A/N: This chapter has an unexpected amount of baby Sara fluff, because even I needed a break from the angst. I'm taking a quick break from updating for the holiday; I'll be back with a new chapter this weekend. Please remember to review ;)
"So," she says, balancing the glass of wine Oliver hands her on her thigh. "Tell me about us."
It's late afternoon and they're sitting on the balcony, watching the sun set over Star City. Oliver takes a sip of his wine and gives her an easy smile. "What do you want to know?"
"Okay, how did we meet?"
"Starting off easy, that's so nice of you." Oliver leans back against the window. "We met at work."
"At Palmer Tech?"
"Yes, well, no, actually, back then it was Queen Consolidated-"
"Queen? Like your family?"
"Yeah." Oliver looks a little bashful but she's not sure why. "I didn't even work there, but you did. I had a computer problem and Walter-he was the CEO back then-sent me to you."
My coffee shop is in a bad neighborhood.
Felicity blinks rapidly and shakes her head. "So...we met and the rest was history?"
Oliver laughs. "Not exactly."
"What does that mean?"
Oliver slides his hand through hers. "You and me...we had a few false starts."
Felicity frowns. "What do you mean?"
"When we met I wasn't...I wasn't ready," Oliver says pensively. "I was angry and I was lost and I wasn't in a place where I could be good to anybody, let alone be a good boyfriend."
Felicity traces his palm. "That doesn't seem like you."
"It was." Oliver looks ashamed.
"So what changed?" she asks softly.
"You," Oliver says. "We became friends. You were...you were kind to me. You were loyal. You were patient and you helped me, even when I was being an ass. Even when I treated you like shit, you were always there for me. You...believed in me."
"I must have thought you were worth it," she offers.
Oliver smiles but he still looks a little sad. "You did. I didn't always...I wanted the best for you, and for the longest time I thought that it wasn't me. I thought I didn't deserve you."
"This isn't a very romantic story," she grumbles.
"No," Oliver argues. "It is. We had turmoil, and drama, and heartbreak, and then..." he trails off, the darkness lifting from his face. "All of a sudden it was just you and me, and everything we'd been through, it was behind us, and it was just... it was perfect."
That makes her smile. "Really?"
"We ran away together," he says.
Her jaw drops. "We did not."
"Did too."
"No way!" Felicity says indignantly. "I would never give up my life for a guy!"
Oliver gets that look on his face, like she's said something more significant than she realizes.
"You were in love," he says, and when he catches her gaze she can't look away.
"Oliver..."
"I love you," he blurts out. "You don't have to say it back, but I need to say it, okay? I love you."
Felicity's throat gets tight and she launches herself into Oliver's lap. She doesn't say anything but she holds him tightly, pressing her face into the nuke of his neck, and hopes he understands.
She knows she loves him too, she just doesn't remember it.
/
Dig calls and convinces Oliver to bring Felicity over for dinner.
It'll be good for her.
She needs to be around people.
You can't keep her locked up in a tower, Oliver.
He still calls Lance first, who assures him that Damien Darhk has gone dark, ha, but if he's really worried they can request a police escort. Oliver declines, but he brings a hunting knife strapped under his jeans, where Felicity can't see.
They haven't talked about the night he found her, why they were all wearing masks, and for some reason she hasn't asked.
Maybe on some deeper level she already knows.
Felicity comes downstairs in a pale pink cashmere sweater and skinny jeans, her hair pulled back in a neat ponytail.
"Do I look okay?" She's biting her lip like she's nervous.
"You look beautiful," he reassures her, shrugging on his brown leather jacket. "You always look beautiful."
Felicity cocks her head. "You're totally a sap, aren't you?"
Oliver holds out his hand to her. "Only for you."
To his intense relief Felicity stretches her fingers out and latches onto him. "A girl could used to this, you know."
Oliver brushes his lips over her knuckles, watching the way her cheeks flush. "Come on, let's go."
Dig answers the door in jeans and a wrinkled tee shirt, a tiger sticker slapped over the back of his hand. "Hey guys, come on in. Felicity, how are you feeling?"
"Okay," Felicity says, smiling shyly and leaning into Oliver as they pass through the doorway.
Lyla comes into the living room looking relaxed, a matching animal sticker on her shirt. Sara toddles behind her, wearing the panda bear print fleece pajama set Felicity bought her a few months ago.
"Cece!" Sara squeals, holding out her arms to Felicity to be lifted.
Felicity bends down and picks her up, her eyes widening when Sara sighs happily and lays her head down on Felicity's shoulder. She makes a little noise in the back of her throat and stumbles back into Oliver.
"Okay?" he murmurs, steadying her with one hand on the small of her back.
"I don't know," Felicity says shakily. "I...I don't know."
Dig and Lyla are both watching carefully, ready to step in. "Is this triggering something?" Dig asks gently.
Felicity's eyes fill with tears. "I don't know." She blinks and a few tears roll down her cheeks. "I don't even know why I'm crying."
Sara lifts her head up and looks at Felicity with concern. "Cece boo-boo?" she asks inquisitively, looking at Lyla for confirmation.
"She thinks you're hurt," Lyla clarifies.
"Oh," Felicity sniffs and nods at Sara. "Yes sweetie, Cece has a boo-boo."
Sara frowns. "Wa boo-boo?"
Felicity taps her head. "Here," she says, caught in Sara's gaze. "Boo-boo head."
"She doesn't remember us but she remembers baby talk?" Dig mutters to Oliver.
Sara grasps Felicity's cheeks with her chubby hands and kisses her on the forehead. "Alba!" she announces cheerfully, looking proudly at Dig and Lyla. "Alba!"
"All better," Dig translates wryly, reaching out to take Sara from Felicity.
"Hey, are you okay?" Oliver murmurs to her. "If this is too much for you-"
"No, no." Felicity waves him away. "I'm okay."
"Okay," Oliver says easily. "You know, usually I'm the one that cries at babies."
"I don't believe that for one second," Felicity says, watching Sara wriggle down from Dig's arms and latch onto Oliver's shins.
Oliver squats down and she gives him a toothy smile. "Hi Sara."
Sara pats his knee affectionately. "Ha Lala."
"How are you?"
"Ow..ooo!" Sara says triumphantly.
Oliver grins. He couldn't help the burst of pride he felt when Sara learned to say his name a few weeks ago. Sometimes he can't believe Dig even allows him to lay eyes on his daughter. Can't believe how lucky he got.
"That was a good try," he praises her. "You're getting good at talking, aren't you?"
Sara gives him a serious nod and then tilts her head back and laughs maniacally, like it's the funniest thing she's ever heard.
"Oh dear god," he hears Felicity breathe above him. "It's like you don't even care if my ovaries explode."
/
Sometimes Felicity gets the feeling that she's in a cage again. That she's trapped in a box and the walls are closing in on her. Like she's suffocating.
She tried taking Oliver's keys and sneaking out but he catches her before she can slip out the door.
"Hey, where're you going?" He says it casually but a muscle in his jaw is twitching.
"For a walk."
"Okay hold on, let me just get my jacket."
"Oliver." She sighs, leaning against the door.
"Yeah?"
"I kind of wanted to go by myself," she explains, looking down at her shoes.
Oliver makes a noise of distress, a vein in his temple starting to throb. "Felicity, I explained to you-"
"It's not safe, yeah I know."
Oliver crosses his arms, standing in front of her patiently, waiting for her to accept defeat. She takes a step towards him and does a quick pivot, lunging for the door, but he's faster and has her pinned to the wall in two seconds flat.
"Nice try," he growls, snatching the keys out of her fist.
"Oliver, let me go!"
"Not until you promise not to do that again."
Felicity gives him a murderous stare and Oliver levels one right back at her. She feels enraged. He has everything, all the power, all the control, he knows everything, everything she doesn't, and it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair!
"I know," Oliver says tightly. "I know it's not fair."
She pounds on his chest, struggling against his arms, but he just takes it, lets her vent all her anger until she starts to cry tears of frustration.
"Felicity," he says softly, finally releasing her. "Felicity-"
"Leave me alone!" She stomps away from him and up the stairs. "I just want to be alone!"
She goes into the master bathroom and runs a bath in the ridiculous marble tub that could easily fit four full grown adults. She strips her clothes off and gets into the water and cries.
She shouldn't have yelled at Oliver like that. He's been so kind to her, so patient, doing everything for her. She hadn't even considered how hard this must be for him, caring for someone who can't even remember their relationship.
Felicity groans and slides down until the water goes under her chin. She takes a full breath and submerges fully, stays under the water until her lungs burn.
After awhile there's a hesitant knock on the door. "Hey, it's me," he says. "Can I come in?"
She sighs and sinks under the bubbles she ran with the water.
"Felicity, I'm coming in now."
The door opens slowly, like he's waiting for her to kick him back out. Oliver comes in looking contrite, hands in his pockets.
"Hey," he says benignly. "Are you okay?"
She shrugs, trailing her hand through the bubbles.
Oliver comes close enough to sit on the floor next to the tub. He sighs and reaches up to grab her hand.
"You've always been an independent person," Oliver says without preamble. "Especially before we were together. You're very smart, and good at things. I think I need you a lot more than you need me sometimes, to be honest."
"Oliver," she says, because he sounds sad and she's not really sure why.
"You can be stubborn," Oliver says. "But we're evenly matched there. You don't like being told what to do. You don't like to ask for help."
"Why?" Felicity asks. "You seem very...helpful."
Oliver smiles faintly. "I don't know," he muses. "I think maybe you're afraid if you depend on people they'll let you down."
"Has that happened before?" she asks cautiously.
Oliver sighs heavily. "Yeah. Yeah, it has."
She starts to cry quietly, curling over to rest her head on her knees.
"Hey, don't do that." Oliver curls over her protectively. "It's going to be okay."
"I'm sorry I yelled at you," she sniffs. "I just get so frustrated."
"I know," he says softly. "I know you do."
"I just...I don't know what to do! What if I never remember, or what if you get sick of me, or-"
"Hey, hey, enough." Oliver pulls her to his chest and she lets him, even though she's naked and it's Oliver, and normally that would make her cheeks flame. "You and I have always been a team. We'll figure this out together, okay?"
Felicity sniffs and buries her face in his neck. "Thanks for being so patient with me."
Oliver strokes her wet hair. "You've always been patient with me. I'm just returning the favor."
/
He finds an envelope of Felicity's childhood photos in a Jimmy Choo shoebox in her closet. He sits her down on the couch, spreads the photos out in front of her to look.
Felicity stares for a while before cautiously reaching out and selecting a photo of her and Donna. She holds it close in front of her, her brow furrowed.
"Is this...is this my mom?"
"Yeah."
She traces her mother's face. "She's so pretty."
"Yeah, you have good genes," Oliver agrees.
Felicity smiles. "What's she like?"
"Well, she's kind of the life of the party," Oliver says, grinning. "She's loud. Fun. And she loves you like crazy."
Felicity blinks and puts the picture down. "I don't remember anything."
"That's okay," he reassures her. "It'll come."
Felicity frowns and touches a photo of herself at eighteen with pitch black hair. "Am I…do I? Oh my god, do I dye my hair?!"
"Felicity, don't freak out, but there's something I should tell you," he says seriously.
"What?" Felicity says nervously, stroking her ponytail.
"Felicity," Oliver says, putting his hand on her thigh. "You're not a natural blond."