Disclaimer: The characters and some settings aren't mine, please.

Unexpected Guests 'R Us

In Japan, on the DOA premises, in the hotel, in a suite, an irate competitor slammed the front door.

"I'm glad that's over with." Knock knock knock

Jann Lee's eyes darted to the door and he wanted to ignore it. It steadily got louder. Then the knocking became pounding. His eardrums were melting.

Finally he leaped off the couch and ripped the door open. "What is it?" he asked waspishly.

Tina barged past him into the living room. "Step aside, Jet. ZACK!" she roared. "There's going to be MURDER!" She picked up a pillow and ripped it apart.

Now most people would be terrified of Zack's rowdy guest, but Jann Lee was not impressed. He, of course, had no problems dealing with drunk/psychotic people, from his night job. Thankfully, she destroyed Zack's pillow and not his, so the damage was minimal; yet he knew the best way to get rid of riffraff was swiftly and straightforward.

"Get out of my room."

Tina turned on him. "So you're protecting him? Where's he hiding?" She didn't wait for his answer as she went into the bathroom, checked both bedrooms, and opened the dishwasher.

He sighed. I want to be alone and rest. "He's not here."

"Oh."

"He's out with Leifang," he added, though he cursed the hallucinogens that made him offer details a second later.

"OH?" said Tina, fired up again. "He's leaving me for one of my friends? Again?"

Jann Lee took a deep breath. This was what he got for trying to be helpful. "I didn't say he and Leifang were--"

Tina sensed what she thought was pain. Her expression softened.

In fact, he was in pain, but it was because of her voice, not emotional trauma.

"Aw, I get it. You're upset. First time a girl cheated on you, huh? Don't worry," she clapped him on the back. "I know what you're going through."

He would've taken a double-take if he wasn't so dizzy, and it didn't look so stupid. "Are you ill, Armstrong? Leifang is a feminist with an anti-damsel complex. You've got the wrong idea about--"

Tina cut him off again, as a brilliant plan came to her. "I know exactly how to get back at them!"

"I--" he started. "Ugh!"

Tina had tackled him to the loveseat. She was lying on top of Jann Lee, and pinned his arms back. "Get off me! Do you have any shame?"

She gave him a seductive/reassuring wink. "Don't worry about it. This won't hurt a bit." She forced her tongue into his mouth.

"!#$%" he choked.

The door burst open and two heads snapped towards it. There was someone in the doorway-

"Ah shit, man," Zack whined pointing at Tina. "I just came back for some pants man! I understand why you'd cheat on me, but why it gotta be with my roommate?"

Jann Lee stood up aggressively and Tina fell aggressively. "She is not doing anything with me," he announced sharply.

"Mm-hm." Zack put his hands on his hips, pursed his lips, and swiveled his neck. "Lee, you know I'm cool with alcohol, smokes, women, and Yanni CD's in the crib, but I don't know if I can bunk with a liar. Especially one that's cheating with my girl!" he yelled in Tina's direction.

Tina put up her hand and mouthed "Talk to the hand."

Jann Lee narrowed his eyes. "If you don't believe me, do us all a favor and request a single room. Now. And take her with you."

She whipped her head towards him. "Excuse me?" Tina screeched.

"Uh uh, you ain't getting out of it that easy. If you weren't getting it on with Ti, then what was you doing?" Zack demanded in his earsplitting voice.

Jann Lee pinched his sinuses. Every noise was magnified so much that his head was about to explode. Focus…Get yourself out of this mess. "She was showing me her barbaric tactics that we'll be using to beat you in the underground tournament."

That statement hung.

"Really." Zack was not convinced.

"Really?" Tina asked.

"Really," he confirmed. But he couldn't believe the state he'd put himself into.

"Man, you ain't even gonna survive! That's so dangerous Leifang asked me to be her teammate."

"I can't say much for her judgment," Jann Lee retorted. "As for your concern, I livedon the streets, whereas you act like a stereotypical music video-watching fake."

"I don't care about haters. Me and Lei-Lei are gonna whoop you two."

Tina stood up. "What, so now you have pet names for her?"

"Stay out of this, woman!" Zack replied.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Tina yelled back.

"Is there any way you can take this outside?" They completely ignored Jann Lee.

"I'm a pimp. I'm a straight pimp. I'm a cop-killer."

"You're straight?"

"Girl, do you even hear the words coming out of your mouth?"

"Enough!" Jann Lee pointed at Tina. "You don't need to go home, but you sure as hell can't stay here. And you need to put some clothes on," he demanded at Zack. "How many times do I have to say that sentence in a day…"

Cruel karma, he thought, I knew that extra hamburger would come back to haunt me.

"Right," Zack said, grabbing some shorts. "I gotta go practice. With someone who likes my company. Later y'all!" He ran out to meet Leifang in the gym.

"Oh okay, just run away from me when I'm accusing you!" Tina yelled at his back.

She looked at Jann Lee, who turned back towards the couch. "If you're done maximizing my headache, there's nothing left for you here."

"Aw, what's wrong Jann?"

"I'll forget that you sexually harassed me if you never bring it up again. And don't call me Jann." He sat down. "Better yet, don't call me at all."

"Listen," Tina said lightly. "What happened in this room stays in this room. I actually thought trying to make them jealous was the best way to get back at them, but your idea's way better!"

Her eyes shined.

He coughed. "What?"

She punched him. "You know, stupid, the combat showdown! Now what's that all about? Tell me the details!"

"That? I wasn't serious about joining in their little side tournament. Not with you."

She was unfazed. "Beating them in any underground tournament would kill Zack's imaginary street cred," she said thoughtfully. "And I know Leifang hates losing. Back when we were friends, she always was a sore loser when I beat her at Candyland. Of course, that was before she went around stealing people's boy toys, so her cheating is just your problem now."

He stood up and said quickly, "Leifang isn't be cheating on me because we aren't-"

"Jann, stop being in denial," Tina cut in cheerfully, because he couldn't talk fast enough. "The first cheater is always the most painful, but maybe if you're lucky, I can help you get over that," she said, running her hands down her curves as she headed for the door.

"Unbelievable…" There were so many things wrong with everything Tina just said and did, but she was out of there with a wink before he could even begin.