Chapter 11: Spencer

The ear-pounding thump of a textbook smacking the floor caused Spencer to jump out of her skin. "Aria!" she berated when she saw her chemistry textbook lying open on the ground. "What was that for?"

For a couple weeks now, Spencer and Aria had conspired over a time set aside for studying, mostly so Aria and Spencer could both enjoy knowledge at the same time rather whenever they wanted to. (Spencer couldn't focus when Aria blared her music in her ears while painting long, straight lines of mixed colors, then whining to Spencer over how she wished she could paint her fingernails instead of reminding herself how terrible she was at crafts.)

Today seemed like a frustration for Aria, which was more common than Aria preferred to admit. Her education after third grade was crappy here. Math and science were like blurry images she was trying to clear up, but her brain was limited in the knowledge and could only unclear it to an extent. But this was the first time she ever threw a book in pitiful annoyance.

"What the hell," she growled, "is a stupid orbital? No, cross that—what the hell is a stupid electron?"

Closing her history textbook, Spencer got off her bed and picked up the chemistry book. "Do you want an explanation or are you just complaining?"

Aria chewed her bottom lip angrily, humiliated that she had to ask for help in her limited intelligence. Admitting to Spencer that she wanted an explanation just proved how obtuse she felt every day with Spencer as a roommate. Ignorance wasn't bliss all the time, though Aria had read up on all the educational books Radley had to offer.

But even if her intelligence expanded, it wouldn't help her from leaving Radley. "You need to stop bothering me about that, Spence," she had explained at the wrap-up of their study session time the other day. "That's your goal, and Hanna's, and Emily's—not mine. I know I belong here; if I accept that, why let it bother you?"

Because you don't belong here, Spencer had wanted to say. Because you can get better. I know it.

Very few people were aware of Melissa Hastings' mental illness. After all, who would suspect anything off about the woman who got straight A-pluses in every AP and honors class, ran the student council, participated in varsity sports, and was crowned prom queen? But when Melissa was little, she would act out and harass Spencer, not even stopping when Spencer cried her name. The Hastings' parents avoided sending their kids to hospitals except for extreme emergencies—oh, how times have changed—and besides, for Melissa, who was having a difficult time with her memory, they were going to try a psychiatrist first. She was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder, prescribed medication, given intensive therapy, and she never acted out of character again—she returned to always being sweet, hardworking Melissa. To this day she kept up with her medication and had come to peace with herself and what her brain was capable of. It was Melissa's proof that mentally ill people were no different than any other person that convinced Spencer that anyone was able to heal.

Why couldn't Aria?

"Let me explain," Spencer suggested so that Aria didn't have to embarrass herself. She flipped through the pages and found a diagram of an oxygen atom. "Atoms are the building blocks of everything in the universe. Everything is made up of atoms, which are the smallest units of elements. Each atom is made up of three particles: protons, electrons, and neutrons. Electrons are negatively charged and 'float,' for lack of a better word, around the center of the atom, which is compromised of protons and neutrons. Orbitals are where electrons are most likely to be found around the nucleus. Now, getting into the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle—"

"Whoa, Spence," Aria stopped her, putting a hand up. "Slow down."

"Sorry," Spencer panted. She could feel her adrenaline pumping from the excitement that came with teaching people all about the world—which was only worsened by her withdrawal symptoms. It was hard to believe that doctors were still weaning her off Adderall; she hadn't accepted how addicted she was until that realization. Sitting down next to Aria, she propped the textbook on her knees. "Here. Let's start from the very beginning."

There was one thing Aria was right about: she wasn't ready to leave Radley. But she was wrong about saying that was because she belonged there. No, she wasn't prepared to face the suburban American world just yet—not until her education was caught up to where she was supposed to be.

And that was something Spencer could help with.

Later that day, at her group therapy session, Spencer, who usually kept to herself like Hanna, raised her hand to say something. Every addict in the room—some slightly glistening from withdrawal, others looking exhausted, and others appearing just normal—shifted their eyes to her, but she didn't squirm. It was intimidating, to say the least, but with Aria on her way to recovery, Spencer could see herself really attempting to get out now. "My parents wanted me to take all of the AP classes the school offered, which included my own free time," she began to explain. "Last year especially, I knew I had reached the limit, but I couldn't admit that to them or myself. I needed a boost, something to trick my body into thinking it could do more than it naturally could." She bit her lip and felt the overwhelming urge to shut up, but the story was out there; she couldn't stop now. "My school is known for its competitive nature, so it wasn't hard to find someone with Adderall… I thought I would hate it, that it would give me a headache or just make me feel weird, but no… It felt amazing. It made me feel like all of this pressure my parents boxed me into was capable. But now I've come to realize that it controlled me…and that it wasn't truly me…"

When Spencer heard that "Officer Hot Cop" was there that day, she went on a scavenger hunt to find him. He was found chatting to a nurse, either about Aria or Nurse Fran's new hair, one of the two. "Officer Toby!" she greeted innocently with a taut smile on her face combined with glinting eyes of innuendo. "How's Rosewood been?"

Nurse Fran didn't suspect a thing as their conversation wrapped up and Spencer gestured towards a hallway. "Walk with me?"

"That's bold of you," Toby said as they strolled nonchalantly to the room they've met up in before. "I'm not really in the mood to be questioned about my relationship with a patient here."

"And you won't," Spencer reassured him, her thumping heart slowing down at the click of the door opening under her fingertips. "You just have to answer my questions."

Uncomfortable, Toby's lips pursed. "I don't know if I can answer anything."

"Then what can you tell me?"

Sighing, Toby sat in front of the table, and Spencer followed, plopping down across from him. "There's not much to say. Alison is still missing, and there's barely any leads or evidence."

"And Aria?" Spencer inquired. "Is she still a suspect in all of this?"

Toby squirmed, but he knew his morals would get in the way of him spilling too much. "She doesn't have an alibi, and someone snuck out of Radley that night…"

Lounging back, Spencer crossed her arms. "Is this because of her illness?"

"Spencer—"

"It is!" Spencer's anger began to boil, and she slammed a fist on the table. "Having a mental illness doesn't make you any more of a suspect than anyone else. Especially for such a kind person like Aria. She can't even handle killing a spider. Trust me, I've seen it."

"It's not just that," Toby calmly tried to explain. "She has a history with Alison."

Here it was: the information the police were able to uncover from Aria's childhood. "You mean Alison and Aria's relationship as kids?" Silent, Toby nodded. "That was the past, though. If Aria wanted to hurt Alison so badly, then why didn't she do it when Ali was her roommate?" As Toby stood up, mumbling that he shouldn't talk about this anymore, Spencer could feel her desperation surfacing. "And also, if you care to know, a lot of people had a grudge with Alison. Try the entire school."

But Toby didn't seem like he was going to stop. "Wait." He halted, much to Spencer's relief. "Can I ask you one more thing?"

Sighing, Toby couldn't help but cave; this woman was exhausting. "Go ahead."

"When will she be questioned?"

For such a simple question, it had quite an unclear answer. "Soon," Toby said vaguely, uncertain of it, but wanting to get out of here. "First we have to know if Alison ran away or—"

"And what if Alison is found dead? What then?"

Toby's lips didn't move. A dreadful sweat clumped around Spencer's hairline, and she stood up on shaky knees. "Listen to me, Toby, this is a friend you're talking about. Please, you have to tell me the truth."

Licking his cracked lips, Toby avoided Spencer's gaze and instead stared down at his glistening police badge. "If there's enough evidence to convict her… It could mean a lifetime sentence in federal prison."

A shiver jostled down Spencer's spine. "Even someone who's sick?" she whispered numbly. She was always under the impression that those who were ill, physically or mentally, were given some special treatment in prison, specifically something to help them heal first. Picturing Aria in an orange jumpsuit, her darker half taking control of her to protect herself until she morphed completely into her worst nightmare…

"You're the one who accused us of treating Aria differently because of her illness. Isn't it only fair that all people are punished equally for the same crime?"

The corner of Spencer's mouth twitched. "I think if you pick up a history book, you'll find that statement utterly idealistic."

When Toby reached for the door handle, Spencer darted over to him and stopped him one last time. "One last thing," she said, grasping the handle tightly. "About Aria… You can't just leave me questioning people I trust, especially if you know something. So I'm wondering if I can have your word to help me solve this… Please?"

The eager glint shimmering off Spencer's eyes softened Toby's heart. It was familiar to him: after his mother passed away in this exact place, he would have done anything to piece the tragic, severely shattered shards together. It was like looking at a former reflection of himself. "Fine," he caved. "But do you have any ideas?"

Spencer's once pleading face morphed into a twisted smile. "I think I do."

Borrowing Toby's notepad, Spencer wrote down one word: Mona. "If we take into consideration what Aria said, then Mona is very easily able to sneak out of Radley. And it's incredibly suspicious that she was not in the record of the roof incident."

"But why would Mona want to hurt Alison? For all we know, they don't even know each other."

Spencer drew an arrow under Mona's name and scribbled "File." "So we get her file," she devised. "And we can see if she's ever brought up Alison's name." With that, she wrote down Alison's name in capital letters and circled it, followed by a question mark.

While Spencer and Aria were studying the next day, their tranquility was disturbed by a knock at the door. "Knock knock!" Hanna exclaimed with a couple bottles of nail polish in her hands. "We're here to join the party!"

Rolling her eyes, Emily trailed behind. "I kept telling her this was a study party, but she didn't believe me."

"So what? We can paint nails while studying," Hanna defended while grabbing tissues to stuff between her toes.

"Not really," Spencer corrected her. "A lot of this is just reading. My parents are behind on giving me my schoolwork, so I'm reading ahead out of boredom."

As Emily sat on the floor, her legs criss-crossed, in front of Hanna, she brushed out her hair with her fingers. Swiping one stroke of the bright liquid on her big toe, Hanna cringed. "That's about the only thing keeping me sane here—skipping school."

"Really?" Emily tucked her tangle-free hair behind her ears. "I kind of miss it. The social part of it, I mean. The swim team, meeting up with friends at lunch…"

An echoing snapping sound of two fingers striking across each other brought their attention to the messy-haired bent over a book. "I'm trying to read, you guys."

"Sorry," Hanna hissed while continuing to paint her toenails a peachy pink.

Despite having her study time interrupted, Aria grinned happily as she watched Hanna decorate herself, Emily whisper gossip about some couple back at Rosewood High, and Spencer intensely poring into her book. It'd been too long since she felt this content. "Can I join?" she finally asked, and Hanna laughed joyfully as she handed Aria the bottle of sky blue nail polish.

Meanwhile, Spencer reread the notes she and Toby had compiled that she'd stuffed in the spine of her textbook. It was very little to go off of, but Spencer was far too into the mystery of her roommate and new friend to go back to ignorant bliss.

Someone had wanted to hurt Alison, and Aria was the prime suspect because of how cruelly Alison bullied her in elementary school. Yet, there was a much less stable patient, Mona, who was known for sneaking out of Radley while Aria had never snuck out alone in her decade there.

Then it clicked, and Spencer lunged for a pen. "Knowledge too much for you, Spence?" Hanna joked while Emily leaned over and playfully slapped her across the shoulder.

How had she not thought of this before? Aria was open enough to Spencer to reveal to her what happened the night Ezra took her out. It was obvious that Mona was a possessive individual—enough to evoke passionate jealousy, perhaps?

Proudly and confidently Spencer jotted her epiphany down:

Mona—possessive, clingy, unwilling to let Aria go

Aria's past roommates—Mona, locked up for life-threatening behavior; Jenna, blinded; Alison, missing

Alison—Aria's most recent roommate, past of bullying Aria

The next words she underlined severely:

Alison emotionally abused Aria—Mona seeking revenge?