Quickly getting to his destination, Rogue bursts into the building that following Lucy's scent led to, and, from there, finds Mard Geer in an office type room with Lucy next to him in loose chains wearing a potato sack over her head.
"You know, even Phantom Lord did a better job and kidnapping me. They kept me locked away in a room very far from Fairy Tail, but you chose right next to it. I don't mean to be such a perfectionist, but you could've done far better, Mard Geer. And- oh, who's here?"
...what? What is she talking about?
Well, it doesn't matter anyway. MARD GEER WILL PAY FOR DAMAGING LUCY HEARTFILIA!
He begins to ready his Shadow Dragon Slayers Roar when Mard Geer abruptly stands up and slams his palms onto the table.
"You know what?! I'm done with this! I have a life to live, and I'm not going to spend it following some stupid humans words! Goodbye Steve! I'd hate to ruin such fun moments we've had, but I'M LEAVING!"
With that, he jumps out of the window that is behind him and quickly runs off to live said life. (If he has one. Are demons even alive?)
What. The. FUDGE.
Rogue has seen the anger and force of Mard Geer, but as soon as the slightest whiff of a shadow happens, he's GONE.
Rogue needed to prove his worth, to show future mate that their future partner could save them and fix everything! Not this, 'I'M RETIRING', shit! Rogue had to show mate that Rogue could defeat enemies! That Rogue has worth! That Rogue was worthy of procreating with a female!
Eesh, there was a little bit of Skiadrum on that last one.
But no! 'I'm retiring'. IM RETIRING! What man (coughing*demon*coughing*) has less self confidence that Sting after taking a bath? Seriously? Rogue had to show off! He had to PROTECT mate!
Even if mate didn't know she was mate! Yet.
"Yeah! You better run! This is the power of Fairy Tail!" Lucy shouts, gaining Rogue's attention.
However, as soon as Mard Geer left, so did the Roar, sending it into the window, even though the demon was already gone. (Rogue was pretty certain that he killed a few birds.)
When done, he walks up to Lucy and quickly breaks the chains and removes the ugly, musty, mouldy bag from her head and hugs her. Luckily, she doesn't smell like Mard Geer. That's good. He might've killed himself for not coming sooner had she been raped.
"Huh?"
You see, Lucy isn't very fast at grasping this situation. Especially when she thought that she was saved by Natsu at first, then it turns out to be the guy who just confessed to her the night before.
Rogue is just thankful to have her in his arms.
"What are you doing?" Lucy shouts as Rogue realizes he is sniffing her. "Where'd he go?"
Rogue points out the window, still sniffing the scent of rainbows. He should have bottled it, patented it, and sold it to millions.
"Why in the world are you here?"
Lucy, on the other hand, is very shaken by Rogue's sudden appearance. Where did he come from?
"I.. um, you see... I..." attempting to explain, he takes in a very deep breath, "MirajanetoldmethatyouwerebeingheldcaptivebyaveryattractivemansoIranhereinjealousy."
"Can you say that slower?"
"No."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Well, this is awkward. I should probably head to the guild to tell them that I'm okay."
"Mhm."
"Mmm..."
"Can you let go of me?"
He lets go of her, albeit reluctantly, and grabs her hand as he leads her back to Fairy Tail.
"What are you doing?" Lucy yells as she was dragged by the hand, Rogue's grip firm. He doesn't let go.
"Hey! Can you let go?!"
"No."
Figures.
"Rogue! What are you doing? Why were trying to see me? WHAT'S UP WITH YOU?"
She pulls her hand away while they're just steps from the guild and looks at at Rogue whose face is downcast as her touch was yanked away from his hand. As soon as she spits her fouls words out, she immediately regrets them as she dark scarlet eyes widen and fallen in the sadness, and the slightest hint of jealousy flicks across them.
"I wasn't done confessing".
"Rogue-"
Lucy stands there in shock. He wanted to merely compliment her? What was it with dragon slayers?
Lucy didn't know how they knew their mate was THE one. Gajeel seemed to have always known, as did Natsu, but Wendy just sort of latched onto Romeo and wouldn't let go, scaring Macao to death thinking his son was to be married on the spot. (Ensue many daydreams of flat chested bride Wendy, Steal-your-man Cheila, and a pathetically emotional Macao)
Maybe Rogue had a Wendy moment.
"Rogue..." Lucy says again.
He turns to face her, grabbing her other hand.
"Lucy, you're my 'mate.' A mate is someone that I'll spend the rest of my life with. I love her with all of my heart, and only wish happiness on her. I guess what I'm asking is; are you okay with this?"
"Are you asking me to marry you?"
He inwardly face palms. She's reading into too much.
Mind you, he loves her intelligence, but what he is saying isn't that he wants to marry her...
Yet...
"No, I'm just finishing up my confession because I missed your lips." With that, he leans in to kiss her.
With her rainbow scented body pressed against his, her soft lips against his, and a brand new world at their fingertips, he can die happy.
Until his father in his Shadow-mode screams.
"My babies! My beautiful babies! Mirajane, all of my dreams will come true! HEAVEN IS IN THE HORIZON! Soon enough, they'll be kissing without their clothes on, and I'll be there to over look that babies ARE made!"
Rogue immediately (and sadly) breaks from the kiss.
"God, Dad! What kind of sick mind do you have?! You don't watch your son and his love do th-that!"
"I NEED PROOF THAT BABIES ARE BEING MADE!"
Immediately, Lucy blushes, and she automatically realized that a giant dragon cannot fit in Magnolia, so there is a real bit of confusion. She hates to think the dragon is 'spying' but really destroyed half the town and splattered a few townsfolk.
Then she see the shadow that isn't connected to anything, and it's flowing white eyes are staring directly at them.
"Kiss harder!"
"Oh god FATHER! What the hell did you see?"
On the other end of the street there was a possessed metal pole spying from a bush.
"Well, Gajeel was late so-" says said shadow.
"ROGUE! A jumping metal pole told me to do this!"
From a distance, Gajeel comes out of nowhere and suddenly stops as he sees Lucy and Rogue together.
"Well, I guess I'm late."
Lucy turns the deepest blush possible and covers her face with embarrassment, possessively hiding it in Rogue's clothes. God, he was nice. And warm. Tall, dark, handsome-
Lucy Cheney.
So he wasn't asking her for her hand or kneeling on one knee, he was just telling her that she was his soul mate, that primal instincts that never fail had told him Lucy needed to be his. The flattery was immeasurable. She hadn't felt like that before ever, the warm fuzzy feeling similar to a first love, but it was different. A last love.
Oh god the giant black splotch on the ground was watching her blush. She turned to Rogue, and sure enough he was blushing too.
"I understand very little of what's going on", he whispered.
"To you I'm old but not deaf!" says the shadow. "Now have sex!"
"Fuck it." Gajeel whispers.
And with that, he runs up to Lucy and Rogue. And handcuffs them together.
"Mirajane placed a spell on it so that it won't open until you both are in love. But, I'm not sure how she found the time to from that tree," Gajeel states.
"Oh my God! Mira! You were watching us this whole time!" Lucy yells.
Oh dear God. Mirajane will never stop teasing Lucy ever again. Why couldn't the demon busy herself with someone like Wendy. Wendy needs more love advice. She hasn't let go of Romeo's arm since... she counts it on her fingers, confusing everybody present... last week!
"My job is done here, now that my favorite couple has finally hooked up. Can't wait to see the blonde haired red eyed babies and the black haired brown eyed babies, Lucy! Become pregnant as soon as you're ready!"
And, with that, she jumps from the tree and walks away. (But it's okay. She's just going to hang out with Elfman and play a MANLY game of chess. She won't leave forever like Mard Geer.)
"No! Not when you're ready! Remove of all of your clothes now! I want babies! I want babies! Gimme the fucking babies already!"
Oh no! Skaidrum just cursed! From Rogue's experience, he only does that when he's lost his patience! Putting two and two together, Skaidrum will try to... NO! He won't let Skaidrum force Lucy into doing that yet!
"LOOK! SPARKLES!"
The outburst comes out of nowhere and so do the sparkles, but Rogue is dragging Lucy as she tries to keep pace.
That just happened.
"Hurry! Dad is fast as hell and we are in the sun! That means we cast his own mode of transportation!"
Rogue pulls Lucy around a corner into what looks like an entrance to a park and he drags her sharply behind the brick wall, the two tumbling as the small black splotch zooms past the walkway.
"No! Oh god Mirajane why?" Says Lucy as she holds her wrist. "This cannot be happening!"
Rogue's face is neutral as he inspects the cuffs.
Then they break. They just break. And Gajeel, who had been following them because NOBODY MESSES WITH AN IMPATIENT DRAGON, just gawks.
"What?" Rogue asks Gajeel as he looks at the cuffs on the ground.
"They only come off when... the people who have them on are in love..."
Rogue turns to look a blushing Lucy in the eye.
(Lar Har says the authors! And from a Farry45 we hear a YOSH!)
"My awkward confessions and severe loss of pride and dignity were not in vain." He whispers.
"What'd you say, R-Rogue? And what n-nonsense are you talking about, G-Gajeel?"
"My son and sister are in love. My son and sister are in love! MY SON AND SISTER ARE IN LOVE! MY FAMILY TREE IS RUINED! Curse you, damn possessed pole!"
"Ca-brat! It was for the better! The shadows and stars are now combined as one, again! Just like me with Nictrilli and Skaidrum, you have fulfilled the prophecy!"
In that moment, time stops. And everything makes sense.
Mirajane + Skaidrum = try to make Lucy and Rogue a couple
Mirajane + Necromancy = Mard Geer
Mirajane + Skaidrum + Mard Geer = Lucy gets kidnapped after laughing so much that she faints
Metalicana + Gajeel - a Gajeel who thinks of Lucy as a sister and Rogue as a son and doesn't particularly want to do this = Try to pair Lucy and Rogue up like:
Metalicana + Empty Cave = makes Nictrilli and Skaidrum a couple
Steve = Skaidrum = shadow on the ground
Nictrilli + Skaidrum = Rogue
Metalicana's obsession with kittens + Skaidrum's addiction to babies = want Rogue and Lucy to reproduce
Then time continues, and Skaidrum is standing there shoving a condom into their faces.
(Rogue feels like he's the only one who sees the giant tear in the center of it)
"Oh. My. God."
There are no better words for the situation. It's very complex, anticipated, and holy shit were they making a scene.
Rogue slowly tugs Lucy in what seems like an embrace and whispers quickly in her ear:
"Hold your breath! You're not used to shadows!"
She immediately sucks in her breath, although Lucy isn't sure why she actually does. Rogue pulls her in extremely tightly, hugging her close, and the part of the park she can see is suddenly consumed by a giant black mass. It's like another world, and she is suddenly near the wall, the world having been pushed into a dark filter. She understands.
She and Rogue have been pushed into a shadow.
She feels his grip pull her up a little, and then the world blurs and she is pushes her face into Rogue's kimono.
When she looks up again, the world is normal. She is in someone's house, in someone's living room, with a pink and green exceed on the couch, hold a blonde Barbie™ and an ebony haired Ken™.
"Fro says: NOW KISS!"
The poor Barbies.
Rogue looks at his exceed playing with Barbies, then heads into the kitchen. It couldn't be past... 1 o,clock maybe. He should probably make some fo-
How the hell did Frosch get an ebony haired Barbie? Rogue had made sure to only get blue, red, blonde, or pink haired Barbies and Kens! So how in Kami's name did she get an ebony haired Ken?
"Dammit Sting! This is why you don't get to pick out birthday presents!"
Said Dragon Slayer quickly walks downstairs after being disturbed from his peaceful beauty sleep from the shout.
"What do you me- oh, hey Lucy! I didn't know that Rogue would take you home that quick! He must've picked up some moves while I wasn't looking!"
In Rogue's mind, he grabs a knife from the rack, swiftly turns around and throws it straight between Sting's eyes.
In real life, Rogue grabs a knife from the rack and starts cutting the carrots. Precisely. One after another. And shouts.
"For the love of God, Sting! I'm not that kind of guy!"
"Oh, yeah you're," the Light Dragon Slayer holds up his fingers in quotation marks "'Saving myself for someone I love.' Whatever, Rogue."
Rogue looks towards Lucy with a slight flicker of his eyes that reads: 'act naturally and don't say a word God knows what he'll do'.
Lucy turns pinks and Sting leans against the counter. "So how far did you get Rogue? Knowing you, her and you didn't do the nasty yet, so what? Did you feel her up?"
Sting regrets that he has a Shadow Dragon friend as soon as the dark mass that comes with the curse of light starts to drag him to the floor.
"Blonde call him! I'm too young to die! I don't Rogue to take over the world!"
As soon as his head hits the floor with a hard knock, the shadow obviously controlled by Rogue lets out its grip and slinks is gasping for air, and Lector and Frosch are making bets if a brotherly brawl starts. Sting starts to pull himself up.
"Sorry for asking then, you MOODY VIRGIN!"
The knife flies and it lands dangerously close to where the Light Dragon Slayer's head had been less than moments before.
"LUCY KICK".
First it's Sting, then Rogue. Sting has been kicked into the couch and sprawled on the floor, clutching his mostly manly of parts and turning purple. Rogue smashed into a wall, holding his chest and wheezing.
"What happened to passive and aggressive? Honestly you're are like GRAY AND NATSU HOPPED UP ON VIAGRA!"
(If they ever did get Viagra, it was probably from Elfman. MANLY)
With that, Lucy makes a promise to herself that she'd make sure that Sting can't see for a month.