Cactuar Gone Wild: Prickly Intent - Part 1

Squall Leonhart

"Firaga!" yells Squall after dodging an attack from the giant T-Rex he was fighting in the Training Center. The dinosaur growled fiercely as the fire spell damaged it greatly. It then suddenly retaliated with a tail attack, hitting Squall hard as he flew across the room and landed with a thud against the wall. After regaining his composure, Squall saw the T-Rex slowly closing in on him.

It was time to use his Guardian Force.

"I summon you, Cactuar!" Squall proclaims, holding out his hand as a ray of light appeared in front of him. When it cleared, Cactuar, who was no more that a foot-tall, was standing before him. "Attack the T-Rex!" Squall commands.

The Cactuar slowly turned itself around until it faced Squall. It had a rather disgruntled look on its face.

"Don't just stand there, attack the T-Rex I says!" Squall repeats the command.

Cactuar's eyes narrowed as an evil smile spread across its face. Squall raises an eyebrow in response.

"Oh, trying to disobey my orders, eh? Well look, Cactuar, I'm the 'Master' and you're my 'Protector'. Now attack that T-Rex before I ha—" Squall starts, before thousands of tiny sharp needles began emerging from Cactuar's skin.

"…What are doing…?" Squall questions, knowing that something bad was about to happen.

From there, the last thing that was heard was Squall's cries of agony as the Cactuar unloaded a bajillion needles upon the gun-blader.

Headmaster Cid

"Yes, yes, I'll send you that report just as soon as I finish finalizing it. Okay…goodbye."

Headmaster Cid Kramer was sitting in his office in front of a desk piled with stacks of paperwork. He had just got off the phone talking to a head rep from Galbadia.

"Just one more page to proofread and my 1,700 page report on 'Why Balamb Should Receive More Funding' will be complete," Cid sighs as he proceeds to check the last page of his report.

As he began checking the work, Cactuar somehow enters into his office and hops on top of his desk and faces him.

"Hmm? Cid says as he looked up and saw the little Guardian Force staring at him. "What are you doing in my office?" he questions.

Cactuar turned and looked at the stacks of papers on his desk, then turned back to the Headmaster. It then hops off of his desk.

"That was odd…" Cid shrugs as he resumes his work.

Cid's desk then began moving away from him.

"What?!" Cid exclaims as he leans over and sees Cactuar pushing his desk toward an open window on the opposite side of his office. "No! Wait, don't!" the Headmaster pleads, but to no avail, as Cactuar shoved the desk against the open window, forcing all of his papers to slide off and fly outside from a gust of wind. Cid ran to the window and witnesses his papers flutter away into the horizon.

"You!" Cid growls, his face turning beet-red with anger. "15 years of work ruined!" he lashes out, making an attempted to capture Cactuar, but misses. Cactuar proceeds to bounce out of his officer, with Cid in close pursuit.

Minutes later, the chase was still on as they neared the Infirmary. Cactuar turns sharply into Dr. Kadowaki's office, while Cid did the same.

WHAM!

Cid had collided with Dr. Kadowaki herself, and had fallen over onto her. The Cactus used this opportunity to flee the scene.

At that same moment, Cid's wife, Edea, was entering the Infirmary.

"Dr. Kadawaki, are you here? I have a message f—" she says, before stopping dead in her tracks as she saw Cid lying on top of the Doctor in a daze.

"CID KRAMER! HOW DARE YOU!" she fumes angrily as she stomps toward the Headmaster, who was just now shaking off the effects of the impact and realizing the predicament he was in.

"Honey, I can explain!" the Headmaster says, but Edea didn't buy it.

The smacking of Edea's hand across Cid's face echoed across the entire Garden, enough for all the students to stop and wonder what just happened.

But where was Cactuar now?

Zell Dincht

Zell was in his bedroom using his punching bag to practice his martial arts. After a brief break, Zell flops down on his bed to catch his breath.

"Whew! I'm beat!" he says, huffing and puffing. He turns his head to the side and was suddenly face to face with Cactuar. "Whoa!" he yelps, jumping away from the Cactus and landing on the floor with a crash. Zell got up and shook his head.

"Say, aren't you Squall's GF? Ooh! I bet you're here to get a sneak peek of my latest moves!" Zell grins, rubbing his head. He walks over to his giant punching bag and cracked his knuckles.

"This is what I call my 'Fury Combo'" Zell says, as he rears back to throw several punches into the bag.

Before he was ready, Cactuar sped toward the punching bag and leaped into it, popping the bag instantly. Zell saw this much too late, for instead of striking the bag, his fist flew past it and punched a gaping hole through his bedroom wall.

"What the…" Zell says, pulling back his fist and peeking into the newly made hole. Zell then stared blankly at Selphie in the next room, who was in the middle of drying off after taking a shower.

"ZELL YOU PERVERT!" Selphie screams at him. "I'M TELLING IRVINE!" she says furiously, before stuffing an object into the hole to cover it up. Zell was on the verge on getting a nosebleed at what he just saw.

"This is your fault, Cactuar!" Zell yells out, trying to look for the little GF, but to no avail. That's when Zell was suddenly knocked face-first to the ground by Cactuar, who had snuck up from behind and head-butted him from behind.

WHUMP!

Cactuar then bounces over him and made his way back out toward the hallway.

"Hey! Get back here! You owe me a new punching bag!" he yells as he got up on his feet and went after it.

Later, Zell ends up near the Cafeteria area. "Dang it, I lost him," Zell says. His stomach then began to rumble. "Man, all that running made me hungry! Time for a hot-dog run!" Zell says, making his way into the Cafeteria. When he steps inside, he saw that the lines were outrageously long. "Oh man, I'm gonna be here forever!" he complains, putting his hands behind his head and began whistling while waiting in line.

After about a minute, Cactuar snuck in behind Zell, and extended a long, sharp needle from within his stubby arm. It then grins evilly and shoved the needle right up Zell's ass.

DOINK!

"YEEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWWW!" Zell screams as he flew several feet in the air clear over the other students in line, and fell over the kitchen counter, landing on the stoves and knocking over several pots of boiling hotdogs, which tipped over and spills on top of him as well.

Seifer, who was in the area when it happened, ran over to the scene of the crime and grins in satisfaction. "Detention for you, Chicken-wuss" Seifer says, whipping out a notebook and writing Zell's detention slip.

Seifer Almasy

After dragging a severely burned Zell into the Infirmary and showering him with disciplinary notices, Seifer continues his rounds of patrolling the garden.

"Man today's been a slow day. Nobody's gotten into trouble at all today except for Chicken-wuss," Seifer grumbles, as he paced around the Garden, hands tucked away in his grey trench coat. After turning around about to head back the Cafeteria, he stops as Cactuar was standing in front of him, in his way.

"Hey! Aren't you Puberty-boy's stupid little GF?" Seifer says, looking down at the little Cactus. "What are you doing wandering about the Garden?" he continues, before having a grand idea. "I can give Squall extra detention for letting his GF wander about Balamb without a hall-pass!" he says, proceeding to turn and head to the Training Center were Squall was.

Before Seifer could get far, Cactuar slid under Seifer's coat and pulls down his pants, causing Seifer to trip over them and fall over onto the ground, revealing his yellow Chocobo underwear he wore underneath.

"H-hey you little runt!" Seifer says, as he turned over to pull them back up. As he did, Cactuar reaches into the lining of his coat and pulls out Seifer's Hyperion Gunblade and began running away with it. "Oh no you don't!" Seifer yells, as he got up and hopped after Cactuar while zipping up his pants.

He eventually caught up to Cactuar, who was standing on the railing outside in the Quad, dangling Seifer's gunblade over the edge.

"Don't...you...DARE!" Seifer growls, as he sped up running to catch Cactuar and reclaim his Gunblade. Cactuar let the Gunblade drop over the edge, and Seifer, without hesitating, jumps over the railing after it. As Seifer fell, he eventually caught up to his weapon and grabs it.

"Ha! Gotch—" Seifer says, before landing in a giant dumpster at the bottom of the drop-off. As Seifer raised the lid of the dumpster and tries to stand, Cactuar hopped down from above and stomped on top of the lid, forcing Seifer back down inside. It then proceeded to latch the dumpster shut before kicking it, sending it rolling down the side of Balamb Garden, tumbling down a hill along the way.

This was only the beginning of Cactuar's rampage.

Please review and keep watch for the final part of Final Fantasy VIII: Cactuar Gone Wild: Prickly Intent, as this collection is constantly updated until its completion!