Jennifer was puzzled, because he didn't look upset at all but was saying quite serious things. She was glad that he agreed to talk to her; she really wanted to tell him why she needed to go and what happened after that. She wanted to know what he was doing when she was away and what he was thinking. But Ronon wasn't usually sharing his thoughts. She didn't protest when he offered her to have some breakfast. It was a good start.

Chapter 11

It wasn't good, not at all. The only time she had spent with Ronon was running, and she had no opportunity to explain anything. Ronon was nice to her like usual. They spent the time talking about Atlantis and their friends, but she felt that it was different. She felt the distance between them, and it was driving her nuts. Ronon ignored all of her attempts to explain why she did what she did and changed the topic instantly.

He still didn't seem angry, but she was sure that he was hurt. It was understandable, but she really hoped that it would take just some time for him to get over it. She didn't like the tension between them, although someone else probably couldn't see anything. The breakfast took them a while and when one of Lorne's soldier came, she felt much better that she didn't have to spend more time with Ronon alone.

They didn't wait any longer. Her friends already knew she was back and she really wanted to see them. She missed all of them, including Rodney, she smiled. Honestly, he was on her mind quite often, because every time she couldn't move forward with the project she pondered if he would be more successful. And now it would be much easier to get on with him than with the Satedan. Obviously, because he wasn't the one she cared about.

She sighed giving Ronon a short look. He was walking fast, and she really had to rush. They were heading to the puddle jumper already and she couldn't wait to get back home and take a shower. When they finally flew through the stargate, she wasn't afraid at all. She was just happy.

--

She was back. She really enjoyed every moment she spent on Atlantis, talking to her friends or just alone in her quarters reading, or listening to the music. She realized how much she missed her own lab. She was on active duty after one day already and she was sure she was completely healthy again. That meant that Lens should be healthy too. She thought about him often. It was not possible to get him out of her head so soon. It wasn't easy, but she survived, just as he had.

It was on her third day back to Atlantis that Teyla visited her in the infirmary. It was for her regular neo-natal checkup. Jennifer started with the examination, and fortunately, she had only good news for the mother to be. After she finished, Teyla was going to leave, but Jennifer needed to ask about certain things.

"Do you think it was so stupid that I left?" she said looking at the other woman.

"Who said it was stupid? Ronon?" Teyla laughed. "No, Jennifer. I don't know why you did it, and I think I wouldn't understand. But I am sure you had good reason for it. It's important that you are well now. You did great job and I really mean it."

Jennifer smiled back. "Thank you. I thought that you would think. . ." The same as Ronon, she meant, but she didn't have to say that. Teyla obviously understood.

"It was a bit unexpected. Ronon was angry that you left without telling him."

Jennifer shrugged. "I told Major Lorne; he let me go."

Teyla nodded. "Yeah, I know. That's why Lorne was his first target."

"What do you mean?" Jennifer asked.

"I think you should ask Ronon," Teyla replied with a slight smile. "I am sure that he will talk to you in the end. It would be better for him."

Jennifer didn't say anything; she just hoped that Teyla wasn't wrong. Although it was weird to talk about it with her, Jennifer felt better. While Teyla was leaving the room, she was sure that she would have to try one day.

--

She spent the rest of the day in the infirmary trying to catch up all she missed as soon as possible. From time to time she left to the lab, where she already renewed the research for the cure. It could be really important to get both the poison and the antidote. Her personnel were very skilled and she could just check occasionally.

She didn't find time to talk to Ronon; honestly, she hadn't tried to yet. Of course she wanted to see him and talk to him, but she wasn't prepared for his reaction. He could be avoiding the conversation again or he could say something worse to her. So much happened since the time they kissed that evening, that she wouldn't swear that the kiss was real. Or maybe it was real, but now it meant absolutely nothing to him.

While she was thinking exactly about this type of things, she almost didn't notice that he was going opposite her. She took a breath and smiled. Ronon looked indecisive for a moment.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi, doc," he replied finally. "How does it feel to be back home?"

"It's fine. You don't realize how important this place is until you have to leave it."

He snorted. "There should have been another way."

"No," she said. "It was up to me. I am sorry you feel so bad. I didn't want that. I really would like to get the opportunity to tell you more." It was out before she thought about it and now all she could do was wait.

"I'm not sure. I'm afraid I wouldn't understand." He shook his head. "I hate it when I feel helpless. And I really did when I wasn't able to help you."

"You're not angry?" she asked almost silently.

"No, I'm not angry. I have no right to be," he added. She closed her eyes. Did he really mean what he said? Maybe he felt that way. She realized that she has much more to explain that just her escape.

"What happened between you and Lorne?" she asked to change the topic.

"Hmm, someone already told you," he grinned. "I should have known that. Well, I was a bit upset, when I found out Lorne let you go. I broke him nose." She looked at him in disbelief.

"What? Why?" She wasn't able to say anything meaningful.

"He is ok now," he said. "You can't see any difference."

She looked at him and shook her head. She knew it would be totally useless to scold him. It was a bit funny after all.

"Glad to hear that," she said. "It would be sad if he would lose his charm."

"You think he's charming?" Ronon asked looking at her questioningly.

She giggled. "Well, some of my doctors have a crush on him."

"But what do you think?" He queried after a moment.

"I don't have a crush on him," she replied with an amused smile and left him standing in the corridor. She didn't turn back but she was sure he was looking at her. She didn't know how she is gonna do it but they needed to talk and finally she was ready for that.

--

After she made the decision to make it clear between her and Ronon, she didn't want to put it off. She made one last stop in the laboratory and made sure that everything was still going right. Then she went directly to Ronon's quarters. She was going fast, cause she was afraid she could lose all the determination if she hesitated.

When she knocked, she got totally scared. She felt worse than she did there in the cave or with Lens alone. She was overplaying in her head what she prepared to tell him but she didn't know if she would be able to say it.

She heard the steps and then he opened the door. "Hi, doc," he smiled. Just as she supposed, she didn't remember any single word she wanted to say.

"Hi," she greeted uncertainly. "I hope I am not disturbing you. I was wondering if..." She bit her lip; it didn't start as she planned. "Could I come in?"

He looked a bit uncomfortable. "I'm sorry; I don't have time right now." It definitely wasn't what she imagined.

"No problem," she replied quickly and turned away. He didn't let her go but caught her arm and forced her to stop. She looked at him, puzzled, cause she really didn't anticipate that.

"I'm training with Sheppard," Ronon said looking into her eyes. "We made that arrangement a week ago and I'm supposed be there in ten minutes. That's all. I don't want to avoid you, Jennifer." She twitched when she heard her first name, but he was still holding her.

"Good," she said. "So. Let's talk some other time."

"Sounds good. I mean we have a lot to talk about."

She nodded, feeling much better right now. Although it was a very strange at the beginning, he didn't want to send her away. What more, he admitted that there was something to discuss. She decided to concentrate on the positive side.

"Have fun with Sheppard," she smiled. "And don't hurt him too much. I am not in any mood to sew him up tonight."

He chuckled. "I will try not to. Good night, doc." He released her hand, but didn't hurry in closing the door. It was she who interrupted their eye contact with a quiet good night. Well, she would have to wait a few days maybe, but she was satisfied. The little smile was still on her lips when she was heading back to her quarters.

"Doctor." She turned to the familiar voice. Rodney McKay was nodding at her.

"Hi Rodney," she replied. "Do you have a minute to come to my lab?" They were discussing that before because he seemed really interested in her current research.

"Not yet. I had to repair some of these stupid systems. I don't understand how someone who built such a great base could make such stupid mistakes in the programs. It shouldn't just stop working."

She smiled a little. McKay will probably never change, but she didn't complain. It was part of her life here and it wouldn't be the same without him.

"Do you know where Shepard is?" He asked when he didn't get any respond from her.

"Actually I know. He would be sparring with Ronon in a moment."

"Well, I think I will meet him later. I wouldn't like them to persuade me to train. They wouldn't succeed of course." He made wry face. "I tried to fight with Ronon once, but I'm not exactly proud of it."

"I understand, Rodney," she said.

"I am sure you do," he murmured and left without another word. Jennifer watched him until he got around the corner. Yeah, she missed him. She could just hope that she wouldn't go through something similar again. Now it was a very common day on Atlantis, just as it should be.

TBC

--

Hi :) I am glad that you are still reading. This time it was my fault that it took so long (RL again), I really hope I will be able to update faster next time. Thanks for your reviews and thanks Misi cause she is great beta.