Chapter 5
47 years later
It was a happy day, the happiest in his long life. But sadness crept in at its edges. It found him when he first heard her scream. She'd cried out in pain and he stood there, helpless, unable do a thing to help her. The other women tried to shoo him from the room but he'd have none of it. He held her in his arms through it all. And she screamed – like Sonja screamed. But instead of death that day there was life, laid in his hands, cradled in his arms. He wept for joy and in sorrow, too. They were at once the same.
Hours later Lucian sat beside her on the bed rocking their child gently in his arms. He knew no children's songs so instead he hummed snatches of old bar tunes. Stray tears fell from his eyes from time to time unbidden, the why of them known only to him. On the rare occasions when Lucian cried it was always a fair bet he was thinking on Sonja. But today it wasn't so. He'd cried for Sonja often through the years, but until today, never for their child alone. It was too abstract a thought to mourn the loss of a life he'd never beheld. But holding this life, this fragile incarnate piece of his soul, he finally understood what it was he'd lost. He held the child all night, only handing him over for his mother to feed him. She slept now, and the infant, too, but Lucian could find no rest. There would be none until the world was made safe for them.
I will not fail you as I failed before.
A silent oath. A promise he would trade his life to keep.
She woke from sleep and watched him. There was sadness and tears in his eyes. 'Are you thinking of them?'
Her question was not one he wished to answer, but he would never lie. Another promise, made years ago. He frowned, guilty with the thought that this day should be for the living, not the dead. 'I'm sorry.'
She reached out and laid her hand on his arm. 'For what?'
He took a measured breath. 'It's not right, on this day … or any day.'
'You loved them. It is right.' Tiny fingers stroked his hand.
He shifted position so he could lay the child between them. He laid the bundle down and then turned on his side so they faced each other. He took her hand in his. 'It feels wrong, to think on the dead when we have been blessed with a new life.'
'It's better not to keep it inside. Tell me what you've been thinking about.'
He'd told her so much over the years. She knew him. Better than anyone. Better than Sonja had or possibly ever could. But still there were things he feared to share. Things she might not understand. He told her anyway. 'I never wept for him, the child that died with her. I never understood. And now I hold our son and I imagine … he would've been four hundred years old now and I never wept for him.'
Her grip tightened on his wrist in comfort and admonishment. 'Lucian. It's difficult to mourn for something you never had. You shed many tears for her and the life inside her. Just because you couldn't separate the child and mother before now doesn't mean you didn't care.'
'Why must it be today, of all days, that these thoughts rise up to haunt me?' His head was filled with too much bile. And on such a beautiful day.
'Because a broken heart will always ache when you test it again.' She sighed. 'I learned long ago how fragile yours is.'
Damn both my heart and my weakness. 'It isn't fair, to you, or to him.' He drew her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. 'A broken heart is no gift at all. My soul will have to do.'
She smiled. 'We'll keep it safe for you.'
'You'd better,' he said, and kissed the child on his cheek. 'I can carry on with a broken heart. But without my soul, I'd be lost forever.'
~FIN
A/N: That's it folks. I hope you enjoyed the story. Please leave a review before you go!