I sat on the couch staring blankly at the wall as my mom pushed a plate full of food in front of me. I could hear her talking to me, but I didn't know what she was saying. I didn't want to know what she was saying. I heard Derek's name, and I tensed up again. I looked down at my hands as they shook violently.

"Casey, please talk to me." She finally shouted, startling me.

I cleared my throat, "Yeah?"

"Honey," She sighed, "Please. I wanna help you, but I can't if you don't let me in."

"I told you that I was fine. I am fine. It's just stress," I lied again, pushing the plate away from me.

She put her head in her hands, "Please eat."

"I told you I went to lunch before I came home," I said, exasperated, "I'm going to take a nap."

She tried to stop me, but I pushed past her and headed for my bedroom. I heard her sigh and start to clean up the kitchen. As soon as I reached my bedroom door, the tears started to fall again. My eyes burned as I tried to hold back. I knew that there was no way that I could live with Derek, not again. My hands started to shake again, and I desperately wanted to go back to the kitchen and grab my bottle of tequila of the counter. I stopped myself as my breathing got heavier. I knew that my mom would stop me anyway, so I decided not to try. I slid into my room and flung myself onto my bed. My eyes still stung from the tears begging to pour out of them. My body shook with the sobs that had washed over me. I started to hyperventilate at the thought of sleeping in a room next door to his. I had tried to avoid him for so long. I started to remember the last conversation we had again.

"Casey, can I talk to you?" He asked, his eyes filled with guilt.

I looked up, meeting his eyes. "Derek, there's nothing left to talk about. It's done. You did this. Don't try to take it back now."

He put his face in his hands, "I love you."

"You don't destroy people you love."

I hadn't contacted Derek since that moment in time. Almost a year. Three weeks after Christmas break I had packed up my dorm room at Queens and moved to New York City. My family had been shocked with the sudden change in my motives. They had always assumed Derek would drop out way before I did. I told them that being on Broadway had always been my dream, so they agreed to use the money that would've gone to my college education to support me in New York. I was grateful for the move, and for the first couple of months everything seemed to be going really well for me. That was until I saw Derek's Facebook page. I told myself not to look because I knew that I would see something that I didn't want to see. It was why I had unfriended him in the first place. However, I had a few glasses of wine one night, and I decided to do it anyway. That was when I saw him with that bitch, Stella. The pain was almost unbearable. So, that night I decided to indulge myself with a few more glasses of wine. I realized that the alcohol numbed the pain. Not as much so as tequila, but enough to blur the images of Derek Venturi from burning into my mind. The sound of my mom's voice startled me. I heard her outside the door, but she wasn't talking to me. I assumed that she was on the phone. I jumped out of bed, and then I pressed my ear against the door.

"George, it's worse than we thought," She whispered, her voice cracking. "She's been drinking. A lot. When I told her that Derek was moving in, she shut down. There's something we don't know about between them. I was figuring it was the same old thing, but this is something really different. I don't know what to do. She won't talk to me. This isn't the Casey I know."

At that moment, I opened the door slowly and saw my mother standing at the end of the hallway. She was pacing back and forth. I started to feel guilty for making her worry so much. I wanted to tell my mom the truth, but I didn't know how. I was worried that she wasn't going to understand the situation. I was worried that she would be hurt or disappointed. I watched her continue to whisper to George, but I could no longer hear her. The sound of her muffled voice soothed me as I leaned against the door frame. I wanted to run after her and let her pull me into her arms, but I had refused human contact for so long that I was worried that it wouldn't feel right. All of a sudden, I caught a glimpse of myself in my dresser mirror. My hands started to shake as I looked at the reflection. My hair had grown thinner over the last few months. I knew that the stress of the last few months was causing it to fall out, but I usually refused to believe it. I was a lot thinner too. The curves of my hips had subsided. Now all that I could see was the bones jutting out of my skin. I closed my eyes quickly trying to avoid the mirror. I didn't like to look at myself anymore. I just wanted to be healthy again.

"Casey?" My mom called from down the hallway. She had noticed me standing in the doorway.

I swallowed, "Yeah, Mom?"

"Honey," She stepped toward me, concern on her face, "Did Derek do something to you at Queens? Something George and I should know about?"
"Derek didn't do anything to me." I lied, avoiding her eyes.

She bit her lip, "I really wish that you felt like you could tell me what's hurting you, but I accept that you don't want to share it with me right now. I can go now if you'd like, but George and I will be back tomorrow afternoon to help Derek move in."

"Mom," I looked down, my heart heavy, "I'm really okay, alright? It's just been a rough year. I've been under a lot of stress. I'm sorry that I snapped at you. I didn't mean to. I promise that I'll be fine after the show starts."

"Okay, I'll believe for you right now," She agreed.

I sighed in relief, "I love you, Mom."

"I love you too Casey." She responded, pulling me into a hug.

She pulled away and headed back to the kitchen to retrieve her purse. I stayed frozen in the hallway as she headed out the door. My feet wanted to move toward the kitchen and rip open the full bottle of tequila on the counter. After careful deliberation, she sped toward the kitchen and pulled a glass from the cabinet. I watched the gold liquid spill out. I drank until the world faded away.

The phone ringing woke me from my slumber. I stumbled to living room, searching for my phone. I finally found it on the couch and picked it up without looking at the number.

"Hello?" I grumbled, still not fully sober nor awake.

I heard someone take a deep breathe, but they didn't say anything.

"Hello?" I said again, getting annoyed.

"Casey?" His voice filled my ears causing my hands to shake.

I gasped, "How did you get this number.

"Casey," He sighed, "Please. I need to talk to you. None of this was my idea. Nora said you were having problems-"

"Go to Hell, Derek," I hissed, slamming the phone back down on to the couch as I pressed the end button.

The tears poured from my blue eyes as I stood in the middle of the living room. I wished that the liquor store was open, but I glanced at the clock and noticed that it was almost four in the morning. I wondered what the hell he wanted in the first place. He was going to be moving in in a few hours anyway. I considered the possibility of calling him back, but I decided against it. I didn't want to hear anything he had to say anyway. I sat down on the couch as I tried to calm my body. My mind wandered back to the conversation I had with my mom earlier that day. I tried to think of what Derek had done to me. He'd changed me completely, but no guy had ever done that to me before. The pain that he caused me was the worst pain that I'd ever felt, and I still didn't completely understand why. I knew that I loved him, more than anyone that I'd ever been with before. But, maybe, I didn't really know what love was. Maybe, I fell in love with the idea of Derek rather than the actual person. Plus, the Derek I did fall in love with was just a façade that he had put on to win his stupid hockey bet. I didn't know the real Derek. I just knew what he wanted me to know to get me into bed. For the first time, I started to feel angry instead of sad. I wanted Derek to know what it felt like to hurt the way that I did after he broke my heart. I wanted to put him through everything that he had put me through. For the first time, I didn't want to fix myself, I wanted to get revenge.

I fell asleep that night, considering the ways that I could break Derek's heart. I kept telling myself that I shouldn't do it. I kept telling myself that stooping to his level was unnecessary. I should be the bigger person. I didn't want that though. I wanted to rip him apart the way he ripped me apart. I woke the next morning to the sound of someone talking in the other room. I recognized George's voice first. I slide into a more appropriate outfit and bounded down the hallway.

"George," I smiled, warmly as I entered the living room.

George looked at me, and I saw worry flash in his eyes, "Casey, how are you?"

"I'm fine." I lied.

"Good," He smiled awkwardly, "Derek should be here in a few minutes. Nora went to pick him up from the airport."

"Great," I nodded, trying not to let the sarcasm ooze through my voice to expressively.

"I'm sorry about the mess," He explained, pointing around the room, "We didn't realize Derek was bringing so much stuff. I didn't even know that he owned this much stuff."

I looked around my normally spotless living room and sighed at the piles of cardboard boxes. I almost walked out of the room, but then I saw George's exasperated and tired look.

I sighed, "Do you want some help?"

"Really?" His eyes light up, "That would be great!"

I nodded before ripping open a box near me and emptying the contents. A half an hour and seven boxes later, I heard the door swing open. My heart started to pound, and my hands were shaking so bad that I almost dropped the hockey trophy I was holding. I didn't turn around. I didn't want to see him.

"The plane is delayed," My mom announced as she slipped her shoes off.

I sighed in relief as I turned around, "Really?"

"For how long?" George groaned, putting his hand on his forehead.

She shrugged, "They don't know. Derek said just to help Casey get his stuff in here, and he'd take a cab over. If we don't go in an hour, we'll miss our flight."

So, George and my mom stayed for about an hour longer helping me unpack Derek's things. After they left, I ran across the street to the liquor store and purchased two more bottles of tequila. I knew that I would need them that night. I ordered Chinese food and watched Grey's Anatomy as I drank the tequila straight out of the bottle. When my vision was successfully blurred and my hands didn't shake anymore, I felt at peace once again. The show played on in front of me as I began to slip into my drunken slumber. I fell asleep on the couch without any visions of Derek floating through my mind.