The hovercraft dropped a ladder down into the arena and Gale wrapped his arm around Johanna's back. He hoisted them both up on to the ladder and the electrical current froze them in place. They held tightly to each other as it pulled them inside the hovercraft. Johanna nearly collapsed on the ground with Gale's arms around her, the loss of blood in her leg making her swoon. Doctors rushed in and grabbed her, tearing her away from Gale.
"Johanna! No! You can't take her!" he screamed, held back by two white-clothed guards. Johanna couldn't scream back, her voice was lost with all the pints of blood that had spilled over the golden cornucopia. Gale screamed until his voice was hoarse, and they injected a serum into his veins to make his body slump against the doctors. The last thing Johanna saw before passing out was his hand up against the glass as his eyes closing against his will.
Johanna awoke to the sound of a heart rate monitoring machine beeping and the strong smell of antiseptic. One of the avoxes came to her side as she awoke, gripping her hand. Her heart began to thump harder and faster in her chest as the disjointed realities of being in the arena and being in the hovercraft began to crash. "Gale? Is Gale okay?" The girl nodded and squeezed her hand. Johanna sighed and let her head hit the pillow. "And my leg? Do I...is it still there?" She nodded again and pulled the sheet away. There was a long, deep brown scar down her thigh that she could tell was of the permanent kind. Unlike the poor people in 12 whose wounds never fully closed and never healed, her wound was stitched with practiced precision and would not get infected. But it would be there for the rest of her life, no doubt about that.
The avox moved to leave and Johanna grabbed her by the wrist. "Wait. Don't. I know that...I know that they do things to the victors. They a-alter them," Johanna stuttered as it felt like pure twilight was being leaked into her veins. "Don't let them touch me. I don't want them to change me. Please... please don't let them change me." Her grip on the avox slipped as she fell into another deep slumber.
Johanna had never been so relieved to hear Haymitch's gravelly voice as she was when she went down the corridor back in the Training Center. "Great job, sweetheart." Haymitch wrapped his arms around Johanna and even through the slight stench of whisky, Johanna felt comforted in a way she hadn't since her father died.
She pulled away and looked up into his bloodshot blue eyes. "Gale?" It was all Johanna could think about. Not going home, not Katniss, not her brother and her sisters. Just Gale. She was still one foot in the arena.
"He's fine. He's done nothing but ask for you," Effie said with a grin. Johanna smiled up at Haymitch as he pushed hair out of her face. "Now, we must get going. You have to meet with the prep team for your make-up and dear me, your hair." Johanna shot her a sour look. "And Cinna will put you in a dress."
"When do I get to see Gale?" Johanna asked, bringing her attention back to Haymitch.
"They want to do your reunion live on air." Johanna nodded in understanding. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "You really sold it. I'm very proud of you."
Johanna looked down at her feet and shyly back up to Effie. The orange-coiffed woman took her by the arm and led her down the hallway into the room with the prep team. They all embraced a very tense Johanna, shrilly congratulating her but genuinely appearing to be glad to see her. After a long stretch of agonizing minutes, she was primped and preened and made to look beautiful again.
Cinna came in once the women were all shuffled out and brought Johanna in his arms. "I knew you were the smart bet," he said quietly as they pulled away.
Johanna smirked. "It's your first year too. I think you were the smart bet." He waved her off and Johanna looked at the dress he had in his arms. It was a blood red dress with a deep neckline and a giant slit up the side. Johanna's eyes widened and looked to Cinna. "What the hell?"
Cinna cleared his throat and motioned for her to put it on. Johanna obliged him and once the dress was zipped in the back she looked at herself in the mirror. She looked downright seductive. The slit was on the side where her leg was not cut, so she was thankful for that. But between the dress and the high heels she looked much older than she was. "I thought... this would be more of a reflection of who you are."
As Johanna moved the dress she saw it shimmer like a dwindling bonfire. "Still with the fire?" Cinna grinned and Johanna grinned back at him. "No complaints here, I like it." Johanna enjoyed the look of danger the dress gave her. It felt appropriate. But there was something beneath Cinna's tone that made Johanna slightly nervous.
"That's what I figured, girl on fire."
It wasn't until Haymitch got her beneath the stage and wrapped her in a ferocious hug that she realized what Cinna had really meant. "The Capitol does not like to be provoked. You and your family could be in trouble. You need to go up there and be passionate. Be fiery. Be you. But do not be a rebel. Do you understand?" Johanna nodded. "Good girl. It's your night, try to enjoy it."
Try to enjoy it? Knowing the Capitol, that President Snow, were watching her every move? That her family was in danger? Johanna barely had time to think about it before the platform rose and she was thrust out into the blinding lights of the stage. The crowd was so loud Johanna couldn't even hear her heartbeat.
It didn't take long for her to find Gale. He looked dashing in a black suit and a red tie that matched her dress, shiny shoes that had pointed toes. Johanna paid no mind to her dress and leapt into his arms, folding her arms around his neck. They kissed, deeply and slowly, in a way they had not in the arena. This felt much more real. Probably because she was genuinely happy to see him.
Caesar attempted to interrupt but Gale pushed him away and set Johanna on the ground, continuing their passionate kiss with his hands holding the small of her back. Finally, Haymitch stepped between them and good-naturedly pointed them toward the love seat. Johanna wiped lipstick off Gale's face affectionately as he led her to the couch. He put his arm over Johanna's shoulder as the lights dimmed so they could watch the screening of their games.
Most of it was old news for Johanna; watching them get away from the Cornucopia together, staying alive in the woods, talking about home. Until Rue. Johanna watched Gale promise to avenge her and then whisk Johanna off into the cave and nurse her back to health. They really did look madly in love. Their first on-screen kiss looked real and intense, their elation at the new rule seemed genuine (which it was), and their near superhuman speed and skill eliminating the rest of the tributes; it all spelled two people desperate not to lose each other.
It was all punctuated with Gale putting his hand up on the glass that separated them and Johanna was shocked to see her hand pressed up against it too. The camera faded and returned to them on the couch where Johanna took his larger hand between two of her smaller own. They locked eyes and Johanna gave him a very small smile.
The rest of the interview went well and Johanna realized Gale really had understood Haymitch. He talked about how much they needed each other, how that blocked out everything else for them. Nothing existed in that arena except for they two. Despite his impassioned speech, Johanna knew Gale was protecting his family. He had just as much to lose, if not more, if Snow came down and punished them for their little show.
But how long would this show go on?
Too long, Johanna realized.
Through the victory banquet and the final interview there was constant kissing and affection and talk of them being 'fiery.' That their behavior, hopefully, was a reflection of who they were and not what they believed. They were two passionate teenagers madly in love and their anger was aimed at the Games for having to choose between life and death, not at the Capitol where their hatred really lay. It sickened them both.
They had barely a moment to speak to one another until the train was making its way back to 12 and they stopped in 6 to refuel. They sat on the edge of the caboose of the train, their legs dangling off. Johanna's intense dresses were finally forgone, in their place just a pair of green slacks tucked into brown boots with a brown shirt. Her mockingjay pin stayed securely in her pocket.
"I don't even think I'm ready to go home," Gale said after long minutes of silence, staring into the field of wildflowers. "I don't want to be here, certainly, but home. It sounds strange. I keep feeling like it's all a trick."
Johanna let out a sigh, looking up into the smoggy air. "I can't wait to be home," she confessed. "I want to get back into the woods. To see my siblings. Hell I'm even excited to see Greasy Sae." To Katniss.
Gale snickered and nodded his head. "True. But things are different now. We're different now. We are not the same friends who went into that arena." Though his voice was gentle, his words were hard. Was he implying there was a shift in their relationship because they had to act in love?
Johanna raised her eyebrow and looked over at him. He looked much the same from when they left, except there was no hint of stubble on his cheeks. No soot in his eyelashes or his hair. "Nothing's changed."
"Oh come on Johanna. Do you think that this, what we're doing, ends when those cameras leave?" Gale lowered his voice to a whisper, hoping to be concealed by the wind. "Snow is watching us. If we slip up once, give him one reason to think we're not in love, he will kill our families." Johanna went to protest and Gale interrupted. "Why do you think Haymitch drinks alone? You think he always had no family?" Truthfully, Johanna hadn't given any thought to Haymitch and his alcoholism. She detested his weakness. "Because Snow got to him. He did something in his Games not even as bad as us. And they killed his parents and his girlfriend. Do you think Snow will care to kill your family? Or mine? And what about Katniss?"
Johanna felt the bile rise in her throat. It hadn't occurred to her that all this false advertising would be forever. Certainly they wouldn't be expected to get married. Or would they? What did President Snow care about two lives if it prevented an uprising of sorts? "Really, what about Katniss?"
Gale looked down at the tracks beneath their feet and sighed. "I don't know. I mean I always knew you loved her."
"Really?"
He smiled. "Yeah. Johanna, you practically hate everyone that doesn't share a last name with you. But Katniss? She's always had a hold on you. The only person who doesn't see it is her." He wiped his hands on the front of his jeans and looked over at her. "I never stood a chance."
Johanna scoffed loudly. "Please. She's known you longer, you're closer together, everyone already thinks you're a couple, you're a guy, and you're good-looking." Gale raised an eyebrow. "Or at least that's what I've been telling everyone in the Capitol. I never stood a chance and you know it."
"You did something I never could." Gale placed his hand on Johanna's thigh. "You protected Prim. You know what Katniss said to me in the room before we left? You know what she said? She said, 'If she doesn't die at the blood bath, you better get her home.' She didn't tell me good luck, she didn't give me a mockingjay pin. She told me to get you home."
Johanna got up from her sitting position and shook her head. "Even if I believed you it doesn't matter now, does it? You and me? We're stuck with each other." Gale stood up and looked out into the meadows that surrounded the high factories in 6. "But to be honest - and I won't say this again - if it had to be anyone in Twelve, I'm glad it was you."
Gale took her by the hand and smiled sadly. "Don't go soft on me now, Mason." She smiled back and him and squeezed his hand tighter. It was true, though. If she had to pretend to be any guy's girlfriend, Gale would be her first choice. It wasn't a bad set-up, but was getting exhausting. They didn't love each other, not in that way, and kissing him always felt very wrong. But in terms of having a partner to deal with this craziness? No one would've been better.
That night, the last of their train ride, Johanna woke up in a sweat clutching her sheets and panting hard. Her nightmare had been the same as every night in the Capitol - people dying in the arena, getting chased by tracker jackers, seeing Rue get speared in the abdomen.
Gale burst into the room in his sleeping pants, nearly slipping on the hardwood of the hallway floor in his haste. "Jo? Is everything okay?"
Johanna nodded, embarrassed, and waved him off. "I'm fine. Just a ...just a nightmare. Par for the course, I guess." In the Capitol, Johanna had woken up with nightmares nearly every night, mostly choosing not to sleep. After the prep team could barely cover the bags under her eyes they finally gave her morphling to help her sleep. It also made her dreams weird and faded and she hated it.
Once they were on the train she didn't want the drug anymore, and this was the result. Crippling, heart-pounding nightmares. Gale scratched the back of his neck and looked down at his shirtlessness. "Do you want me to stay with you?" It wouldn't be the first time; the first time she had the nightmares he had calmed her down and she had fallen asleep in his arms. He explained having done it for Posy plenty of times since their father died. It made Johanna feel only marginally better about it.
She wanted to say no. Gale would understand, he was proud, too. But she desperately needed to sleep. So she gave him a shrug and a noncommittal "If you want" and turned over on the right side of the bed. She heard the door close and felt the warmth of Gale's body against hers as he spooned her. "You're lucky I'm wearing pajamas. I usually don't but Trinket came in here one time and I think I made her cheeks as red as her hair. So don't get any ideas, Hawthorne. "
Gale chuckled. "I wouldn't dare."
Johanna closed her eyes and tried to beckon sleep to herself. Though if she were honest, she didn't want to sleep at all. Even when she didn't have nightmares, her dreams weren't pleasant. "Hey Gale?"
"Yeah?"
"How come you don't have nightmares?"
Gale was silent for a long while and Johanna thought he had fallen asleep. "I don't think it bothers me as much. I went into that arena to protect you. Anything I did was worth it because you're alive." The last few days had been showing the Capitol how close they were, how similar they were. Bold, courageous, loyal, full of flame and anger. But that was where they differed: Gale was a pragmatist whose life was shaped by survival. Johanna was instinctive and emotional. He let out a sigh that breezed in Johanna's hair. "Killing is surviving. In the arena and out."
"Not even Rue?"
"I didn't see Posy or Prim or your sisters in her like you did. I saw another obstacle in me getting you home." Johanna blinked her eyes a few times as she let that information settle inside her. "You think I'm heartless."
"No," she replied genuinely. "I think you're a survivor. That's the fucked up thing about the Games isn't it? There are no real victors. Only survivors."
When they stepped off the train, Johanna and Gale didn't have to pretend to be lovers anymore. Posy and Aurelia pushed through the crowd and leapt into their respective sibling's arms and held on to them tightly. John held Celadine by the hand as he got toward the train platform, wiping his eye with his shirt. Johanna hugged her sister as tightly as possible, smelling the sweet scent of baby powder. She placed her on the ground and clutched at her tiny cheeks. Hazelle brought both victors into a hug, smelling of wildflowers and a little of soot. Home.
After the dust had settled and the cameras were off, Johanna felt anxious about watching Gale leave with his family. She felt like she needed to keep him in sight, always. He noticed her nervousness and turned around, leaning into her ear. "I'll be right next door." He gave her hand a quick squeeze as his little sister pulled him away toward their new home.
Johanna busied herself talking with her siblings, crouched down on the platform. "We watched you every day!" Aurey exclaimed. "Well, any day that Johnny let us." She shot him a look of disdain that made Johanna grin. It felt as if nothing had changed, like no time had gone by. But everything was changed. Well no, she reasoned. Only she had changed.
"Yeah he said we didn't need to watch everything," Celadine added. Johanna gave John an appreciative look and returned her gaze to her sister, smoothing out her hair.
"He was right, a lot of it was boring. But that's all behind us now, okay? We don't need to talk about it. I want to know what you learned from Mrs. Everdeen." Johanna smiled at her little sister. Over her shoulder she saw Katniss approaching and felt her breath catch in her throat. Oh, how she had missed her face. "John, everything is settled in the new house?" Her brother nodded. "Why don't you take them back home? I'll be home in a bit and we can all have dinner."
John took his sisters by their hands and led them away and down the road toward the village. Katniss walked slowly, looking as if she was approaching a wounded animal. Cautious, careful. When they stood alone on the platform, she wrapped her around Johanna's neck and pulled her in for a tight hug. "I can't believe you're both back. Not in a million years did I think this could happen."
"Me either," Johanna replied into Katniss's hair, stroking her back as they continued to hug. She never, ever wanted to let go of Katniss's warmth. Reluctantly, Katniss pulled away and clasped her hands in front of her. Johanna smiled up at the brunette. "I guess your pin was good luck. I should thank Undersee when I see her next."
Katniss chuckled and nodded her head in agreement. "She was the only thing keeping me sane these past few weeks. Her and your brother, actually. He's... a lot like you. Except much less of a pain in the ass." Johanna pretended to be offended but as their laughter died, she saw a bit of sadness in Katniss's eyes. "You don't have any idea how much I missed you, JoJo."
Johanna normally would've grimaced at the childhood nickname but in this instance, it nearly brought tears to her eyes. "Not half as much as I missed you, Kitty Kat. You were the only thing keeping Gale and me going in there." Johanna wasn't sure if that was too revealing, but Katniss didn't seem to mind. It was true, no matter what the cameras showed. They both wanted to see Katniss again.
Katniss looked toward the ground instead. "It seemed like you two got along just fine." The edge in her tone was sharp.
"Katniss, look -"
"No, I get it. I know you have to do what you need to to survive, I just -"
"You don't get it," Johanna replied urgently. She took a look around the platform; nothing seemed safe here. Nothing seemed safe anywhere. "How about this Sunday, you and me go ...for a walk. Alone?" She hoped that Katniss wouldn't mistake her meaning: the woods, the meadow, their spot by their tree. Johanna longed for it. It was the only place they were safe.
Katniss shook her head in agreement. "Okay. A walk. This Sunday. Early?"
"Sunrise." Katniss nodded and went to turn around but Johanna grabbed her gently by the bicep. "Wait. Um...look, you can of course decline but." Johanna sucked in a deep breath, unable to meet Katniss's eyes. "I want you and your mom and Prim to move in with us."
Katniss's gray eyes went large and Johanna smiled. "We couldn't. Surely there's not enough room and -"
"Trust me, there's more than enough room. Cela and Aurey share a room anyway. John can have a room, your mother, and if you don't wanna share with Prim you can have yours, too. I just think it would be good for them to have some normalcy. A family." Katniss didn't answer for a while and Johanna ran her fingers through her hair roughly. "It's fine. It was stupid. I just thought that - forget it, I -"
She dropped her hand so she entwined her fingers with Johanna's. "No, please. I appreciate it. Let me... let me talk to my mom first?" Johanna nodded and looked away from Katniss. How foolish she felt to expect Katniss to jump at the chance. Katniss placed her hand on her cheek and brought Johanna's gaze back. "I'll give you an answer on Sunday."
Katniss rubbed her thumb underneath Johanna's eye; the makeup there was hiding deep purple bags. Johanna saw the concern fill her eyes and she backed away from her contact. "I'm fine. Trouble sleeping is all."
Katniss looked less than convinced but silently assented to stop prodding. If Haymitch Abernathy was any indication, people who came back from the Games were a mess. Gale seemed his usual self, if not a bit distracted. But Johanna looked hollow. She hoped she could find Johanna, her Johanna, underneath the scarring of the arena.
The sunrise cast a pale yellow hue on the meadow in front of Johanna. The smells and sounds of her woods brought some comfort to her, though her nerves made her jittery any time the leaves rustled. She leaned against the trunk of the tree and closed her eyes, trying to use the familiarity of home to calm her. Footfall near her made her open her eyes wide. Without thought, she grabbed the person by the jacket and shoved them against the tree.
"Johanna, easy, it's me. It's Katniss. I'm not gonna hurt you." Johanna's eyes were wild and without focus as she looked at her. It was almost like she didn't recognize her for a moment.
Brown eyes turned sorrowful. "Sorry," she muttered, releasing Katniss's jacket from her iron grip. Katniss attempted a smile but Johanna saw her rub the back of her head. "Did I hurt you?"
"No of course not," Katniss soothed. It was tragic to look at Johanna and see a girl who didn't look like she was in charge of herself. She wanted to reach out and protect her like she had when watching her in the arena. However, this Johanna was different. "I brought some food. Peeta Mellark, the baker's son, baked us some egg breads for breakfast."
Johanna didn't remember a Peeta Mellark. But if he was a baker's son then that meant he lived in town with the rich kids. Or at least, not the impoverished kids. Of course, everyone was charmed by Katniss, so naturally he'd bake her a special treat. "Okay."
Katniss led Johanna to a small clearing in the meadow where they used to stop and rest when they were hunting. She sat cross-legged on the soft grass with her, picking out the bread and two small cloths to place them on. They ate in the early morning quiet as the sun rose over the far hills. In the week Johanna had been home she had been trying to come back to normal. Her brother and sisters were enjoying the new home and all the money. They could afford to go into the sweet shops though Johanna didn't allow it. Everyone seemed happier. Even down at the Hob people were in better spirits since the two of them arrived. Johanna had even been treated to a bear hug from Greasy Sae and being picked up in the air by Darius, the Peacekeeper.
All she could think was how her father would've loved that nothing in their new home had a layer of soot on it. He always hated the black grime that settled on all their things. Her mother would've enjoyed the dresses. Life never works that way though, so they would never enjoy the fruits of Johanna's misfortune. Not that her mother deserved it.
She saw Gale nearly every day, often finding herself on edge unless she could locate him. He'd show up every morning and greet her siblings and they'd spend only a few minutes talking but it was enough. They just needed reassurance the other was alive. Johanna looked over at Katniss who seemed to have a million questions dancing on her tongue. She rolled her eyes. "You can ask me about it, you know."
Katniss picked at the grass between her legs. "I don't want to talk about your Games. I watched every day. It was torture." Gray eyes leveled at brown ones. "Not to compare to what you went through but it was hard."
"I know." Johanna wasn't sure what part was hard: seeing them nearly get killed or seeing them act in love. "About Gale. Apparently our thing at the Cornucopia looked like rebellion against the Capitol. Like we were trying to trick them."
Katniss shifted herself on the ground so she and Johanna were hip to hip. "I mean it did. You were. But before... At the interview."
"Haymitch's idea. He thought I was too angry and forlorn to get any sponsors, so he and Gale dreamed up the star crossed lovers thing." Johanna's disgusted tone of voice relieved the small anxiety in Katniss heart she didn't know she had.
"Oh." She looked ahead. "Good." Johanna smirked at her in her periphery. "At least it worked."
Johanna scoffed. "Did it? I don't know. We tried. Honestly I don't know what I would've done without him. But it seems like we'll never get out of that arena. If Snow even thinks for a moment that we aren't madly in love... I think he'll come after our families."
"So what does that mean?"
Johanna shook her head. "I don't know. That we have to keep this up for the cameras I guess." She exhaled a long sigh and smiled as she looked over at Katniss. "No cameras out here though."
Katniss nodded in agreement. "And on that note, I need to give you something. Close your eyes." Johanna shot her a warning look and Katniss rolled her eyes. "Just trust me. Close them." Johanna did as she was told and Katniss sucked in a sharp breath. This was it. This was her moment. Johanna sat, impatiently, as Katniss tried to ready her nerves. This wasn't a big deal, right? A small kiss between friends was nothing to lose sleep over. "When you left for the Capitol, do you remember what you asked me?"
"About protecting my siblings?" Johanna asked, knitting her eyebrows as her eyes stayed closed.
"No. You asked me a question and I said when you get back." Johanna clearly didn't remember as she still wore a slightly open-mouthed puzzled expression that Katniss found both adorable and completely frustrating. She leaned on her palms and softly pressed her lips against Johanna's.
It was a small kiss, a very chaste one. Closed lips and barely any pressure, but Katniss saw stars behind her eyes. The tiny, almost inaudible gasp that Johanna breathed between them shot electricity straight through Katniss's stomach and between her legs. Well, that was new.
She pulled away and Johanna's wide set brown eyes flew open like a rolled up curtain with alarming quickness. Katniss watched her closely. Johanna's hand came up from beside her and she touched it to her own lips. Her eyes focused on Katniss. "Did you just kiss me?"
"Yes," Katniss replied slowly.
"Why?"
Katniss's confidence began to falter. Just because Johanna wasn't in love with Gale didn't mean she wanted her. Though she had asked for a kiss before she left! Perhaps that was just something funny and lighthearted to remember her by. No, she thought, that couldn't be it. There was something between them, there always had been. "Because when you left you asked for a kiss and I promised one when you returned."
Johanna let the shock move out of her system but she placed her hand back down and her lips curled into a smirk. "I nearly die in that arena and that's how you're going to kiss me? Like I'm a relative you don't like? Some aunt you don't want to see?" Johanna shook her head and gave Katniss a hard stare. "Kiss a girl like you mean it, Everdeen, or don't kiss her at all."
Ever since they were around twelve or thirteen, Johanna always made remarks like that. Snarky bits full of innuendo that Katniss was always at a loss to decipher: was she being mean or being serious? They'd always been close physically, though Katniss did not like to strip nude and swim like Johanna did. There was always this steady undercurrent of teasing that bordered on a game of cat and mouse, in which she was almost exclusively the mouse. Katniss hadn't realized until Johanna was in that cave kissing Gale like she wanted to be kissed, that she reciprocated Johanna's feelings.
At least, what she thought Johanna's feelings were. So in that moment, she had to decide: Was Johanna pushing her for fun? Or was she pushing her for real? Katniss didn't have time to decide as Johanna scoffed in frustration and grabbed the lapel of Katniss's jacket and pulled her in for a kiss. This time it was not chaste or without pressure; Johanna's lips were fully against her own, the hand that was not gripping her jacket now cupping her under her ear.
Katniss was unsure of where to put her hands so she wrapped them around Johanna's sides and pulled them closer together as Johanna slid her tongue inside her mouth. The feeling of her tongue against her teeth and tongue made a shiver run from Katniss's face straight into her belly, then further south. These were entirely new feelings to her that seemed to awaken like a gasoline fire. If the first kiss had her seeing stars, this one was like a comet hurdling toward Earth.
With one final closed-mouth kiss, Johanna pulled away from her and they searched each other's eyes for a moment. Everything seemed so preternaturally still in the meadow as they gazed into each other's eyes. Johanna's swollen lips curled into another smirk as she tucked errant strands of Katniss's hair behind her ear. "Now that felt like you meant it."
Johanna moved Katniss's legs so they were straight out and laid her body down in between her legs, placing her cheek on Katniss's thigh. She encircled her leg with her arms and snuggled into her body. Katniss was unnerved by how close Johanna was to her ...parts, but she ignored the feeling in favor of relishing their closeness. "That's because I did."
She swept her hand through Johanna's hair, rubbing her scalp in small movements as she tried to lull Johanna into a sleep. She always looked so tired. Katniss practically had to remove the information forcibly from Gale, but she finally uncovered that Johanna had been experiencing debilitating nightmares. It's why she didn't sleep, why she had the deep purple marks under her eyes, and why Katniss had just about forced her mother into agreeing to move.
It would be nice for Johanna's siblings to have a mother figure again, and more people looking out for them. Katniss had grown fond of John and she knew her mother had enjoyed tutoring little Celadine. And now Katniss felt she had a purpose too: help Johanna get through the night without succumbing to her nightmares.
And if this were to happen - this having Johanna sleeping soundly against her in a rare moment of vulnerability, and maybe more of her kissing - that sealed the deal quite well. However she didn't awaken Johanna to tell her about her plans to move in. It could wait. Right now she wanted to enjoy this small moment of peace.
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