over 4 years… I am utterly ashamed. I considered just taking it down a few times, but I always loved this story the most and knew that someday… just someday… I would return to finish it. And I finally have!
I've revamped the other chapters just slightly. Nothing too drastic.
I'm not super happy with this chapter as it's not very funny. I wanted to combine it with the next chapter, but it's already longer than any other chapter, so I have to break them up, and this is just a filler to breach the time gap.
So yeah, I'll just let you get on with it!
Kakashi swiped at his hair nervously. He had attempted to brush/tame it that morning, but that was damn near impossible. A good half hour at it had resulted in him looking in the mirror and seeing no difference whatsoever. In fact, he had become so frustrated that he had done something he swore he would never do.
Invite one of his students into his apartment.
Sakura was shocked, to say the least, when a nin-dog had appeared in her bedroom at the crack of dawn to summon her. In fact, shocked probably wasn't the right term… Defensively violent and murderous might be better. Kakashi couldn't help but feel a little proud when Pakkun returned with a strip of fur missing from the top of his head, but he kept his laughter hidden from the angry nin-dog and promised the pug that he would never send him into Sakura's lair again. Then he snickered heartily to himself once Pakkun disappeared, muttering obscenities.
When Sakura showed up at his door moments later and he mourned to her about his hair, she had quickly assured him that it looked better than it normally did. However, it didn't take his genius mind to tell that she was lying through her teeth, and he instantly felt all kinds of pathetic regret for calling her there in the first place.
Attempts to send her home failed, however, as she was so excited to be called upon for advice again that she completely brushed aside his embarrassment and set about trying to pep-up her sensei. Kakashi had managed to keep himself from Iruka all day Sunday. A feat he felt he deserved a damn medal for. But Sakura, despite some of her boy-catching ramblings being completely ridiculous for his situation, had managed to convince him of this one. Luckily, he had a brand-new, shiny, autographed book to keep him occupied for a good portion of the day.
And now, here he was, bright and early Monday morning, attempting to make himself presentable enough to approach Iruka on his way to work and ask him out on a real date – the Shinobi Social.
He had been so wrapped up in his own little world lately, he hadn't even heard of it, but Sakura had filled him in and persuaded him it would be his best and safest bet in getting Iruka on a "date." Kakashi still wasn't entirely convinced that being in a room full of other loud, drunken ninja and bad music actually constituted as a date but Sakura told him it counted, wasn't too much pressure, and would give him a good barometer for determining if Iruka was actually interested in being with him on more than a sexual level. How on earth she concluded such a mass of complicated "dating truths" about some stupid dance, he had no idea. But she was a girl – a young girl, but a girl nonetheless – and he really had no other Boy Knowledge to work off of. So he was just going to have to take his chances with the Teenage Girl Knowledge of Boys and Dating…
He was screwed… he was sure of it.
But it's not as though he had been doing any better on his own, so…
Sakura had also attempted to get him to wear some nice civilian clothes instead of his standard shinobi uniform, but he had drawn the line at letting her into his bedroom and near his closet. Besides, he felt awkward in anything but his uniform. The last thing he needed in an awkward situation was to feel even more awkward in his own clothes.
All in all, the only thing that actually looked slightly different about him today was that he was wearing new sandals… But they looked exactly like his old ones, so he doubted anyone would even notice… or care… Sakura had tried once more to tell him that he looked "dashing" before exiting his apartment, but they both knew he looked no different than usual. He had given her a tired look at this, and, in a last ditch effort to help, she had scolded him on his posture.
Not that he wanted to admit it, but that was actually pretty good advice. Slouching didn't exactly scream "come and get me!" or "I want you under me right now!" So, after stopping for coffee, he found himself outside Iruka's home, willing every muscle in his body to hold himself straight and proper.
He was going to greet the academy teacher brightly, hand him one of the coffees, and ask if he could escort him to the academy. Along the way, he would ease into the chit-chat, and end with an invite to the social as they arrived at the doors of the academy. And he wasn't going to be any bolder or intimidating than that. He was going to lull the sensei into easiness around him, and be so damn charming that the brunette would have no choice but to accept his invitation. Yup, that was the plan.
Iruka should be coming out that door any minute to head to the academy… aaaany minute now…
The door creaked open. Kakahi's heart sped up. He plastered a smile to his face –
A short blonde head appeared, yawning loudly.
Kakashi's smile dropped, as did his posture.
Naruto froze and stared at him.
The jounin sighed. "What are you doing here?"
The boy blinked. "What are you doing here?"
The one exposed, now irritated-looking, eye of the sharingan-user glared at him.
"I stay here sometimes!" Naruto responded quickly and defensively. "Iruka-sensei made me dinner last night to make up for ditching me the other night, and I crashed here." He proceeded to glare back at his teacher now. "So what are you doing?"
"I'm looking for Iruka-sensei." 'Obviously.'
The kyuubi-carrier gave him a wary look. "He left already."
Kakashi's posture slumped even further if possible. 'Dammit! I know what time he leaves every morning! And I'm not late! Am I…?'
Naruto continued, still eyeing him carefully. "He had to leave early to get some stuff finished up in the mission room before classes."
Kakashi nodded, not showing any emotion to the boy. "Great, see ya." And he took off.
Ok, so his plan had been rudely interrupted from the outset, but that was ok. At least he knew where the teacher was, and he could get to the missions office quickly and still have plenty of time for a quick cup of coffee and conversation before Iruka needed to be in class. Minor setback – that was all.
What Kakashi had not been planning to have to throw into the mix was a wild orange blur suddenly crashing into him at the speed of light. Only his jounin reflexes prevented him from hitting the ground in a complete flailing mess – but one of the coffees did spill… ALL over him.
He looked up at the blonde with a deadly stare. It wasn't hot – in fact, it had gotten on his vest mostly so he wouldn't have felt it if it was. But why in the hell was his craziest student attacking him out of nowhere at this time of the morning?
"Naruto, you better – "
"You're gonna tell me what's going on right now!"
Kakashi blinked.
Naruto crossed his arms. "Something is going on between you and Iruka-sensei, and he won't tell me, so you're gonna tell me!"
The jounin sighed, closing his eye briefly. "Naruto, it's none of your bus – "
"YES IT IS MY BUSINESS!" the blonde interrupted loudly. Kakashi stopped in surprise. "Iruka-sensei is my family, and he is always my business! And you better remember that!"
Kakashi could have (and briefly felt he should have) just slammed Naruto into the ground with a simple earth jutsu for talking to him like that and been on his way, but the fire blazing in the young genin's eyes stopped him. He smiled just slightly beneath his mask. What had he been thinking? Like he was the only person in this village who cared about Iruka? He should've been expecting this.
"Look," Naruto continued, not shouting anymore, but still just as fierce. "I've gotten past the 'switching bodies' thing. Iruka-sensei proved it was him yesterday. But you're still acting weird, and he's still acting weird when I bring you up. So, if you've done something to him – "
"Naruto, I haven't done anything," Kakashi bit out. I mean, he technically hadn't, right? Well, aside from molesting him… twice… But Naruto really didn't need to know that, did he? Besides, Iruka had started it... both times.
Naruto continued to glare at him, not fully believing his words.
Kakashi sighed. "Look, we're in the middle of a… misunderstanding. I just need to talk to him and everything will be alright again. Ok?" He smiled at his student, eye curving up in reassurance, even though he couldn't truly promise that Iruka didn't, and wouldn't forever, hate him. But he crushed those thoughts aside as they did nothing to help his confidence in Mission: Ask Iruka on a Date. So he just smiled steadily at the blonde boy, hoping he would accept his vague explanation for now and let him be on his way before Iruka made it to the academy.
The boy didn't seem entirely convinced, but he huffed softly and gave Kakashi one more stern look. "If you ever hurt him, I don't care who you are or how strong you are, you will pay."
If Kakashi hadn't been the big bad copy-nin that he was, he might have shivered at the shockingly serious threat from the usually dim-witted boy. As it was, he kept his composure, nodded his understanding, and leapt off again, wet and one coffee lighter but still determined to make this morning work.
Iruka smiled softly to himself as he filed away the last of the papers that he had put off all weekend. Far be it for Izumo or Kotetsu, or hell, Genma, to finish up the end of the week paperwork, but then again, he had run out of there on Friday and chosen not to return. And he had chosen not to go in the previous day because he really owed it to Naruto – who had turned up on his doorstep almost in tears because of the past few days' madness – to treat him to dinner and explain everything… well, not everything, and not completely honestly, but as best he could to calm the boy down.
And he hadn't seen Kakashi all day Sunday. He had honestly kept waiting, in the back of his mind, for a knock on the door or for the silver-haired jounin to just appear in the room through the window again. But by the time he crawled into bed, there was still no sign of Kakashi, and there hadn't been any rude awakenings during the night. The chuunin was relieved… wasn't he? A pang of disappointment hit him, but he tried to squash it. He didn't want to see Kakashi. Maybe the jounin had finally given up on trying to torture him. That was a good thing. He should be happy – and he was! Dammit…
He jumped a little as another person's chakra appeared outside the room. No one else should be here this early. His heart sped up a little.
"Iruka-sensei?"
Iruka deflated just slightly, and was confused when he did so. It wasn't Kakashi staring back at him, but a tired looking Ebisu who gazed back at him in mild surprise. "Oh, Ebisu. Good morning."
Ebisu whipped out his glasses and quickly put them on, feeling bare and vulnerable without them. He cleared his throat, attempting to put on his usual professional front through his sleepiness. "What are you doing here so early?"
Iruka smiled brightly. "Oh, just finishing up some paperwork I didn't get done Friday."
Ebisu quirked an eyebrow. "Are you feeling alright?" It wasn't like the teacher to put off any sort of work, even for a couple of days. Which was probably the entire reason he had ended up in the hospital out of exhaustion and stress not long ago.
Iruka's smile became slightly strained, but he kept it in place. "Yes, I'm fine."
"Are you sure? You just got out of the hospital – "
"I'm fine," the chuunin bit out, before clearing his throat and smiling again. "Thank you for your concern. I was just busy over the weekend." He turned back to the desk and began gathering his satchel for school.
Ebisu nodded. He made a slight movement forward as though he was about to say something else, but huffed instead when someone ran into him from behind and a warm liquid splashed onto his backside. He whipped around, ready to discipline whatever clumsy low-rank shinobi had carelessly invaded his space and spilled something on him – and froze when he came face-to-face with the one and only Copy-ninja of the village. "Oh, um, Kakashi-sensei…"
Iruka's head whipped around. Kakashi stared boredly at his fellow jounin, masking his annoyance. Now, what the hell? Who, besides anal Iruka-sensei would be in the missions office at this hour of the morning? …Well, possibly the only person in the village even more anal than Iruka…
It was one thing to put the moves on the sensei one-on-one – it was an entirely different story to do it in front of others… Others watching and judging and making fun of his awkward attempts in their minds… He'd kill him!
Ahem… Kakashi took a mental step back and remembered that he hadn't actually done anything yet, and Ebisu had no idea why he was there and therefore had no reason to be judging him… Well, except for the giant coffee stain on his front which the other jounin had quickly noticed and who, Kakashi was sure, was now eying silently behind his tinted glasses.
"Ebisu… Iruka-sensei…" he drawled, trying to keep it casual.
"Good morning, Kakashi-sensei," Iruka returned, cringing internally at the way he sounded way too excited to his own ears.
"Is there… something I can help you with, Kakashi-sensei?" Ebisu attempted, but almost physically recoiled when Kakashi shot him a glare. Jeez! What the hell had he done!? In fact, if the squished coffee cup in his hand was any indication, Kakashi had just spilled a good portion of it all down his back! Like he had any reason to be glaring at him? But Ebisu was far from courageous enough to voice these thoughts aloud to one of the most formidable men in the village.
"Actually, I was looking for Iruka-sensei." Kakashi quickly attempted to straighten his posture again, now that he realized Iruka was looking at him too.
Both of the other men in the room stared at him a moment. "Oh, uh, well…" Ebisu stuttered less-than-gracefully and stepped aside as Kakashi continued to give him a pointed look.
Iruka couldn't fight the blush from creeping onto his face as the copy-nin's eyes finally locked onto his own. "Uh… yes, Kakashi-sensei?" he inquired in what he hoped was an innocently confused voice, not wanting to rouse weird suspicions in Ebisu's presence.
"I was wondering if I could speak to you for a moment?" Kakashi tried to sound chipper, his eye curving up in a smile that he hoped would draw attention away from his stained clothes.
"Oh, well, um…" Iruka glanced at the clock on the wall. "On the way to the academy? I'm going to be late." He snatched up his bag and brushed past the two jounin near the doorway. "Have a good day, Ebisu!" Then he gave Kakashi a quick look that he took to mean he was welcome to follow, and started off down the hall.
Kakashi gave Ebisu a curt nod, not bothering to apologize for the coffee spill, and took off after the chuunin.
Ebisu sighed, wondering where he could find a spare, clean shirt around here.
Kakashi caught up to Iruka as he was bustling out the door in a hurry, heading in the direction of the academy. Damn, the chuunin was fast! He attempted to give off his usual calm, collected air, but it was proving to be rather difficult to talk slowly and smoothly when you were practically sprinting. Especially since Iruka seemed determined not to look at him. "So, I, uh… coffee!" he announced haltingly, breaking the silence by sticking the slightly squashed cup he was still clutching in Iruka's face. This effectively brought the teacher to a stop for a moment. The brown eyes blinked in slight confusion and surprise.
Kakashi cleared his throat and attempted to make that sentence a little more complete. "I mean, I brought you coffee. Er… well…" He faltered as Iruka tentatively took the cup and shook it when he realized there was only about half of it left. "That was the plan, anyway…" he trailed off, voice losing its bravado.
Iruka blinked slowly, finally registering the stain on the other shinobi's vest. He attempted a tight-lipped smile. "Uh… thanks…" He resumed walking.
Kakashi followed again, his previous confidence quickly deflating like a popped balloon. This was not going right at all. Damn Naruto. Damn Ebisu! Damn coffee! He didn't have time to go through with his whole comforting chit-chat scenario, and he looked far worse than usual even after all his prepping, but he had to say something. 'Just ask him, Kakashi!' he scolded himself. 'You're an elite ninja, for gods sake. You know how to bounce back when Plan A doesn't go the way you intended. Just regroup! If he likes you the way you think he does, he'll say yes anyway.' "Iruka," The brown eyes finally flew to him. He couldn't read the exact expression, but Iruka looked anxious. "I was hoping – "
He was cut off by the sound of the bell a short distance away. Iruka startled, breaking his gaze on Kakashi. "Crap! I'm late! Sorry, Kakashi-sensei!" By the time Kakashi had registered what had happened, he was standing alone.
He kicked a rock on the ground petulantly. So much for his big plans…
Iruka sighed and slumped in his chair. The morning had felt long. Well, it had been longer than normal since he got up early to finish paperwork. But class had seemed to drag on forever before it was time for lunch. A part of him was relieved when Kakashi hadn't been able to finish his thought, but another part was still anxious about what he would eventually have to deal with. Yet another part was anxious to see Kakashi again for a whole different set of reasons. And then there was always Genma lurking in the back of his mind.
He grimaced. His distractions were costing him dearly in the classroom. Especially with Konohomaru, who may have rivaled Naruto in his absolute cluelessness in everything else, but for some strange reason had been able to perfectly hone the skills required to know precisely when his teachers were off their game. The boy was going to make a horrible assassin, but Iruka wouldn't doubt it if he ended up excelling in T&I someday.
He sighed as a shift in his posture caused the crinkling of paper to be heard between his back and the chair. He reached behind him and removed the paper shuriken that had been stuck to him with chakra. If only the boy devoted this much effort to studying and applying chakra control to things that actually mattered, he might actually become a decent ninja someday…
"Konohomaru, I assume."
Iruka jumped lightly at the voice from the doorway. He blinked in mild surprise as Ebisu stood there smiling softly in his direction. The jounin nodded to the paper shuriken. "He's been perfecting that silly technique since he was old enough to know what chakra control was."
Iruka snorted. "Doesn't surprise me."
"Just be grateful he isn't brave enough to try it with anything but paper around you."
The chuunin's eyebrows rose. "Oh?"
"Let's just say I've taken various kitchen appliances to the back over the years."
"Ouch… I don't know how you do it," Iruka mused.
Ebisu adjusted his glasses, looking a little embarrassed. "No, I don't know how you do it, Iruka-sensei." Iruka stared at him confused. "He actually listens to you once in awhile. Something I've yet to manage…"
"Hmm…" Iruka didn't really know what to say. He would have liked to tell Ebisu that Konohomaru was just a rambunctious kid who would grow up one day and start respecting him, but he couldn't honestly promise that. And he didn't really talk to Ebisu enough to know how to be comforting. He didn't know him that well. Which begged the question – "So, is there something I can help you with?"
Ebisu shifted, and Iruka wondered briefly if he was nervous about something. It was a little difficult to tell with the man.
The jounin cleared his throat. It had been impulse, really, that had brought him here on the teacher's lunch break. It wasn't like he had been planning it for a long time or anything. In fact, before he ran into him this morning, the thought hadn't even crossed his mind. But a slightly drunken conversation (ok, let's be honest, it was more of a shouting match) between him and Anko the previous evening would not leave his mind.
He had just been trying to enjoy a night off when that loud-mouthed kunoichi had insisted on plopping her drunk ass down next to him at the bar and harassing him with completely inappropriate questions. It was absolutely none of her damn business when the last time he'd gotten laid was – it wasn't even any of her business when his last date had been. But she had been relentless, eventually devolving into a song she had lovingly entitled Ebisu the Untouchable Virgin, and he had exploded on her that he was, in fact, going to the Shinobi Social with someone.
Of course, that was a lie… The truth was, although no virgin (he swore!), it had been an awfully long time since he'd even been on a date. He just didn't… do those things. At least, not since Konohomaru had become pretty much a fulltime responsibility… And yeah, that was ages ago…
He had been fully planning on coming down with a severe case of the flu or other such ailment the night of the dance, even though he knew Anko would know he had been lying if he tried that old trick. But when he had run into Iruka that morning, he couldn't help but wonder…
Maybe he should just do it… actually ask someone, go with someone… It's not like it would kill him. Sure, he was a little out of practice, ("A little!" Anko had laughed loudly, when he'd said this to her. "I bet the last time you went on a date was back when sex toys still had hand cranks!"), he could still get back in the game any time he wanted… Well, at least that's what he would tell himself. And if he was going to give it a try, why not try with someone who he knew was kind and unfalteringly polite… and there was a 98% chance that this politeness would not allow him to turn down the jounin, even if he wanted to, and thus eliminating most of the potential for embarrassment…
So he tried to stand tall and look like he still knew what he was doing, and he boldly asked, "I was wondering if you were going to the Shinobi Social with anyone next weekend?"
Iruka looked a little confused for a second, before a vague memory of being told about the shinobi dance came back to him. He hadn't been planning on going – big parties weren't his thing and who would he go with anyway? So he just shook his head minutely. "Um… no, I wasn't planning on it."
"Well, I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go together then?"
"Uhhh…" Well, this was certainly unexpected! Iruka barely knew the man. What was going on here? Up until he'd gotten this stupid mission, he'd felt virtually invisible in terms of the dating scene. He considered himself average-looking at best – nothing special. Nobody was ever tripping over themselves to get at him. Why all of a sudden…? And he hadn't even done anything to Ebisu yet! He had yet to even get to him on his list – why on earth was the strange jounin suddenly asking him out?
"I mean," Ebisu stuttered almost imperceptibly. "Just as friends… no pressure. I just thought it would be nice to have someone to go with…" And to get Anko off his damn back…
Iruka bit his bottom lip. It wasn't exactly planned and it wasn't exactly the smartest idea ever, considering the weekend he had had. A brief part of him wondered what cosmic deity was conveniently throwing all these jounin at him right after he had received his Mission from Hell. But what other opportunity would he have with Ebisu? Especially if he turned him down and effectively scared him off from talking to him or looking at him even semi-romantically ever again? So he stretched his mouth into a smile. "Sure. I'd love to," he chirped.
Ebisu's stance relaxed significantly. "Great, Iruka-sensei! I'll pick you up on Saturday at 8."
"Sounds good." Iruka shot the other man a last smile before Ebisu sauntered out of the room, looking more pleased than Iruka had probably ever seen him.
Kakashi had spent the rest of the morning at the memorial stone (after changing into a clean vest), talking quietly to his old team about the recent goings-on. He swore he could hear them all laughing at his predicament. He could totally see the smug look on Obito's face at realizing that his socially-retarded teammate had such a bad crush on someone. His sensei was probably smirking too. Rin was most-assuredly laughing her ass off at the fact that he had to resort to his barely pubescent genin student for love advice.
"I just would like one encounter with him that doesn't end with me looking like an idiot or a jackass... or a pervert." He sighed heavily. "I don't think I've ever been so bad at something I'm actually trying at in my life. I'm better at several things that I don't even try at at all…" He sighed as the imagined ghost-giggles died down at his unusual seriousness. "Ok, you guys, stop giving me the pity look. I'm not that pathetic. I'm gonna go back and try again when he switches over to the mission desk. I'm sure it'll go better this time."
He nodded hard once to shake himself out of the self-loathing thoughts. Only a few hours to go, and then things would be all better.
Iruka strode to the missions room in better spirits than he had been in for the past few days. Genma wasn't working today, so he wouldn't have to deal with him, and he hadn't had another Kakashi run-in all day, and the jounin should be off training his team by now. In addition, he now had a solid plan in place for checking Ebisu off his list of kisses, and he hadn't even had to do anything embarrassing – for once! Maybe things were finally looking up…
The brunette practically skidded to a halt as he approached the missions room door and spotted Genma lounging outside it. 'Crap! He isn't working today, is he? I could've sworn I was working with Kotetsu! Why is he here? Why is he here?' But as the bandana-clad jounin sensed his presence and turned to lock gazes with the teacher, Iruka knew what he should have known the second this mission was handed to him.
1) Crazy jounin are impossible to get rid of, especially if you rile them up and turn something into a mysterious puzzle that they have to solve. And 2) All jounin are crazy.
And Genma was here for him.
Kakashi peered at the sky from over the top of his newest Ichaicha book, (the pages were already slightly dog-eared), and calculated that it was near time for Iruka to be heading to his mission desk shift. Maybe if he hurried, he could even meet the teacher on his route from the academy to the missions office so he could have a little more privacy.
And then, he supposed, he could go train his team in the last few remaining hours of sunlight. He hadn't had it in him to go and attempt to give them his full attention for a short while before disappearing to continue his personal mission again. He also didn't know if he could face Sakura without a concrete answer. Or Naruto, for that matter, since the kyubbi-boy had made it very clear that morning that his jounin sensei better set things right with Iruka or there would be hell to pay.
Sighing and gathering all his resolve, the copy-nin pocketed his book and sprung off to go find the object of his affections once more.
Dammit! Iruka wasn't at the academy anymore. He hadn't judged the time quite right. Kakashi briefly wished that he wore one of the 37 watches he had been given as gifts over the years.
The sensei also was nowhere to be seen as the jounin sprinted along the path to the missions office. So he climbed the tree next to the window and was slightly dismayed to see the perky brunette already seated at his desk, checking over a report.
The copy-nin felt a twinge of disappointment at his bad timing, but perked up when he noticed that at least Genma wasn't working that day. It was just another chuunin – Kakashi didn't know his name, though he was sure he had seen him around somewhere. Oh well, either way, it didn't matter. The point was, he didn't have to worry about competing for Iruka's attention today. He would simply wait until the missions room was empty and the other little desk chuunin was engrossed in his work, and then he would go in and talk to Iruka.
While he waited, Kakashi tried to perfect his ask-out speech. 'Sure…' he moped sullenly to himself. 'In all her babbling, Sakura never once brought up the correct thing to say.' He pulled out his book, but quickly put it away again as the steamy words on the page were only serving to inspire him with very inappropriate things, and he liked to think he had finally moved beyond his stupid verbal diarrhea that always upset the teacher. No, he really needed to think up something normal and proper to say for once.
However, he didn't get much time to think it through as he heard a very familiar shout filter through the window. He jumped and got immediately defensive before realizing that this time Iruka wasn't yelling at him about one of his reports. He smirked as he watched the sensei rip some other jounin a new one. Heh… it was actually kinda funny when he wasn't the one being yelled at.
The curses from the angry chuunin served to clear out the room as the jounin being yelled at took off to fix his report, and the few stragglers lounging about decided to move out of range of the teacher's fury. The spiky-haired chuunin chuckled and said something to his companion. Iruka quickly slumped back from his tense posture and laughed quietly, seeming to calm down.
Well… it was as good a time as any.
Iruka chuckled softly at Kotetsu's joking reprimand for scaring off all the shinobi, but his muscles instantly seized up again as a slight breeze hit his back. There was only one ninja Iruka knew who insisted on using the window instead of the door – especially if he was on duty. He took a deep breath, but refused to turn around. He didn't have to, however, as the silver-haired nin seamlessly maneuvered his way to the front of the desk, almost seeming to just appear there had Iruka not been paying attention to the small draft he created when he came in a second earlier.
The jounin's eye curved into a smile. "Iruka."
Iruka tried to smile back, but he was certain he probably looked completely abnormal. "Kakashi-sensei…" He quickly dipped his head and shuffled a few papers around on his desk. "Um… there don't seem to be any missions, uh, for someone of your rank today…" he stuttered out, though he was pretty sure that's not why Kakashi was standing in front of him, especially since Naruto hadn't said anything lately about his sensei taking time off from training them to go work solo missions.
"Hmm…" Kakashi stuffed his hands in his pockets, trying to appear nonchalant to the other chuunin who was also currently staring at him. "That's not why I'm here. I actually wanted to talk to you. We never got to finish our conversation this morning."
Iruka's cheeks flared, and he could feel Kotetsu's intense eyes watching everything unfold. 'Not here! Not now! I can't talk about this now!' He landed big pleading eyes on the jounin and tried to relay the message that this was not a good time to do this.
But apparently, the chuunin's telepathic abilities weren't up to snuff, because Kakashi continued speaking.
"I wanted to ask you something," the jounin continued. He fidgeted imperceptibly, wanting to fix his posture, but not wanting to look totally out of character to his small audience who didn't seem as though he was going to be paying his paperwork any mind until the conversation in front of him was done. His flight instincts kicked in, but he squashed them down. He couldn't very well just take off now that he had already come in and started talking. He ended up stuck in a slightly more rigid than usual slouch that probably looked odd to anyone who knew his usual body language, but he tried not to think about it.
Iruka swore he was gonna punch Kotetsu in his damn face if he scooted any closer to try to eavesdrop. Just his luck that he would get stuck working with his nosiest friend on the shift that Kakashi decided to confront him about their intimate encounters. "Um… Kakashi-sensei," his voice was a whisper as he tried to stop the humiliating train-wreck.
"I was wondering… if you would care to accompany me to the Shinobi Social... next weekend?" His speech was stunted a little, but he was actually pretty proud of the normalcy he had managed to conjure up on the spot. Ok, so it wasn't Shakespeare (or Jiraiya), but he had managed to enunciate all his words clearly and not sound like a panicked teenager. And nothing sounded ridiculous or perverted and like it had any potential to upset the teacher. That had to count for something.
"Oh!" Iruka looked surprised. Surprised in a good way?... Kakashi hoped… "Actually…" the chuunin trailed off, and the silver-haired man felt all his hopes crumble into dust. "I – I'm already going with someone…" Iruka barely squeaked out, his cheeks getting, if possible, redder. He refused to meet the jounin's eye.
Kakashi seemed to immediately transform into his normal slumped, not-a-care-in-the-world posture, and his eye settled back into formal indifference. He was a shinobi after all. Some missions failed… and you just had to move on…
"Of course you are," he drawled as though the revelation didn't phase or bother him at all. "I should have known." He pulled out his hideous orange book and propped it up in front of his face. Iruka noticed it was his old Ichaicha Paradise and not the new Ichaicha Nights he had given him the previous day. "I'll let you get back to work. Good day… Iruka-sensei."
Iruka stared after him, not entirely sure what had just happened.
Kakakshi ambled into the hallway and was stopped short as he spotted none other than Genma leaning against the opposite wall, twirling his senbon absent-mindedly. They froze.
Kakashi studied the other jounin over the top of his book. Genma studied Kakashi over the top of his senbon. Neither spoke.
They were snapped out of their staring contest a tense minute later by a flustered chuunin running between them with a stack of papers. Both men "hmph-ed" and turned in opposite directions, both sure that the other was the reason why the sensei in the other room had shot them down for the dance.
Back in the missions room, Iruka now had no choice but to face Kotetsu who was staring, slack-jawed, at his friend. "W-wait a minute…" he began slowly, glancing back and forth between Iruka and where Kakashi had just stood moments before. "Are you and Kakashi…?"
"No!" Iruka exploded, and his chest tightened painfully. From embarrassment… obviously…
"Who are you going to the Shinobi Social with?"
"None of your business," the teacher growled, trying to conjure up some of his previous wrath that had scared off the other ninja in the room earlier.
"Ah, but…" Kotetsu still looked flabbergasted. "Kakashi has a thing for you…?" It was more a statement than a question, and Kotetsu's features were starting to morph into those of a mischievous gossip-whore.
Iruka shook his hands wildly in front of him. "No! No! No, he doesn't!"
"Yes he does!" the bandaged chuunin cried happily. "Why else would he ask you to the dance? And he didn't even put the 'sensei' on the end of your name? When did you two get so familiar?"
Iruka looked taken aback. "He... what?" How could he not have noticed?
"Oh my god!" His colleague grasped Iruka by the shoulder. "I can't believe the Kakashi Hatake has a crush on you!"
"Kotetsu!" Iruka grabbed the other's wrist before it could retreat from his shoulder. "He doesn't have a crush on me!" The tightening feeling happened again. "He was probably just messing with me. You know how Kakashi-sensei is." He attempted a good-natured laugh to get his friend's mind out of the gutter, but it came out weak and the other chuunin was far too gone in his own little world to listen to anything else.
The crazed chuunin wrenched free and jumped up.
"Wait! Where are you going!?" Iruka pleaded. "You cannot spread this around!"
"I – uh – " Kotetsu backed away, not giving Iruka a chance to trap him. "I have to go check on some paperwork that Shizune was supposed to bring!" He sped out the door, and Iruka flopped back into his chair. Fan – freaking – tastic. Within hours the whole village would know about this…
Sakura was trying very hard to ignore the two idiots next to her, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. Kakashi-sensei was later than usual, and they had started out completely silent and not looking at each other. Finally, Naruto, not really possessing the ability to sit still and silent for more than 10 minutes at a time (and even that was a stretch) had decided to throw a rock at his teammate's head. This had prompted them to take it upon themselves to start their own "training" – aka: trying to beat the living crap out of each other. Sasuke, obviously, was winning, but not without a lot of effort - in fact, Naruto had already landed quite a few painful hits on him. The blonde, having quickly noticed that he was doing a hell of a lot better than he normally did against the raven-haired boy had started in with the trash-talking. Sasuke had gotten flustered and retaliated by… pinching him…
By this point, they were no longer physically fighting like real ninja, but having a name-calling/pinching contest… Really now… She seethed as she glared at them out of the corner of her eye. All it would take to complete the picture of infantilism would be if one of them called the other a "doody-head."
She was on the verge of shouting at them to shut up and go on a time-out, when she finally felt Kakashi land in the clearing. She looked up hopefully, but the look in the older man's eyes was dead. Even Inner-Sakura deflated morosely.
"Break it up, you two," Kakashi barked at the bickering boys, his voice its usual slightly-irritated command. The genin parted reluctantly, still glaring daggers at each other. "No training today. Go home."
"WHAAAAA -?" Naruto screeched, frightening away some of the local wildlife. "WHAT THE HELL!? UNFAIR! WE'VE BEEN WAITING ALL DAY!"
Sasuke glowered at his sensei, the agreement with the orange-clad boy clear on his features, though he would never admit it out loud.
"Then you just completed an exercise in stamina. Congratulations. Go home," the jounin repeated, starting to turn away.
Naruto erupted into a hissy-fit while Sasuke growled at him to shut up. "Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura ran after her sensei, the unspoken question hanging thickly between them. The silver-haired nin turned back just enough to catch her worried eyes. He shook his head minutely, looking much more tired than he had a moment ago in front of the entire team. The kunoichi's features fell, and she barely had time to blink, let alone offer condolences, before the man before her had vanished. She stared at the empty spot forlornly.
"Hey, Sakura? What's wrong?" Naruto had ceased his whining long enough to notice that his normally temperamental teammate wasn't joining him in cursing out their irresponsible sensei.
Sakura snapped out of her daze and offered him a brief glance. "Oh… it's nothing. Bye, Naruto." She rushed off, not even realizing she hadn't said goodbye to Sasuke who was watching everything curiously.
Iruka was so worn out he could feel even his ponytail wilting under the stress. Kotetsu had never returned to his post at the desk – had probably forgotten all about it – but Iruka swore that several shinobi who had entered the room later were giving him strange looks… as though they had heard something interesting about him…
The chuunin sighed. He couldn't deal with this right now. He scooped up his paperwork and hurried out the door, locking it behind him before anyone else could turn up with another late report that he would be forced to look over and file.
The cloudless sky and gleaming stars did little to brighten his mood as it normally would have. And the day had started out so good too…
A burst of laughter caught the teacher's attention as he passed one of the local pubs. He paused, entertaining the thought. He didn't drink much. He was a responsible teacher after all. A responsible teacher who worked early mornings and often pulled double-duty in the missions room afterward. And weekends usually were devoted to grading and making new lesson plans. Plus, he had just never been the kind of person to drink away his problems. However…
He breathed out a sigh of resolution. He deserved it, right? A quick little drink just to take the edge off, maybe help him get to bed faster so he wouldn't be kept up worrying about all these complications from his stupid mission… One drink – that was it. Just one drink, and then he would go home.
The bad lighting took a second to adjust to, but the chuunin blinked and looked around the tiny bar. He relaxed a little as he scouted out the other patrons. He had been worried he'd look out of place in his work clothes, but a lot of shinobi were lounged across various tables and stools in their uniforms still.
He approached the bar hesitantly. "Uh… just a glass of sake please…" he ordered shyly, still not 100% confident in his decision to be in there. Watch, one of his student's parents would come waltzing through that door any second. Just what he would've needed… an overprotective parent wondering what their son or daughter's teacher was doing in a pub on a school night.
"You sure? Bottle's a better deal," the bartender chided.
"Um, no… thank you. Just a glass," Iruka repeated firmly. He drummed his fingers nervously on the counter as the bartender disappeared.
"Iruka Umino?" a voice slurred from his right.
Iruka started and turned. A scarred ninja was staring (well, attempting to anyway) at him with half-glazed eyes. It took a second for Iruka to recognize him as Ibiki Morino, the famed (or infamous) interrogation expert. "Um… yes?" he queried, wondering how the other man even knew his name, let alone why he was using it to address him.
Ibiki squinted at him and Iruka felt a shiver run through his body. Even slightly drunk, the jounin was terrifying. The teacher had to bite back the urge to instantly confess every horrible thing he had ever done – including that time he had taped the third hokage's buttcheeks together while he was sleeping. He began to sweat under the intense gaze. "Hmm…" was all Ibiki finally got out.
"Uhh…"
The two shinobi stared awkwardly at each other. "I feel like I heard something about you today…" Ibiki finally supplied. "Something big…" He looked off, confused, trying to recall the tidbit of information.
The sensei cringed. God, how many people had the rumor gone through to make it all the way back to a top-level jounin like Ibiki who wasn't even close to Iruka's circle of acquaintances? He turned away, embarrassed, praying that the other man wouldn't be able to locate the memory in his intoxicated state. "Don't doubt it…" he grumbled under his breath, not intending for the other to hear, but Ibiki leaned forward at that.
"Ohhh? Is it something bad?"
"Uh…"
"Wait… aren't you a teacher?"
"Um… yes?" Iruka squeaked, wondering if that was a trick question. Wait, had he given the correct answer? Shit!
"Huh…" Ibiki took a swig from his glass. "Must be bad then, if you're drinking on a school night…" Iruka shut his eyes tightly in an impending headache. Oh good, just in case a parent didn't show up, he would get his dose of guilt and shame anyway… "So… What was it…?" he half-asked Iruka and half-asked himself as he scrunched up his face in concentration again.
"Nothing!" Iruka spat hurriedly. The bartender finally slid his drink in front of him. He quickly pulled out some money and threw it down, trying to escape while Ibiki was still distracted with his thoughts.
But, it seemed that by this point, the interrogation instincts were on automatically, drunk or not, and the scarred jounin wasn't about to let his "victim" get away. "Sit down, tell me about it." He snatched Iruka's sleeve and pulled him effortlessly into the stool next to him. The chuunin halted for a second, but eventually resigned himself to having no other choice but to sit as Ibiki didn't seem to want to let go.
He sighed and scooted onto the stool.
"Hey, barkeep! Another round – one for my friend here, too."
"Oh, no," Iruka stuttered. "I already have – "
"Nonsense." The words weren't threatening or even cold or brusque, but the chuunin instantly snapped his mouth shut at the commanding presence. "So… what were we talking about?" Ibiki stared at his own glass a second, before shooting his gaze back to the sensei. "Oh yeah – what's going on with you... Iruka Umino?"
Iruka heaved a weary sigh and swirled his glass. "It's a long story."
"I've got time," the gruff voice insisted.
Another glass was set in front of his already full one. Iruka made a small noise of distress. It was gonna be a long night…
And yes, that's unfortunately where it must end for now. This chapter's hella long, plus I wanna get it up since it's been sitting here half-finished for a few weeks now.
Next chapter will be Ibiki's kiss and events leading up to the social, and we find out what the hell ever happened to Gai. In my first draft of this, I said that the social would also be next chapter, but that's gonna be damn near impossible, since the social will probably be the longest chapter of this fic (even longer than this one) because I have so many plans for it! So things will really start to get crazy, then come together, and start to wrap up a little bit in 2 more chapters!
Also, a quick question: I'm seriously contemplating going back and re-doing parts of chapter 5 so the Genma/Iruka part is more smutty, and then making the Ibiki/Iruka part semi-smutty. Nothing too serious, but a little bit more action. However, I know Iruka/Other-pairings isn't why people are reading this story, so I don't want to ruin the Kakashi/Iruka goodness by making some of the other kisses more action-packed. So I'll put it to a vote: if you wouldn't mind a couple other kisses being more smutty, or if you would prefer the smut action stay strictly between Iruka and Kakashi. Thanks for your input!
Thank you all so much for all the reviews and insistent encouragement!
DixieGoddess