Goodbye and Hello
These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home.
"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next." Gilda Radner.
Grab a hankey, join the rollercoaster and hold on.
Chapter 15
Roy put on his uniform shirt, carefully placing the pins in the correct spots. He took his hat out of his locker and lightly buffed the brim of it looking at the shine it left. As he bent down to ties his shoes he watched his friend with great concern. Johnny was quiet and seemed despondent. Roy didn't know what else to say to him. He knew that nothing would help. They had spent hours talking last night at Roy's house and it only ended with Johnny leaving abruptly.
"Roll call in 2 minutes guys," Marco yelled from the bay.
"Johnny?" Roy tried to reach his friend.
Johnny didn't look at him, "I don't want to talk about it Roy. It was all said last night."
Mike came through on the way to the bay and caught the exchange. It didn't take much for anyone to realize that the two best friends were not having a good day. Mike made a mental note of it.
"Welcome back Roy," Mike said with a big smile.
"Thanks Mike," he said as he watched Johnny go into the bay.
Hank walked down the line with his clipboard and looked at each man under his command. Mike, Marco and Chet looked forward, standing straight and ready. He hesitated for just a second as he passed Roy, wanting to say something but knew this wasn't the time. Lastly he passed Johnny. The look in the young man's eyes told Hank that he was not going to do well today. Maybe for many days to come. He just sighed; the days ahead would not be easy for this group of men.
"Marco you have the dorm and lunch. Chet latrine. Mike the dayroom and dinner. Johnny and Roy, you have hoses and it will take you a while, there's 400 feet to do. I need everyone to reconvene in the kitchen for a brief meeting. Dismissed."
They all looked at each other trying to figure out what needed to be said there that Cap wouldn't just tell them here. They gathered around Roy with lots of 'welcome back', 'missed you buddy', and 'about time' greetings. Now they saw him almost weekly but it was different now, he was back in uniform and finally the station could get back to normal.
They all moved into the dayroom and grabbed chairs to sit down. Roy stood up and Johnny leaned against the counter, not looking at anyone. They watched as Hank took a seat and Roy stayed standing.
Roy cleared his throat before speaking. "I know today is my first day back and I'm grateful for everything you guys have done for me." He paused, shifting his feet. "You know I've been able to see the kids a couple of times and well, Joanne and I have been talking."
The feeling of sudden unrest rippled through the group at the table, something was up. Johnny held his head down low and remained quiet.
Roy continued, "This is the hardest thing I've ever done but we've decided to try and make things work. I feel like I have to try because of Jenny and Chris. It's just too much to think about losing them."
Johnny had heard it all and he couldn't do it again. Pushing off from the counter he walked out of the kitchen and into the bay, followed by 4 sets of worried eyes.
"I've turned in my resignation to the department. Today is also my last day as a fireman and paramedic."
He looked up to see how they were reacting. The mixture of emotions crossed their faces. Marco and Mike just looked hurt but Chet moved right into anger.
"That's just what she wanted isn't it?" He said standing up, pushing his chair back.
"Chet. It's what I have to do. I know this is hard on you guys after what you went through that night in the hospital."
Mike interrupted him, "Look Roy, we know you have to do what you can to keep your children. But what she said, what she did." He shook his head, "is this really what you want?"
Roy was fighting to keep his emotions intact, "It is not about what I want anymore. It's what I have to do. I know this is hard for you guys and I'm sorry that it's happening. But I have to try."
Hank stood up realizing that Roy was about to break down. "Roy, you know that we are here if you need anything. Anything at all. There's no way to tell you how much this department will miss you. How much we will miss you."
"Johnny already knew didn't he?" Marco asked.
"Yea. I told him last night," Roy said sadly. "I do need one thing from you guys."
They all nodded quietly.
"I need you to watch after him." Roy knew that nothing else needed to be said. He knew they would do their best to take care of his friend, his partner.
They again nodded with a solemn agreement to be there for the one who would be the most hurt by all this. Roy pursed his lips and took a deep breath before heading out into the bay to find Johnny. Not seeing him right away he knew the next spot to check. As he walked out there he was, sitting on the hood of his Rover.
Johnny looked up when he heard Roy's footsteps. "How did they take it?" He asked.
"Pretty good, I guess the best they could. Chet is mad as a hornet though."
"So what's new," Johnny said with a little smile.
"You're going to be okay partner. I don't want you to give up on me okay?"
Johnny looked down, "Never."
They were all grateful that the remainder of the shift was busy. One call after another keep their minds off what was going to happen in the morning. Dinner time came and Mike had already planned on his special spaghetti for Roy's homecoming but now he served it to the silent group as they knew it was a going away party they would be giving after dinner. They ate and tried to chit chat but all were emotionally and physically drained by then.
Marco pulled out the cake for dessert, "My momma made this for you Roy. She knew you liked coconut."
Roy grinned as he stood up until he saw what was written on it.
WELCOME BACK ROY!
"Thanks Marco, tell your mom how much I appreciated it." He quickly cut into the greeting so no one would have to keep looking at it.
By bedtime they crashed with exhaustion onto their bunks but no one slept well. The sounds of tossing and turning kept the silence away throughout the rest of the night.
By the time the morning tones sounded and the lights came on they were glad to get up and put the terrible night behind them. The feelings were varied from anger, frustration, sadness, avoidance, to hope. Hope that their friend could find happiness where he went.
After reporting off they all moved to the parking lot and just seemed to linger. They didn't even know how to say goodbye. After an array of manly hugs, back slapping, handshaking and warm wishes they each drove off the lot, lost in their own thoughts. Still unable to comprehend that Roy wouldn't be back.
Johnny lingered by the Rover while Roy put the small cardboard box in the car with his things from his locker.
"Johnny I want you to come over to my place for breakfast," he hoped that Johnny would say yes.
Honestly he thought about beating him over the head so he would forget what he was about to do but deep down he knew it wasn't his place to tell him to not go. He knew Roy wasn't 'leaving' him or the department but 'going' to try and save his marriage.
"Sure, sounds good," he said with a half hearted smile.
Johnny wandered around the living room that was now full of packed up boxes with various labels telling the movers where to put them when they arrived at their new home. Roy was in the kitchen finishing up the breakfast dishes. There had been little to talk about, both feeling so miserable about what was to come. Johnny reached up and held one of the pictures on the mantle. It was of Roy, Joanne, Jenny and Chris taken shortly after Jenny had been born.
"She was only 8 hours old there," Roy said, walking up behind him.
"They are great kids."
"Yea, they are."
"What time are you leaving?" Johnny asked as he put the picture back in its place.
"The movers are coming in about an hour to get the last of the stuff, then I will head out right behind them."
Johnny shook his head, "Crescent City. What are you planning on doing up there?"
"Not sure right now. I'll find something," he said half hearted with a shrug.
Johnny hated the small talk. It wasn't like them at all.
"Here, I want you to have this." Roy reached into one of the still open boxes and pulled out a picture.
Johnny took it and smiled, "Thanks." It was a picture taken of the two of them when Johnny graduated the paramedic program. "And this," Roy took his hand and placed his paramedic pin in it.
"No Roy, you should keep it." This was killing Johnny.
"No, I want you to have it. It would be too hard to see it sitting around." He looked at his brother and smiled, "Please don't give it up Johnny. Promise me that okay?"
"I don't know if I can promise that right now Roy, but I'll try," Johnny felt so lost already.
Roy took him by the shoulder, "I'm not that far away. Call me if you need to talk okay? Anytime."
"I will." He turned to Roy, "I think it's time I got going. These long goodbyes are too hard."
He reached out his hand to shake but Roy grabbed him in a big hug. There was no way he would tell his best friend and brother goodbye with a handshake. Johnny hugged back and found that he could no longer hold the tears in.
"Now look what you made me do," he said half laughing.
"Sorry. That's what partners do." Roy said sarcastically.
"Smartass," Johnny said with a crooked smile then he turned to the door and left.
It was his final goodbye to Roy. He knew he wouldn't see him again. Joanne had made it clear that day that anything that linked Roy to his past, his job as a fireman and paramedic would be shut out. Heading home he knew he had just lost the only family that had ever meant anything to him.