Title: Chuck vs. Life
Author: marybr
Characters: mainly Chuck/Sarah (but the regulars are there – Casey, Ellie, Morgan, Awesome, etc.)
Chapters: 2/?
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters portrayed in this fic. I'm gaining nothing with this, except the sheer joy of being Chuck/Sarah's puppet master.
Summary: First of all I suck at summaries, so regard this fact as you read this. The fic fits right after the last episode aired (1x11), and it basically picks up after those events. It's nothing more than Chuck and co. moving on with their lives, and especially centering on how Chuck and Sarah will deal with their mutual feelings. I know, this summary blows… Just read the first chapter, and you'll get a sense of what is actually about.
A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! Even 'though I find it astonishing how many people read these things, and don't leave a review. Anyhow; jquistthank you for the kind words. It's really motivating to see a functional family unit, and this show really delivers that. I fully intend to keep this up throughout the whole story, really nice o f you to notice that. And don't worry, this writer here will sure deal with the angst… eventually. It can't be too easy, right:)
And freak4wb – aka cowgirl08 – nice of you to swing by and drop a review! I sure recognize you from FF. I hope you keep reading the fic.
Also -- I forgot to say this before -- I apologize in advance for any grammar mistakes. English is not my first language, I'm trying my best here, but sorry for the butchering on your language. With that out of the way: enjoy Chapter II!
Chapter II
Chuck arrived at the Buy More shortly after talking to Ellie. He did his thing, you know, fixed some computers, helped some people out with their electronic gadgets, shared some laughs with Morgan, was the butt of a few, well, most of Casey's jokes… Just a regular Chuck day.
As he was about to leave for the day, Casey called him to the break-room area.
"I spoke to the General an hour ago, and our next assignment was postponed. The politician will only make his public speech tomorrow. So, consider this your night off, soldier. Don't ever say you never had one," he said finishing the sentence with a punch on Chuck's arm.
Chuck winced, but managed to reply.
"Wow! A whole night off! I don't know how will I ever thank you enough," he mocked.
Chuck left the room, and headed for the store's exit door. The moment he stepped one foot out he saw Sarah walking towards her car, and his heart skipped a beat. He had to admit that she still had some sort of effect on him. He smiled and waved at her, she reciprocated the gesture.
Sarah was dying to talk to Chuck, but she didn't know if he wanted to talk to her. This morning everything felt very weird for her, she thought everything between them was fine when they agreed to be friends at the Xmas party. But then, Chuck acted really strange around Ellie, and basically destroyed their cover relationship. She wasn't sure at all about what was going on through that head of his.
And one thing that Sarah enjoyed was control. She had this pathologic need for it, maybe it was because of her job, maybe it was because it really was a part of her personality. She no longer could tell. But the moment she ran out of control, was the moment she lost her ground. And that was becoming way too common whenever certain someone named Chuck was around. She didn't like that, she didn't like that at all.
That's why she had to be rude to him on their last mission. She had to be cruel to be kind. She needed to make him understand that there's no way a relationship between the "job" and his handler could work. As tough as it was for her hurting him, she had to make crystal clear that this is her job. And her job only. Most of all she needed to keep repeating that, because maybe she would start believing it herself.
Chuck didn't know if he should go ahead and talk to her. Does she want to talk to me? He wondered. What the hell?! He thought.
Like that he started walking in her direction. She saw him coming, and a part of her was glad. Not that she'd admit it. Not even to herself. So, she just waited for him by her car, keys in hand.
"Hey," he started.
"Hi," she said softly with a half-smile.
"I think we need to talk. Wanna grab some coffee?"
"Sure."
They walked side by side the whole way to the coffee shop on the corner. Neither said a word. Both kept thinking about conversation topics to talk along the way, but came out empty. Small talk seemed rather pointless compared to the giant pink elephant that walked on the rather wide gap between the pair. So, they just embraced the silence.
It was a short walk, but it felt like a marathon for them. They arrived and took a seat at an outdoor table by the sidewalk. The atmosphere was still tense. So, Sarah decided to just say something.
"So, about this morning…" she tried to get the conversation going.
"Oh, direct to the point, huh?" he let slip a nervous chuckle.
She didn't react to that, he noticed.
"Ok, ok… uh, I'm sorry. This morning I, I didn't mean to spring that on you. I wanted to talk to you first…" he added, but was cut by the waitress.
"Hello! Can I get you two something?" she asked.
"Oh, sure. I'll have a coffee. Black, with lots of sugar," he replied looking up at the waitress.
"And she'll have a…" he abruptly stopped.
He stayed like that looking straight at the waitress for a few seconds. He realized he didn't know how Sarah took her coffee. He turned his head to her, waiting for her to complete the order. She took the hint.
"I'll have a non-fat vanilla latte. Thanks," she said with a polite smile.
"Ok. I'll be right back," the woman said writing the order on a pad, and leaving.
Sarah noticed that Chuck had a lost stare at his face.
"Chuck?" she tried to get his attention.
He got out of his daze.
"I don't even know how you take your coffee," he said shaking his head, with a disbelief grin.
She didn't get what he was trying to say there.
"See, this is also one of the reasons why I think we shouldn't get back to our boyfriend/girlfriend cover," he added.
"What does my taste in coffee have to do with our cover, or lack thereof?" she asked a tad frustrated.
"I will more that gladly pose as your boyfriend, husband, lover, whatever you guys need me to be. As long as it is on a mission," he blurted.
He got her full attention now.
"I can't, I just can't pretend at real life anymore! I'm sorry. It's too much for me. I know… I get that you agents are trained to separate fact from fiction…"
Sarah winced in her seat at that.
"… But I'm a civilian. I don't know how, ok? I heard when you said there's no chance for you and I. I may not have believed at first, but the other times sure did the trick. I got it. I mean, to me, our kiss was like… wow! But to you it was just a mistake. Carpe diem, perhaps? 'I'll die in a couple seconds, might as well enjoy my time left'…" he was in a row.
"Chuck…" she tried to interject wearing a sad look on her face.
"No, no… let me get this all out, please. The thing is… The thing is I'm afraid my foolish, pathetic, inexperienced heart may not recover from another break, you know. And if we keep this up, this little show up, I'm sure it will," he said grinning awkwardly.
"So, if we could stop right now it would really help me cut my loses," he finished.
"Wow… You really came up with lots of reasons, huh?" she asked.
Was that sadness in her eyes? Chuck wondered. Oh, here he was doing that again. Reading things where nothing at all was written. Feeding again his famished hopes. No, no… He wouldn't do that!
The waitress came back with their order, and both thanked her accordingly.
But the moment wasn't lost. And Sarah was indeed sad. She knew she had hurt chuck, but thinking about it was something, and hearing that from his own mouth was another. She felt worst than she ever thought possible. She wanted to tell him he was wrong. That yes, she said their kiss was a mistake. But it sure wasn't a mistake because of the reasons he said, or for the reasons he probably was thinking over and over. It was a mistake because she, agent Sarah Walker, couldn't fall in love with the Intersect. She couldn't have -- at any circumstance – let her guard down. And she did that. She did that with him, she did that for him. That was the mistake.
But she couldn't tell him this. No way! She had already compromised her job enough as it was. The best thing to do now, for him and for her, was to let him believe this scenario he created. Sure it was hard on both ends. And oh it was being hard on her…But it was the right thing to do. And agent Walker was well schooled by now on doing the right things. It was her job. There could never be any future for the two of them. So, instead of saying all of this that was going through her head, she settled for
"I understand, Chuck. And if that's how you feel…"
"Yes, it is. It is…" he confirmed.
"You know, all of this that we're going through, not just what's happening between us, I mean… with this whole spy life thing. All of this made me realize that I want something more. I want something real with someone. Someone that will be there for me. Someone with whom I can share anything, and that'll share everything with me. Even their middle name…" he tried to joke light-hearted with a sad grin.
That little zing sure hit Sarah, and she sorta flinched on her seat.
"Something more like what Ellie has with Awesome, you know. Partnership. I've been putting it off for too long, but I think I'm ready for my life to start now. You guys kinda helped me to see that," he added firmly.
A moment of silence fell upon them. Not the awkward type this time. It was a different one… Maybe some sort of quiet reflection on both parts, and a feeling of wasted opportunity perhaps. It was hard to describe. They just sat there staring at each other. Chuck was the one who broke the silence.
"But I want you to know that I really meant when I offered my friendship," he said smiling cheaply.
"Well, I meant it, too," she said softly and yet convincingly.
They stared at each other a bit more, and Chuck was the one to stand up first, followed shortly by Sarah. He got his wallet from his pocket to pay for the coffees, and she quickly started to open her purse.
"I got this," he said leaving some cash on the table.
"Thank you," she replied smiling a bit wider this time.
"Well, this was good," he said matching her smile.
"I should…" he motioned to one side of the street.
"Yeah, me too," she said motioning to the opposite side he did.
As they were heading to different sides, Sarah called out.
"Hey, Chuck! For what is worth, I really think that you deserve nothing less than what you said you wanted before," she said with bittersweet eyes.
He grinned, nodded, and went his way. Sarah stood there watching him walk away, and when he was out of ear range she said
"Too bad I can't be the one to give you that."
She looked down for awhile, and after a few seconds she walked straight to her car and went to her cold hotel room.
A/NHope you guys like this chapter. I know things are a tad (read: a lot) on the angst side right now. But be patient with me… It can't all work out magically, right? Things were said, feelings were hurt, and it'd be unrealistic to plaster a quick fix. But expect a Xmas Eve chapter next, so, things will probably be more jolly :D