The rest of the night was quiet. Deimos returned pissed off. Supposedly, they caught a couple of the Ice Giants who somehow killed themselves immediately, so they could not get any information from them. That sucked.
And after the earlier rush to get her out of Sanctuary, Phobos was not about to let Stef out of the house again. Not for a while at least, if ever.
So, the four of them curled up on the couch to watch a movie. Stef was not surprised to learn that the twins leaned toward horror movies, though they were rather new to cinema so they were seeing most of it for the first time.
"Well then what do you do up on the Vanishing Isle?" Stef asked.
Phobos looked down at her as she was cuddled up next to him with her head on his chest. "We mostly work, train, clean our weapons, go to meetings, play chess." He shrugged slightly to not disturb her. "Remember that movies are a rather new thing in the grand scheme of our lives. We have lived without Hollywood for a very long time."
Stef nuzzled into his chest. She understood, sort of. Growing up in The Holt, they did not have TV's or music either. She only knew about the police and cars and such because every once in awhile, the police would drive out to check on things around the compound. And she learned some stuff from the women as they talked about life outside. None of it prepared her for the reality of living in the outside world. Everything was new and scary. Though she was sure that Phobos was not scared of anything.
Except Stephanie. She could still feel his walls up. He was softening. He would cuddle, smile, protect her, even tease a bit. But, he was holding back. Like he still wanted to walk on eggshells because he is scared that he will offend her or she will run away. He left everything in her hands about how far and how fast they would move.
She knew that she hurt him really bad the night before when she accused him of kidnapping her and thinking that he expected sex for it. She had learned so much more of him since then. Phobos was many things. And though she was still not entirely sure that she was alright with his job or violent tendencies, she had learned that those behaviors were only directed at those who deserved them.
Toward innocent people, he was witty, intimidating, and rather confusing. Yet, never a real danger. And toward Stef, he was warm and protective, soft and caring, and absolutely infuriating at times. It would take time and effort on her part to help fix her mistake. But, he is worth the time and effort.
After the movie, Phobos walked Stef to her room and left her to get ready for bed. She needed to get to sleep and start her training with Zeth. He returned to his room. He was washing his face when he heard a knock on the door.
He smiled when he opened it to see Stef in her pajamas. She had a look of concern on her face. "Are you still scared to go to sleep?"
She nodded and looked down in shame. "I know, I am a grown woman. This is ridiculous. But, now that I know those things are real and they could really hurt me…" She took a shaky breath. "What if Zeth isn't there?"
Phobos lifted her chin with the back of his knuckle. "You don't have to be emberaced about your fears around me. You have every right to them. Come on, I will sleep next to you again and join your dream until Zeth is there."
Stef stayed standing there for a second. "Do you really want to sleep sitting up again?"
The right side of Phobos's lips pulled up into a partial smile. "Stephanie, I have never actually slept next to a woman before. You are the first. You are beautiful and sexy. And my body reacts to you in ways that it never has toward anyone else. Yet, it is the woman that you are that I care for. And with the kind of past that you have. I don't want you to feel propositioned or forced into anything. But, I don't trust myself to keep my hands off of you let alone not try for anything else."
He was rubbing his thumb over her jaw line as he talked and Stef completely melted at his touch and his words. He had to be the most amazingly understanding man in the world. And it was that moment that made Stef realize that she was falling in love with Phobos. No matter how much she wanted to take things slow, her heart was not listening.
She nodded and took his hand to lead him back to her room where they settled in like the night before and Stef fell asleep.
Stef entered the dream in the same run down building that Phobos had joined her in before. Phobos was right behind her.
Phobos grimaced. "Why don't you try to change this?"
Stef focused on the memory of Sanctuary. The scene changed.
"This is better. Though, I am noticing a theme to your changes." Phobos chuckled.
"Would you rather I take us to Baby's R Us?" Stef winked.
Phobos scoffed. "Dear Hades no! That place made my head explode. How can there be so many things for those mess machines? We never had that stuff before. I doubt half of it is really needed."
Stef grinned at his rant about a simple store.
He stopped and looked at her. "But, I am grateful to the store."
That caught her attention. "Really? Why is that?"
Phobos smiled widely. "Do I really need to spell it out?"
Stef stepped into his arms. "Yup."
Phobos kissed the top of her head. "Because it is where I met you."
"Even if you hated me the first time we met?"
"I never hated you Stephanie. I really enjoyed your biting wit. I have always liked to push people's buttons and let them push mine. It can lead to some really hot angry sex." Stef laughed. Then he sobered. "The only time that you went too far with me was in thinking that I was like Skoll."
She looked up at him. "I really am sorry about that."
"I know. Just give me some time to rebuild the trust that you won't hurt me again." He started to run his fingers through her burgundy curls. "The pain that I felt at that moment was so intense that it literally weakened my powers. And that is a very dangerous thing for any god, especially one in my position. As a god, I am fed by the things that are in my base nature. As a personification of fear and child of anger and war, I am fed by those things. I am fed by other people's fears, anger, violence and conflict."
He sighed. "All of my life, I was told that the only weakness that a god has is the absence of the things that feed them. But, with you, you were terrified. We just left a conflict. And I was beyond angry at your assumptions. So, I should have been stronger. Instead, I was weakened. And I don't understand why. That is what scares me the most."
Stef reached up to cup his face. "Your reaction wasn't normal anger or fear. Forget what other people felt. It sounds like you felt one of the strongest emotions ever. Grief." Grief was one topic that Stef understands.
Stef took a step back. "Grief includes anger and fear and sometimes even violence. But, they are superficial expressions at that point, not true emotions unless it tips to rage. Grief is the overwhelming feeling of loss and betrayal that takes precedence over all others. It makes your chest tight and you feel trapped and alone, so you barricade yourself from the rest of the world to try to not be hurt anymore. Even if it means lashing out in anger to push people away."
Tears started to roll down her eyes as she understood just how deeply she had hurt him. "Perhaps when you closed yourself off last night, you cut off the power?"
"You have experienced this?" Phobos asked.
She nodded. "I have lost many friends over the years. And, as much as I was the person that chose to leave The Holt, I still grieved for never seeing my parents again. The worst was when I had a miscarriage at 18."
That shocked him. "You were pregnant?"
She looked down. "It is common for girls like me at the time. But, Jackson was angry and sent me to Big John again. I lost the baby. I hadn't even had time to tell him that I was pregnant. That was when I decided to try to find a way out of that life. It took a few months, but I finally did it. I just couldn't go through that again."
Phobos kissed the tears from her eyes. His heart ached for her pain, for her past. None of it was right or fair. How could Skoll have been so cruel to Stef that Jackson was the lesser of her two evils? Phobos couldn't let Skoll near her.
"I really hate to interupt, but it is hard to waffle in and out of a dream and not feel like I am just eavesdropping." Zeth popped in.
Phobos growled and Stef wiped her eyes.
"I really did try to give you two privacy for a bit. I just never seemed to catch the right time."
"Just how much did you listen in on?" Phobos demanded.
Zeth held his hands up in surrender. "Just enough to know it was personal and private. Nothing more. Though earlier, to be honest, I did catch what Psyche said. Congratulations. I think."
Stef grimaced. This was just a bit awkward.
Phobos pulled Stef in for a hug and kissed her cheek. "I will leave the two of you to your training." Stef nodded and then Phobos was gone.
Stef spun on Zeth. "Is there any way that I can let you know when I am going to sleep instead of you watching me? I mean, seriously, you are my father. And what if Phobos and I are having sex or something? I don't want you watching. That is beyond creepy."
He screwed up his face at the thought of watching his daughter have sex. Damn, he can't unthink that. And he really didn't want to think of his daughter doing that with his friend. Zeth shuddered. "Yeah, we need to work something else out. I agree."