Lower New York Bay
2:00 P.M. Eastern Standard Time
(Kowalski's POV)
The sonar was pinging Dave and Blowhole's subs on the screen. "Skipper we're right on top of them!" I shouted. "Are we are are we not in their sonar range," Skipper said as a torpedo slammed into the side of our sub. "Who is in charge of sonar duty?" Skipper asked. "There was nothing on the scope!" Private replied. "Kowalski would you fix the sonar," Skipper said, "before we get stuck on the seafloor!" "I upgraded it…" "Obviously your upgrade is faulty," Skipper replied. "Fine I'll downgrade it," I replied. Before I could touch the sonar we were slammed by another torpedo. "Mr. Rico it's time to return fire! Fire all torpedos!"
Rico turned to the panel and rapidly pushed the buttons for the torpedos. Rico laughed and continued to pushed to button but nothing happened. Everytime Rico pushed a button the only sound we heard was Julian's voice. Skipper opened one of the torpedo tubes and to his shock found julian inside. "Bah!" Julian said in his dacula voice. "Ringtail!" Skipper shouted, "What the phony fish-cakes are you doing here?" "Oh I see you found my royal sleeping tube," Julian said, "Bah!" "so help me Ringtail," Skipper said, "if you replaced all the torpedos with fruit I'm going to…" Rico, Private, and I opened the other torpedo tubes, "He replaced all the torpedos with fruit again," Kowalski said. "Ahhhhhhhhh!" Skipper shouted.
"You're going to…Ahhhhhhhhh!" Julian said, "what would that do?" Skipper roundhouse kicked Julian across the sub, "how dare you!" Julian shouted. "You're going to get us all killed ringtail!" Skipper shouted. And then two more torpedos slammed into the sub. A loud alarm activated and echoed off the walls of the sub. "Skipper," I said, "we have substained critical damage…I'm not sure how much more the hull could take!" "Steady as we go Mr. Rico…" "FIRE EVERYTHING!" I shouted. Private, Rico, Julian, and I started ran around the sub pushed random buttons. The Sub rocked as all the weapons on board were deployed.
"Men…Did I say fire all weapons?" Skipper said, "And did any of you think to target those weapons!?" "No," I said, "also we forgot to target the weapons at Dave and Blowhole." "And?" Skipper said. "there is a 5% change that we hit either Dave or Blowhole," I replied. "And the other 95%?" Skipper said. "um…In their respective submarines Dave and Blowhole are laughing at us." And then Blowhole's laugh appeared on our communication channel. "Oh kill me now," Skipper said. "That's a great idea Pen-gu-win," Blowhole replied. WE all glared at Skipper, "What?" he said. "Is now a bad time to…" "to what?" "Do a barrel-roll!" Julian said grabbing the wheel and before barrel-rolling the sub straight into Dave's sub." "Ringtail!" Skipper shouted, "Now looked what you done!" Skipper said. And then Dave's sub decended on us, "Ha! Ha! Ha!" Dave said, "prepare to die!" And then the propeller "tentacles" started to slam againt the hull. "Ha! Dave you can't possible penetrate six inches of solid steel!" Skipper said. One of the "tentacles" appeared by the front window. "Um…where did you get the invisible see-though steel," Julian said. Skipper face-palmed, "I knew I should have went with the durable plexi-glass," he said. The "tentacle" smashed it's propeller end into the glass front window. The glass bursted and a turrent of water knocked us across the sub.
The Sub now filling with water spiraled down to the seabed. Over the comm Unit we heard Dave trash-talk Blowhole, "That that bottlenose! I killed the penguin before you!" "Why don't you send some of your minions down their and check…" Blowhole replied. "Find," Dave said, "Nicolas! You will lead a group of octopi to check if the penguin are indeed dead!" "Kowalski options," Skipper said. "With our streamlined Penguin bodies and extrodinary lung capacity we could swim to the surface in no time…but how long can julian hold his breath?" "Hold it in what?" Julian said. I took out a pencil and flipped thru a pad of paper doing calculations, "Ah it's impossible," I said, "julian would have to swim a precise 45 knots…roughly the speed of a fired torpedo!"
"why do I feel like you said that before?" Skipper said. "I don't know?" I said. "Oh…that
Amnesia mist worked too well," Private whispered. "What was that Private?" I asked. "that Mindjacker eh?" Private said. "that's what I thought you said," Skipper said a grin on his face, "Mr. Kowalski deploy handsome vampire!" We stuffed Julian into a tube and hit the launch button, "torpedo two!" Julian was launched straight into Dave's sub, "Baaaaaaaah!" Julian said. "Skipper julian formed a hole in the underside of Dave's sub!" I said. "We're not going to leave you fuzzy little buddy in there are we?" Private said. "First of all Private It would be in stark voliation of the penguin credo and second…Julian and I are not friends!" "Um hmm," rico said. "Case closed," I said, "that said let's go rescue him." We opened the top hatched and torpedoed towards the breach in Dave's sub.
We were making good time but then we slammed into the side of Blowhole's nuclear sub. I pointed at the top of the sub and mouthed, "He has nuclear warheads!" "What?" Skipper mouthed. "And one of the launch tubes are open!" I mouthed back. "That manic!" Skipper mouth back. "what are we going to do," Private mouthed. "Well that eliminates the blow up Blowhole's sub option," I mouthed. Skipper geastured towards the breach in dave's sub and swam towards it. We headed up toward the breach only to find ourselves surrounded by octopi! "Tell me you perfected the octopi translator?" Skipper mouthed. I pulled it out and the octopusnese was translated. "You will come with us*," Nicolas said. (*translated from Octopusnese). "This way," other octopus said. "Whatever Dave's paying you…we're triple it!" I said. The octopi laughed, "You pay triple…that's the most…wait…when did you learn octopus?" "Um," I said, "I have this translator…" Nicolas grabbed the translator and flung it at the seafloor.
It landed on the seafloor but as we were underwater it didn't shattered in a million pieces. The octopi grabbed us with their slimy tentacles and forced us up the underside hatch. WE landed inside the sub and found ourselves with julian surrounded by octopi. "This is worst then antartica," Kowalski said. "Don't remind me!" Dave appeared and started to mock us, "Look what the octopi dragged in," Dave said, "by the way…Leapord seal!" "Hit the deck!" I said. "I'm too young to die!" Julian said. "Ahhhh!" Rico said. "leapord seals?" Skipper said, "In the lower New York Bay? Even those killer machines aren't going to go thru all of that trouble. "Hi!" Hunter said. "Killer machine," Skipper said. "Every penguin for themselves!" I announced and Rico, Skipper, and I ran around like headless chickens. "This is the end!" I said. "She finally caved in to her instincts and came back to kill us all!" Skipper said. "What!" Private said, "That's ridiculous!" "Nicolas why did the mindcontrol helmat fail!" Blowhole appeared on a screen, "how could it possible work if you can't even kill the pen-gu-wins!" "Blowhole," Skipper said, "Launch that nucular missile…"
"What could you possible do to me if I fire that missile?" Blowhole said, "once it's in the upper atmosphere nothing will stop it…the American government would blame the Russians anywhy." "What?" "I'm boardcasting fake Russian converstations between a Russian sub and Moscow worldwide," Blowhole replied. "So when the missile hit's its target Russia would be blamed." "Yes my other nuclear sub is currently located off the coast of Russia," blowhole replied, "once I give word of the successful launch of the first missile the crew of the other sub will launch one of their missiles." "So to all the world it would appear that Russia fired the first shot then America fired the second?" "And The two world super-powers and their respective allies would be engaged in the a war that the world will ultimately lose." "Imagine the havoc that would ensue," Blowhole said, "North Korea rising to power as the world turn their attention to Russia and America, The Daleks taking advantage of the chaos to take over the world, The sontarians picking a side, the doctor abandoning the earth for it's stupidity, Penguin military personnel unknownly slain by the two sides of the world, all leading up the the planet being reduced to a radioactive nuclear wasteland!"
"Will their be irradiated mutant zombie biker gangs?" Skipper said. "Um…no," blowhole said, "but their will be plenty of zombies!" "Actually," I said, "zombies are scienctifically impossible!" "So your knowledge of zombies was not only inaccurate but completely fake!" Private said. "funny how life works," I replied. "we'll deal with Kowalski's fake intel on zombies later. "How do you intend on stopping me pen-gu-wins you don't even have a sub!" "We will in a moment." "You intend on stealing Dave's sub? Are you on a suicide mission or do you have a death wish?" Blowhole cut off the message. "Okay where did that leapoard seal go?" Dave said. "While Blowhole was talking we freed her from your restraints and she left," I said. "she wasn't important," Dave said. "so are you going to let us take the sub so we can avert WWIII?" I said. "Not even in your dreams Skipper," Dave replied. "Then I guess we have take it from you!" Skipper said. "Capture them!" Dave shouted. All the octopi in the sub surrounded us, "Nicolas, cage them!" "You really need new puns," Skipper replied.
"Rico…" Rico laughed evilly and hacked up his rocket launcher. "All the octopi raised their tentacles in surrender." I pulled out the ion cannon and Dave passed out. We then went around the sub and rounded up all the octopi and locked them in the room with Dave's amusement park ride of death. "You will pay for this penguins!" Dave said. "There no such thing as payback for payback," Skipper replied slamming the door in Dave's face. "How can you slam futuristic sci-fi doors in peoples faces?" Dave said from inside the chamber. "Um…if your skipper," I replied. We then found the sub main control room and knocked out all the octopi that were in the control panel. "Rico, Private," Skipper said, "lock these five up with the others."
"Kowalski," Skipper said, "pull out the manual…" I pulled out a instruction manual and flip thru the pages, "Oh come on!" I said. "What still can't read?" Skipper asked. "Who writes instruction manuals in ancient Sumerian!" I shouted. I pulled out several more manuals, "Ancient Egyptian, Aztec, Mayan, Old English, Ancient greek, Old norse, Inca, Ancient chinese writing, Old High Norse…Why all these Ancient Languages! Where is the modern English edition!" I finally found the right one opened it and, "I STILL CAN'T READ!" I flung the book across the room hitting Private in the face as he and rico entered the room. "Ow…Kowalski," Private said. "Sorry!" I replied. "Kowalski analysis of this light!" "Looks like a small LED bulb…design indicates when something is wrong like a malfunction…" "Well I find it pretty and somewhat hyponic," Skipper said. "That too sir," I replied. "Rico head me one of those manuals!" Rico handed Skipper one of the manuals, "Oh this one is in Danish," Skipper said, "denmark! Erhhhhhh!" Skipper slammed the book into the bulb and broke it, "there problemo solve!"
"Blowhole's Sub is on radar!" Private said, "He launched a nuclear torpedo at us!" "Evasive maneuvers!" Skipper shouted. The torpedo appeared and Rico expertly maneuvered the sub away from the torpedo. The Torpedo barely missed on of the propellers and exited the bay without incident. "Torpedo has left the general area we are no longer in the blast radius!" I replied. "Mr. Rico bring us about," Skipper said, "let's see blowhole's sub." "Skipper all of launch tubes on Blowhole's submarine are open!" Private shouted. "What is he doing," Skipper asked. Blowhole's voice appeared on the comm unit, "Get any closer and I will launch all my missiles," Blowhole said, "I have one aimed at every major city on the eastern seaboard." "This is madness Blowhole," Skipper replied. "Skipper it's destroy me or save the entire eastern seaboard from nuclear destruction…It's your choice Pen-gu-wins." "Oh high-stakes," Julian said. "This is not the time for antics," Skipper said, "this is a serious standoff Ringtail!" "OR I could fire them all at the central Park Zoo," Blowhole replied. "No!" I said.
Meanwhile
Blowhole's Submarine
(Blowhole's POV)
"Red One!" I said, "Cancel the launch…we have the penguin where I want them." "What about the other sub?" Red one said. "By the time the Pen-gu-wins beat me it would be too late," I replied. The nuclear silos on the sub slammed shut one by one causing the sub to shake. "all silo launch tubes are sealed," Red one said. "So stealing a nuclear sub filled with nuclear warheads was all a ploy to get the penguins?" Parker said. "Yes my platypus friend," I replied. "Red One ready the pen-gu-win transmission!" "You know we were patched in to you frequency this entire time right," Skipper replied. "So you heard…" "Actually we didn't hear anything." "Skipper you owe me five bucks!" Kowalski shouted in the background. "Meet me at the Coney Island aquatheater Pen-gu-wins at 5 P.M…Sharp. Unless you want me to actually launch the nukes."
"I have a royal appointment at 5:00" Julian said. "Your going to have to reschedule," Kowalski said. "don't mind them," Skipper replied, "we'll be their." "Remember Pen-gu-wins…5 o' clock…Do not be late…" I cut off the message and changed the frequency, "Red one plot a course to Coney Island!" "Um…Doc it's the other ship they are asking if we are aborting the launch?" "Tell them…there has been a chance in plans," Blowhole said, "tell them to fire their nuclear payload on St. Petersburg…on my command."
Meanwhile
The Penguin's Sub
(Formerly Dave's sub)
(Skipper's POV)
"Mr. Kowalski plot a course to Coney island!" I said, "and Alert the North Wind tell them that we have a sub-load of prisoners they need to pick up…also tell them we like to claim Dave's sub as a war prize." "Calling the North Wind now," Kowalski said. The North Wind's answering machine picked up, "Hello this is the North Wind An elite undercover interspecies taskforce dedicated to helping animals who can't help themselves…We are probably on a top secret mission somewhere and are unable to reach a phone at the moment. If these is an emergency call please press 1 to be transferred to our emergency hotline, If you want to reach Agent Classified please press 2, if you want to reach The Director push 3, if you want to talk to any other agent press push 4 followed by the agent's name, If you want to reach our tip line push 5, if you are a villain who wants to turn themselves please press 6, and if you want to reach a representive please say representive!" "Representive," Kowalski replied. "Please hold…"
The North Wind's theme song(Forsteri or Robustus) blared out of the speakers. "Arghhhh!" Kowalski shouted. "That's their hold music?" I said. "apparently," Kowalski said. "Thank you for holding we are the North Wind and nothing breaks the wind…unfortantly we are unable to connect to a representive at this time. If these is an emergency call please press 1 to be transferred to our emergency hotline, If you want to reach Agent Classified please press 2, if you want to reach The Director push 3, if you want to talk to any other agent press push 4 followed by the agent's name, If you want to reach our tip line push 5, if you are a villain who wants to turn themselves please press 6, and if you want to reach a representive please say representive!" Kowalski pressed 2 and we were transferred to classified's extention, "Hello This is Agent Classified speaking." I tooked the phone from Kowalski, "we would like to arrange a prisoner pickup we currently have a sub-full of prisoners." "Skipper…you stole a submarine." "Not just any Submarine Classified…Dave's." "First of all that's not my name and…You stole dave's sub?"
"Um yeah?" Skipper said. "Time and location of the pickup?" Classified asked. "Um…Coney Island 4:00 P.M. Eastern Standard time….today." "we're send a prison jet out to the pickup location." "Okay bring extra guards…" "Why?" classified asked concerned, "who are the prisoners exactly?" "a sub-load of octopi goons and Dave himself," I replied. "I bring extra guards and I arrive personally with corporal, short fuse, and Eva," Classified replied. "See you later," I replied. "We're be there," classified replied. Right before Classified hung up I said, "Also one more thing we would like to keep Dave's sub as a war-prize…" "You are not keeping Dave's submarine as soon as we have Dave in our custody we will destroy the Sub!" "I was just asking," I replied. "You are not keeping Dave's Sub and that's final," Classified replied before hanging up.
"Maybe we should take the sub and run," Kowalski said. "And have the North Wind breathing down our necks the rest of our lives…no thank you." "After they take the prisoners," Kowalski said. "Speaking of…" I said, "Rico check on the prisoners…make sure their not trying to escape." "so are we going to run away with the sub after the north wind takes Dave and his minions?" "No then we're miss our standing appointment with Dr. Blowhole," I said, "and who knows what he would do if we're not in time." "launch all his nukes at the zoo," Kowalski said. "Yes something like that," I said. Private turned on TV in the control room while Kowalski grabbed the wheel. I was now in the captain's chair, "Skipper's Log…13:00 hours Dave's sub is ours and we are currently heading over to coney island so the North Wind can pick up Dave and his cronies at precise 14:00 hours. Once Dave and company is picked up we will be in time for our standing appointment with Blowhole at 15:00 hours…" "UM…Skipper," Private said pointing to the TV.
"This is chuck charles reporting live from the safety of the US embassy in Moscow Russia," Chuck charles reported, "An hour ago a nuclear warhead impacted in St. Petersburg, Russia turning the city into a nuclear wasteland. And Russian President Valdamir Putin blames the US for this unprovoked attack on Russian soil and warn that their will be grave consequences." "Oh no," Kowalski said, "blowhole went ahead with the Russian launch." "The Russian government accuses the US of deploying a nuclear missile from a Nuclear submarine off the coast of Ukraine…The American government denies any involvement. This just in…Russia has declared war on the US and they are giving American new crews 48 hours to leave the country or they will be arrested as war criminals." "this is the nightmare sceneiro," I replied. And then the phone rang and I picked it up, "Skipper slight change of plans I need you to meet us at North Wind Headquarters ASAP so we can transfer your prisoners to our cells," Eva said. "we're be there," I replied as I hang up. The new boardcast returned and this time Chuck charles was inside a cargo plane his mood was somber, "Great Britian, America, Japan, austia, canada, and germeny has declared war on the Russia federation," he said, "and china and North korea has joined the war on russia's side. The world's worst nightmare has come true…World War Three has begun." "We're deal with that later," I said.
"I found the sub's warp drive," Kowalski announced. "plot a course to North Wind HQ!" I said. "Strange he alreadly has it on speed dail," Kowalski said and then the sub rocketed to North Wind. Rico returned to the control panel, "Mr. Rico it's time to surface." Rico releashed the ballast tanks and the sub started to raise the diving alarm going off. We broke the surface and docked to the North Wind's docks. Classified, short fuse, Eva, Corporal and 200 agents boarded the sub without a word and found the room where we were holding the prisoners. They escorted the octopi and dave under armed guard into their headquarters. "Are you going to destroy the sub now?" Julian asked. "Yes," Classified said his tone dismal. We got off the sub and watched as the Sub exploded and fireworks went off the North Wind celebrating this small victory. "Okay everyone back in the bunker," Classified said, "with the russia federation and the allies at war…it's too dangerous to operate from now on. Until the war is over we are going into lockdown….our headquarters should be able to withstand nuclear onslaught. Recall all agents to Headquarters!" "Yes sir," Eva replied.
"Kowalski signal the Monkey powered super-plane," I said, "tell them we need to get to coney island…we can still make our standing appointment!" The Super-plane warp in and we climbed up the monkey chain to the cockpit. I turn to the pilot, "Initiate warp drive…get us to coney island." The Pilot nodded and we rocketed back towards New York. I looked at the skyline of the city and said, "You got your WWIII Blowhole…now do your worst." "We have arrived at coney island, "Kowalski announced. "Did you foresee this Cann," I muttered. "we arrived and we only have fiftheen minutes to spare," Kowalski said as the plane dropped us off in front of the Aquatheater.
(End of chapter six)