"Batman, Merry…what's he doing here?" demanded Commissioner Gordon as Batman dragged Joker through the doors of GCPD.

"He claims to be turning over a new leaf," growled Batman. "I'm not insane enough to believe him yet, but I thought taking him here would do him some good to make him realize the extent of his crimes and their effect upon people."

"He's a complete idiot if he doesn't understand that by now," declared Gordon, glaring at Joker. "He was always crazy, but never stupid."

"Hey, I'm right here!" snapped Joker.

"This has gotta be some joke of his," continued Gordon, ignoring him. "He probably gets some sick pleasure out of remembering his crimes and their effects on people."

"Why Commissioner, I'm hurt that you don't trust me," said Joker, innocently. "What have I ever done to you?"

Gordon just looked at him. "Oh, right, yeah, all that," agreed Joker, nodding. "Killing your wife, crippling your daughter…"

"Plus depriving me of innumerable fine police officers," said Gordon. "Brave men and women who sacrificed themselves for nothing more than your childish games."

"Well, what better way to die than by playing a game, am I right?" asked Joker. "At least you're having fun! There are worse ways to go! Anyway, you should thank me for killing Sarah – now you can upgrade to a hotter wife! Y'know, like when you get into a car crash but then you get an upgrade to a better model…"

Gordon's fist shot up so fast that Batman barely had time to intercept it. "Jim, no!" he shouted. "Don't let him bait you – that's what he wants!"

"How dare you compare Sarah to a car?!" roared Gordon. "That's my wife you're talking about, you bastard! My wife!"

"Late wife," corrected Joker, nodding. "And I know she was – otherwise I wouldn't have killed her…"

"Jim, no!" repeated Batman as Gordon lunged forward again.

"Get him outta here right now!" yelled Gordon. "Right now!"

"C'mon, Jimbo, can't we let bygones be bygones?" asked Joker. "Even if you can't see the bright side to your wife's murder, why don't you try seeing the bright side to your daughter's injury? Just think about it – you can park in all those handicapped spots at the store now! And it's deprived her of the ability to sneak out unobtrusively at night and meet boys – I imagine you can always hear the stair-lift going. Mind you, according to the gossip columns, for a girl with no working legs, she sure does get around, if you know what I'm saying…"

"You deserved that," said Batman, bluntly, a few minutes later, as they drove away from GCPD with Joker in possession of a new black eye.

"Like hell I did!" snapped Joker. "Just because Jimbo has no sense of humor, that's no reason to take it out on me! What's his problem, anyway?"

"His problem is you've seriously injured and killed mostly everyone close to him," retorted Batman. "Plus personally tortured him not a few times…"

"And I'm supposed to feel bad about that?" asked Joker.

"If you're really trying to turn over a new leaf, yes," said Batman. "Otherwise what's been the point of tonight?"

Joker was silent. "So Jimbo's always gonna hate me, huh?" he asked. "I've done things he'll never forgive, and caused pain that he'll never get over."

"Pretty much," agreed Batman.

"And I've done this to a lotta people, huh?" asked Joker, slowly.

Batman nodded. "Even to you?" asked Joker.

Batman said nothing. Then he turned the Batmobile sharply, heading down a side street. "Where are we going?" asked Joker.

"You'll see," retorted Batman.

He pulled the car to a stop in front of Gotham Cemetery. The snow was still coming down, thick and fast, as they walked through the iron gates until Batman led them to a grave by a willow tree.

"Who's this?" asked Joker.

"Look for yourself," retorted Batman, gesturing at the grave covered in snow.

Joker knelt down in the snow and brushed aside the dusting to reveal the name Jason Todd.

"I think about him every day," murmured Batman. "How it must have felt, to be beaten to death by you. What feelings he must have had in his last hours – pain, rage, betrayal...I failed him. And not a day goes by where some part of me doesn't remind me of that. If it weren't for you, he'd still be alive. But he's not. And that's a weight that will never be lifted from my mind or spirit. All thanks to you."

"Yeah?" asked Joker, staring at the grave. "All thanks to me?"

He bowed his head over the stone and shut his eyes. Batman almost thought he saw tears in them…

And then Joker started laughing. A wild, hysterical sound that grew in pitch and volume. "Aw, this is great!" he exclaimed, slapping the headstone. "The best Christmas gift anyone could ask for!"

"What are you talking about?" demanded Batman.

"Don't you see, Batsy?" asked Joker, turning to face him, eyes gleaming and smile beaming. "Any worries I might have had about me losing my reputation are just a load of crap! I've done so many horrible things to so many people that there's no possible way I can ever be forgotten or forgiven! The damage I've done is irreparable, to you, to Jimbo, to pretty much everyone in Gotham! So Luthor can take his beliefs and shove 'em!"

"But I thought you said your conscience was bothering you…" began Batman.

"It was," interrupted Joker, nodding. "It was bothering me thinking maybe I hadn't caused enough harm and maybe I was losing my touch. But I can see now that's never gonna happen, and it's all thanks to you! I really am a criminal mastermind, and the best supervillain this town has ever seen, or ever will see! You've made me realize the true, permanent damage my actions have inflicted, and I couldn't be more grateful to you! I owe you one, pal! It doesn't matter what I do, even if I throw this all in and spend the rest of my life taking care of my family, which I won't, by the way, the Joker will always be your ultimate nemesis! You've made me see the light, and thanks to you, it's the best Christmas ever!" he exclaimed, embracing him.

"Well, now that your little joke is over, you're coming back to Arkham with me…" began Batman, reaching for the Batcuffs and slapping them onto his wrists.

"Oh yeah, ok, Bats," said Joker, nodding. "Psych!" he suddenly shouted, ripping his hands out of the cuffs to reveal he had been wearing two sets of gloves, one of which gave fake padding to his wrists and without which he could easily slip out. "Sorry to spoil your Christmas miracle and all, but I'll do you a good turn for the one you did for me. Luthor's staying at the penthouse in the hotel on Clancy Street. If you hurry, you might catch him meeting with whatever other suckers he called in at Christmas to do his dirty work for him. Personally, I'm hoping it's Nygma so you can beat him to a pulp too. And please make sure Lex never comes back to cause trouble in our city. He's Feliz Navidead to me. Get it? Feliz Navidead?"

"If you think for one moment I'm going to let you go…" began Batman, but he was cut off as Joker sprayed a cloud of toxin at him, blinding and choking him. Batman coughed, gasping for breath and reaching for an antidote on his belt, eyes streaming as the green gas began to take effect. It cleared at last and Batman breathed steadily, looking around for Joker.

But he had completely disappeared. There was no sign of him anywhere in the cemetery, but where he had been standing, Batman noticed a small slip of paper. He picked it up and read it.

Thanks for helping me find my smile again, buddy. I knew I could always count on you. Merry Christmas, and see you in the New Year for more fun and frolics!

Your bestest friend,

J.

P.S. Better keep a close eye on the new birdie boy! Got an itch to beat something hard with a crowbar.

Batman sighed heavily, looking up at the snow falling around him and settling on the graves. He wondered how many more graves would lie here thanks to Joker. All Batman could ever do was fight him.

But Joker actually wasn't the priority at the moment. "Better go get Luthor, I guess," he sighed, crumpling up the note.