Waking up

Note: Takes place after TG root A ending.

Opening his eyes, Kaneki gritted his teeth as he thought about his loss to Hide. "How did he win?" Kaneki mumbled. Standing up, Kaneki looked into a nearby mirror and flexed his arm. Noting the lack of defined muscles, Kaneki hissed as his stomach started to pinch in pain.

"I am a half ghoul," Kaneki whispered to his reflection "I need to protect Hide." After he said that to his reflection, Kaneki frowned in thought while bring his arm up to the mirror to flex. "I need to work out but I am still ghoul," Kaneki scrunched up his nose, "no matter how weak I am, I still should be stronger than a human." Kaneki nodded his head as he stopped flexing.

So how was Hide able to beat him, a half-ghoul?

/

It didn't make sense to Kaneki. Why was Hide, a human, able to win the arm wrestling match? It didn't make sense at all. Sure Kaneki had just got out of the hospital early; well, way earlier than it was the first time. Four days to be exact. Four days since the date with Rize. Four days since his life as a human was forfeited. And sure, in the original time frame it took him about a week or so to even wake up but still. Half-ghouls are stronger than humans.

Walking towards the table with fresh –was it fresh? Kaneki couldn't even remember how long burgers lasted before going bad- burgers on it, stopping next to the table, Kaneki grimaced at the smell of human food.

Glaring at the food, Kaneki wondered if Hide would notice if Kaneki threw it into the trash.

Sighing to himself, Kaneki picked the food up before making his way to the fridge. Opening the door slowly, Kaneki scrunched his nose up as he was met with a displeasing smell. Shoving the bag of food into the fridge, Kaneki frowned as he caught the scent of something pleasant. Sniffing the air –Kaneki swore he heard Hide commenting about him resembling a dog- Kaneki started to pull out various items in the fridge in search of the smell.

Grinning to himself, Kaneki pulled out a large unopened container of Gatorade that belonged to Hide and was left behind by the blond in one of his many study sessions hosted in Kaneki's apartment. Twisting the top off with ease, Kaneki took a hesitant sip for taste purpose before chugging the drink down in a few long and eager gulps.

"Sorry!" Hide's loud and cheerful voice rang out as the front door was opened harshly, "forgot my keys!" Hide shouted again as he ran into the kitchen.

Kaneki stood frozen with a nearly empty Gatorade bottle in his hand poised as if he had just drank from it. Well, he did but the bottle was an unopened bottle that was still full to the brim when Hide left.

Stopping and staring at Kaneki with wide eyes, Hide gaped before he commented on the scene before him; "I told you that one more night at the hospital was good for you or at least I should've." Wiping the stunned expression from his face, Hide closed his eyes with a grin as his hands rested on his hips before continuing with his thought, "IVs are good for giving the body liquids and nutrients. Sure, Gatorade provides some of the same thing bu-"

"I'm not going back to the hospital," Kaneki interrupted, mind already guessing on what Hide would say next.

"What? Why not? I'm pretty sure that a hospital could do more good than bad right now!" Hide yelled as he made to grip Kaneki's wrist. "You just got released! The doctor said you wouldn't wake up until a week or two passed! That's it, you need to go back. You obviously aren't feeling fine right now," Hide hissed as he started to tug at Kaneki's wrist.

Kaneki's eyes widen at the thought of being near Kanou with a vulnerable Hide.

"No," Kaneki said in horror at the mental image, "I won't let that happen." Pulling against Hide's grip, Kaneki yanked the blonde into his arms before hugging Hide tightly.

Hide wiggled from within Kaneki's arms. Gasping slightly, Hide brought his hands up to Kaneki's shoulders and pushed slightly in an attempt to dislodge Kaneki's tight hug. "Dude, you need to-"

"Shut up," Kaneki growled as he burrowed his face in the crook of Hide's neck.

Hide squirmed some more as he started to strain as he placed more strength in trying to push Kaneki's arms away. "Loosen you grip," Hide muttered breathlessly, "too tight it hurts!" Hide yelled only for it to come out like a faint whisper.

"Sorry," Kaneki said as he immediately loosened his grip around Hide. Grabbing Hide's shoulders, Kaneki grimaced as the blond breathed deeply in relief. "Are you okay?" Kaneki worriedly asked the red faced Hide.

Hide closed his eyes as he leaned against the kitchen counter. "y-yeah just give me a moment," Hide panted.

Kaneki bit his lip and looked down at his feet in guilt and confusion. Why was Hide able to beat him at an arm wrestling match earlier yet couldn't escape from Kaneki's arms no matter how hard the blond tried? Kaneki remembered the pressure Hide's hands placed on his shoulders and how the pressure grew but still remained inadequate to push Kaneki away. Was Hide hesitant on using his full strength against Kaneki? No, that couldn't be it; Hide had used everything he had to try pushing Kaneki away. So why? Why was Kaneki suddenly able to overpower Hide? Was it a fluke that Hide won? But that would still make no sense.

"Hide," Kaneki spoke suddenly as he lifted his gaze from to floor to Hide. "I'll go back to the hospital if you beat me in an arm wrestling match," Kaneki bargained with a determined expression.

Hide squinted at Kaneki in a mixture of confusion and disbelief, "really? Because I distinctively remember beating you in a match just moments ago. Do you honestly think you can win now?"

"No harm in trying," Kaneki smiled as he closed the fridge's door, "so are we playing or not? If you refuse I'll take that as you admitting defeat."

Hide snorted, "I'm not that easy to provoke but I'll take your wager. You've never been able to beat me before at arm wrestling. So when I win you have to go back to the hospital and if you win you get?" Hide left the last part of his sentence open ended for Kaneki to fill.

"I get to accompany you to your apartment," Kaneki smiled smugly, feeling more confident that the earlier arm wrestling match outcome wouldn't be repeated.

Hide smirked at Kaneki as he walked into the living before he rested his arm on the table. "Well, bring it," Hide shook his hand at Kaneki as if to provoke and mock the other, "maybe this time I'll work up a sweat."

"It's not going to go the same way as before," Kaneki said with a small upturn quirk of his lips, "on three." Kaneki placed his arm the table before interlocking his hand with Hide's.

The two counted together before a loud thud followed by a sharp yelp from Hide.

"Hide!" Kaneki shouted in worry as Hide shook his hand as if shaking off the pain caused by the immediate forceful slam of his hand into the hardwood; "I'm so sorry! Do you need ice?! Is it broken?! I can call for an emergency truck!"

Hide hissed slightly as he stopped shaking his hand to cradle it close to his chest. "It's not broken I think," Hide winced as he felt his hand up, "nope, no bones broken or fractured. It's just really bruised or at least it will be tomorrow morning."

"Do you need ice?!" Kaneki repeated his question, hysteria starting to settle in his chest at the thought of causing Hide pain. Dropping to his knees next to Hide, Kaneki's hands hovered over the blonde's personal space in hesitation.

Hide laughed slightly before giving Kaneki one of the prettiest smile Kaneki that had ever seen –except Kaneki thinks all of Hide's smiles are beautiful and pretty- since he became a half-ghoul.

Swallowing, Kaneki's eyes zoned in of the blonde's face –specifically Hide's lips- and only realized that Hide must had been saying something for his lips were moving even if Kaneki heard no sound.

"I'm so sorry," Kaneki spoke suddenly after he licked his lips and looked at Hide's eyes "please repeat what you said. I wasn't paying attention."

Hide pouted dramatically at Kaneki, "I was asking if you were holding back the first time."

"I- uh no, I wasn't holding back in the first match or this one," Kaneki winced at the thought of what he just did to Hide. He thought since Hide had beat him –a half-ghoul- before that the blond would be able to hold his own but apparently not. Which brought many questions of why. Why was it that Kaneki had lost the first game but won this time? Why? Was it because Hide was tired? "Actually, I have a question: why was I able to beat you now?"

Hide tilted his head in thought as he moved his injured hand –palm up- onto the surface of the cool table. "Hmmm, I wonder that too but I think I have a hypothesis," he closed his eyes as he nodded to himself as if confirming what he just said.

"Care to share with the rest of the class?" Kaneki said with a sarcastic smirk.

Hide huffed, "you drank all my Gatorade" he stated that as if it was obvious to what it meant.

"Sorry about that, I promise I'll by you some more. But your hypothesis?" because while it may have sounded like Hide had only a hypothesis to outsiders, Kaneki knew better. If Hide used the word hypothesis in relation to people it meant that Hide was nearly sure that his so called "hypothesis" was something actually backed up with other evidence that pointed toward the same thing.

Hide sighed as he shook his head with his eyes now opened, "I said you drank all my Gatorade."

"Something tells me that this means something that I'm not catching up on. I only know that Gatorade has electrolytes and that electrolytes are good for the body," Kaneki stated with a tiny smile.

Hide smiled brightly, "and?" he prompted.

"And what? There's a reason as to why I'm a lit major not a science major," Kaneki retorted

Hide shrugged, "fair point; basically, electrolytes are minerals like sodium, chloride, bicarbonate, calcium potassium, magnesium, phosphate and calcium. They are vital for your health, your kidneys need them in order to filter your body. As what you know already, the kidneys help maintain the proper volume of body fluids. Electrolytes also make your muscles and nerves work. The electrolytes provided by Gatorade are taken up by the body pretty quickly when compared to water. Also, Gatorade has a lot of sugar that is needed for your small intestines. You still with me, Kaneki?"

"Yeah," Kaneki nodded his head slightly, "so my reason for drinking Gatorade was because it smelt like something that I could actually stomach and that would help heal me." He smiled bashful at Hide before widening his eyes and immediately looking down to the floor. Kaneki didn't mean to word his sentence like that, he made it sound like he was a ghoul. Which he was but the Hide of this time didn't know that yet.

Frowning to himself and biting his bottom lip rather viciously, Kaneki tried to ignore Hide's analyzing look that bore upon him. Why did he have to word it like that? Like he was a ghoul?! Hide would know or at least start having a suspicion of what Kaneki was now.

Which is exactly what Kaneki needed to start Hide onto the path of knowing without Kaneki seeming suspicious by knowing what happened immediately after he was out of the hospital.

"Kaneki," Hide's tone was that of worry, "stop biting you lip, please. It's starting to bleed onto your shirt and the floor."

Kaneki frowned down at the floor in confusion before noticing the small puddle of blood on the wood. Gasping, Kaneki licked his lips noting the taste of his own blood before quickly looking up at Hide.

"W-wha?" Hide asked breathlessly with wide eyes as he stared at Kaneki in shock.

Kaneki brought a finger to his lips, wondering if blood was everywhere and if that was the reason for Hide's shock. Inspecting his finger Kaneki briefly noted that amount of blood there before casting Hide a questioning look. "What is it Hide?" Kaneki asked the dumbfounded Hide.

"Your eye," Hide said as he brought his hand up to touch the side that Kaneki knew that held his kakugan.

Feeling dread curl up in his stomach, Kaneki ran into the bathroom –slamming the door shut after him- to look at his reflection in the mirror. Starring back at Kaneki was his regular human eye and the foreboding eye known only to appear on ghouls.

"Kaneki?! Kaneki! Open this door, let's talk this out! I'm here for you! We can do this together!" Hide screamed as he pounded on the bathroom door, "don't do anything drastic! I'll help you with this!" at this Hide sounded particularly broken and desperate.

Kaneki felt tears start to burn their way out of his eyes, his kakugan coloring the tears of his one eye to the color of fresh blood. Kaneki thought he was ready for this, ready for this Hide without scars or emotional and physical exhaustion to know about Kaneki's transformation; he was wrong, he was not ready for this. It hurt in ways that Kaneki had forgotten about. He was wrong and for some reason Kaneki believed that the pain he felt now hurt more than the first time.

Partially because unlike the first time when Touka and the others never gave Kaneki the chance to actually mourn over his loss of everything –the bright future he could've had- they forced him to change in ways Kaneki never wanted too. They made him give up his humanity for what? Becoming a ghoul isn't the only thing that ruined his life, it was the choices that he was given that made him miserable. Either Hide stayed friends with him and is killed or Hide is left alive but is not in contact with him.

Why couldn't they allow him to make his own choice? Like Nishio? Nishio was happy and with a human that knew what he was, so why couldn't Kaneki have that with Hide? Did they think that because it hadn't happened to them that it would never happen to Kaneki? Kaneki could had been happy with life as a ghoul if he was left in charge of his own relationships without death threats hanging over Hide's head.

Because when he's with Hide and not the others, Kaneki doesn't feel guilty; no, he feels like he was finally home. Whereas when he was with the others, his smile never reached his eyes, his eyes never sparkled, and he never felt like he was home. No, with them, it felt like he was wearing a mask all the time to suit the image they placed upon him. Kaneki was tired of listening to them say what should or shouldn't happen in his life. Hide was the one who deserved any say in Kaneki's life.

Hide always would and Kaneki had to admit that if he was forced to choose between the ghouls he had come to befriend and Hide, Hide would always win. Because Hide was there from the beginning and would not leave Kaneki no matter where it may had taken the human.

Even now after seeing Kaneki's kakugan, Hide was outside the bathroom door crying the tears that Kaneki was never given the chance to shed.

"Kaneki" Hide choked out, voice filled with tears, "please, please open the door. You're not alone, you have me. You have me, you're not alone. We can work this out together. I'm not leaving you no matter what, so please. Please open the door."

Kaneki glared back at his reflection -the reflection that reminded him of everything that went wrong the first time around- before walking over to the door and throwing it open to see Hide's tear stricken face.

Pulling Hide into his arms, Kaneki held on tightly as he buried his head into the crook of Hide's neck. "I don't want to be alone," he admitted, because the way to fixing everything with Hide was to be truthful for both their sakes.

"I promise to never leave you alone," Hide promised with a shaky tear stained smile and Kaneki felt a violent storm of butterflies inside his stomach at Hide's smile and promise.

Giving Hide a huge grin that even reflected in his eyes –Kaneki thought he had forgotten how to smile so brightly after he stopped interacting with Hide- before moving to rest his and Hide's foreheads together. "And I promise that I won't leave you alone either," the smile Kaneki got for that was so beautiful.

And of course Kaneki would get the most beautiful smile for that promise. Hide hated being alone, always had and probably always will. There was a reason to why Hide's catchphrase includes rabbits and dying from loneliness.

Kaneki moved his head into the crook of Hide's neck again. Inhaling deeply, Kaneki's eyes fluttered closed at the smell of home and Hide before whispering so that only he and Hide's neck would know about the additional private promise "I promise I will never leave you." His arms tightened around Hide in a manner that was entirely possessive, "I will never let you go" Kaneki smiled faintly, "I will protect you even I have to kill everyone else, you'll never be in danger. I won't allow it."

"Kaneki?" Hide asked hesitantly, "what did you just say?"

Kaneki smiled softly as he removed his head from Hide's neck, "nothing."

"Hmmm," Hide hummed as he casted a thoughtful look at Kaneki, "that's fine, are we still going to my apartment?"

Kaneki slowly stood up, not letting Hide go as the two clumsily shuffled around one another. "Of course."

A/N:

As usual, not edited.

The next chapter for this story is already on archiveofourown.

Hide did hear Kaneki, he just chose to pretend he didn't. Its in Hide's character to wait for Kaneki to be ready to talk.