The Fashion Show Disaster

"Squall, Rinoa, Irvine, Zell, Selphie, Quistis, Seifer, Fujin, Raijin! Please report to my office immediately!"

It has been a week since Headmaster Cid contacted his favorite group of SeeD students. Headmaster Cid once again summons the heroes of Balamb with yet another grand announcement. The students enter his office shortly after.

"What is it this time, Headmaster? Is there an actual threat you need us to handle this time?" Squall asks.

"Yes! A threat, which involves our Garden's funds! We need more cash to support this academy, so I propose we put on a fashion show to raise money!" Headmaster Cid explains.

"Oh no you don't! We aren't agreeing to any more of your kooky plans, especially what happened last week when you had us audition for those stupid commercials in the real world," Seifer says, making it clear he didn't want to another dumb and dangerous job.

"For the first time I agree with Seifer. That last job you had us do was pretty rough," Rinoa comments.

"And you want us to put on a fashion show? That's not my cup of tea, ya know?" Raijin adds.

"Oh come now! This could prove beneficial to everyone! Besides, look at it this way, I'll be sponsoring it this time, so you have nothing to worry about!" Headmaster Cid explains furthermore.

"What's in it for us?" Quistis inquires.

"I'll divide up 25 percent of the proceeds from this show and give it back to you!" Headmaster Cid says.

"TOO LOW! HIGHER!" Fujin states.

"Yeah! Make it 50!" Selphie pipes in.

"How about 20?" Headmaster Cid says, not liking the price increase.

"60!" Selphie says.

"5," Headmaster Cid says.

"DEAL!" Selphie says with a wide grin. "Man, can I haggle or what?" Selphie says, sounding really proud of herself.

"Oh you dummy…" Irvine mumbles to himself.

"Well then! It's settled! You have a week to get everything together! So go start planning and make me some money—er—I mean, make us proud!" Headmaster Cid says, getting up and proceeding to shove everyone out of his office.

"I have a bad feeling about this…" Squall says to everyone, before he and others were out of his office completely.

Headmaster Cid slams the doors shut behind them.

"Time to make myself some more money so I can take my wife Edea on vacation on some tropical island!" Headmaster Cid schemes to himself.

An hour later, Squall and his friends were sitting around a table in the Cafeteria brainstorming ideas for the fashion show.

"Man this blows…why the hell do we have to put on a stupid fashion show anyways? Why can't we put on a cooler production…like a cage match between Chicken-wuss and a T-Rex?" Seifer states.

"Hey!" Zell responds in a muffled voice in between bites from eating a plateful of hot-dogs.

"Yeah! I'd rather put on a concert of some sort or something!" Selphie adds.

"The Headmaster's choice for this type of fundraiser is certainly unusual…but we can't let him down…" Quistis says.

"Sure we can! We can just send a hit out on him and be free of this task, ya know?" Raijin suggests.

"THEN COVER UP EVIDENCE," Fujin adds.

"Oh come on guys, this actually may be pretty fun. First we need to come up with a theme. Any suggestions?" Rinoa asks.

"Man, I can see it now…let's have chick-wuss dress up in drag and call it a show," Seifer says, before breaking out into a laugh.

"Hey! I'm sitting right here you know!" Zell shoots back.

"I know…it makes the insult evermore sweeter," Seifer adds.

"How about we showcase the latest trends or something?" Irvine suggests.

"Great! That sounds like a cool idea! What do you think, Squall" Rinoa asks.

"Frankly I think the idea is dumb no matter how its presented…but whatever…" Squall responds.

"Typical…" Rinoa responds, rolling her eyes. "Alright then, is this okay with everyone?" Rinoa asks.

Everyone around table nods in agreement.

"Very well…now to assign each one of you with a task…" Rinoa began to say.

Suddenly, Laguna slides into the cafeteria and stops in front of their table.

"Did somebody say fashion show? I love fashion shows!" Laguna says.

"Oh god no…" Squall mutters to himself.

"Kiros and Ward put me on administrative leave from running Esthar so I can help out you guys! Say, can I help pick out the clothing designs?" Laguna asks eagerly.

"Uh…sure…um…okay, here's what everyone is going to do," Rinoa says as she reads off everyone's tasks.

Fashion Show Task List

Rinoa and Squall: Show Commentators
Irvine and Laguna: Costume and Outfit Designers
Selphie: Set Designer
Zell: Music DJ
Seifer and Quistis: Ticket Sales
Raijin and Fujin: Publication and Advertisement

"Let's get out work everyone. We've only got a few days to get all of this together!" Rinoa says to everyone.

It was the next day.

Everyone's instructions were issued, and the Balamb crew departed to prepare his or her individual or group tasks.

Balamb Garden: Cafeteria

While most everyone else was out and about, Squall and Rinoa stayed in the Garden going over their commentary sheets for the show.

"Okay Squall, I've finished writing my opening statements for when the show begins. What have you written for your spoken part?" Rinoa asks Squall curiously.

"…A few lines…" Squall answers reluctantly.

"A few lines? Let me see," Rinoa says, reaching over and grabbing his notes. "…Uh…Squall…all you've written is the word 'Whatever' 16 times…" Rinoa says, giving Squall a disapproving look.

"…And?" Squall responds in his usual tone.

Rinoa sighs.

"You're hopeless…" Rinoa says to Squall, sinking down into her seat.

Balamb Garden: Quads

Meanwhile, Selphie was busy building the stage and runway within the Quad, the site of the fashion show.

Halfway through the building process, Selphie realized she was getting low on supplies, such as nails and screws, to hold together the set.

"Oh shoot, now I'm going to have to go to the store and buy more supplies…" Selphie says with a sigh, hopping off of the stage and walking toward her purse that contains her wallet. She grabs it and looks inside.

No wallet.

"…That's funny…what did I do with my money?" Selphie asks, scratching her head.

Deling City: Music Store

Zell, meanwhile was in Deling City shopping for some music in a new store that had recently opened. He stood outside the entrance and gazes at the sign.

"Hmm…'Dishonest Dan's Disc Jockey Emporium'…sounds like a good place to get music! I hope Selphie doesn't mind me borrowing her cash…" Zell says as he stepped into the store.

"Welcome to my store! I'm Dishonest Dan! What can I get for you today?" the sleazy-looking store-owner says to Zell as he approached the counter.

"Uh, yeah…my friends and I are starting a fashion show, and we need some good music. Have any suggestions?" Zell asks.

"First off, how much do you got?" Dishonest Dan asks.

"Uh…about 200..." Zell says, taking out the cash from his pocket.

Dishonest Dan swipes up the cash in an instant.

"Heheheheh, leave the music selection to me, kid. I'll have it ready for you by the premier," Dishonest Dan says with a wide grin as hew strokes the cash.

"Uh…thanks?" says a dumbfounded Zell.

Eshtar: Shopping Center

Laguna and Irvine were in Eshtar's illustrious shopping center, picking out the clothes the models would wear during the show.

"How about this?" Laguna asks Irvine, holding out an article of clothing to him.

"Those are Spongebob pajamas…" Irvine says, eyebrows raised.

"Okay…then what about these then?" Laguna asks, holding out another article of clothing.

"That's a burlesque-house outfit…" Irvine responds. "Are you sure you should be choosing the lady's attire?" Irvine questions.

"Why not! You know how today's kids like the hottest and edgy styles! So…what have you chosen so far?" Laguna asks.

Irvine pushes his basket toward Laguna, which was full of cowboy hats, blue jeans, and brown overcoats, all replicating Irvine's own style.

"Who would wear something tacky like that?" Laguna asks, scratching is head.

Irvine glares at Laguna before returning to pick out some more clothes.

Laguna shrugs and continues to do the same.

Fisherman's Horizon

At Fisherman's Horizon, Raijin and Fujin were busy passing out flyers and advertising for the show.

"Come see our Fashion Show! It'll be a big hit, ya know!" Raijin calls out to the people out on the streets.

"COME OR ELSE," Fujin says to a passerby, kicking them in the shin.

"Hey Fu, how about instead of kicking our potential customers, you like, staple some posters around town or something, ya know?" Raijin suggests.

"FINE!" Fujin says, grabbing a stack of flyers from Raijin and heading deeper into town. Along the way a rude man stopped her.

"What's that you got? A Fashion Show? Sounds boring," the rude man says, before turning away to leave.

Fujin, in retaliation, walks up behind the main, and staples several flyers onto his back.

"JERK!" Fujin says to him, the man running around screaming because of the staples in his back.

Raijin shakes his head not only in embarrassment, but in amusement as well.

Balamb Town

Meanwhile, Quistis and Seifer were selling tickets near the train station of Balamb Town.

"Man this is boring…I haven't sold a single freakin' ticket yet!" Seifer says, slamming his fist on the table he and Quistis sat at.

"That's because you chase away our potential customers whenever they try to deal from you," Quistis states.

"That's not true! I'm an excellent ticket salesmen!" Seifer shoots back. "And I'll prove it!"

Seifer got up out of his chair and heads inside the train station and approaches the first woman he saw.

"Hey, lady, come to our show this weekend," Seifer says to her.

"Okay, how much are the tickets?" the woman asks.

"20 bucks," Seifer responds.

"Okay! I'll buy one," the woman says, taking the ticket and handing Seifer the money.

Seifer returns to Quistis with a wide grin on his face.

"See? Told ya I could sell tickets," Seifer gloats.

"Uh, Seifer…she gave you a 5 dollar bill…" Quistis points out.

Seifer looks down at the bill. It was indeed 5, not 20.

"Why that scheming little…" Seifer growls, pulling out his gunblade and proceeds to pursue the woman who cheated him out of his money.

Quistis sighs at her partner's brash antics

It was finally the weekend, and the night of the Fashion Show premier was upon the heroes of Balamb.

Balamb Garden Quads

The stage was set, and people were pouring into the Quads around sunset. Meanwhile, Squall and his gang were behind the stage making final preparations before it was curtain call.

"Oh wow…that's a lot of people out there…" Zell gulps as he stuck his head through the curtain and saw the massive crowd out in the audience.

"That's right, chicken-wuss, and its all thanks to yours-truly," Seifer says to Zell with a smug look on his face.

"Hey, don't forget about us too! You wouldn't have any ticket sales if it weren't for us ya know?" Raijin says to Seifer.

"THREATS WORK WELL," Fujin adds.

"Oh man, I'm so excited! These people are going to love the clothes we've gathered to be shown-off," Laguna says like a kid in a candy shop.

"That's what scares me the most…" Irvine responds.

Seconds later, Headmaster Cid approaches the gang.

"Alright everyone! The show begins in five minutes!" Is everything ready?" Headmaster Cid asks.

"I've got the music ready," Zell responds.

"We've rehearsed our commentary, right Squall?" Rinoa says to him.

"Whatever," Squall responds.

"Hey, where's Selphie?" Quistis asks everyone.

"I'm not sure…she needs to get here soon so she can man the lights and curtains," Rinoa responds.

"Well, no need for all that extra stuff on her part. All that needs to be says is good luck, and make it good so that no one wants a refund!" Headmaster Cid says before walking off of the stage.

"Let's get this show started! Break a leg everyone!" Rinoa says to everybody before she and Squall walk out onto the front stage.

Squall and Rinoa sat down in their commentator's seat and began the show's introduction.

"Welcome everyone to Balamb Garden's First Annual Fashion Show! I am your lead commentator, Rinoa Heartilly, and this is my partner Squall Leonhart," Rinoa announced to everyone via her mic. "Squall, would you like to say a few words?" Rinao asks.

"Um…yeah…enjoy the show I guess…" Squall comments.

"Riight…anyways! It's time to get this show started!" Rinoa says, before giving Squall a dark look for his usual lack of enthusiasm.

Behind Stage

As the audience applauds and cheers out front, everyone behind stage prepares to get things started.

"Hey, chicken-wuss! The show is starting. Play some music or something!" Seifer tells Zell.

"Okay okay!" Zell says, walking up to his custom-made sound system and starting the first track.

"I see the bad moon arising.
I see trouble on the way.
I see earthquakes and lightnin'.
I see bad times today.

Don't go around tonight,
Well, its bound to take your life,
There's a bad moon on the rise."

Everyone behind stage and out in front all looked at each other in a 'WTF' fashion, curious on Zell's choice in music to start the show with.

Front Stage

"Um…uh…we're having some slight music issues at the moment…how about changing it to something else, sound man?" Rinoa says nervously at the start, but sounding more miffed while she referenced Zell to play something else immediately.

Behind Stage

"What the?!" Zell says, quickly rushing over to change the track.

"Zell! What was that just now? Didn't you even check the music you bought?" Irvine asks?

"Um…well…maybe?" Zell responds with a cheesy smile. "Oh man this is all that record-selling guy's fault!" he thought.

Eventually Zell found a decent song to play, and it was now time for the runway models to start walking out.

A group of male and female students from Balamb were lined up in front of Laguna and Irvine. Laguna had employed them to model their clothes they had bought.

"Alright ladies and gents! It's showtime!" Laguna says and he opened the curtains that lead out onto the stage and runway.

Front Stage

As the music played, the guys and girls strut their stuff across the runway, half of them wearing an exactly replica of Irvine's outfit, while the other half of the students wore Laguna's attire.

Both Squall and Rinoa look at each other.

"Well, folks, what we have here is a…um…trendy display of western-attire, complete with trench coat, cowboy hat, and boots, along with a more contemporary look of black slacks, white T-shirt, and blue jacket," Rinoa comments.

"Yeah…a scary attempt to make the Cowboy and my dad's clothing styles trendy…" Squall adds.

Behind Stage

"Is that what you came up with? I coulda come up with something trendier, ya know!" Raijin says to Irvine and Laguna.

"BULL SHIT," Fujin responds, kicking Raijin in the shin.

It was now Quistis's time to model her personal style.

"Zell! I'm up next! Be sure to play something good!" Quistis tells Zell as she prepares to step out on the runway.

"Okay, gotcha!" Zell says, rifling through a bunch of CD's trying to find a good song he could have Quistis walk out on.

"Ah, here we go! I'll play this CD called 'Body-Language Sounds'," Zell says, popping it into his sound system.

Front Stage

"Next, our very own Quistis Trepe will be showing us her specially made outfits for the world to see!" Rinoa says.

"I can't hardly wait…" Squall says with a yawn.

Quistis steps out onto the runway, wearing an alerted, trendier version of her usual attire. At that moment Zell plays the first track of the CD he chose.

"I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
And when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung
Wanna pull up tough
Cuz you noticed that butt was stuffed"

Both Quistis and Rinoa stop with their mouths hanging open at the song Zell chose. Squall began to snicker a little from the reaction from both girls. The entire audience started to laugh from the incident.

Behind Stage

Zell gulps and had a nervous look on his face, for even everyone backstage was looking at him with disapproval.

"Oops! That doesn't sound right! Let's try the next track," Zell says, playing the next song.

Front Stage

"She's a brick-house
Mighty mighty, just lettin' it all hang out
She's a brick-house
The lady's stacked and that's a fact,
Ain't holding nothing back."

As that song was played, Quistis's face turned red with anger and embarrassment. Rinoa was shaking her head in disbelief, and Squall was now beginning to laugh even harder, along with the rest of the audience.

Behind Stage

Zell knew he was in deep shit for the crappy music selection thus far.

"Man, this show is starting off badly. It can't get any worse than this, ya know?" Raijin comments.

"SELPHIE…WHERE?" Fujin inquired.

"Ya know…that's a good question…" Raijin says.

Balamb Garden Parking Lot

Meanwhile outside of Balamb, Selphie was out in the parking lot talking to someone using the school's payphone.

"Hello? Home Depot? Uh yeah…I have a question…I built a custom-stage plus a runway, and I was only able to hammer in about 100 nails, and I couldn't afford any more because someone took my wallet…anyways, what's the minimum amount needed to support the stage without it collapsing? …Uh huh…450 nails…? I see…okay, thanks!"

Selphie hung up the phone.

"OH CRAP! I GOTTA GET EVERYONE OFF OF THAT STAGE!" Selphie shrieks, now darting back into the academy.

Front Stage

As the show continued on, both Rinoa and Squall heard and felt a faint creaking noise. Both look at each other.

"Did you hear something just now?" Rinoa asks.

"Um…maybe?" Squall responds.

Behind Stage

That creaking noise began to get louder by the minute.

"Hey, chicken-wuss, I think your crappy music is causing the stage to retaliate," Seifer says to him.

"Hey! Is not!" Zell shoots back.

At that moment, Selphie arrives and confronts everyone.

"Guys! I think we should get off of this stage while we still can! It's not secure!" Selphie pleads.

"Not secure? What do you mean?" Irvine asks.

The Entire Set

Before Selphie could get another word out, the entire stage and runway on both ends suddenly began to cave in and collapse onto itself. Every person involved with the show was able to escape before it completely fell over.

Squall and his gang look at the mess in disbelief.

The audience was silent for a moment, before cheering and applauding in a sudden uproar.

Everyone looks at each other in confusion.

"Oh man, Headmaster Cid is going to kill us…" Selphie says with a gulp.

At that moment, Headmaster Cid appeared in front of them out of nowhere.

"Headmaster Cid, we can explain!" Quistis says.

"No need to explain, everyone. This show was GREAT!" Headmaster Cid says with much approval.

"Uh…excuse me?" Squall says, eyebrow raised.

"Oh yes! This Fashion Show turned out to be a great comedy act! The audience loves it! Great job! Now all the cash will be mine…er, I mean ours to share!" Headmaster Cid.

"Yeah…all 5 percent of it…" Irvine grumbles, shooting a glare at Selphie, who responds with a cheesy smile.

Please review and keep watch for the final story: Final Fantasy VIII: Cactuar Gone Wild: Prickly Intent, as this collection is constantly updated until its completion!