Goodbye and Hello
These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home.
"There is a time to take counsel of your fears, and there is a time to never listen to any fear." George S Patton.
Chapter 7
Johnny monitored the fluids, rechecked his blood pressure, tucked in the blanket and in general fretted over Roy. His heart wanted to jump out and scream with joy that Roy was alive again but the medic in him knew he was down for a while and deep down he was afraid too long. He watched as the ambulance attendant continued the rhythmic ventilations.
I told you we'd make it out of that building didn't I partner. I wasn't leaving you behind. You make fun of my hunches but this time I'm going to be right. He leaned back in the seat. I'm in some deep deep hot water over this one Roy. So you have to come back from this one or Jo will never forgive me.
Joe and Dixie came off the elevator to see Kelly pacing at the nurse's station. It had been an unusually quiet night around the ER.
"What's wrong Kel?" Dixie asked.
"We have a fireman coming in. He was in full arrest but they got him back. Should be here any minute."
Joe saw the tension in Dixie's body, "Kel, who is it?"
He shook his head, "I don't know, but 51 called it in."
They looked up to see the orderlies heading towards the doors and the three moved down there with them as they watched the ambulance back in. It was always a moment of internal tension as the doors opened and they wondered what kind of patient they were going to get. But this was different. Did they know them? Was it one of the 51 family? The doors opened and like a scene moving in slow motion they looked up to the haunted and red eyes of Johnny. There was a split second of relief for them all until they saw the stretcher lowered and they looked at the shocky face of Roy.
"Treatment 2," Dixie said even though she wasn't sure Johnny was hearing anyone right now. She couldn't imagine what this was doing to him, how hard it was on him to run the code on someone as important to him as Roy was.
The 51 Engine crew packed up and climbed into the engine with silence, no one knew what to say. It was bad and they knew it. They had seen the look on Johnny's face, the look of defeat like he had already lost his best friend.
"LA, Station 51, 10-8 to Rampart."
"10-4, 51."
"Let's go Mike," Hank said as he leaned back in the cab, wondering if they had seen Roy alive for the last time already.
Johnny helped move Roy onto the treatment table, move his IV over and hook him up to the monitor. He stood at the side of his bed, in a state of shock, as Joe replaced his airway with an endotrachael tube and placed him on the ventilator. He began coughing and Dixie took him by the arm to guide him out but his feet were well planted.
"No Dix. Not this time. I'm not leaving."
Dixie wasn't really surprised. This was the worst that any of them had seen Roy before. It was understandable that Johnny would insist on staying by his side. "Then sit here." She led him to a chair over by the wall and placed an oxygen mask on him. He didn't resist her as the oxygen eased the burning of his own lungs. She ran her hand down the back of his head, like a mother consoling her child who wanted to so much take all the pain away.
As he started to relax the monitor alarmed. Once again Roy was in full arrest. The team worked quickly and efficiently administering medications and performing CPR and they were able to quickly get his heart going again this time. Dixie kept her eye on Johnny, his breathing had eased but his color and blank stare revealed his state of shock to them all. She stuck her head outside the door and was relieved to see the Engine crew had arrived.
"Joe?" Dixie said quietly as she pulled him to the side.
"Yea Dix?"
She motioned over to Johnny, "I'm worried about Johnny, can you check him over for me?"
Joe looked over at the young man sitting hunched over in the chair. His color washed out, his eyes engulfed with sadness, focused on Roy.
"Put him in room 3."
Dixie shook her head, "Joe he won't go. He's not going to leave Roy."
Joe understood and walked over to Johnny with her. She knelt down beside him and lifted the oxygen mask off his face. He knew she was checking his blood pressure and pulse. His eyes made contact with Joes and he leaned back in the chair to be examined. He didn't have the energy to protest especially knowing that they were just concerned about him too. Joe listened to his lungs, checked his pupil response, palpated his abdomen and looked over his vital signs. Convinced that he was in no immediate danger Joe released him to Dixie's tender care for right now. "I want to check him again after we get Roy settled in upstairs Dix."
"Johnny, the rest of the guys are here. Can you update them for me? They need to know what's going on okay?" She took his arm to help him stand.
His eyes met hers, "What am I gonna tell um?"
She looked back to the beaten down body of someone she cared deeply about too, "He's going up to the ICU soon. He's critical Johnny but right now his vitals are stable." She gently guided him to the door as she talked and this time he allowed it. With one last glance back to his brother Johnny left the room to the fallen faces of his shift mates. Hank watched him leave the room with Dixie's help and took his arm from her as they sat him down in one of the chairs.
Hank had never seen Johnny like this and it scared him. Did he need to be in a treatment room of his own? "Dixie? Is he okay?" He said as he knelt down in front of him and looked at the emptiness in his eyes.
"He's in a state of shock Hank. Here's a blanket for him, keep him warm and I will be back to recheck his vital signs soon."
Hank stood back up, "Roy?"
She shook her head sadly, "He coded again after he got here. His vitals are stable for right now but he's critical. We'll be moving him up to the ICU soon. Kel will be out to talk to you guys in a little bit."
"Thanks Dix," he said as he placed the blanket around Johnny's shoulders.
Chet came over and placed a cup of coffee in Johnny's hand. He looked up to see how drawn his features were then glanced around the room to realize they were all hurting, just like he was.
"Thanks Chet," he said softly.
Hank sat down beside him, "John what happened in there?"
He leaned back in the chair and pulled the blanket around him. He had been replaying the whole thing in his head over and over since leaving the scene. "We got trapped by the explosion and his tank ran out. I tried to get him to take my mask but he wouldn't. He just kept saying one of us had to keep going to get us out."
"He was right John," Hank said.
The others sat quietly and listened as their friend shared his pain.
"The smoke, it was so thick, and it got to him pretty quick. Within just a few minutes he was having a lot of trouble breathing. He apparently got hurt in the explosion too. He never even told me. The HT didn't work and the smoke was making it hard to find a way out." He sat forward and ran his fingers through his thick dark hair. "By the time we got into the apartment he was…he was gasping."
Mike stared at the wall; this was too much for him. It was Roy they were talking about. The steadfast one, the one who was always there for everyone else.
"After I broke out the window I went back to check on him and he was already gone. It all happened so quick," he shook his head. "I started CPR right away but it wasn't working. I think the chest injury made it hard for him to handle the smoke." He quietly wiped the tears away.
They all looked up to see Joanne come in the door. God, he had forgotten about Joanne. He looked into her eyes and winced at the look she gave him. Hank stood up and walked over to her, "Joanne, we're waiting to hear from the doctor." She walked past him over to the coffee pot and poured herself a cup. Hank knew she would take this hard based on Roy's descriptions of her reactions in the last week. He decided to give her a little space for right now while they waited.
But standing not far behind them Dixie heard Johnny's story and shed her own tears for him and for Roy. But what upset her was the look that Joanne gave Johnny when she came in the door. That wasn't a look of an upset wife; it was anger, maybe even blame. She looked up to see Kel and Joe coming out of Roy's room and head to the waiting room.
Hank saw them first and stood up, followed by Johnny and the others.
Joe and Brackett decided to address the whole room; they were all family here and would want to know what was going on. "His condition has stabilized. He took in a lot of smoke and we're not sure right now about how much damage it has done to his lungs. He has 3 broken ribs and a collapsed lung which we have treated. As for the cardiac arrest's it has taken a toll on his whole body and only time will tell us how he will come back from all this." He paused and took a deep breath. "We'll move him up to the ICU shortly. You can see him briefly but after that he needs to rest."
Hank stepped forward and shook both doctors' hands, "Thank you doc. We appreciate everything you are doing for him."
"You're welcome Hank but you know Roy means a lot to us too here," Brackett said.
"Thank Johnny here. He's the one who administered CPR right away and saved his life," Joe said.
Hank gave a big yes nod to that; they all knew what he did to save his friend this night. They watched the doctors go back down the hallway.
"Cap?"
"Yea Chet."
"Did you notice that?"
Hank shrugged not sure what Chet was referring too.
"Joanne, she never even asked about Roy."
Hank looked over to see her leaning against the furthest wall. He bet that the doctors didn't even realize she was here. As he walked over to talk to her he watched her stand up straight and tense up.
"Don't Hank," she said abruptly. "I can't talk about this right now." She darted around him and ran out the back ER doors. Mike started to go after her but Hank caught his arm.
"I'll go check on her. I need you guys to watch Johnny." Mike looked over to see that Johnny had moved to the wall outside Roy's door and slid down into a crouched position, his head in his hands.
Mike, Chet and Marco moved over to be with Johnny while Hank headed out into the parking lot to find Joanne. Looking around the dark lot he found her leaning against her car. She was still very upset; he could see that and chose to approach her slowly.
"Joanne?"
She looked up at him and suddenly he realized she wasn't grieving, she was furious. "I don't want to talk about this right now Hank."
"I know you're upset but Roy needs you right now," he said in a calm quiet voice.
"Needs me? Don't pretend to think you know what it's like to be his wife," she said as she stormed past him.
What the hell was that all about? His mind was reeling at her anger. Who was she mad at here? He followed her back into the waiting room. Chet and Mike flanked Johnny's side as they came in the doors. Johnny stood up and took a couple of steps towards Joanne. He had to face her, had to tell her he was sorry for not being a better partner to Roy, allowing him to get hurt so bad. However, her icy glare at him stopped him cold in his tracks as if an arrow had been shot through his very heart. He tried to take a step backwards but faltered and Mike caught his arm. He also caught the look that Joanne gave him. They all did.
Dixie came out of the room and served as a distraction to everyone in a moment of extreme tension. She stood beside Roy's gurney as the orderlies pushed it out. Looking over to Joanne, "Joanne you can come see him as soon as we have him in his room, okay?" She didn't get a response verbal or emotional. "Do you know where to go?"
"Of course, I'll be upstairs." With that she turned and left them all in her wake, never even looking at Roy.