A/N – Some of you may get a bit upset by some of the details in this chapter, but I promise things will click together throughout the story. The missing blanks will be filled eventually. Also, some of this will not necessarily follow what happened in the show. Such as the Beast V.S Adonis. In this little ficlet, that never happened. I want to explore how Beastboy could progress with the discovery of his own inner demon.

Not my best story, but I really just wanted to get something written up for yall. I had the Halloween chapter written, I just wanted to post it on Halloween

R&R

3

-Within the depths of despair I hear your voice calling out my name-

Garfield Mark Logan was not one for disappearing in the middle of the night. He also wasn't one to wake up in the middle of the night not recalling anything that happened. But after searching for answers for the past five years, he couldn't really remember anything that happened that night so long ago. He recalled the fight. The feeling of dread that flooded through his tortured soul when he heard the impact of a bullet inserting itself within Raven's body. The feeling of rage that coursed through the green changeling. The vibrations coursing through his body.

He was scared. Oh he was so scared. Scared of what he would do. Scared of what he was becoming. Of the voice speaking within his mind, growling protectively, laying claim to the grey beauty that was suddenly – and much to his surprise – laying within his arms. And then he was off. Gone.

Garfield remembered waking up that night on the ground. The feel of Raven's body pressed flush against his own. He remembered seeing all of the blood, the tattered and ragged clothing. He remembered breathing heavily as if a nightmare had just plagued him and overcame all other senses the boy might've had. He remembered panicking.

Where were they? Where were the others? What happened?

All questions the boy couldn't answer. And yet, that voice in the back of his mind was like a knock on his memory. He knew. But yet…he didn't. He had risen cautiously. The need to protect overcoming his senses. And yet, he found himself staring at Raven's face. Memorizing the lines, the fragrance emitting from her. The blood the pooled around her – the blood that left him shaking in his place. How could he help her?

He tried waking the sleeping demoness. Knowing if he did, she could self-heal. But nothing he did would wake her. Not even shaking her – as gently as he did. Speaking her name. Nothing. Yet, her pulse could still be felt. He could still hear it ricocheting throughout his ears. What Garfield couldn't remember was what had caused the long, jagged claw marks that took shape from her shoulder blade to her lower back. But he had a pretty good idea of what did.

Beastboy had left that night, a feeling of horror flooding his soul. He knew, somehow, that those marks were from him. Some deeper primal part of him that he couldn't explain. That he didn't even know had existed until now.

It had been five long years since he had last seen his friends. He hadn't spent much time with anyone, to be frank. He had lost all connection with the Doom Patrol, the Teen Titans, and with his 'fan base'. Instead, he had taken to learning parts of himself. Learning about who he was, where he came from. And for that to happen, he had to revisit the jungle of his past. Visiting the burial site of his parents and hoping against hope, that he would find answers to his questions.

Who was Garfield Mark Logan? He wanted to know.

He spent three years in the West African jungle – studying the inhabitants. Studying the creature that his father had turned him into. He spent another year tracking down Nicholas Galtry – the man who took care of him after his parents' passing. He wasn't sure why he was interested in the man who had wanted him dead. Perhaps it was to answer questions about himself. If he was capable of forgiving the man. If he was capable of letting go of his past. But the man turned up no results.

It took the last year for him to readjust to society. In that time period, he stayed at the house in California which originally belonged to his parents. A place he swore to never visit, but knew he had to if he wanted to find out anything about himself other than what he already knew.

The first day had been the hardest. Waking up on the couch after hours of screaming and ripping through the furniture. Ripping down wall paper. He felt like an animal caged in this house. But he knew, if he could do this, he could do anything. If he could forgive himself for not saving them, he could do whatever he wanted to do from there on out.

And so, with each new day Garfield tore through the house – collecting objects that he deemed important and finding a way that they contributed to his life. All the while, that voice growling in the back of his mind. "How long are you willing to stay away…"

If he was honest with himself, he didn't know. So he focused. Each day brought a new joy to his life. Whether it was cleaning his mom's closet, wearing his father's suits, or taking a dive in the courtyard pool. He hadn't hired anyone. He hadn't the mind to do so. He did it all himself, occasionally stopping by the bank to make a discreet withdrawal for grocery shopping. And Garfield found that he enjoyed this life. The simple life. But he also realized, very quickly, that something was missing.

A loneliness was settling within the pit of his stomach. He was feeling down more often than the distractions could prevent. He felt lost, but completely normal. Normal, what even was that? He was a green mutilated creature of darkness that destroyed those he cared about. Annoyed those he loved. His friends. Starfire. Cyborg. Robin. Raven.

A repetition of those names were his saving grace. Kept him sane. Kept his memories intact while he tried to focus on finding himself. He felt, at times, that he was searching in all of the wrong places. That this wasn't where he belonged. And that voice in the back of his mind couldn't agree more.

"We belong with the others." The voice would bellow within his mind. "We belong near the one we desire." And Garfield would question who the creature was talking about. What he should even call his inner hell hound.

It took three months of hounding for Beastboy to finally give in. He was tired of the running around. Tired of the dancing, the late night galas that he was invited to on occasion. Tired of the lack of company, the empty home. But he was scared. He was nervous. He was so horrified at the idea of returning to the Titan Tower.

What if they found out? What if he couldn't fix what he had broken? What if they had already replaced him? After all, he'd been gone for a long time without so much of a word.

What ifs plagued him. Until he saw the news announcement air over the television where the mayor of Jump City stood on a platform with Starfire and Robin by his side.

"Today I am proud to announce, as the mayor of Jump City, to the State of California that the Teen Titans have decided to host their annual Halloween Blast at the Whispering Rose private estate. Although the party itself will be a strict 'hero' event, any and all guests are welcome to come prior to the party for autographs, photography, and outdoor festivities. And here, we have our very own Starfire and Robin to fill us in on any questions or concerns you might have!" The old man stepped down from the podium. Garfield had to chuckle to himself when Robin had taken a step forward just to be tossed back by Starfire.

"Friends! We are all very excited at the change in times! Our fellow Titans have decided that again this year we will host our event in hopes to bring back much joy and activity within our family! We all mourn the loss of our good friend Beastboy, but with much pleasure we will be throwing our annual mixer and hope to see you all there!" She stopped for a second to catch her breath. "And of course all must come in costumes of the scary! It is the Saturday of this week!"

Unfortunately, Starfire did not leave any time for anyone to ask any questions. The moment the words tumbled from her lips, she had gathered Robin's hand and taken off. She had yelled something about having to go find a new costume for the party this year and another something about dancing being involved so Robin must go take classes. It left Garfield laughing, until he saw the cloaked shadow standing beside a gargantuan robotic figure hidden in the background behind the mayor.

"Wouldn't showing up be a nice surprise?" He asked himself almost solemnly.

Yeah…nice surprise indeed.