Chapter 9: Aria

"A week before I turned fifteen, Mona and I decided to celebrate and smuggled in some fireworks from this sketchy teenager who'd just finished a psych evaluation and was only going to be there another week. But we never got to use them because the night before my birthday, I woke up—it always feels like sleepwalking, but I know by now that it's just my other personality waking up—and somehow I was on the roof, and Mona was standing by the ledge. I barely remember much of it; I've blocked it out mostly. There was a knife, supposedly… I think Mona might have handed it to me for some reason. So I spent my birthday being interrogated by the staff. They believed, since the girl hadn't died and only—very luckily—had some scrapes and a couple fractures, the police didn't have to get involved."

"Who was the girl?"

"Huh… I don't remember."

It was honesty hour again with Ezra Fitz, something Aria was finding a lot of relief in. "Then Jenna was assigned as my new roommate, and she was cool. We didn't really connect, though. She wasn't very social, and mostly stayed in the room. But then…" Aria chewed her lip, debated over how much to reveal until she remembered she didn't really have much to lose, and her identity was anonymous anyway. "I didn't think my other half was that violent, but I remember hearing this ear-splitting explosion followed by a pained scream, and suddenly I was holding Jenna. The fireworks we'd hid for my birthday, that we were going to sneak out to the gardens and let loose into the sky for fun and recklessness… Somehow they were in my hands, and I'd sent one right at Jenna's face. Our room almost burned down. I don't know why they didn't take me up to the fourth floor with Mona… Maybe because I'd been there for so long and had never done anything so severe, they had hope in me. And I haven't done anything that terrible since."

"Are you sure it was you?"

Aria shrugged without a tiny bit of apprehension. "Who else could it be? No one else was around." She took the moment of pause to continue with her roommate stories. "After Jenna, I wasn't allowed to have a roommate for one year so that they could watch me in case I really was breaking down into a dangerous person. This summer, someone finally checked in. Alison…" She squinted her eyes and stared in concentration at the table. Something tickled at the back of her brain. Fresh green leaves sprouting on dirt-brown trees shielded by scratchy bark. Suddenly the colors changed to a beige, like sidewalk cement. A shot of pain up her arm as her wrist made a deafening crack sound. She shook her head and the color was now blue, the grayish-blue of Ezra's eyes. She tapped her fingernails on the table and pretended she didn't just have some random playback in front of her. "She said she was there because she had a mental breakdown. But I knew the real reason."

It was strange when Ezra set down his pen. Rather than take more notes, it seemed like all he wanted to do was intently listen. "What was it?"

Again, Aria shrugged her shoulders, this time in doubt. "She brought these diaries with her. One day she left one open on her desk, and I was just dying to peek. But a sheet of paper covered the diary. It looked like she was writing to someone frantically about some unplanned pregnancy, and someone wanting to kill her… Anyway, I assumed she was just in hiding from this person. What better place to escape, right, where no one willingly steps inside? But she never showed any symptoms of being pregnant. By the end of the summer, she was still as slim as can be. Now I'm sure I was wrong." She pointed to his trusty pad and paper. "Aren't you going to write that down?"

Ezra turned his attention to his writing tools and started packing them away. "It's not relevant," he simply explained. He would have added "to your disease," but he was weary in saying that to anyone, even if they accepted it.

Her hand shot out and clasped around his wrist. "Wait." She had to stand up and lean across because of her short stature to reach him. "Because I've been telling you so much… Can you do me a favor?"

Ezra gulped nervously as a mischievous glint of a smile twitched at the corners of her lips. "Well, as long as it's not…illegal."

"It's not!" She clapped her hands together in excitement, and her eyes were watering from the rush of mixed emotions that filled her the second he agreed. "I'm eighteen and no longer need a parent to sign me out of here… And I'm allowed to go out… I just need a willing adult, and I've never had that, so…" The way she acted was like she was asking him to be her date to the school dance. "Can you take me out? As an acquaintance, as a friend?"

"Okay…," Ezra answered apprehensively. Then it dawned on him that this girl hadn't left the gates of Radley in maybe ten years. Maybe her parents took her out a few times in the beginning, but according to Aria's story, they abandoned her early on. "Where would you want to go?"

Ideas overflowed in Aria's brain. The library, the playground, the froyo shop, the lake—all the places she'd frequented as a kid. Or maybe someplace new, like Noel Khan's cabin. When Alison was her roommate, she'd told her the intense stories of the parties at the Khans'. It was the last Friday of August, and as far as Aria knew, the end-of-the-month tradition hadn't ended. That would make her feel like a real teenager.

"I have a place in mind," Aria said, "but I would need to look it up. Pick me up after dinner?"

Ezra couldn't believe he was saying yes, but what harm could possibly be done taking Aria out for one night when she hadn't seen anything for so long? "Seven," he added on, and Aria nodded exuberantly and practically ran out of the dayroom.

…

In Aria and Spencer's room, Spencer had discovered Aria's secret rendezvouses with A and skimmed them with curiosity.

Where can I meet you? –Aria

In your head. –A

Why do you always wipe my memory? –Aria

Because we're the same and we're not. Different girl, different memory—if I want it to be. –A

Can you please tell me your real name? –Aria

I think you know what it is. It's four letters with a big, capital A. –A

To Spencer, it seemed like harassment. And how had she not noticed Aria writing these before? She felt a little queasy thinking of the unknown side of Aria coming out when Spencer was sound asleep. What if that person hated her, or was possessive of Aria and wanted anyone close to her to be gone?

"Hey, Spence!" Aria chirped as she skipped into the room and straight to her closet. Her head was so up in the clouds, she didn't notice what Spencer was doing. "Guess what?" She held a black-and-white patterned dress and laid it out on her bed along with a worn pair of black flats. She wished she had heels, but those weren't allowed in Radley. "I'm going out tonight!"

"Really?" The surprise in Spencer's voice was more prevalent than she wanted it to be. "Who's taking you?"

A blush crept up her cheeks. "Just a friend. He owes me some favors."

"Okay…" Spencer was uncertain if there was anything else to say. "Congratulations, you're finally going out into the real world"? That was true, but harsh, and Spencer wasn't bluntly honest. "Have fun."

"Thanks!" Aria chimed, and floated on her cloud of bliss to her group therapy session.

…

Hanna was debating between peach pink and baby blue nail polish when a shadow appeared in her open doorway and knocked politely. Glancing up from her headache-inducing decision, Hanna saw it was Aria and her heart unintentionally pounded faster.

"Can I come in?" Aria asked, and Hanna, always in for the sass but not always for the rude, nodded with no verbal acknowledgement. To say the situation was tensed with awkwardness was an understatement. "I know you don't really like me or know me, but Spencer told me you love makeup, so…" Hanna could sense where this was going. "I have no idea how to use it. Can you help me?"

Of course, Hanna couldn't turn down a makeup challenge even if it was for her worst enemy. Fingers twitching in anticipation, she pulled out a box from under her bed. Its contents consisted of eyeshadow, mascara, blush, brushes, and eyeliner: the basics. "Sit here." She pointed to the ground next to her without much of a smile on her face.

As Aria bent to the floor, Hanna swirled a brush in a deep purple palette. "Purple is your color. It brings out the green in your eyes," she explained swiftly, then ordered Aria to shut her left eye.

By the time she was done, she considered her work a masterpiece. From dreary prison face to smoking hot, smoky-eyed goddess. Hanna even found the strength to push past her prejudiced judgment and smile. "This guy friend of yours is going to beg to be more than your friend tonight."

Aria snickered and rolled her eyes. "Thanks, Hanna," she said while getting up. "I'll tell you how it goes."

Like that, cold strangers transformed into budding friends.

…

"This is so exciting!" Aria squealed as she took her first step in eight years out of the Radley gates and followed Ezra energetically to his car. "And the nurse didn't even hash me out on the makeup! Double score!"

Ezra considered himself Aria's chauffeur for the night as they strapped their seatbelts. Wherever she wanted to go, he would trail behind and act invisible, unless he was needed. "Where to?"

The cellular device Aria borrowed from Ezra boggled her mind. "Um…" She tapped a square button marked "Maps." "Okay… Do I put the address in here…?" Based on her gut, she tapped the top bar, and a digital keyboard slid out from the bottom. It was crazy that she was using her finger instead of a mouse and a computer. How technology had advanced since she was a young student in Rosewood. She'd gotten the address from Alison, who'd written it down for her before she left. "Here," she said, and handed it back to Ezra.

They were silent on the ride, but surprisingly it wasn't uncomfortable. Trees flashed by and Aria almost had her nose pressed against the glass of the window. "When are we going to get to civilization?" she whined.

"In about five minutes." Ezra glanced at Aria and wasn't surprised. After all, deep down inside, she was still eight years old. Radley may have forced her to grow up, and there was no stopping aging, but her normal life ended when she was very young—and she'd missed out on a lot because of it.

The Aria he was seeing now was an innocent spirit untainted by an illness she couldn't control, free like a bird. Young at heart again. Rejuvenated after years of mental and physical confinement—and just from one night out.

When they reached the location, Ezra's stomach filled with butterflies. "Aria…" Meanwhile, Aria bounced up and down in her seat at the crowds of people holding red solo cups with music blaring from inside the cabin. "How did you know about this place?"

The amount of energy she contained was enough to make Ezra nervous over Aria kicking open his car door. One word: "Alison." Then she flung herself out and, her curiosity and excitement overpowering her anxiety and fear, approached the man guarding the entrance.

Ezra caught up and immediately wondered if he should just wait in the car. After all, all of these people looked like they were 20 or under, and Ezra was 24—young, yet old. But he needed to supervise Aria. At a place like this, dolled up like she was (really, though, that makeup was astounding), she could easily get in a threatening situation as the booze concentration increased and pumped through everyone's veins.

"Aria, wait up!" he called after the guy stamped their inner wrists. "Let me stay close to you."

"Okay, Dad," she joked and slowed down. "I think I know how to take care of myself."

"No. You don't." An offended wrinkled creased in Aria's eyebrow, and he needed to prove it to her somehow. "Okay… When someone offers you a drink, what do you do?"

"Thank them and take it," she replied honestly, confirming Ezra's point.

"No. You don't take it. You get your own drinks always, and never leave it unattended."

Innocently, Aria cocked her head and asked, "But why?"

They began to merge into the partiers. "Because it could be laced with some drug." Sighing, he gently took hold of her elbow to stop her from moving farther into the beast. "Just let me keep an eye on you."

Nodding her head, Aria stepped into the cabin and, as soon as she was slightly separated from Ezra, was surrounded by three guys, all simultaneously wanting to offer her a drink. "No, thank you," she denied politely, then listened in wonder as they threw compliments at her and asked her basic questions about herself. So this was mingling.

From the sidelines like a hawk, Ezra watched Aria and didn't have time to pull her out of the circle of boys surrounding her before one draped an arm over her back and down to her upper thigh. The unwelcome contact caused Aria to jump and break the circle. The boys laughed and said, "What's wrong? Did you not like that?"

Confused over what was going on, Aria did the only thing she did know: she reached out her arms and pushed the one who'd touched her. He slammed into a wall, and soon Ezra was by her side after pushing through tight packs of grinding dancers. "Crazy bitch!" the guy yelled at her as his drink stained his shirt and he rubbed his head, a furious scowl on his face.

The other guys held their hands up in defeat once Ezra entered the picture, and Aria was pulled away. "There are some things you hash out verbally," he explained to her as she fumed, "before you take the extreme."

"That was extreme." She was so angry, tears were falling down her cheeks. Or maybe it wasn't anger—maybe it was fear. "Is that what every guy does when he's interested in a girl? He feels her up first?"

"No," he clarified, "but at these kinds of settings, where everyone's intoxicated, most likely yes."

Aria sucked her lips in and shook her head in raging disappointment. This was not at all how she remembered the outside world—a part of her might have believed that gropey boys were just a myth. Just look at Ezra. He didn't seem like the type of man to touch anyone inappropriately if they didn't want to be.

But then again, not every guy was Ezra—and what did she really know about Ezra anyway, besides his past with his brother? He was just an interviewer, after all. They weren't drinking coffee and splitting a cronut in an attempt to be friends. Yet, she sensed he was a good guy.

"Want to get out of here?" he asked her in response to her strained expression.

"Okay." She caved in, giving up on her fantasy. "Let me just apologize to that guy."

Ezra wanted to hold her back and tell her he might not be in the mood, but she'd blended into the crowd before he could have a say. Suddenly he was anxious, and searched the tops of heads for hers. Where the heck did she go?

A scream paused the entire party as people stopped dancing in confusion and others headed into the house in curiosity. Forcefully Ezra pushed through, not caring how many people swore at him for doing so.

It appeared as though Aria had found the guy at the top of the stairs and, by the fact he was unconscious at the bottom, shoved him again. However, the fear and confusion reflected in her eyes was not the same look she had the first time she physically hurt him. It appeared, to Ezra, like it could have been the work of her other self.

As Ezra rushed up the stairs to meet her, the guys' friends all talked at once. "She's insane!" one exclaimed as the other blurted, "We were just chilling when she came out of nowhere and kept screaming nonsense, and before we knew it she just shoved him!"

Ezra apologized for Aria and grabbed her hand, taking her out of that place before the police arrived and before the shock wore off and everyone started making cruel comments to her, ignorant of her residence. "Are you okay?" he asked her as they quickly got in the car.

"No!" she sobbed. "It was Mona—she sneaks out of Radley all the time and she must have followed us here. She wanted revenge for breaking off our friendship, so she pushed that guy and made me look like I did it."

"And the friends—"

"They weren't looking when Mona pushed him. She disappeared so fast, by the time they turned around, all they saw was me at the top of the stairs."

"Were you…you?"

Rather than talk anymore, she just nodded her head weakly.

When Ezra dropped her off at Radley, he was tempted to not leave her alone. "Do you want me to stay for a few minutes before you go to bed?"

Sniffling, Aria wrapped her arms around herself and shivered. "No, that's okay. Visiting hours are over anyway. But thank you." Before either was aware of it, Aria stood up on her toes and kissed his cheek, but she reacted like nothing had happened. "It might have been a bust, but next time…if there is a next time…we'll go somewhere less rowdy."

Ezra was speechless.

"See you next week." She waved before turning around and returning to that dreary place she called her home.

As she wrote to A that night, she brainstormed a way she could word a question without A twisting it into something vague and cryptic. All she really wanted was straight answers, but A wasn't giving her that.

"Aria."

Aria whipped around, the hair she attempted to sculpt into loose waves while it was damp falling behind her back. There stood Mona, her body outlined by the intense light of the hallway.

Immediately Aria's blood pressure and temperature rose until she felt herself boiling and thumping. "What the hell, Mona?" she yelled in indescribable rage. "You've done only one stupid thing in your life, but I never expected you to slip up twice."

Mona took a single step inside so that she was in the room and not the doorway. "I'm sorry, Aria, but I can't let you leave here without me."

"Leave here, as in—"

"Radley." The calm, sane glow of Mona's dark eyes under the fluorescent lighting made her seem normal and not twisted in the head. She took a few steps closer. "The more you think you can get better, the sooner you'll be out of here, and I'll be alone."

Aria stood up, still processing exactly what Mona was saying. "Are you crazy, Mona? You want to keep me in this place the rest of my life?"

The indifferent expression on Mona's face mutated into something redder, darker, and scarier. "We made a promise," she emphasized, threateningly approaching Aria. "The only way we leave is if we leave together."

Aria spun around and stared at the sheet in front of her, a couple tears wetting the paper. She was terrified of what would happen if she didn't listen to Mona—breaking a friendship was one thing, breaking a promise was opening Hell.

Footsteps echoed down the hallway, and when Aria composed herself and was prepared to face Mona, she turned around and saw that she was gone. "Hey, Aria," Spencer greeted her as she entered the room and closed the door. "How did the night go?"

Dumbfounded, Aria could feel herself start shaking at the now unresolved problem between her and Mona—and Mona could hold grudges for years. "Fine," she croaked, and sat back down at her desk, clenching her pencil in her hand.

Have you ever wanted to hurt Mona? –Aria

She wasn't sure why she wrote it, but her anger and fear were pulsating to the point of melting her brain, and she wondered if maybe her second self could take care of that problem.

The next morning the following message was waiting:

No. Just you. –A