I forced my way through the costume fitting, accepting the designer, Lucinda, scolding me on my lateness. The rest of the afternoon went by in a blur of dresses and corsets as Lucinda fitted each of the dresses, complaining about my weight loss. I didn't have the heart to tell her that she had asked me to lose weight at our last fitting. When she was finally done, she dismissed me quickly and ushered Michael in. I tried to avoid his eyes, knowing that he would be able to see the pain in them. He called my name, but I only waved my hand and rushed out of the room. I knew that I shouldn't have been so cold, but I didn't want anyone asking questions. Not yet, anyway. I knew that when Derek arrived in New York there would be a lot of questions that needed answers. I knew that he would show up, asking why I stopped answering his calls. Asking why I disappeared. He knew, though. He had too.

Against my will, I flashed back to last Christmas.

"Casey, can I talk to you?" He asked, his eyes filled with guilt.

I looked up, meeting his eyes. "Derek, there's nothing left to talk about. It's done. You did this. Don't try to take it back now."

He put his face in his hands, "I love you."

"You don't destroy people you love."

When I realized that I was standing in the small hallway by the door of Lucinda's studio tears streaming down my face, I was embarrassed. I wished so helplessly that I could stop the pain. I knew that there were ways, but I had promised myself the week before that I didn't need to do that anymore. I looked down at my shaking hands and gave in to my guilty pleasure. I pushed my way out onto the street and headed straight for the liquor store near my apartment building. I needed the alcohol to blur my mind state. Terrified of being alone with my thoughts, I barged through the double doors and headed straight for the tequila aisle. I grabbed two bottles and brought them to the cash register.

The cashier recognized me, "Ah, Miss McDonald, it's been a few days."

I smiled slightly, wanting to avoid the small talk. He seemed to take the hint and finished ringing me up quickly. He wished me a fun filled evening, and I raced across the street to my apartment. I had already began to rip the top off the bottle before I even unlocked the door. I rushed to the cabinet and pulled down a cup, anxiously spilling the liquid inside. The memories subsided as the burning sensation hit my throat. I licked my lips, wanting to taste every drop. I grinned as my hands stopped shaking for the first time that day. I poured glass after glass until the first bottle had been emptied into my stomach. The blurred room spun, but the memories were gone. I was finally in peace. No more Derek. I passed out on the kitchen floor, the glass still in my hand.

When I woke up the next morning, my head pounded from the sunlight. I stared at the glass in my hand, hating myself for what I had done. I looked at the empty bottle laying on the counter and sighed in disgust with myself. I'd tried so hard to stay away from the alcohol. I knew it was a game though. I would tell myself I didn't need it, but then I would come running back as soon as thoughts of Derek rushed my minds. I picked myself up off the floor, wiping the drool from the corner of my mouth. I threw the bottle in the trash and set my glass in the sink on my way to the bathroom. I stumbled to the medicine cabinet searching for any type of relief. I grabbed the Advil and downed four pills. I glanced nervously at the clock on the wall, praying that I wasn't late. Fortunately for me, I still had a good hour to get ready. I stepped into the shower, shedding the clothes that I had worn the day before. I let the water pour over me as my hands started to shake again. I pleaded with my body to remain calm. Derek wasn't going to be in the city until the following day. I still had time to figure out what to do next. My hands relaxed slightly at the thought.

I made my way through our dance routines half-heartedly. I was especially excited when Marvin told me that I wasn't needed for the second half of practice. I sincerely thought about going home to the second bottle of tequila, but I stopped myself. I just didn't a distraction. I watched Michael head out the doors ahead of me, and I raced after him.

"Michael! Wait!" I called out as he spun around.

He smiled, warmly, "Casey, how are you?"

"I'm good," I lied easily before continuing, "What are you doing right now?"

"I was just about to grab some lunch. Do you wanna come?"

"I'd love that!" I nodded enthusiastically.

I noted his shocked expression and worried for a moment that he had only invited me to be polite. I considered the possibility that he was just trying to be a nice guy. It made my heart sink, but he changed my mind as he reached for my hand. I almost stopped myself from letting mine slip into his, but I didn't. I needed this distraction. Michael led me out the door and toward a small car parked on the street.

"You drive in this city?" I laughed, shocked.

He smiled, "I don't live in the city, Casey. I live in Queens."

"Oh," I blushed, embarrassed by my assumption.

"Don't worry," He grinned, "Everyone assumes the same thing."

He pulled open the car door for me, and I blushed even harder. Derek had never opened the door for me, let alone taken me out to lunch. I, for the second time that day, pushed his smirk out of my mind. I listened to Michael talk about the show as he drove us to his undisclosed lunch destination. I prayed they served alcohol, and then hated myself for wishing that again.

"You haven't heard a word I've said," He noted as we pulled up to a fancy Italian bistro.

I sighed, embarrassed, "I'm sorry, Michael. I just have a lot on my mind. Thank you so much for bringing me. I needed to get out of the house. I promise that I'm all ears over lunch."

"You have yourself a deal," He smiled as he led us into the restaurant.

We laughed and chatted for almost two hours before I realized how much time had gone by. I gasped when I saw the time.

"We've been here for so long." I giggled, putting my phone down.

Michael shrugged, "Is that a bad thing?"

I shook my head, "Absolutely not. You're fascinating to talk to!"

"Am I?" He grinned, "Because before today, I couldn't get you to give me the time of day. Now, here you are."

I felt guilty for using him as a distraction, but I just continued to smile. The waiter brought us our check a few moments later.

"Hey, if you're feeling a little risky, we could grab a couple drinks at the bar," Michael suggested, reaching for the tab.

I felt my hands start to shake as I shook my head, "No, I really should be getting home. I need to practice a little more on my own. Thank you for the offer, though. You're very sweet."

"C'mon, Casey," He pleaded, his eyes dancing with laughter, "One drink isn't going to kill you."

I bit my lip, debating whether or not I should. I stayed silent for a few moments before agreeing. Unfortunately for me, one drink turned into five drinks. Before I knew it, Michael was putting me in a cab and giving me a slight kiss on the cheek. He told me that he hopped my day was better tomorrow. I started to breathe heavier, worried about what I may have told him in between drink four and five. As the taxi, pulled up in front of my apartment building, I felt my stomach churning. I barely hit the sidewalk before I started to throw up. The cab driver drove off in disgust as I stood on the side of the street, emptying the contents of my stomach. My eyes started to burn as I felt tears fill them. I wanted so desperately to be the old Casey, the good Casey. I wanted to be the Casey everyone loved again. Instead, here I was, at five o'clock in the afternoon, wasted. I stumbled up the stairs to my apartment and fumbled to push my key into the door. I felt the lock turn, and I fell into my apartment while the door gave way. I noticed an unfamiliar smell as I entered the apartment. It smelled like my mom's cooking. As I stumbled into the kitchen, I saw my mom standing with her hands on her hips in front of my stove.

"Casey?" She questioned as I looked at her in horror. I barely made it to the bathroom before vomiting once again.

I laid on the couch with a cool washcloth pressed against my forehead. My mom sat at my feet as I began to sober up. I could tell by the look on her face that she was disappointed and worried. I hated when my mother was either, so the fact that she was both had me on edge. I peeked at her, hoping I wouldn't meet her eyes. I heard her inhale as if she was about to speak, but then she didn't.

"Mom, look. I just had a few drinks with a friend. My stomach clearly didn't like that," I told her, trying to reassure her that everything was fine.

She looked at me sternly, "Really, Casey? Because I saw that bottle in your trashcan, and the other one is on the counter."

"I like to have a few drinks sometimes." I mumbled, "Come on, Mom. It's not a crime. I'm an adult!"

"Casey, please, "She begged, "Tell me what is going on with you. We haven't seen you in almost a year."

I sighed, "Mom! Everything is okay!"

"No, Casey!" She shouted, startling me as this was completely out of character for her, "Everything is clearly not fine! You need to tell me what is going on with you. I'm worried. George is worried. The kids are worried. Even, Derek is worried."

I snorted, "I'm sure he is."

"There you go with that attitude! Every time someone brings him up, you immediately shut down. I need you to be honest with me. Please, just tell me the truth."

I briefly considered confiding in her before changing my mind. Instead, I sighed exasperatedly, "I'm fine, Mom! The show is just putting a lot of stress on me. I was just trying to edge the nerves out."

My mom looked at me, her eyes narrowing, "I don't believe you, Casey. I can't believe that I'm saying this, but I don't trust you."

I looked at her in disbelief, "You what?"

"I don't believe you, Casey. Something else is going on here. You're not the Casey I know and love."

"You know what, Nora?" I shouted, my face getting hot once again. "I'm not the Casey you know and love. That Casey is gone. This is me. So, either get over it or get out of my apartment."

She looked at me, clearly taken aback, "Casey, you seem to have forgotten that George and I pay for this apartment."

"So?" I said, narrowing my eyes at her.

"Derek is moving in, Casey." She said, getting up and heading to the kitchen to attend to the dinner she was making.

My mouth dried up as I tried to swallow. Derek was going to be in my apartment with me. My hands started to shake, and I prayed that this whole thing was some drunken dream that I would awaken from. I tried to swallow again, but I couldn't. I felt the air catch in my throat as I tried to sit up. I couldn't. I just feel back down on the couch again. My eyes started to fill with tears again, as I remembered the day that the boy with the smirk broke my heart.

I laid in his bed, the covers tangled around me. I heard his shower start up as I smiled to myself. All those years of hating each other, and now, here we were. Basically living in each other's dorms at Queens. I could hear him singing one of his lame rock songs, but it still made me giggle. I glanced at my phone as I waited for him to come back. My mom had called three times and texted twice to remind me that dinner was at six. She was going crazy because she was cooking dinner for George's parents.

"Derek! Hurry up! We need to leave soon, and I haven't even showered," I called, reminding him of his lengthy shower for the millionth time.

He caught me off guard as he slid into bed beside me. I rolled over to face him, and he smiled at me.

"Always yelling at me for something," He teased as I kissed his neck.

I laughed, "Don't give me a reason to yell at you."

I crawled out of bed and toward the shower. He watched me go longingly. I quickly shut the bathroom door and started the shower. The one good thing about dorm life was that there was always plenty of hot water. I showered quickly, running through a checklist of all the things that I needed to do before we headed home. I reached out to open the bathroom door, but I heard Derek talking. Worried that it was one of his hockey friends, I stayed inside the bathroom. Then, I heard a girl's laugh.

"I'm doing everything I can to get rid of her," He told the girl as she laughed.

The girl sighed, "Are you really? It just seems like you're spending more and more time with her. It's getting annoying. You said that the bet was only going to last for a couple of weeks. You said that your hockey friends told you that there was no way that you could get your hot step-sister into bed. You did. So, why isn't the bet over?"

I felt the color drain from my face.

Derek stumbled over his word, "Look, Stella, I just need some time to think, okay? I'll call you soon."

I heard the girl, Stella, stomp out of the room. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes, but I told myself to remain calm. I didn't want to give myself away to Derek just yet. I stepped out of the bathroom and looked at him as he laid on the bed.

He smiled at me, "You're so beautiful."

"Thanks," I said, coldly. "I forgot to grab something from my dorm. I'll see you out front in a half hour."

With that, I stormed out of the room. That was the day that my hands started to shake. That was the day I discovered the power of tequila.