Why Can't I Be Happy?
Chapter 9
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Reba awoke the next morning happier than ever. She and Brad had confessed their love for one another. Reba couldn't believe she said it, and meant it. The only man that she ever said 'I love you' to was Brock. After her divorce she was sure she wouldn't or couldn't love again. It was too much of a risk putting her heart on the line, especially after what happened with her previous marriage. As she thought about it more she started to question whether or not Brad really loved her. Brock loved her too, but that didn't stop him from having an affair and leaving her for another woman. Now she was confused. Reba knew she loved Brad, but wasn't sure if Brad's love was only because he wanted to get her into bed. Her mind was all over the place. Conflicting thoughts came in from left to right.
Once Reba was downstairs, she read a note from Cheyenne saying the family would be gone for the day at the park with Sam. It relieved her to know she'd be alone, now she would have time to think things over in peace. Reba had just sat down with a cup of coffee when Kyra walked in. She came and sat at a chair besides her mom. Reba noticed her daughter looked pretty sullen and sad. Her motherly instincts quickly took over.
"Kyra honey what's wrong?" Reba asked while gently placing her hand on top of her daughter's.
"Dad and Barbra Jean." was all the teen said.
"What about them?"
"All they've done since the dinner you had the other night is argue. All day, everyday they scream and yell at each other."
" Darlin' is it really that bad?"
"Yeah it is. I haven't gotten any sleep because of their constant bickering. One day I came home from school and I heard Dad screaming at Barbra Jean." Kyra slowly had tears forming in her eyes.
"Mom I'm really scared." Reba brought her daughter into a loving, nurturing hug. She gently rubbed her head, kissing Kyra on the forehead in the process.
"Honey is there anything I can do?"
"Can I move back in with you please? I thought I could handle the arguing but I can't and I just really want to be close to you and far away from Dad's house." Reba's heart melted at her daughter's request. She was happy that Kyra wanted to move back in, but sad at the fact that Kyra was so scared of being at Brock and Barbra Jean's house.
"Of course you can move back in, no questions asked."
"Thank you mom." she held onto her mother a little longer before lifting out of her embrace.
"When do you want to move in?
"Right now if that's okay with you."
"Well let's go over to your father's house and get your things."
"Mom could you just go and get my things, there already packed and organized in my room. I really don't want to go back there." Reba had never seen Kyra so hurt before. She'd always hid her feelings and emotions. But this time it was too much for her to keep in.
"Alright honey I'll go over there right now and get your things. In the mean time, why don't you go on upstairs to your room and rest your head. When your feeling better I'll come up and talk to you." Without any objections, Kyra just nodded her head and did exactly what her mom said. Reba's heart went out to her daughter, she hated seeing her children in pain.
Reba figured Kyra would have quite a bit of things packed, so she took her car, not wanting to take more than one trip to Brock and BJ's. When Reba pulled into their driveway she was a bit hesitant going into the house. She hadn't talked to Brock since the dinner, not to mention the argument they had prior to the dinner. Reba hoped Barbra Jean was there but to her dismay she wasn't. Reba took a deep breath and knocked on the door. It took a couple of times but eventually Brock made it to the door. He was little less than pleasant.
"Reba what are you doing here?" he said coldly. Reba could have told him off but wanted to get this thing over and done with.
"Um well I don't know if Kyra told you or not but she wants to move back in with me. I'm only here to pick up the things she packed."
"No Kyra hasn't told me anything about moving. I asked her if she was okay and she told me she was fine. You must've heard her wrong." Brock said while folding his arms. Reba looked at him in disbelief.
"No Brock I understand completely that when my child comes to me in tears because she's afraid of living with her father I need to take control and get her out of the situation that scares her."
"Scared, what in the hell is she afraid of?" Brock was looking to argue with Reba, but she wasn't going to waste her time.
"Look Brock I am not going to go into details about what Kyra said. So if you'll excuse me I need to get Kyra's things and get out of here." Reba headed for Kyra's room before Brock challenged what she said. Once Reba reached Kyra's room she was happy at her decision to bring her car. Kyra had a nice bundle of things that were packed and ready to go. After her altercation with Brock she was positive she didn't want to have to make more than one trip.
Brock didn't lift a finger to help Reba. He just stared at her doing all the work. It took everything in her power not to stop and slap the hell out of him. Instead of helping, Brock mocked Reba.
"So why isn't your prince charming here helping you?" he gave himself a victory smirk. This was the last straw. Reba had grown sick and tired of him making snide references towards Brad.
"For your information, he's in New York on business and even if he were here I still wouldn't need his help."
"Oh he's in New York huh, is that what he told you?" Reba didn't answer. She just ignored his insinuation.
"Man Reba your even more naïve than I thought." he laughed mockingly to himself aloud. That had done it. Reba threw the box she was holding down and approached Brock, causing him to take a couple steps back.
"Trust me when I say this Brock, I am not nearly as naïve as I was when we were together. Because after all you put me through, I know what a true man looks like and I know the difference between the sincerity in his words versus the lies you told." Brock was hurt by her words but didn't let it show.
"So what are you saying Reba, Brad's better than me?"
"More than you'll ever know. I love him Brock and last night he told me he loved me too. I think I've found my true love, just like you did."
"Oh Reba please. You can't possibly be in love with this guy. We were married for twenty years and you seriously expect me to believe that you love him. I was your first love, I was the first and only man you ever made love to, I am the father of your children…" he was cut off.
"And you were the first man who ever broke my heart." Reba became silent.
"Reba it's been four years, do we have to bring this up again?"
"How could you destroy our marriage like that Brock? Do you have any idea how hurt I was? After years of marriage, friendship and kids, you gave it all up for a moment of pleasure. I did so much for you. I gave up a lot just so you would be happy. But that wasn't enough. I trusted you with everything but in the end all I got out of it was a load of debt, three children to raise by myself and a broken heart and soul."
"How many times must I apologize for my affair Reba?"
"Not anymore. As crazy as it may sound Brock your apology doesn't mean anything. You have no idea what it's like lying to your children, trying to convince them that daddy will come back home soon. You don't know what it feels like waking up every night and realizing that the person you love with all your heart is running around with someone else while your crying yourself to sleep. You put me and this family through hell, all because you were being selfish and didn't give a damn about anyone else except yourself." Tears flowed out of Reba's eyes. For the first time, Brock seen the hurt in her eyes. After all these years she was still pained by the memory of the misery he'd put her through.
"Reba I didn't know…" she cut him off once again.
"That's because you never took the time to figure it out. As long as you were happy everything was fine. You know there were days when I looked in the mirror and asked myself, what was so bad about me. I blamed myself for not being able to keep you at home. I questioned if I was pretty enough. I even convinced myself that if I would have learned to love you better, you wouldn't have left me. Brock I gave you all that I had, and in the end, that's all I could do. Now I've found someone who thinks nothing but the world of me. He doesn't ask for anything more than what I can give him. Without evening saying it, I know he thinks I'm beautiful and I know he loves me. I've moved on Brock, and I can only hope that you accept it, just like I accepted you and Barbra Jean."
With that said Reba picked up the box and walked out the door. Though she had gotten a little more emotional than she expected, Reba was happy that she finally told Brock exactly how she felt about their marriage and him. Now she knew that she would be able to move forward with Brad at her side. All the doubts she had about whether or not Brad loved her subsided. The burning question whether or not he truly loved her, Reba answered herself. On her way back to the house Reba decided that she would give him a call, so she can let him know the love she felt. Even though she knew he'd be in a meeting, the thought of hearing his voice made her love him just a little bit more.
Once Reba left Brock's house, he was left with his mind racing. This was the first time he'd ever heard Reba open up about the affair. Brock's heart sank. As he watched Reba get into her car, he leaned his head against the door.
"I still love you Reba. I still love you."
What Brock didn't know was that Barbra Jean had heard everything they said. Her ears were especially tuned in when she heard Brock confirm her deepest fears. He still was in love with Reba.