Goodbye and Hello
These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home.
"The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which one to burn." David Russell.
This ones a little longer for you. Thanks for your patience as I get chapters out. Keep up the comments they make my fingers work faster!
Chapter 13
After Johnny gave Roy the phone number where Joanne was he stepped outside to give him some privacy although he would have given anything to be a fly on the wall. Instead he chose to pace a hole in the sidewalk while he waited, even if it was somewhat impatiently.
Roy sat with the phone in his hand trying to will himself to dial the number. He didn't know what he was going to say. His own feelings were in turmoil and now he was about to add hers to the mix. Taking a deep breath he dialed the unfamiliar and out of town number.
A huge smile came across his face and tears came to his eyes as he instantly knew the little voice that answered the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hi baby. It's daddy," Roy said, fighting back the tears.
"Daddy! Chris its daddy, its daddy! Oh daddy I miss you so much. When are you coming home?" She asked.
Roy didn't know what to say. "I miss you too honey. What have you been up too?"
"Playing Barbie's and jumping on the trampoline. I was playing with Rosa but she made me mad so I told her to go home."
He smiled as she paused to take a deep breath. "Well maybe you can play with her later today."
The next pause meant she was thinking about it, "I guess so. Guess what daddy?"
"What honey?" He wanted to reach through the phone and hug her so bad.
"Me and Chris are going to a new school."
"Well, do you like it?"
New school, new town, new life. A life without him.
"Chris doesn't but I do. My teacher is Mrs. Marlow and she's really nice," she said.
"I'm glad you like it. Can I say hello to Chris?" Talking to her was almost worse than not.
"Sure, hold on. I love you daddy and can't wait till you can come back home."
"I love you too sweetie."
He didn't ask what she had been told by Joanne. He really didn't want to know for the most part, at least not right now.
"CHRIS! Telephone, it's daddy," she yelled.
"Dad?" The voice said quietly.
"Hey Chris, its dad. How are you doing?" Roy could feel that the conversation with his son would be less carefree.
"Okay." The answer was simple and that reflected that Chris was upset about something.
"You don't sound okay son. Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" Roy wasn't sure if it was about him or not.
"Where are you dad?"
So yes, it was about him but not knowing what Joanne told him he wasn't exactly sure how to proceed. "I'm at Johnny's place right now."
"You haven't called us." He sounded sad to Roy.
"I'm so sorry son; I haven't been able too until now. I'm sure am glad to hear your voice now though."
He paused, "It's good to talk to you too dad. Will you be coming home soon?"
Home. He didn't even know where they were but apparently the kids didn't know that.
"Hopefully soon son. Is your mom there?"
"No, she's at work right now. Andie is our babysitter do you want to talk to her?"
"That's okay Chris. Will you just let mom know that I called and I need to talk to her?"
"Sure dad," Chris said.
"I'll call back again okay to talk to you guys. Love you both Chris, don't ever forget that okay."
"Love you too dad."
Roy hung up the phone with his heart hurting and his eyes burning. He still didn't know where they were exactly and now he had to sit around and hope that she would call him back. Knowing that Johnny was waiting on him he went out to find him.
Johnny could see the red eyes and heavy heart of his friend. He was afraid to even ask. "Well?"
"She wasn't home but I got to talk to Jenny and Chris." That brought a small smile to his face.
Johnny was glad; he knew Roy needed to know his kids were okay. It was an important part of his healing process. He privately hoped that Roy would share more with him but it wasn't his place to push it. Roy know he was here if needed.
Roy waited in Brackett's office following his exam and final testing. His nerves were getting the best of him as he anxiously awaited the final word on whether he would be able to return to work or not. Brackett stepped in and moved around his desk ad he took a seat. He leaned back in his chair, his eyebrows furrowed with concern.
Most men wouldn't have made it out of the building alive but then Roy DeSoto was far from most men. He was in good physical shape, took good care of his body and had a group of friends that had stood by him through the whole process. It was a miracle he was even sitting here in front of him. But was he ready to run back into a burning building again?
"So Roy, tell me how you've been doing since going home?"
"Good doc. I've been running everyday and feel pretty good. Guess the question is can I go back to work?" Roy was ready. He needed to get busy again.
"Well, everything looks good physically. Your lung studies are back to normal and your EKG is normal. I guess I need to know if you're ready to go back."
Roy shifted his legs around and paused for a moment. "I think so doc. I'm going stir crazy and need to get back to a routine."
"I understand that. Okay, I'll release you back to duty. Physically you are ready but I want you to call me if you have any other issues at work. Talk to Johnny and Captain Stanley if you have any problems okay?"
Roy stood up, "I will doc. Thanks for everything." Roy reached out to shake Brackett's hand.
He shook, "That's what we're here for Roy but just promise me to make it a once in a life time experience alright?" He said smiling.
Roy smiled back, "Once in a lifetime was way too much as far as I'm concerned."
Roy called Hank briefly and set up his returning to work schedule. He would do one shift a week for 2 weeks then go back full time if everything went well. A part of him was so excited he couldn't wait. To be in the squad again with Johnny as his partner, working rescues, and doing hands on care again. It was in his blood and he knew it. He had never spoken it but his biggest fear was that Brackett would tell him he couldn't go back to work. That he couldn't be a fireman anymore. He had even tried to figure out what else he would do but all thoughts led him back to the station. To his friends, his job and his A-shift family.
His next task wasn't going to be easy. He and Johnny had become roommates with a steady routine but now Roy felt a need to go back home. Of course it wouldn't be easy but it was time to face what was there. He hadn't told anyone what had happened but Joanne had called him back a couple of days after his first phone call. The first call had been hard and little was said between them. He had asked why, of course and deep down wasn't surprised by her answer of how stressed she had been over his job. She had unexpectantly told him a little of what had happened that first night he was injured. His emotions had gone from hurt and anger at her for walking out to sadness over what his friends must gone through. And he was pretty sure he didn't have all the details either. They spent a few more phone calls trying to work through some of their feelings and try and figure out what to do next.
Dinner was quiet that night. They had two days off before returning back to work, as partners again. Johnny was excited like a little kid in a toy store. Roy was coming back. It had been a long two months without his friend riding at his side.
"Johnny I need you to help me do something tomorrow," Roy asked.
He looked up from his plate, "Sure, what?"
"I need you to help me move back home tomorrow," he watched Johnny's face struggle to not fall and make a smile.
"You're ready to go home?"
"Yea, I think I need to. It's kinda the last thing I've put off through all this. I think I just need to face it. I talked to Joanne last night."
Johnny paused mid bite. He knew Roy had been talking to her but he hadn't shared any of their conversations with him. Jenny and Chris updates were all he would be told but never anything about Joanne. Of course he wanted to know what was going on. He was worried about his friend who seemed to be very stressed since the phone calls had started.
"Yea? What did she want?" He knew there was an edge of hostility in his voice that Roy might not understand.
Roy chose to ignore the taint of edginess to Johnny's question, "She's bringing the kids up to see me this weekend."
Of course Roy was happy to see his kids, Johnny didn't question that at all but did he seem happy that she was coming?
"Well, it's about time," Johnny looked at his plate.
The air tingled with hostility and Roy wasn't exactly sure what to think. What was Johnny so upset about?
Johnny looked up, "Where has she been hiding all this time?"
Roy pushed his chair back and headed to the sink, "She's living in Crescent City."
Johnny was shocked, "Crescent City, what the hell is she doing all the way up there?"
"She has a brother that lives near there. They stayed with him for a while before settling down."
Johnny pushed his chair back next but didn't get up, "So she's planning on staying there?"
Roy leaned against the kitchen counter, "Yea, sounds like it. She's working and the kids are doing well in the school there."
He looked at his friend, "Is she filing for divorce?" He just had to know where all this was heading.
Roy shook his head, "Not yet. She said she wants to talk to me this weekend about what we will do next."
"We?" Johnny was mad now. "What we is there Roy? She walked out on you, just took the kids and left at a time you needed all of them more than anything! What is there to talk about?"
Johnny didn't understand and Roy didn't know how to explain it, "Johnny I know what she did, I've lived every day thinking about what she did. But I miss my kids. I need my kids Johnny."
"I know Roy. I miss them too and I'm not their father." He stopped but the words continued in his brain. But what does she want? How dare she ask him for anything after what she's put him through. Maybe he being in the dark was better because what little he knew was only making him madder. He took a deep breath, "I'll help you this weekend with whatever you need."
Roy knew that Johnny wanted to say more but chose not to, "Thanks partner."
There wasn't much to get moved back to the house and one trip did the trick. Johnny really didn't even want to go in. He somehow didn't feel comfortable there anymore. It wasn't home away from home now and he knew that Roy needed his own time to settle back in.
"I'll head back home. Just let me know if you need anything," Johnny said.
"I will. Thanks Johnny."
Roy turned back into the house and for a moment, it felt good to be back home. He was alone but this was still his home and he had missed it. After putting his clothes away he went to the kitchen and opened some soup for dinner, mentally making a note to go to the grocery store in the morning to restock for the kids. Knowing that Joanne would have a fit over the two inches of dust he began cleaning and straightening up. Keeping busy kept him mind off what the next day would bring. What would she want to talk about? Would she consider coming back home? Did he want her to come back home? How would he feel when he saw her again?
Sunday came and Roy spent the morning at the grocery store then cleaning up the kitchen. After that he paced the floor knowing they would be there anytime. When the door opened and little feet came running in he ran down the stairs straight into the arms of his precious Jenn.
"Daddy! Daddy!"
He wasn't sure who was hugging who the hardest. He gently pushed her back so he could see her and began tickling her making her giggle with that little laugh that melted his heart. Chris was right behind her and actually wrapped both arms around his dad and hugged him for the first time in months. Chris was just about to reach the point where a hug was just not cool anymore but this one was full of love.
"Chris, good to see ya son," Roy said through tears.
"Daddy, why you crying?" Jenny said as she wiped the tears off his cheek.
"Daddy is just so happy to see you honey," Roy said with a big smile.
Then he looked up to see Joanne. She looked wonderful but the look of apprehension on her face told him that she wasn't here for a hug. "Roy," She said softly.
He put Jenny down, "Hey Jo. It's good to see you."
"Okay guys, why don't you go check out your rooms for a while so daddy and I can talk." She scooted them upstairs like it was any other night at home.
Jenny ran upstairs full force but Chris hesitated at the top of the stairs and looked at them.
"It's okay Chris, go ahead," Roy told him gently.
Joanne sat down on the couch, feeling awkward about being back, so close to him. "You look good Roy. Are you doing okay?"
"Fine," he simply said. Bring up the last time she saw him wouldn't help anything right now. They had already argued about that over the phone more than once.
"I'm not really sure what to say," she stood back up and walked over to the mantle, her fingers lightly brushing over the family pictures on it. "This seems like so long ago."
"Jo, I don't know what you want from me anymore," he said.
Turning back to him, "I don't know what I want either. I do know that how I feel inside hasn't changed."
"And how do you feel?"
"I love you Roy. I have always loved you, ever since I saw you those many years ago in school. I can't imagine ever being with anyone else. But..."
He ran his fingers through his hair, "But what?"
"What I said that night hasn't changed. I've thought about it every night since and I just can't do it anymore."
Roy really wasn't sure exactly what she had said that night, no one really ever told him. "Can't do what Jo?"
She looked at him with tears in her eyes, "I can't be a fireman's wife anymore."
He knew the basic concept of what she would say but those words, "Is that what you told Johnny that night in the hospital?"
She lowered her head, "Yes. God Roy, I didn't mean to hurt him. I was just so upset I didn't know what I was doing."
Hurt him? What was she talking about? "What do you mean hurt him?" He was now getting upset.
"I pushed him, pushed him down on the ground. I didn't mean to but I saw the look in his eyes, how much I hurt him."
A lot of the little pieces were now fitting together from that night. No wonder no one would talk about it. They knew it would only upset him. She had successfully wrecked havoc before she left.
"Johnny's fine," he said abruptly. "But I want to know what you expect me to do Jo?"
She took a step towards him, "I love you so much Roy. I don't want to live without you. I need you and the kids need you in our lives."
He turned and put his hands on his hips as he processed what she was saying, "You want me but you don't want to be married to a fireman anymore? What are you asking me to do Jo? Tell me."
She stood up straight. This was what it came down to.
"If you want me and the kids in your life, you have to quit the department."